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Penny hello
佩妮 好啊
Hey sheldon
谢尔顿
What is shaking
你咋样啊
I'm sorry
什么
It's colloquial a conversation opener
这是口头语嘛 开场白
So do you find the weather satisfying
你觉得今天天气好吗
Are you currently sharing in the triumph
我们本地的球队赢球了
of some local sports team
你是否为之一振
What's wrong with you you're freaking me out
你搞什么名堂 吓到我了
I'm striking up a casual conversation with you
我在跟你闲聊啊
S'up
咋样
Please don't do that
我求你别再说了
All right
好吧
But I'm given to understand that
不过我觉得如果你要和某人
when you have something awkward to discuss with someone
谈一个很尴尬的问题之前
it's more palatable to preface it with banal chit chat
最好跟他说几句不搭界的闲话
So this wasn't the awkward part
就是说刚才那还不算尴尬事了?
No
不算
Oh all right
那好吧
S'up
咋了
Oh good I used that right
太好了 我说对了
Anyway you're aware that leonard has entered into a new
说正事吧 你应该已经注意到了 莱纳德最近
Romantic relationship which includes a sexual component
和一个女人发生了一段带有性关系的感情
Okay feeling the awkward now
现在我能感到尴尬了
Her name is dr Stephanie barnett and she is a highly
她的名字是 斯蒂芬妮·巴内特医生
Distinguished surgical resident at freemont memorial
她是弗里蒙特纪念医院一名杰出的外科医生
Yeah leonard told me good
-莱纳德告诉过我了 -很好
What he may have left out is
但他可能没告诉你
how important this relationship is to me
这段感情对我来说非常重要
To you
对你
Yes see of the handful of women leonard's been involved with
是的 在那些为数不多的和莱纳德约会过的女人中
She's the only one I have ever found tolerable
只有她还算像个人
Well what about me
那我呢
The statement stands for itself
这应该是不言自明的
Well aren't you sweet
你嘴好甜
Anyway should you have any interaction with her
而且你应该多和她接触一下
It would be most helpful that she not see you as a sexual rival
好让她别感觉到你是她的性竞争对手
Yeah I think she's pretty safe
我看她没什么好担心的
You say that now but consider the following senario
你现在是这么说 但看看这样的情况
you're sitting in your apartment
漆黑的晚上
It's late you're alone
你孤身一人坐在家里
Your hypothalamus is swimming in a soup of estrogen and
你的下丘脑里正游走着雌激素
Progesterone and suddenly even
和孕激素 这时突然在你眼里
Leonard seems like a viable sexual candidate
就算莱纳德也会是一名有生育能力的性对象
Or a uh "hookup"
或者说 配对
As it's referred to by today's urban youth
现在的都市青年好像都这么说的
Really yes
-真的吗 -是的
Now should that happen
如果万一发生这种情况
I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido
我要求你找到一种压制自己性冲动的办法
I could think about you
只需要想你就可以了
Fine whatever works
好 只要管用就行
Always nice talking to you sheldon
和你交谈总是很愉快 谢尔顿
Uh peace out
再见[谢尔顿在刻意模仿黑人俚语]
Well this is very pleasant
今晚多么美好啊
Glad you're enjoying yourself
很高兴你喜欢
And you said there'd never be enough pasta for the three of us
你还说通心粉三个人吃不够呢
I stand corrected
我错了
You know italian housewives have a rule of thumb
你们知道么 意大利的家庭主妇都有这样一种经验
A handful of dry pasta about an inch in diameter is
只要抓一把直径为一英寸的通心粉放在锅里烧
Sufficient for each person as it doubles in volume when cooked
就足够所有人吃的了 因为它在加热之后会膨胀一倍
That's very interesting
非常有趣
Thank you
谢谢
She doesn't mean it she's just being nice
她不是真觉得有趣 只是礼节罢了
Well stephanie
斯蒂芬妮
Since leonard seems to be dropping the conversational ball
既然莱纳德现在不想谈话
I guess I'll just have to pick it up
那么就由我来顶替他
Have you ever witnessed a violent crime
你有没有现场目击过凶杀
No good
-没 -好的
What's your favorite fruit
你最喜欢什么水果
Uh strawberries
草莓
Hmm technically not a fruit but all right
严格来说不算水果 不过也不追究了
Where did you do your medical internship
你的医学实习是在哪儿做的
Uh lawrence memorial in galveston texas
劳伦斯纪念医院 在德州的加尔维斯敦
Really that's where I was born
真的吗 我就是在那儿出生的
You're kidding
不是吧
I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital
在那所医院里 我度过了不少童年时光
When I was 12 I got to ride there in a helicopter
我十二岁的时候还坐直升机去哪儿呢
Why w w what happened
怎么了啊
Radiation burns
辐射烧伤
A little mishap while I was building my own cat scanner
我在造X射线轴向分层造影扫描机的时候发生了一点小意外
I'm sorry you tried to build your own cat scanner
你居然尝试自己造一个X射线轴向分层造影扫描机?
No I didn't try I succeeded
我不是尝试 我是成功了
In fact I was briefly able to see
而且我还用它观察了
the inside of my sister's guinea pig
我姐姐的小豚鼠 雪球的内脏
Snowball before he caught fire
然后他就烧起来了
It led to an interesting
所以我们家很流行一句话
"not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner "
豚鼠躲不过扫描机
Uh sheldon
谢尔顿
Excuse me
我离开一下
When I come back just for fun
我回来之后 为了好玩
the subject will be alternative history
我们来聊聊架空历史
Specifically
主题是
How would the civil war have gone differently
如果林肯是来自于未来的机器人
If lincoln had been a robot sent from the future
那么南北战争的局势将会如何不同
Look at that there's even pasta left over
看啊 通心粉我们都吃不掉呢
Do you understand that this was supposed to be a date
你到底知不知道这是一次约会
I do
明白啊
Do you because frankly
你明白么 老实说
you've been in a foul mood since I sat down
自打我坐下后你就呆若木鸡
Okay here's my question why did you sit down
好吧 那我的问题是 你为什么要坐下
To help
帮你呀
Look if you fail at this relationship
如果你这次又失手了
and history suggests you will
历史证明你会的
Then we risk losing the medical officer
那么我们的先头登陆部队所需的
That our landing party has always needed
军医很可能就没了
What landing party
什么先头登陆部队
You're kirk I'm spock wolowitz is scotty
你是寇克 我是史波克 沃罗威茨是史考特
Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed
库萨帕里是那个总是被杀的
And now we've got mccoy
现在我们有了麦考伊[《星际迷航》里的人物]
So
所以
We're all standing around looking at the post op x ray
我们都站在那看着术后X光片
and there it is
然后就是那个
Clear as day right in the guy's chest cavity
众目睽睽之下 就在那人的胸腔里
One of my earrings
有我一只耳环
Oh my god what did you do
天呐 那你怎么办
What do you think I did
你觉得我还能怎么办
I discreetly slipped off the other earring
我偷偷把另一只耳环给摘了
Put it in my pocket and then got the hell out of there
放在兜里逃离现场
I have a bone to pick with you sir
捉迷藏的奖品捏
Hi sheldon
嗨 谢尔顿
Hi stephanie
嗨 斯蒂芬妮
I'm sorry I'm late
不好意思我迟到了
But yourompanion left the most indecipherable invitation
但是你的同伴给我的邀请太难破译了
What invitation
什么邀请
"we're going to the movies "
"我们去看电影了"
What movie what theater what time
啥电影 啥影院 啥时候
If you were trying to make it impossible to locate you
如果你想要我追踪不到你
You couldn't have done a better job
那你干得真是再好不过了
Oh clearly I could have
明显我可以的
It took me nearly 20 minutes to go through the browser
我花了将近20分钟才从你电脑的网页
History on your computer to see what movie times you looked up
浏览记录里查到你搜索过的电影时刻表
Wait here I'll find us seats
在这等我 我给咱们找个座
Uh no we have seats
不用 我们有位子
Not the right seats
不是正确的位子
What is he doing
他干嘛呢
He's finding the acoustic sweet spot
他在找听觉最优点
Does he always do this
他一直都这样吗
Sometimes he brings a toy xylophone
有时他也会带给玩具木琴
I am really sorry about this
真是太抱歉了
No it's fine you know he's sweet
不会 还好啦 他挺可爱的
My apologies you've been sitting in it all along
不好意思 你们一直都坐对了地方
Leonard you want to slide over one
莱纳德 你们能往里错一个位子吗
No just sit here
不能 您就坐这吧
Oh yeah this is it
好极了 就是这感觉
Leonard
莱纳德
Leonard leonard
莱纳德 莱纳德
What sheldon
咋啦 谢尔顿
What sheldon what sheldon
咋啦 谢尔顿 咋啦 谢尔顿
Tell me what you see here
告诉我你在这看到什么
The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial
这个钝器能用来杀人吗
This is stephanie's facebook page
这是斯蒂芬妮的facebook网页
Now where it should say "in a relationship " what does it say
你看 本来应该是"交往中"的 她写的是什么
"stephanie barnett is single "
"斯蒂芬妮 巴奈特单身"
Yeah furthermore earlier this evening
而且早些时候
She threw a digital sheep at some guy named mike
她送了一只电子羊给一个叫麦克的人
Who's mike
谁是麦克
Why does he get a digital sheep and not you
为什么他得到一只电子羊而不是你
It's just her facebook page and we've
这只不过是她的facebook网页罢了
Only been going out a couple of weeks
而且我们只约会过几周
You don't see it do you
你还不明白么
We're losing her
我们就要失去她了
Okay I'm going to make this very simple for you
好吧 我简而言之
You are not in this relationship
你并不在这场恋爱里面
I am
我在
Ergo you have no say in anything
也就是说 你对于我和斯蒂芬妮之间
that happens between me and stephanie
发生的事没有发言权
I'm afraid I can't allow that
恕难从命
Pursuant to starfleet general order 104 section a
根据星际战舰总纲领104第一部分
You are deemed unfit and I hereby relieve you of your command
你不是合适的人选 我替你指挥
General order 104 section a does not apply in this situation
总纲领104 第一部分不适用于此情况
Give me one good reason why not
给我个好的理由为什么不适用
Because this is not startrek
因为这不是《星际迷航》
Penny
佩妮
Penny penny
佩妮 佩妮
What
咋啦
This is banana bread
这是香蕉面包
This is a door knob
这是门把手
It's my understanding that an unsolicited gift of food can
根据我的理解 主动赠送食物
Be a precursor to an impromptu invitation to come in and chat
可以作为被邀请进屋聊天的敲门砖
Sheldon would you like to come in
谢尔顿 想进来么
I suppose I could spare a few minutes
那就聊一会吧
Were you robbed
你被抢劫啦
No
How can you be sure
你怎么会这么肯定
Sheldon what do you want
谢尔顿 你想干嘛
I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you
我知道你并不会惊讶
But leonard is failing in yet another relationship
不过莱纳德又要失恋了
He's having problems with stephanie
他和斯蒂芬妮出问题了吗
She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the internet
她在网上赠送给随机男性虚拟牲口
If I have any hope of keeping them together I need data
我需要数据 才能保证他们在一起
Specifically
特别是
I need to know exactly what leonard did that
我要确切地知道莱纳德做了什么
Caused you to pop an emotional cap in his buttocks
让你"性"趣昂然
What
什么
Again urban slang
还是 都市俚语
In which I believe I'm gaining remarkable fluency
我看我用得越来越溜了
So what is the "down" and the "low"
"往下来"和"找低处"[俚语中有口交之意]如何
And don't worry this is all entirely confidential so
别担心 这完全是保密的
You feel free to include any and all shortcomings in the bedroom
你可以自由谈论 其性事的缺陷
We never got to the bedroom
我们从未上过床
Because
原因是
Oh okay all right you know what
好了 知道吗
I'll tell you what happened
我告诉你怎么回事
We were young we were very much in love
我们当时年少 十分相爱
But we could only communicate through a
但我们只能通过
Time traveling mailbox at my lake house
我湖边屋的时光穿梭邮箱交流[《看不见的恋人》中情节]
It's not enough that you made me watch that movie
你让我看那电影还不够
But now you mock me with it
你还用它嘲笑我
Gentlemen I have a question about dating and relationships
绅士们 我有个关于约会和恋爱的问题
You told me you were going to have the talk with him
你说你已经和他谈过那个了[暗指性]
I've been waiting for someone to have the talk with me
我还等着有人和我谈那个呢
More to the point
更重要的是
It's about finding a way to keep leonard and stephanie together
想办法让莱纳德和斯蒂芬妮继续交往下去
Oh I don't think you can
我认为你做不到
Well why not
为什么不行
Look at leonard's record
看看莱纳德的记录
27 days with joyce kim
与乔伊斯·金交往二十七天
During which she defected to north korea
然后她逃跑回了朝鲜
Two booty calls with leslie winkle
与莱斯利·温克尔嘿咻两次
For which she awarded him the nickname "speed of light leonard "
因此得了个昵称"光速莱纳德"
And the three hour dinner with penny
三次与佩妮共进晚餐
Which would have been two and a half if
如他们没坐下来点蛋奶酥的话
They ordered the souffle when they sat down
就只能算是两次半
Based on the geometric progression
根据几何级数
His relationship with stephanie
他和斯蒂芬妮
should have ended after 20 minutes
在20分钟后就该完蛋了
Yes I'm aware of the math
我懂如何计算
Y equals 27 days over 12 to the nth
Y等于27天除以12的商
The issue remains
问题仍未解决
How do we circumvent his inevitable rejection
我们如何能避免他不可避免的失败
Well if you want to guarantee his appeal to stephanie
如你想确保他在斯蒂芬妮的考虑之列
Your best bet would be to kill all the other men on the planet
最有把握的是宰了这星球上所有别的男性
I'll tell you what you shouldn't do
我告诉你什么不该做
Don't shpritz him with that body spray from the
别怂恿他用那广告上说的
Commercial where the women undress when they smell it
女人闻到就会宽衣解带的香体喷雾
That doesn't work at all
一点都没用
No matter how much you put on
不管你洒了多少
So that's all you've got
这就是你们的本事
Apocalyptic genocide and "go easy on the cologne"
天启式的种族灭绝和"别轻信古龙水"
Yeah yes
-对啊 -是的
Penny
佩妮
Penny
佩妮
What
什么事
Penny
佩妮
Zucchini bread
西葫芦面包
Oh thank you
谢谢
May I come in
我能进去吗
No
不行
I see
我懂了
Apparently
显然
My earlier inquiry regarding
我之前关于
you and leonard crossed some sort of line
你和莱纳德的问题越界了
I apologize
我道歉
Well thank you
谢谢你
So have you and I returned to a social equilibrium
那我们又可以平等交谈了
Yes great
-是的 -很好
New topic
新的话题
Where are you in your menstrual cycle
你现在在你月经周期里的哪一天
What
什么
I've been doing some research online
我在网上做了些调查
and apparently female primates
显然灵长目雌性
You know uh apes chimpanzees you
猿 黑猩猩 你们
They find their mate more desirable
她们觉得她们的配偶
When he's being courted by another female
被另一个雌性追求时 更有吸引力
Now This effect is intensified when the rival female
当竞争的雌性在排卵期
Is secreting the pheromones associated with ovulation
分泌激素时 这种效果更强烈
Which brings me back to my question
这又回到我最初的问题
Where are you in your
你在...
Clearly I'm 14 days too early
很显然 我早来了14天
All I'm saying is if they can cure yellow fever and malaria
我是说要是能治疗黄热病和疟疾
Why can't they do something about lactose intolerance
为何不能治乳糖不耐症
Leonard you're going to have to let this go
莱纳德 撒手别想了
You had a little cheese dip you farted
你吃点乳酪就放屁
I thought it was cute
我觉得很可爱
Oh hi stephanie
斯蒂芬妮
Wanna more wine
再来点红酒
Yeah I'm not driving anywhere tonight
好的 反正我今晚又不开车去哪
What are you doing
你在干什么
I have a craving for white asparagus
我特别想吃白芦笋
That apparently is destined to go unsatisfied
但显然未能如愿
Excuse me
失陪一下
What the hell is wrong with you
你到底怎么了
I'm helping you with stephanie
我在帮你留住斯蒂芬妮
By making constipated moose sounds
通过像便秘的驼鹿一样叫唤
When I fail to open this jar and you succeed
当我没打开这瓶盖 而你打开了
It will establish you as the "alpha" male
这样你就像个男子汉
You see
你知道吗
When a female witnesses an exhibition of physical domination
当女性看到你在展示力量时
She produces the hormone oxytocin
她会产生荷尔蒙催产素
If the two of you then engage in intercourse
之后如果你们俩交往的话
This will create the biochemical reaction in the brain
它会在大脑促生生物化学反应
Which lay people naively interpret as "falling in love "
让人们想当然地以为自己陷入爱河
Would it work if I just punched you in the face
那我给你脸一拳管用吗
Yes actually it would but let's see how the lid goes
当然可以 但还是让我们看看这个行吗
I'm not strong enough leonard you'll have to do it
莱纳德 我不够强壮 还是你来吧
Oh for god's sakes
看在上帝的份上
Go ahead it's pre loosened
开吧 已经松动了
Do you want some help with that
需要帮助吗
No no no I got it
不要 不要 我能搞定
No yeah yeah he's got it and that's not surprising
没错 没错 他能搞定 这不足为奇
This is something I long ago came to
很久以前 当我陷入爱河的时候
Peace with in my role as the beta male
我是可以打开的
Open it
快开
Oh my god are you okay no I'm not
-天呢 你还好吗 -我不好
I'm bleeding
流血了
Like a gladiator
像个角斗士一样
Oh honey you're going to need stitches
你得缝几针
Stitches with a needle
缝几针 用针缝吗
Well yeah I mean just a few
对 就几针
Oh okay yeah hang on a sec
好的 稍等一下
Fyi I was defrosting a steak in there
顺便一提 我正在那解冻牛排呢
What a beautiful job stephanie did
斯蒂芬尼缝得可真漂亮
I might have gone with a mattress suture
我会用床垫缝纫法
instead of a blanket stitch
而不会用毯边锁缝纫法
But you can't argue with her results
但她缝成这样 你也只能认了
It's a shame it won't scar
没留伤疤真是太可惜了
The war wound is a time honored badge of masculinity
战伤可是古时男子汉的荣誉徽章
I can't remember a time when you weren't talking
你什么时候能安静一会
Just for the record
言归正传
My efforts to establish you as the alpha
我费心费力把你打造成男子汉
Male were not aided by you bursting into tears
你这么痛哭流涕可没啥帮助
I did not burst into tears my eyes just got a little watery
我没痛哭流涕 只是眼睛湿润了一下而已
Watery
湿润了一下
She stuck a needle into my hand
她用针刺我的手
Hey how's my big cry baby
我的小泪孩怎么样了
I didn't cry
我没哭
Okay I'm just teasing you
好吧 我只是在逗你
But yeah you did
不过 你确实哭了
Okay it's all good
好的 没问题了
What do you say we get you home and put you to bed
我们送你回家 扶你上床怎么样
Oh are you still going to spend the night
那你还在那过夜吗
Uh no I think that you probably need to rest
不行 我想你需要休息
She's right as long as you're vomiting
她说得对 你呕吐的时候
coitus is contra indicated
交媾是禁忌的
Thank you dr cooper
谢谢你 库珀博士
You're welcome dr hofstadter
言重了 霍夫斯塔德博士
Okay I'm going to go get your discharge papers
好吧 我去拿你的出院单
What
怎么了
Well you seem like a perfectly pleasant person
你就像只可爱至极的小鸟
I can't understand why women have such a hard time loving you
我真不明白为什么你那么不招女人待见呢
Hey can you open this for me
能替我打开吗
Can I see your stitches
我能看你的缝针吗
Sure
可以
Answering the question once and for all
终于明白为什么
Why wolowitz bailed out of medical school
沃罗威茨会退出医学院了
Leonard congratulations
莱纳德 可喜可贺啊
What for
为啥
Your facebook status update
你在facebook里的资料更新了
Leonard hofstadter is "in a relationship "
莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德恋爱了
What no no that's not right
什么 不对 这不对
Oh man did you switch your status before she did
伙计 在她更新前 你就更新你的了
Speaking as an expert way to look needy
以我专业人士的眼光来看 真是饥不择食啊
Seriously
动真格的吗
You went first after only two weeks
才两周 你就先表白了
That's bold
真是有胆
It's not bold it's a mistake
这不是有胆 这是个误会
I didn't change my status
我没更新我的资料
Well then who did
那是谁干的
I had no choice he cried in front of her
我别无选择 他都在人家面前哭了
You hacked my facebook account
你侵入了我在facebook里的账户
Oh it's hardly hacking
这算不上侵入
when you use the same password for everything
做什么你都用这个密码
"kal el "
卡尔-艾尔[就是超人]
Are you insane
你疯了吗
Now she's going to think I'm desperate
她现在会以为我是没人要的
You've destroyed this relationship
你毁了我们的关系
And you want to know what the worst part is
你知道最糟糕的是什么吗
You don't even understand what you did wrong because you
你根本不知道自己哪里做错了 因为你
Can't conceive of something that you are not an expert in
自以为在任何方面你都是专家
In which I am not an expert
在那方面 我不是
Don't even
不要说话
I don't want to hear another word out of you
我一个字都不想听
What's wrong lassie timmy fall down the well
怎么了 莱西 蒂米掉到井里了吗[《灵犬莱西》里情节]
She just updated her facebook status
她也更新了自己在facebook里的资料
"stephanie barnett is in a relationship
斯蒂芬尼·巴内特和莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德
with leonard hofstadter "
相恋了
Really
真的吗
Oh look at that
瞧瞧这个
I have a girlfriend
我有女友了
If I am permitted to speak again
容许我再说一句
dr sheldon cooper for the win
谢尔顿·库珀博士:为胜利而生