生活大爆炸-S10E12_生活大爆炸

S01

Hey can you help me put some of the food out

能帮忙把食物摆出来吗

Yeah. Let me finish packing this stuff up.

好我收拾完这些就帮你

You know how Sheldon is if he sees Christmas stuff

你也不是不知道谢尔顿在元旦后看到

lying around after New Year's.

圣诞节摆饰还在会有啥反应

Yeah but he doesn't live here anymore.

可是他都不住这里了

Well he doesn't live at Walmart but he still threw

他也不住商场啊可是他还是会

a tantrum when he saw Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.

因为复活节后店里还卖复活节糖果而暴怒

And that's the same man who complains

而正是这位仁兄也抱怨过

you can't find Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.

复活节后买不到复活节糖呢

Oh. It's Bernadette. She says they're running late.

伯纳黛特说他们会晚到一会

"The baby threw up on Howard

"宝宝吐在了霍华德身上

and then Howard threw up on Howard."

接着霍华德也吐到了霍华德身上"

Well he didn't throw up on the baby. That's a win.

至少他没吐到宝宝身上不幸中大幸啊

Hello. Hi.

-你们好 -好啊

Hi Welcome back. How was Texas

欢迎回来德州老家如何啊

Oh you know. The Lone Star state.

也就是那样德州德州孤星之州

That should be its Yelp rating.

这个州在点评网也只值一颗孤星

It was not a great trip.

不是一趟太高兴的旅程

Well you're home now.

现在回家就好啦

Yeah. It is good to be home.

对啊回到家太开心了

I... Oh good Lord Is that mistletoe

我的老天那是榭寄生吗

Don't you maniacs own a calendar

你们这些疯子家里没日历吗

I told him to take it down. He would not listen to me.

我叫他收起来了他就是不听我的话

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait

The Earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool Neanderthals developed tools

We built the Wall We built the pyramids

Math Science History unraveling the mystery

That all started with a big bang

Bang

By aBU 201702

生

活

大

爆

炸

第十季第十二集

Did you at least have a good flight down there

你们的飞行旅途还算愉快吧

It was fine.

挺好的

Other than the weird tasting juice Amy gave me.

除了艾米给我的那杯味道怪怪的果汁

I slept the whole way.

我一路都在睡觉

So what happened in Texas that was so bad

所以是在德州发生了什么惨事

And before our next drive to Comic Con

在我们下次开车去漫展之前

I need the name of that juice.

你记得告诉我那果汁叫什么

Well we were on our way to my mother's house...

当时我们正在去我妈妈家的路上

How did we get in the car

我们是怎么上的车

Hold on.

等等

How did you get him in the car

对啊你是怎么把他弄上车的

I rented one of those carts

我租了台推车

pushed him toward the open door

车门打开把他推进去

and just let inertia take care of the rest.

剩下的就交给惯性了

So while we're at your mother's house

我们去拜访你妈妈的时候

it might be a good time to tell her that we're living together.

正好可以顺便告诉她我们同居了

Do we have to

有这必要吗

I really don't want to hear the religious lecture.

我实在不想听她那套基督教大道理

Maybe there won't be one.

或许她不会说你呢

There's always one.

肯定会有的

She gave it to my sister about her boyfriend

我姐交男朋友的时候她就说了

my brother about his girlfriend

我哥交女朋友时也说了

my father about his girlfriend.

我爸交女朋友时也说了

That one had some un Christian words in it.

她说我爸那次还骂了基督教徒不太该说的字眼

Well she likes me.

她挺喜欢我的

You know there's a chance she might be okay with it.

有可能她对此不会有意见呢

Eh I don't know.

这很难说

I am her precious little boy.

毕竟我是她的宝贝儿子

And you did take my flower.

而你摘了人家的花蕊

Do boys have flowers

男生也有"花蕊"吗

Who knows what he has down there.

谁知道他底下是啥构造啊

Anyway...

到家后...

Thank you God for the food we are about to receive

感谢主赐给我们桌上的美食

and for the nourishment of our bodies

食物给我们身体补充营养

and bless the hands that prepared it.

保佑准备这些食物的人

Amen.

阿门

Given that your hands prepared it

准备这些食物的人是你

isn't that a little self serving

你这么祷告是不是有些假公济私

You start changing the words to the prayers

一开始是乱改祷告词

next thing you know you're in a church with a guitar.

很快你就会抱着吉他去教堂把祷告词随便唱出来

Thank you for cooking it looks delicious.

谢谢您做饭看起来很好吃

Oh it's my pleasure. Mm.

给大家做饭是我的荣幸

I'm so glad y'all could make it.

我很高兴你们能来

So tell me what's going on back home

跟我说说你们在纽约最近怎么样

Well uh Howard and Bernadette had their baby.

霍华德跟伯纳黛特刚喜获千金

Oh that's wonderful

太好了

Now have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular

他们是要按犹太习俗还是正常的基督教习俗养啊

Welcome to Texas.

欢迎来到德州

They haven't said.

他们还没决定呢

Anyway we uh we also have some exciting news to share.

其实呢我们自己也有点好消息分享

Oh wait wait... I... Shouldn't we just eat

等等等等我们乖乖安静吃饭吧

You know I mean God did take time out of his busy schedule

毕竟主可是从他忙碌的日程里抽空

to bless these Sloppy Joes.

祝福了这些邋遢乔汉堡呢

Come on Shelly tell me your news.

说啊谢利发生什么事了

All right. This is on you.

好吧出事了就怪你

Amy and I are living together in sin

我跟艾米充满罪孽地婚前同居了

like a couple of New Yorkers.

就像纽约人那样

Now while you scold us I'm going to get a knife and a fork.

你训斥我们时容我去拿一套刀叉

Joe may be sloppy but Sheldon's not.

乔可以邋遢但谢尔顿不能邋遢

Well thank you for letting me know

谢谢你告诉我这事

and I for one am thrilled.

但我感到十分高兴

What

什么

What... Where's the judgment

你不是该先入为主批评我们吗

W Where's the fire and brimstone

炼狱之火那套说辞呢

Where's the part where you tell us we're going to Hell

还有你说我们会下地狱受折磨

and I say have you seen the size of the bugs outside

然后我说你看看外面虫子的大小

We're already there

我们早就在地狱了

Obviously I would prefer

的确我是会比较希望

if you weren't living out of wedlock

你们婚前不要先同居

but given your special circumstances

但考虑到你情况特殊

I'm very happy for you.

我对此甚是喜闻乐见

And what "special circumstances" are those

你说的"特殊情况"是指什么

Oh boy I think it's about to get bad.

妈啊好戏马上就要上演啦

Shelly how do I put this

谢利我该怎么跟你说呢

By your third birthday you had memorized

你三岁就能记住

over a thousand different kinds of trains

超过一千种不同的火车了

and I never imagined

而我从来没想到

a woman getting aboard any of them.

会有女人愿意"上"你这趟车

What so... You thought I was going to be alone

什么所以你一直认为

for the rest of my life

我会孤独终老吗

No Just for the middle part.

不孤独大半辈子而已

'Cause at the end I assumed there'd be nurses.

因为等你老了会有护士来照顾你

Well this is highly insulting.

这也太侮辱人了

Sheldon don't overreact.

谢尔顿别小题大做

I'm the child she was worried about

她最担心的孩子居然是我

I have a brother and sister

我有一个哥哥和一个姐姐

whose combined intellectual wattage

那两个人的智商瓦数加起来

couldn't power a potato clock

都不够给玩具土豆钟供电

把土豆变成电池般为电子钟供电

一种科学实验玩具钟

if I spotted them the potato.

而且还得是我帮他们指出土豆在哪

Blah blah blah blah blah.

叽里咕噜噼里啪啦

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

叽里咕噜噼里啪啦

What

什么

Well I was in my room

当时我进房间了

I couldn't hear what they were saying.

听不见她们说了些什么

I'll take over from here.

接下来我来说

He's been in there a long time.

他躲房间里很久了

Should I go talk to him

我该去和他谈谈吗

He's upset with me. I should be the one who talks to him.

他是生我的气应该是我去和他谈

Are you going to

你准备去吗

Oh heck no.

门都没有

Sheldon what... what are you doing

谢尔顿你这是干什么

Just being the un socialized eccentric

做一个不适应社会的怪胎

my mother always thought I was.

反正我妈一直是这么看我的

You startin' to see why I didn't go in there

现在你明白我为什么不去和他谈了吧

Sheldon if you're trying to prove me wrong

谢尔顿如果你想证明我是错的

the tighty whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

你头上的白色三角裤可不会让我改变看法

We're ignoring the fins... Okay.

我们就这么无视脚蹼了好吧

Yeah. And I don't understand why you're taking her side.

而且我不明白你为什么站在她那边

By being my girlfriend

你是我女朋友

she's saying you're a weirdo too.

那表示她也觉得你是个怪胎

I don't think that's what she's saying.

我觉得你妈不是那个意思

And...

现然后呢

That's exactly what she was saying.

他妈就是那个意思

Can you believe my mother thinks we're both strange

你能相信吗我妈居然认为我们都是怪胎

Absolutely not

简直难以置信

That's... too loud.

声音太大太心虚了

Absolutely not.

简直难以置信

Well after that Sheldon and I

闹了那么一出谢尔顿和我

got out of the house for a while.

出门待了一阵子

Well first we buttered my feet to get the swim fins off

我们先往我脚上涂了黄油把脚蹼拿下来

and then we went out.

然后再出门

You know I'm sorry your mother made you feel bad.

你妈让你难过了我很遗憾

But you know at the end of the day she was wrong

但归根结底她错了

because you're not alone.

因为你没有孤独一生

You're right.

你说得对

I have Leonard and Howard and Raj

我有莱纳德霍华德拉杰

Stuart Penny

斯图尔特佩妮

Leonard's mom Bernadette Wil Wheaton...

莱纳德他妈伯纳黛特威尔·惠顿

What about the woman who just buttered your big flat feet

刚往你的大宽脚上涂黄油的女人排在哪

I was going chronologically.

我是按认识的时间顺序说的

You're right between Koothrappali's father

你在库萨帕里他爸

and Omar the one eyed Sparkletts guy.

和独眼龙瓶装水男奥马尔之间

Well let's try to not let it ruin the rest of our trip.

别让这件事把咱们接下来的行程也毁了

I knew we should've never mentioned

我就知道我们从一开始

us living together in the first place.

就不该把同居这件事告诉她

She was gonna find out eventually.

她早晚会发现的

Disagree.

我不这么认为

We've known about evolution since 1859.

人类1859年就知道进化论了

She still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.

她至今还相信诺亚和他的神奇动物园破船

This could have all been avoided

如果你当时听我的话

if you'd only listened to me.

事情就不会变成这样了

Sheldon

谢尔顿

I knew your mother was fine with us living together

我知道你妈不会介意咱俩同居

because I already told her we were.

因为我早就告诉她了

Why would you do that

你为什么会那么做

This was a potential issue

因为这是颗定时炸弹

so I got out ahead of it

所以我提前下手解除

and I managed the situation for you.

帮你把问题处理掉了

You "managed the situation."

你"帮我把问题处理掉了"

That's right.

没错

So my mother thought I was incapable of finding a mate

所以我妈认为我没能力找到伴侣

and my mate thinks I'm incapable of running my own life.

而我的伴侣认为我没能力掌控我自己的生活

Not your whole life

不是全部生活都不行

I mean science. You got that.

科学那部分你没问题

Organizing your sock drawer you're the king.

整理装袜子的抽屉你世界第一

But understanding how other people are feeling

但理解他人感受这部分

that's a weak spot for you.

这是你的弱点

I have gotten much better at that.

在这点上我已经进步很多了

Have you How am I feeling right now

是吗那我现在是什么感觉

What the... How should I know

什么我上哪猜去啊

Excited Itchy Give me the first letter.

兴奋痒痒好歹把第一个字告诉我

You and I are in a relationship.

你和我是情侣

I help you with your shortcomings

你不足的地方我帮你补足

and you help me with mine.

我不足的地方你帮我补足

How would you feel if I contacted

如果我背着你联系你老妈

your mother behind your back

你会是什么感觉

Delighted that you showed any interest in my family at all

高兴啊想不到你居然对我家人感兴趣

"Delighted"

"高兴"

What... Not if I guessed for a hundred years.

怪不得我猜一百年也猜不着啊

Hi. Hey guys.

-大伙 -我们来了

Hi. There's the little family

幸福小家庭到了

Hello. Hello.

-大家好 -大家好

And their Sherpas.

还有他们的夏尔巴仆人

The baby's asleep

宝宝睡着了

can we put her in your room

我们把她放到你们房间里行吗

Yeah. Go ahead. Do you need help

-当然去吧 -需要帮忙吗

No. I got it.

不用我自己来

Doubtfire Poppins follow me.

窈窕奶爸飞天保姆跟我来

Sorry we're late.

抱歉来晚了

Oh it's no problem Amy and Sheldon were just telling us

没关系艾米和谢尔顿正在说

about their trip to Texas.

他们去德州的事

Yeah. Here.

没关系

I'll catch you up.

我粗略地给你们讲一遍

How did we get in the car

我们是怎么上的车

Stop.

打住

Okay. They told Mary they were living together

他们把同居的事告诉了玛丽

there was a fight he got his feelings hurt

一阵唇枪舌战后谢尔顿心灵很受伤

then he put underwear on his head...

于是他把内裤套在了头上

On purpose

他自己故意套的

not the way it used to happen in high school.

而不是像高中时那样被恶霸故意套上

I was acting odd intentionally.

我是故意表现怪异

Really So you can control it

真的吗所以你可以控制你的怪异程度吗

Okay. Then what happened

好了接下来发生了什么

Well there's really not much left to tell.

接下来就没什么了

I decided that my mother views me as a child

我觉得我妈一贯把我当小孩子看

because I never went through a rebellious phase

是因为我从来没经历过青春叛逆期

so I got an earring.

于是我去打了耳洞

My mother made me take it out.

我妈非逼着我把耳环取下来

Amy put alcohol on it.

艾米用酒精帮我消了毒

And here we are.

就是这样

What did we miss

我们错过了什么精彩好戏

I couldn't explain it if I tried.

我就算想解释也解释不清

So tell me how did Sheldon look with an earring

告诉我谢尔顿戴耳环好看吗

Like the pirate who helps the other pirates connect to the internet

就像一个会帮同伴接网线的宅男海盗一样

So what did you and Leonard do

你和莱纳德做了些什么

Actually we got in a pretty nasty fight.

老实说我们俩也是吵得不可开交

It might've been the worst one we've ever had.

可能是有史以来吵得最厉害的一次

Oh my God what happened

天啊到底是怎么了

Well we had started binge watching Luke Cage together

我俩疯狂迷上了看《卢克·凯奇》这部剧

and it was kind of our thing and then

就像是我俩的专属节目

I find out that she watched two episodes without me.

结果我发现她背着我多看了两集

It's like I was excited for a present and got socks.

感觉就像我期盼已久的圣诞礼物居然只是袜子

I don't understand how that turns into

我不明白这怎么会导致

the worst fight of your life.

你们俩吵了史上最厉害的一次

I don't understand what's wrong with socks.

我不明白袜子有什么不好的

To be fair we may have been on edge

老实说我们之前因为圣诞树

because of the Christmas tree.

就处于爆发的边缘了

What happened with the tree

圣诞树又怎么了

You do make a cute elf.

你扮小精灵还挺可爱的

Oh yeah

是吗

And you thought Spock ears were only good for Comic Con.

你还说斯波克的耳朵只适合参加动漫展呢

Hey hey I just found a farm

我找到了一个农场

where they let you chop down your own tree.

允许顾客自己砍圣诞树

Oh cool I'll be like a pointy eared Paul Bunyan.

那我就会像是尖耳朵的大力士保罗·班扬

Stupid idea.

这个想法太蠢了

No what's stupid is a physicist

真正蠢的是一名物理学家

who doesn't understand when you swing an axe

居然不知道在挥斧头的时候

you don't let go.

你不能放手

For the tenth time my mittens were slippery

我第十次澄清我的连指手套打滑了

It's 70 degrees you didn't need mittens.

外面有21度你不需要戴连指手套

You know how easily I blister.

你明知道我很容易起水泡

Yes yes you bruise you peel.

是是是怕撞又容易破皮

It's like I'm married to an old piece of fruit.

感觉就像嫁给了一颗老水果

Look we could keep fighting and let it ruin our night

我们可以继续吵架整晚都别想好

or or we can stop and try to salvage the evening.

也可以停止争吵试着挽救今晚

Fine. Thank you.

-好吧 -谢谢合作

Leonard

莱纳德

Yeah.

怎么了

There's something on the windshield.

挡风玻璃上有东西

You need a break

需要休息一下吗

Do not need a break.

我不需要休息

There's no shame in asking for a break.

想休息就说没啥丢脸的

If I need a break I'll ask for a break

我想休息了我就会说

Leonard

莱纳德

Yeah

怎么了

There's a tree on you.

你身上有棵树

You want to decorate it tonight

你想今晚来装饰它吗

Yeah with gasoline and a match Sure.

用汽油跟火柴吗当然好

I hope it kills us both.

我希望那生物把我们杀了

By the way if anyone asks

对了如果以后有人问起

the elevator shaft always had a tree in it.

电梯间里从很久以前就一直有棵树

So Bernadette if I express interest in your baby

伯纳黛特如果我表达出对你的孩子有兴趣

will you promise not to make me touch it

你能发誓不逼我摸她吗

Sure.

好的

Hey how's life with your baby

跟宝宝的生活还好吗

Really You're never gonna touch their baby

不是吧你打算以后都不碰他们宝宝吗

To this day I've never touched Stuart.

我至今也从没碰过斯图尔特

It's been wonderful Sheldon thanks for asking.

很好很愉快谢尔顿谢谢关心

Oh please stop crying I'm begging you

别哭了我求你了

I don't know what else to do

我不知道还有什么招了

My boobs are empty. Do you want lasagna

我的奶水都没了你要吃千层面吗

Shh shh shh it's okay it's okay.

嘘嘘好啦好啦

What have we done

我们犯了大错啊

Hey I found superhero baby wipes

我找到超级英雄婴儿湿巾啦

the perfect way to clean up crime...

能完美收拾坏人

and tushies.

以及宝宝屁屁

It took me two hours to get her down.

我花了两个小时才把她哄睡

Oh you you relax I'll take this shift.

你歇着这回我来

You know in India when my baby brother cried like that

在印度的时候我小弟弟一哭成这德行

the servants would just take him far away

仆人们就会把他带到很远的地方去

so we couldn't hear it.

这样我们就听不见了

Not always sometimes we'd leave.

不总是这样有时候是我们走远

Hey he got her to stop.

他把孩子哄好了

That was so fast.

真够快的

Oh he's really good with her.

他真会哄这孩子

Yeah he has a gift.

对他有天赋

What's the matter

怎么啦

Nothing these are happy tears.

没事这是喜极而泣

Oh good.

那就好

No they're not you bozo

才不是你个蠢货

How come Stuart can get her to stop crying but I can't

凭啥斯图尔特就能让她不哭我却不行

I mean it's Stuart.

那可是斯图尔特啊

Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.

也许她是装死好让他走开

Not funny.

不好笑

She's tired that was funny.

她太累了你说得很好笑

Everyone's a better mom than me.

大家都比我这个妈妈称职

Oh don't take it so personally

别总把错往身上揽

maybe your baby's just a jerk.

也许只是你家孩子特别熊呢

Wait so how does the story end

后来怎么了

Is the baby a jerk

到底是因为你家孩子熊

or is Bernadette a bad mother

还是因为伯纳黛特不是个称职的妈

Sheldon W What

-谢尔顿 -怎么了

Is there another twist coming

剧情还有反转吗

Is the baby not theirs at all

难道说孩子根本不是他们的

Ignore him.

别搭理他

How did you get the baby to stop crying

你怎么让孩子不哭的

Oh I just talked to her.

就是跟她聊天

I've been told the sound of my voice puts people to sleep.

总有人跟我说一听我说话就想睡觉

You poor things you must be exhausted.

你这可怜的人儿肯定累坏了

It has been hard to sleep with all the crying.

哭得太凶了确实睡不好

How can she hate me

她怎么能恨我

I make her food in my chest

我可是用胸部在哺育她

It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.

简直跟恨冻酸奶机一样嘛

She doesn't hate you stop saying that.

她并不恨你别这么说了

Now you hate me too

现在连你也恨我了

Shh I don't hate you.

我不恨你

It says here that up to 80% of new mothers

网上说高达八成的产妇

experience baby blues.

都患过产后抑郁症

And that the best thing to do

最好的办法就是

is reassure them that they're doing a good job.

让她们相信她们做得很好

Bernadette

伯纳黛特

you are doing a good job.

你做得很棒了

Thank you Sheldon I'm feeling better now.

谢谢你谢尔顿我现在感觉好点了

Thank you Internet.

你该谢的是互联网

I'm telling you with the right YouTube video

我就跟你说只要找对了视频

I can give Howard a vasectomy.

我都可以给霍华德做绝育

So things started to turn around

后来情况有好转吗

Yeah eventually I figured out how to get the baby to sleep.

有最后我终于知道怎么让孩子睡觉了

Please tell me you didn't use Amy's magic juice.

别跟我说你是用艾米的神奇果汁

Bernie

妮妮

She's asleep.

她睡着了

Great.

太好了

And where are you

可你在哪啊

Down here.

下面

This is new.

新招啊

I didn't know what else to do.

我不知道该怎么办了

It worked.

但成功了

Well I'd say that's thinking outside the box

我想说这真是不按套路走的想法

but... come on.

但... 你都套进去了

Don't make me laugh.

别让我笑出来

Do you need help getting out

需要我扶你出来吗

I think I live here now.

以后我就住这了

It's fine.

挺好的

Is it okay if I get some sleep

我去睡会觉行吗

Yeah go ahead.

行去吧

Good job Mommy.

干得好妈咪

I'm proud of you.

我为你骄傲

Don't make me cry either.

也不要让我哭

Good night.

晚安

I love both my girls.

我爱你们

We love you too.

我们也爱你

I can't believe you fit in the crib.

真不敢相信你能躺进婴儿摇篮

I could take a bath in the sink.

我还能用洗手池泡澡呢

I don't but I can.

我不做但是我做得到

So how were your holidays

你假期过得怎么样

Oh thank you for asking.

多谢关心

Uh I uh went to visit my grandmother.

我去看了我奶奶

She's in Bakersfield.

她住在贝克斯菲尔德

Uh usually my brother and sister go...

通常是我兄弟姐妹去

Oh come on

要不要这样

That was fun thank you.

玩得很开心谢谢你们

Yeah thanks.

对谢谢

Our pleasure. See you guys at work.

小事一桩上班见了伙计们

Be there bright and early.

早早儿地到啊

Not me paternity leave.

我不去放产假

A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals

一个小婴儿让他老婆的生殖器受苦受难

and he gets time off.

而他居然能休假

With pay sucka

还是带薪的哦废柴

Forgot the baby still new to this.

差点忘了宝宝新手上路

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