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You work the lunch shift
今天是中午的班呀
Yeah I've got eight pounds of salmon that's about to go bad
是啊 我还带了八磅快坏的鲑鱼回来
Do you know how to cook it
你知道怎么煮吗
Not really Damn it
-不知道 -该死
Should have liberated the iffy chicken
早知道就应该拿那些问题鸡肉
What are you and Professor Fussyface up to tonight
你和那个挑剔鬼今晚有啥节目
Star Wars on Blu ray
看蓝光版星球大战
Haven't you seen that movie like a thousand times
你们不是已经看了N遍了吗
Not on Blu ray
蓝光版的没有啊
Only twice on Blu ray
蓝光的只看了两遍
Oh Leonard
可悲啊 莱纳德
I know it's high resolution sadness
我知道 都是高清惹的祸
Well I'm going to take myself out to a movie tonight
我今晚打算去看一场电影
You want to go
你想去吗
Really Do we do that
真的吗 我们能去吗
What do you mean
你什么意思
You know we haven't spent time alone together
你也知道 自从咱俩分手以后
since we broke up
就没单独出去玩过
Oh it's not a date Leonard
莱纳德 这又不是约会
It's just a man and a woman hanging out
只是一个男人和一个女人出去玩
not having sex at the end of the night
晚上各回各家 各睡各床
Sounds like most of my dates
这是我大多数约会的真实写照
Oh dear Lord get away from me you monster
老天呐 离我远点 你个怪物
What is that about
这是怎么回事
Well he's smart and crazy enough
他够聪明也够疯狂
he may have actually created a monster
没准真造了个怪物出来
Shoo shoo Be gone
去 去 快走
hell双关 亦有地狱的意思
What the hell is going on
到底是怎么了
There's a bird outside the window and he won't go away
窗户外面有只鸟 死活不肯走
That is the hell that is going on
弄得我跟人间炼狱似的
We have no worms or seeds here
我们这儿既没虫子也没种子
Shoo Shoo
去去 快走
Really On top of everything else you're afraid of birds
不是吧 这世界那么险恶 你怕的却是小鸟
It's called ornithophobia
这叫恐鸟症
And someday it will be recognized as a true disability
而且总有一天 恐鸟症会被视为一种残疾
and the landlord will be required by law
房东必须按照法律规定
to put a giant net over the building
给这栋楼加一张大网
Which is unfortunate because I have a fear of nets
到时就悲剧了 因为我还怕网
So movies yes or no
电影 你去不去
Movies yes
去 一定去
Great I'll see you later
好 待会儿见
And remember he's more afraid of you than you are of him
记住啦 他其实比你还害怕呢
That doesn't help
说这话一点用都没有
No I was talking to the bird
谁跟你说了 我跟鸟说呢
Go away bird Go away bird Go away bird
小鸟快走 小鸟快走 小鸟快走
Sheldon just ignore him
谢尔顿 无视它不就行了
Good idea Attention is what birds want
好主意 这鸟无非就是求关注
Oh much better All right
啊 好多了 好
Now I'll just get along with my life
我现在可以安心了
Make a pot of tea Leonard It's going to be a long night
泡壶茶 莱纳德 今晚要跟它抗争到底了
By aBu 201705
生活大爆炸 第五季 第九集
The bird's still there
那鸟还没走呢
Quick what does a hawk sound like
快 老鹰是怎么叫的
I don't know
我也不太清楚
Please that's a seagull
拜托 那是海鸥的声音
If you're not going to help don't help
你要是帮不上忙 就闭嘴
Sorry Do you think I'm overdressed
对不起 我穿得会不会太正式了
It depends on the activity
这得看场合了
For a prostate exam yes
如果去做前列腺检查 是有点正式
惊奇漫画角色
If you're playing Vegas I'd add sequins
但如果是扮维加斯 我会加一些亮片
I'm going to the movies with Penny
我是要跟佩妮去看电影
I don't want her to think that I think it's a date
我不想让她认为 我认为是约会
Do you think it's a date
你认为是约会吗
No but she might think I think it's a date
不 但她会认为我是这么认为
even though I don't
但其实我不是
Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date
说不定是你认为她认为你这么认为
even though she doesn't
其实她不是
Are we overthinking this Not at all
-我们是不是想太多了 -绝对没有
You're right I'm fine I'm wearing this
你说得对 算了 我就这么穿吧
Really A blazer All right
不是吧 西装? 好吧
Yes hello
喂 你好
This is Dr Sheldon Cooper
我是谢尔顿·库珀博士
I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue
我住在罗夫莱斯北大街2311号
I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal
我这里有一只危险的野生动物
A blue jay
一只蓝冠鸦
I'm sorry this is Animal Control
不好意思 我找的就是动物管理部门
I don't understand the laughter
我不明白你笑什么
No the bird is not in my home
不 那只鸟不在我家里
If he was in my home I obviously would have called 911
它要是在我家里 我早就打911报警了
Sir I have no doubt that there are things that you're frightened of
先生 我相信你也有害怕的东西
Being stuck in a dead end public service job
比如从事没前途的公共服务工作
Or your wife stepping out on you
或者你老婆背叛你
because you're stuck in a dead end public service job
因为你从事的是没前途的公共服务工作
Or spiders
又或者你怕蜘蛛
Don't you think I tried making cat noises
学猫叫有用的话 打电话给你干嘛
Too casual
会不会太休闲了
For an audience with the queen yes
去觐见女王的话 是太休闲了
For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine
不过晚上去着火的垃圾箱旁边
around a flaming trash can you look great
扔一瓶烈酒 你的着装正合适
What am I thinking Whiskers
我想啥呢 居然没画胡子
Oh hey if we hurry we can make the new Jennifer Aniston movie
现在买票的话 能赶上珍妮弗·安妮斯顿的新电影
Oh yeah sure
对 没错
There's also an amazing documentary
不过还有一场精彩的纪录片
about building a dam on a river in South America
讲述在南美洲的一条河上建一座水坝
Okay but the Jennifer Aniston movie has Jennifer Aniston
可珍妮弗·安妮斯顿的电影里有珍妮弗·安妮斯顿
and she's not building a dam
而且她不会建什么水坝
Can't argue with that
这倒是真的
I'll get the tickets Okay
-我去买票 -好
Actually you know what
等等 其实呢
I think it's about time I picked a movie we see
我觉得现在该我挑电影了
You pick plenty of movies
你都挑过好多次了
No You always picked
不 都是你挑的
and it was always the same
而且每次都一样
An hour and a half of beach houses in the rain
前面90分钟都在说雨中的海滨别墅
until the woman turns around
最后女主角顿时醒悟
and realizes love was here all along
发现原来爱一直在身边
Come on that is a great movie and it starts in ten minutes
拜托 那电影很棒 而且还有10分钟就开演了
I hate those movies
我讨厌这种电影
No you don't Yes I do
-你不讨厌 -我真的讨厌
The only reason I went is because you wanted to see them
我之所以以前和你一起看 是因为你想看
and I wanted to have sex
而我想和你滚床单
To this day I can't see a Sandra Bullock movie poster
而今天 我既然不能兴奋和性奋
without getting both bored and aroused
还看什么桑德拉·布洛克的电影啊
Okay so while we were going out
好吧 这么说我们约会的时候
how often would you pretend
你有多少次是假装听我的
to like things just to have sex with me
其实只是为了和我滚床单
All the time
一直都是
You're kidding
不是吧
Does this sound familiar
那你觉得这些话耳熟不
I'd love to go shoe shopping with you
我喜欢和你去逛街买鞋子
Hiking It's great
远足 棒极了
It' 2 a m of course I want to go
凌晨2点啊 我当然想去
to Korea Town and sing karaoke with your friends
韩国城和你们朋友唱K啦
Who wouldn't
乐意之极
Okay we were going out
好吧 我们每次约会
You were going to get sex anyway Really
-那次没有滚床单的 -是吗
You would have slept with me after a three hour documentary on dams
你要是看了三小时水坝的纪录片 你还有性致吗
No No woman would
没有 没女人会有
See Now that's the great thing
瞧 这就是最棒的地方
We're out as friends This is not a date
我们现在是朋友 不是在约会
Sex is off the table
滚床单没戏
So let's go learn how hydroelectric power
所以 我们就去看看水力发电
might not be the environmental bargain you think it is
也许不是你想的那么环保
Sorry Spoiler alert
抱歉 剧透了
All right fine
好吧
Thanks
谢了
Tickets are 11 bucks
电影票十一块
Not a date
不是约会嘛
Come on Sheldon Star Wars
快点 谢尔顿 来看《星球大战》
I'm pushing play I mean it
我要按播放键啦 我说真的
If we don't start soon
要是我们再不快点看
George Lucas is going to change it again
乔治·卢卡斯又要出新版本了
This would go a lot faster
要是你那职业学校的学历有点用
if you put your trade school diploma to work
就过来帮我倒腾一下这台高音频发生器
and helped me set up this high frequency tone generator
那我们的问题就解决了
I have a Masters degree from M I T
我可是麻省理工的硕士生
Yeah but you've got a can do attitude
好吧 你好歹有乐观苦干的态度
and that's what's important
这才是重点
I really don't get your problem with birds
我真不懂你和鸟有什么仇
The question you should be asking is what is their problem with me
你该这么问 鸟对我有什么仇
My first memory A hummingbird dive bombing my stroller
我刚开始记事起 一只蜂鸟俯冲进我的婴儿车
to get at the apple juice in my sippy cup
偷吃了我吸管杯里的苹果汁
Hummingbirds are pretty
蜂鸟很美的
Hummingbirds are the vampires of the flower world
蜂鸟是鲜花界的吸血鬼
Still my first choice for an ankle tattoo
还是我在脚踝纹身图案的首选
Or a dolphin I go back and forth
或是海豚 我在这两者间犹豫不决
Age seven a blood thirsty chicken chases me up a tree
我7岁时 一只丧心病狂的鸡追着我爬到树上
Age 12 a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth
12岁时 一只喜鹊想从我嘴里抢走牙套
Age 16 a parrot in a pet store calls me fat ass
16岁时 宠物店的一只鹦鹉骂我胖仔
Need I go on
我还要继续说吗
Yes please This is way better than the movie
当然 这可比电影有趣多了
All right Sheldon
好吧 谢尔顿
your bird death ray is ready
你的"杀鸟死光"准备好了
It's not a death ray
这不是"死光"
It's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off
只是弄点超声波好吓跑他
Trust me if I had a death ray
相信我 如果我有"死光"
I wouldn't be living here
我就不会住这儿了
I'd be in my lair enjoying the money
我会坐在用不完的钱堆上
the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray
都是人们送来贿赂我求我别用"死光"
All right and in three
好吧 三
two one
二 一
That is one tough birdie
这只小鸟真霸气
Come on you enjoyed the movie
拜托 你明明很喜欢那电影
I saw you tearing up when the village got flooded
村庄要被淹没 所有人要搬家时
and everyone had to relocate
我看你都哭了
No I was thinking how come they get to leave and I can't
不 我是想为什么他们能走而我不行
I'm going to get some fries
我去买点薯条
You want anything
你要来点吗
Uh no thanks Are you sure
-不 谢了 -你确定吗
You always say no and then you eat half my fries
你每次都说不要 却把我的吃掉一半
I just eat the little crispy ones you don't like
我只是吃那些酥脆的 反正你不喜欢
No I love them I save them for the end
不 我超喜欢 我只是留到最后吃
but they're gone because you ate them
结果却被你吃光光
And why did I let you eat them
我为什么让你吃呢
To get sex Exactly
-你想滚床单 -没错
But this is not a date
但这不是约会
So I ask again would you like anything
所以我再问一次 你要来点什么吗
All right I'd like an order of fries
好吧 给我来份薯条
Great That'll be five dollars
好极了 五块钱
I am having the best time
这是我有史以来最开心的夜晚
I'm so glad you suggested we do this
我真高兴你约我出来
Oh sorry
不好意思
No problem
没关系
What you writing there
你在写什么
A screenplay
剧本
It's about a guy whose roommate is having sex
叙述的是一个宅男的室友因为要打炮
and tells him to go to a bar and work on his screenplay
所以把他赶来酒吧写剧本的悲惨故事
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs The Movie "
电影名《我希望艾力克斯染上阴虱》
It's a working title
这只是暂定名
I'm Kevin Oh Penny
-我叫凯文 -我叫佩妮
Nice to meet you
幸会幸会
I'll let you get back to your date
我就不打扰你们约会了
Oh no no This isn't a date no
不不 我们没在约会 完全不是
Right
对吧
Uh right
So have you written anything I might have seen
那你的作品有没有我可能看过的呢
That depends How much time do you spend on Yelp
不好说 你喜欢逛大众点评网吗
This is ridiculous
真是太傻了
I'm a grown man from Texas
我都是个来自德州的成年人了
This isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose
这鸷鸟肯定不像天鹅和家鹅那么吓人
It's just a blue jay
一只蓝松鸦而已
That's a pretty big blue jay
还是只挺大的蓝松鸦
One
Two
Three
Go Shoo Am scray ird bay
去去 死鸟 快走开
Bird in the apartment
鸟飞进屋子了
Bird in the apartment
鸟飞进屋子了
No
不要啊
So it is an amazing documentary
这部纪录片太赞了
They need the electricity from the dam but at the same time
他们急需建座大坝来发电 但同时
they want to preserve the environment
他们也想保护环境
You're kidding me
真会过河拆桥呀
Uh can I see you for a sec over here
你能稍微过来一下吗
Oh yeah Sure Just one sec
当然可以 等我一下哦
No problem
没问题
What's up
有事吗
I know what you're doing What am I doing
-我知道你在耍什么小把戏 -耍什么
You're going out of your way to talk to that guy
你千方百计地勾搭那哥们儿聊天
because I said we weren't on a date
就因为我说咱俩没在约会
No I'm talking to him because he's cute
才没有 我跟他聊是因为他很帅
Come on he's not that cute Yes he is
-拜托 他哪有那么帅 -不 他就是很帅
With his dorky T shirt and his little hipster glasses
看那件傻傻的T恤和那副潮潮的小眼镜
I wear dorky T shirts and glasses
我也穿傻傻的T恤 也戴着小眼镜
Yes but when you're tall and have great cheekbones
是呀 等你个子和颧骨都高点再说吧
you're doing it ironically
你现在就是人家的反面教材
If that's so what if I start talking to a girl
如果这样的话 要是我也去跟女孩子聊天呢
You should
快去啊
I'm serious I'll do it
我是说真的 我真去哦
Good Go There are some girls right over there
去啊 快去啊 那边有好几个漂亮妹子
What are you waiting for
你怎么还不冲过去
They're in a group I'm scared
她们人好多 我好怕怕
Sheldon what do you expect us to do
谢尔顿 你指望我俩来干啥
You're biologists
你是生物学家
Biology is the study of living things
生物就是研究生物的
That's a living thing get cracking
那就是个生物 开始研究吧
I specialize in microorganisms
我是搞微生物学的
and Amy studies brains
艾米是研究大脑的
Yeah neither of us minored in bird shooing
对啊 我俩都没辅修过如何赶鸟
Oh come now
拜托
Your undergraduate work must have included
你们在本科的时候肯定学过
a varmints and critters class
如何对付讨人嫌的小动物
Come back in Sheldon he's not going to hurt you
进来吧 谢尔顿 他不会伤害你的
He looks friendly
他看上去好和善的
I think he might be someone's pet
我觉得他没准儿是谁家的宠物
No Bernadette don't be a hero
不要 伯纳黛特 别逞英雄
Oh he's a sweetie
他真可爱
Yes It's very sweet
对 很可爱
Now slowly and carefully
好 现在慢慢地 小心地
flush him down the toilet
把他丢到厕所里冲走
Sheldon the only way to get past this fear
谢尔顿 克服这种恐惧的唯一办法
is to interact with it
就是参与进来
Just like you did with the mailman
就像你对付那个邮递员那样
Every year tens of people around the world are killed by birds
全世界每年都有好几十个人被鸟害死
I'm not going to be another statistic
我不要为这个统计数据作贡献
Look how sweet he is Come over and say hi
你看看他有多可爱 过来打个招呼嘛
Come on
来啊
You can do it
你能行的
Don't be scared
别怕
Come on
快来
Oh just pet the bird you big baby
快摸一下 你个胆小鬼
I did it
我做到了
I actually did it
我真的做到了
Okay now flush him
好了 可以扔进厕所冲了
So Leonard what do you do for fun
莱纳德 你平时有什么爱好
I'm let's see
我 我想想看哈
Hiking
远足
Karaoke in Koreatown
去韩国城K歌
Any Jennifer Aniston movie
看杰尼佛·安妮斯顿的电影
Hey Sorry I ditched you
不好意思刚冷落了你
No it's fine You can ditch away Oh no no
-没事没事 你去忙你的吧 -没事 不忙了
We said we were going to hang out let's hang out
我们说好一起出来玩的嘛 一起玩吧
It's cool Go back to Kevin
没事 你跟凯文玩吧
Oh he had to leave
他走了
Interesting
有意思
So now that he's gone you want to hang out with me
所以现在是他走了 你又想跟我玩了
This must be Penny Yep
-这位肯定是佩妮 -对
I totally get it
让我茅塞顿开呀
Huh I'm sorry get what
不好意思 哪里塞了
Don't worry about it You know there's some guys over there
你别管了 那边有好几个帅哥哥
You should go talk to them
你去跟他们聊聊呗
No no I want to know what you told her
不了 我就想知道你跟她说什么了
That's kind of between me and
这应该是我和...
Laura Laura
-劳拉 -劳拉之间的秘密吧
Oh Okay I see
好吧 明白了
So while he was telling you things did he mention he owns
他跟你聊天时 有没有提到他拥有不止一件
not one but two Star Trek uniforms
而是两件星际迷航制服呢
Really Yeah Wears them
-真的吗 -真的 还经常穿
Not just for Halloween
不光万圣节哦
Hey pal
嘿 伙计
You didn't see me telling Kevin that
我可没告诉凯文
you thought cold wars were only fought in winter
你认为冷战只在冬天开战
Okay Then I'll return the favor and I won't tell
好吧 那我就还你人情 不告诉...
Laura Laura
-劳拉 -劳拉
that half the dirty movies you own are animated
你收藏的黄片 一半是动画片
When you were telling Kevin about your acting career
你向凯文讲述你的演艺生涯时
did you mention your long running role as "Waitress"
有提到你在本土商家芝士工厂内
in a local production of The Cheese Factory
长期"扮演"女服务生的角色吗
Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler
那你告诉了她 你有哮喘了吗
Oh yeah Spell "asthma "
是吗 那你说说"哮喘"怎么写
A s
都是口字旁...
Take me home
送我回家
Maybe I'm not done hanging out with
我还没跟她聊够呢
You're right it's getting late
你说得对 太晚了
It's remarkable
真是奇了怪了
All that time spent in fear
我居然怕了这么长时间
And for what
何必呢
He's magnificent
他真是太美了
Oh dear
天啊
I just realized I haven't offered you a beverage
我刚想起 我还没给你上饮料
Oh it's just like my grandma with her parrot
就像我祖母跟她的鹦鹉一样
And after she lost her marbles with her remote control
尤其在遥控器不好使后 这么喂还能顺便换台
My phone's on the desk over there
我电话在那边桌上
Take a picture of us together
给我们俩拍张照片
Make it good enough to go on a mug a mouse pad and a calendar
拍好点 我要贴上马克杯 鼠标垫和日历
If you were a dove I'd call you Lovey Dovey
你要是鸽子 我就叫你爱鸽
Oh Who am I kidding
开什么玩笑
This isn't a moment for strict adherence to the literal
现在就不该拘泥于字面意思
You're just my little Lovey Dovey aren't you
你就是我的爱鸽 不是吗
鸟儿的骨头是中空的 以利于飞行
Guess you gotta have hollow bones
估计你的骨头也是中空的
to get some sugar around here
才能承载这么多甜言蜜语
I still think he looks like someone's pet
我还是觉得他是别人家的宠物
Maybe we should put up posters
或许我们该去贴失物招领
Yes It should have a big picture of him
对 要附上他的一张大照片
and the words "Is this your bird Not anymore "
还要写上"这是你的鸟吗 现在成我的了"
We're going to have so much fun together
我们在一起肯定会很开心
You can carry messages to all my enemies
你可以帮我捎口信给我所有的敌人
I can tie a string to your leg and fly you like a kite
还可以在你腿上系上绳 像放风筝拽着玩
If you're keeping him I've got a cage you can borrow
你要想收留他 我可以借你个笼子
One of the test monkeys slipped on a banana peel
那笼子以前关的实验猴 踩到香蕉皮
and broke his neck
把脖子摔断了
It was both tragic and hysterical
悲剧和喜剧同时上演
Nonsense
荒谬
No Lovey Dovey doesn't sleep in a cage
不行 爱鸽才不睡笼子里
No Lovey Dovey sleeps in his very own nest
爱鸽要睡在他自己的巢里
which I'm going to get off the windowsill and put in my room
我要把窗台的巢拿下来 放我房间里
Isn't that right LD
对不对呀 爱鸽
No
别走呀
Where are you going
你要去哪
Come back Lovey Dovey
回来 爱鸽
This is your home now
现在这才是你的家
I already ordered 20 pounds of bird feed off of Amazon
我已经从亚马逊订了20磅鸟食
He's gone
他不见了
I'm sorry Sheldon
节哀顺变 谢尔顿
How could he do this to me
他怎么能这么对我呢
Get back here you stupid bird so I can love you
回来 笨鸟 不然我的爱给谁去
您见过这只鸟吗
请联系:s.cooperphd@yahoo.com
Okay So we went out
好了 我们一起出去了
saw a movie met some nice people
看了电影 认识了不错的人
said horrible things about each other in public
公开说了一些彼此的坏话
all in all a pretty magical night
总而言之 真是个神奇的夜晚
Okay I'm not innocent in all this
好吧 这事我也有错
but you basically called me stupid you asthmatic dumbass
但你居然说我笨 你个患哮喘的蠢蛋
I know I I I crossed a line
我知道 我是过分了
And I'm sorry
我很抱歉
No no no hang on I really mean it
别走 等等 我是真的很抱歉
And it's not like when we were going out
这并不是像我们以前交往那样
I'd just apologize for everything so we could end up in bed
我不是为了跟你滚床单才道歉的
This is a 100% sex is off the table "I'm sorry "
这句"我很抱歉"是纯发自内心 与滚床单无关
All right Thank you
好吧 谢谢你
I'm sorry too
我也很抱歉
Just to be clear sex is off the table right
我再确认下 滚床单没戏 对吧
Way off
绝对没戏
Maybe we're not ready to hang out as friends
也许我们还没准备好像朋友一样出去玩
I don't know Up until the last part
我也不知道 其实在事情搞砸之前
I was kind of enjoying take charge Leonard
我还是很喜欢管着莱纳德
with a little backbone
当他的主心骨
Picking the movie knowing what he wants
我来选电影 我知道他想要什么
a little cocky
还有点自大
Really Yeah
-真的吗 -真的
Well then I'm putting sex back on the table
好吧 那就是说滚床单有戏咯
What do you think about that
你觉得怎么样
Ooh Maybe I like it You do
-或许我会喜欢 -是吗
Because if that's what you like I can be that guy
真的 要是你喜欢 我可以恢复原样
I swear I'll be anything you want me to be
我发誓 你让我往东我绝不往西
Good night Leonard
晚安 莱纳德
I am such an asthmatic dumbass
我还真是个患哮喘的蠢蛋
I had a weird night
我今晚过得很怪怪的
Mine was great
我过得很好
I'm going to be a mommy
我要当妈咪了