生活大爆炸-S07E17_生活大爆炸

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Raj your tag is sticking out

拉杰衣服标签跑出来了

Thank you That was the closest I've come to sex

谢谢这是我大概两年来

in like two years

离做爱最接近的一次了

Now I feel a little gross

现在我觉得有点恶心了

You're only making it seem more real for me

你这话更让我觉得像做爱了

Hey that's my wife If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about sex it's me

那是我老婆好吗如果有人让她觉得做爱很恶心那也只能是我

Can we please talk about something other than my depressing love life

我们能聊点除了我悲催的情场之外的事情吗

How about Penny's depressing acting career

那聊聊佩妮悲催的演艺事业吧

I mean it's been a little tough

现在是有些不顺遂

but Penny's following her dreams

但佩妮是在勇敢追梦

and in my book that is not depressing

在我心中的小本子里那才不悲催

Aw Thank you

谢谢支持

Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex

你的小本子书名是《撒谎骗炮大全》吗

Is that a real book

这书是真的吗

I would totally read that book

如果真有我一定拜读啊

Can I borrow it when you're done

等你看完能借我也读读吗

Well I'll have you guys know

姐就跟你们分享一下

I turned down a part in a movie last week

其实我上周才推掉一部戏约

Why would you do that

你为什么要推掉

Because it was crap

因为那角色太狗屎了

It's a sequel to that awful

是我以前演过的

killer gorilla movie I was in

杀手猩猩电影的续集

Serial Ape ist

《杀人恶猿》吗

I thought you died in that

你不是在电影里被砍死了吗

She does

的确

42 minutes in

在电影的42分钟

while showering topless

当时她正裸身淋浴

16 minutes after brief side butt

就是跟其他学生会女生打完枕头仗

during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters

还小露了一下侧屁的16分钟后被杀

I have an eidetic memory

我有过目不忘的记忆力

I don't know what his problem is

但他忘吃什么药我就不知道了

Okay well there are no shower scenes in this one

这集里没有淋浴戏

They just try to clone me from my corpse

他们试图从我遗体中克隆出新的我

but my DNA gets mixed with the ape's DNA

但我的基因跟杀人猩的基因混到了

and I end up running around with giant gorilla hands and feet

所以我得用猩猩的巨手巨脚到处跑

Am I missing something

是我漏掉什么点了吗

or isn't that the part she was born to play

这角色不就是完全为她而设的吗

第七季第十七集

生活大爆炸

So are you really not gonna do this movie

你真的不去演这电影吗

Well I don't think it's the kind of part

我觉得这个角色对我的演艺生涯

that's good for my career

没有丝毫帮助

Well but don't a lot of famous actors

可是很多知名演员刚出道时

get their start doing bad movies

不都是从垃圾电影开始演的吗

Okay I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say

但梅丽尔·斯特里普应该没碰到过

梅丽尔·斯特里普美国电影史上最伟大的女演员之一

"must keep gorilla hands from killing again "

"得制止这双猩猩手再去杀人"的电影吧

If she did it would be amazing

如果她真演了一定也很赞

That woman can do no wrong

这女人真是演什么像什么

I I don't know anything about show business

我对演艺界完全不了解

so if you think it's reasonable to turn down paid work

所以如果你觉得推掉有酬工作

and just burn through your savings

继续花光自己的积蓄是正确的

I'm sure you know what you're doing

我绝对相信你脑子没抽风

I think we're gonna go

我觉得我们该走了

Are you sure

你确定吗

We were making fun of failed careers

我们不是在取笑别人失败的事业吗

We didn't get to tap the juicy vein that is Howard's

都还没聊到真正的大笑点霍华德身上呢

Hey I work at the same university you do

我跟你不是在同一间大学工作吗

Yes and Hawkeye's in the avengers

是但就像鹰眼侠也在复仇者联盟中

but no one ever says "Help Hawkeye "

你有听过人喊"救命啊鹰眼侠"吗

Can I ask you something

我能问你个问题吗

Why do you constantly feel the need to put down my husband

为什么你总是要吐槽贬低我老公啊

Oh I'm sure he does it out of love

他一定是吐槽出于情贬低更是爱吧

The same way my boyfriend makes me feel terrible

我男朋友不也这么对我好让我对

about my life choices

我做的人生决定感到难受吗

I think we're gonna go

我们真的要走了

No no no This is not a fight

不用不用这不是吵架

I I was just excited that someone offered you a part

我们只是本来很高兴有人给你戏约嘛

and a little surprised that you'd rather sit at home

但后来有点惊讶你居然

and do nothing than take it

宁愿在家闲着也不愿意去演

Now it's a fight

现在是吵架了

Well with that sorted out

他们那边说清楚了

I'm happy to answer your question Bernadette

我也很乐意来回答你的问题伯纳黛特

Howard started it

是霍华德先开始的

I didn't do anything I was just sitting here

我什么都没干好吗我就坐着而已

I wasn't referring to this evening

我不是指今晚

Ten years ago upon first seeing me

10年前我与他初次相见时

your husband claimed that I looked like C 3PO

你老公说我长得像《星球大战》里的C-3PO

金色的人形机器人

and Pee wee Herman

与皮·威·赫尔曼

与谢尔顿外形有些神似

上世纪80年代的喜剧电视电影角色

And he called me C 3P wee Herman

而且他还叫我C-3P威赫尔曼

Still funny

10年后还是很好笑

That was ten years ago

那都是10年前了

Nine years 11 months and three weeks ago

在9年11个月又3周前

he followed that up by replacing the slides for my lecture

他随后又偷偷换掉了我教课的幻灯片

with photographs of nude fat women bending over

改成了一张裸身肥女人弯腰露屁股的照片

Really

你不是吧

The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds

他那堂课在教宇宙的气体云嘛

That's funny

胖子放屁成宇宙云超好笑

I was there It was funny

当时我在真的超好笑

In any event that began a decade long progression

而在那之后他开始了长达10年的

of insults pranks and unwanted magazine subscriptions

各种羞辱恶整还给我订各种奇怪杂志

To this day I still get a monthly copy

一直到现在我还每个月都收到

of Granny on Granny

《老奶奶床战老奶奶》

Which other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page

除了出乎意料好玩的智力游戏页面之外

is complete filth

整本都龌龊不堪

Thanks for walking me to my car

谢谢你陪走到停车位那

Actually it's for both of us

其实我也想谢谢你

Last night I watched West Side Story

昨晚我看了电影《西区故事》

由音乐剧改编成电影的音乐歌舞帮派爱情故事

and I'm a little freaked out by street gangs

现在有点害怕街头帮派

Why can't Raj find a girl

为什么拉杰找不到女友

The mystery continues

看来这问题找不到答案啦

I don't appreciate your sarcasm

虽然我不喜欢你挖苦我

but we've still got two blocks to go so I'll put up with it

但还有两个街区所以我唯有忍忍了

Whatever happened with your online dating

你网上交友进行得如何

No one was writing me back so I stopped checking my profile

没人回复我所以我也懒得登上去看了

Before I met Sheldon I was ready to give up too

在遇见谢尔顿前我也准备要放弃

Once I even dropped in on my OB/GYN

我还曾去拜访过我的妇产科医生

just to get some human contact

只为寻求跟人类有肉体接触的机会

It has been a while since I got my prostate checked

貌似我的前列腺也好久没检查了

Then I met Sheldon and look at where we are now

然后我遇见了谢尔顿你看我们现在进展多快

What You've kissed like once in three years

有吗你们交往三年才接过一次吻

That's true Do whatever you want

那倒是你爱干嘛干嘛吧

Hello

你好

Listen I was thinking you and I could

我一直在想或许你和我

probably try to be better friends

可以试着成为更好的朋友

Really

是吗

I was thinking what we have now is a bit much

我觉得我们现在就好得有点过分了

Seriously I was talking to Bernadette last night and

说真的我昨晚和伯纳黛特谈过了

she made some great points

她说得很有道理

You and I have known each other a long time

我们都认识彼此这么长时间了

and I didn't hear the rest 'cause she took her bra off

后面的我没听进去因为她把胸罩脱掉了

Very well

很好

How do you propose we move forward

那你觉得我们应该如何增进友谊

Uh for starters we could stop insulting each other

首先我们可以停止羞辱对方

That's a great idea

这个主意真棒

And in the spirit of our new arrangement

本着我们休战新协议的友好精神

I will mask my surprise that you came up with it

我会掩饰我对你想出这主意的惊讶之情

Anyway I got invited to do a little talk at NASA

总之这周末太空总署邀请我去休斯顿

in Houston this weekend

做一个小演讲

They gave me two tickets Bernadette can't go

他们给我提供了两张机票但伯纳黛特去不了

You want to come with me

你想跟我一起去吗

You can visit your mom

你可以顺便去看看你妈

and I'll show you around the space center

我也可以带你参观太空中心

I have one question

我有个问题

Is this a prank

这是个恶作剧吗

where we land in Houston

会不会我们一到达休斯顿

and you've made up wanted posters

那里会张贴着你做好的通缉令

that have my face with a mustache and a Spanish name

上面是我长着小胡子的照片和一个西班牙名

and then I get arrested and deported to South America

于是我会被逮捕并被遣送回南美洲

不会

I'm glad because I would not have seen that coming

那我就放心了因为我肯定料不到你会这么玩

Amy I could use some help

艾米我想请你帮忙

Oh Let me guess There's an

我猜猜是不是有位

undergrad in a leather jacket

穿着皮衣的男大学生

snapping his fingers by the water fountain

在饮水机那里打着响指[西区故事中的混混]

I thought about what you said last night

我认真想过你昨晚说的话

and I went back on the dating Web site

于是我再次登上交友网站

and I was looking at this girl's profile

我看见了这个女生的个人资料

She's amazing

她太完美了

Oh she's cute

她长得不错

And smart Phi Beta Kappa

还很聪明美国大学优等生荣誉学会会员

And judging by her lack of Adam's apple

从她没有喉结这点可以判断出

she's been female her entire life

她这辈子一直都是女人

I like that in a woman

我喜欢女人这一点

Great so what do you need me for

很好你需要我帮什么忙

Well I was up all night trying to write to her

我一晚没睡给她写了一封信

but I wanted to run it by you first

我想先听听你的意见

All right

好的

"Emily

"艾米丽

your face is like a precious dew kissed flower "

你的脸颊就像被露珠吻过的花朵那么娇嫩"

I know Powerful stuff huh

我知道很有震撼力吧

不对啦

You're supposed to be yourself not all

你应该做自己而不是像个

desperate and creepy

饥渴又吓人的变态

Okay I'm getting some mixed messages here

我就是那样的变态啊那到底还要不要做自己

Just say something normal like "I saw your profile

就写一些普通的东西比如"我看了你的资料

Looks like we have a lot in common

似乎咱俩有很多共同之处

let's get a cup of coffee sometime " Yes

-有空一起去喝杯咖啡吧" -对

"Where I can be jealous of the cup

"喝咖啡时我会嫉妒咖啡杯

touching your ruby lips "

它能碰触你红宝石般的双唇"

Or you just write it for me

或者干脆你帮我写吧

I'm not gonna pretend to be you

我才不要假扮你呢

I don't want you to pretend to be me

我不是要你假扮我

You can be like my uh online wingman

你可以当我的网络泡妞搭档

Like if we met her at a bar and you talked me up

好比如果我们是在酒吧遇到她你就在一旁使劲夸我

Well what would I say to her

那我应该跟她说什么

Just tell her what I'm really like

告诉她我是个什么样的人

And if you think it'll help

如果你觉得有帮助的话

that you saw me changing once

可以说你曾见过我换衣服

and my package reminded you of the muscular tail of a jaguar

我的鸡鸡让你想到美洲虎肌肉发达的尾巴

Use your own words

用你自己的话去表达吧

Thanks again for taking me to the pharmacy

谢谢你载我去药房

Oh it's no problem Is everything okay

别客气你还好吗

Oh I'm fine It's just some uh

我没事这只是

stomach medication for my trip

为我的旅行准备的胃药

There's the remote yet distinct possibility

虽然可能性极小但不排除

that I may end up in South America

我可能会沦落到南美洲

Remember the old days when I would've said something dumb

还记得以前我会问你一些蠢问题吗

like "why "

比如像"为什么"

Uh that doesn't sound good

这声音听起来不妙

Remember the old days when I used to point out

还记得以前我会指出你上车后

that your check engine light was on

应该检查发动机警示灯是否亮着吗

Yes Well get ready to stroll down memory lane

-记得 -少女准备重温旧梦吧

Penny your check engine

佩妮你检查发动机...

Yeah I know it's on Sheldon

我知道灯是亮着的谢尔顿

Oh no no no no no

别别别不要啊

I cannot afford this right now

我现在可付不起修车费

Maybe it's just something minor

或许只是小问题而已

Ooh good news the light just went out

好消息是那警示灯灭了

Are we playing individual or teams

我们是各玩各的还是组队玩

Teams are fun

组队有意思

Oh in that case I'd like to be partnered

这样的话那我希望和我的好朋友

with my good friend Howard

霍华德组队

But I'm always on Howard's team

可霍华德从来都跟我组队

We're best friends

我们才是最好的朋友

The kind who finish each others

那种默契好到能完成对方的句...

I really don't think we do tha do that See

-我不觉得我们有做这.. -这种事你看

Oh how'd it go at the mechanic

修车行怎么说

Not great Can I talk to you for a sec

不太妙能借一步说话吗

Yeah sure

好啊

Maybe I can go with you guys to Houston

我能跟你们一起去休斯顿吗

Isn't it a little late to get plane tick

现在买机票是不是有点...

plane tickets Yeah

...有点晚吗没错

Will you please sto

求求你别再闹...

stop that Okay

...别再闹了好的

I don't know what to do

我真不知道该如何是好

My car threw a rod and it's totaled

我的车坏了彻底报废了

I can't afford a new one I have no job

可我工作也没了又买不起新车

and now I can't drive to auditions

现在我连试镜都没办法去

I'm so sorry

真遗憾

I know it's a sensitive subject

我知道这件事你不爱听

but can you reconsider that part in the movie

可你能重新考虑一下那个电影角色吗

I did I called them The part's gone

我考虑了我打了电话人家不要我了

They gave it to someone else

那个角色已经被别人抢走了

Now that girl's gonna get discovered and become famous

现在那姑娘马上就要一夜成名

and go on Letterman and talk about

然后去访谈秀大聊特聊她是如何

how she got her big break on a cheap monkey movie

从一部廉价的猴子电影中一举成名的

all because some dumb girl thought it was beneath her

这都多亏了某个傻妞当初不屑去演

At least they talked about you on Letterman

这样你至少还在访谈秀上被提起了啊

Come on I can drive you wherever you need to go

别这样你想去哪儿我都开车载你

How Unlike me you have a job

怎么可能你和我不一样你有工作呀

I'm just gonna have to go back to being a waitress

我唯有回去当我的服务员

like I will be for the rest of my life

这将成为我一辈子的工作

Leonard would you wrap it up

莱纳德你麻利一点好不好

We're waiting on you

我们都在等你呢

I'm sorry is the fact that my life's falling apart

对不起是不是我苦难的人生

interfering with your board game

打扰到您崇高的桌游了

It is

是的

You were wrong friend Howard

你错了吾友霍华德

She completely understood

她完全能理解我们的状况

Hey you busy

你现在忙吗

No What's up

不忙什么事

Have you heard back from Emily

艾米丽回信了吗

I have

回了

Great And

太好了说什么

And I'm afraid she doesn't think you're right for her

恐怕她觉得你俩不合适

I give you one simple thing to do

我给了你一个这么简单的任务

contact a complete stranger

联系一个素未谋面的陌生人

and make her fall in love with me

让她爱上我

and you blow it

你却连这都办砸了

I told her what a good guy you are but

我把你的好都告诉她了可是

she thought it was a bad sign

她觉得你不肯亲自给她写信

that you didn't write to her yourself

这就不是什么好兆头

She thought it made you seem too shy and passive

她觉得你显得太害羞太被动了

I'm not too shy and passive

人家才不害羞和被动呢

You write her back and tell her I said that

你马上回信给她把我的话告诉她

You know when you have a second

当然等你有空的时候

Look I'll see if I can change her mind tomorrow night

明晚我会试着改变她的想法

What's happening tomorrow night

明天晚上有什么事

I'm meeting her for coffee

我要和她出来喝咖啡

What

什么

Well we just we e mailed back and forth a bit

我们后来发了几次邮件

and we kind of hit it off

发现我俩还挺合拍的

I find a girl I like and you're stealing her No

-我找到了梦中情人你却要把她抢走 -才不是

We just ended up having a lot in common

我们只是发现两人有很多共同点

We went to Harvard we like Chaucer

我们都是哈佛毕业我们都喜欢乔叟[英国作家]

we're both hardcore into quilting

我们都疯狂喜欢缝花被子

Your words fall like acid rain

你的一字一句都像是冷冷的酸雨

on the wounded petals of my heart

在我破碎的心上胡乱地拍

That's Sheldon

是谢尔顿

He says he'll be down in a minute

他说他马上就下来

What are you doing

你在干什么

Oh he's not coming out until he sees proof

他不确认你车里没有空气清新剂

you don't have an air freshener in your car

他就不会出来

This is gonna be a long weekend for you

这个周末你肯定度日如年了

You're the reason I'm doing it

明明是你要我这么做的

I said to stop insulting each other

我只是让你们不要再互相攻击了

I didn't tell you to take him on a romantic getaway

又没叫你和他一起共度浪漫周末

How do I know what you said

我怎么知道你都说了什么

Damn you and your noise cancelling breasts

都怪你和你那对"化言语为无声"的大咪咪

Hello

你们好

Hi Hey buddy

-你好啊 -你好

You excited for Texas

要去德克萨斯了开心吗

Oh very much so

当然开心了

It's not every day you get to tour NASA with a real astronaut

能和真正的宇航员去太空总署千载难逢啊

Who's the real astronaut

那个真正的宇航员是谁呀

Buzz Aldrin

巴斯·奥尔德林[传奇宇航员]

Oh Yay

太好了

Howard

霍华德

Howard

霍华德

Howard

霍华德

What now

又怎么了

I have to go to the bathroom

我要去上厕所了

You just went to the bathroom

你不是刚去了吗

I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe

我没上因为感觉不太安全

Despite all my e mails the toilet didn't have a seatbelt

尽管我曾多次发邮件马桶还是没加装安全带

Well it still doesn't

现在也还是没有啊

I realize that but safety concerns went out the window

我知道前面贪杯喝苹果汁时

two apple juices ago

就把安全问题抛之脑后了

Fine

好吧

Why are you getting annoyed

你为什么这么心烦

I'm trying to be a better friend

我努力当一个更好的朋友

but you constantly say and do irritating things

但你不断说些烦人的话做些烦人的事

Like when When

-什么时候 -什么时候

How about in the car

之前在车里时

I'm an astronaut and you know it

我是宇航员你知道的

You just don't like admitting it because you're jealous

你只是不愿承认因为你嫉妒

Well truth be told

说实话

as a child I did dream of going to space

我小时候的确梦想过上太空

Those astronauts were my heroes

那些宇航员是我的英雄

And

后来

when you got to go it was hard for me

你也上太空了我挺难接受的

Thank you

谢谢

Because it made me realize

因为这让我意识到

they'll just send anyone up there

是个人就能被太空总署送上去

Aren't you going to let me out No

-你不打算让我出去了吗 -不

But I still need to use the bathroom

但我还是需要上洗手间

Here you go Be creative

给你发挥创意吧

What's the matter Scared of a little turbulence

怎么啦害怕小小的乱流吗

No turbulence is just the equalization

不害怕乱流只是大气中

of diurnal temperature variations in the atmosphere

昼夜温差的均衡

I'm not scared at all

我一点也不怕

Oh apple juice stay where you are

苹果汁别出来啊

Oh this is nothing

这算什么啊

I experienced way worse

我以"假宇航员"身份

when I was plummeting back to Earth

乘飞船垂直降落重返地球时

apparently not being a real astronaut

那滋味才叫一个难受

Okay that was a big one

好吧刚才那下挺严重的

I take it back I'm scared of turbulence

我收回刚才的话我害怕乱流

I'm gonna need that bag back

把呕吐袋还给我

You sure you want to do this

你确定要这么做吗

Yeah Why wouldn't I want to get my old job back

对我为什么不想要回原来的工作

It'll be fun to see everyone

看到大家一定"很有意思"

I haven't talked to them since I said

我最后一次跟大家说的是

"I quit See you at the Oscars bitches "

"姐辞职了奥斯卡颁奖礼见贱人们"

Come on let's just get this over with

快点早搞完早收工

"Let's get this over with "

"早搞完早收工"

Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory

我这是要开车送你去芝士工厂

or are we having sex

还是我们要做爱啊

I'm just I'm trying to lighten the mood

我只是想逗你乐一下

I know Thank you Sorry

-我知道谢谢 -抱歉

It's just so humiliating

真是太丢人了

So humiliating

太丢人了

Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory

我这是要开车送你去芝士工厂还...

I'm sorry I'll I'll stop I'll stop

对不起我不说了我不说了

Come on don't look so sad

拜托别这么伤心

You never know what's gonna happen

你永远不知道未来会发生什么事

Maybe tonight will be great

也许今晚会非常棒

Sweetie I know you're trying to make me feel better

亲爱的我知道你在努力安慰我

and I love you for that

我喜欢你这么体贴

but it's making me feel worse and I kind of hate you

但这让我更难受了而且我有点讨厌你

This isn't your car

这不是你的车啊

I know I thought we'd take yours

我知道我想我们开你的车去

I don't understand

我不明白

It's nothing fancy but it'll get you to auditions

虽然不是豪车但至少你去试镜能有代步工具

and at least for now you don't have to go back to waitressing

至少现在你不用回去做服务员了

I don't know what to say

我不知道该说什么

Don't say anything

什么也不用说

Oh my God

我的天

I mean you could say "thank you "

你可以说"谢谢你"

I did just buy you a car

我的确送了辆车给你

Look I admit that it's odd

我承认拉杰什

that Rajesh didn't write to you himself

不亲自写信给你是有些奇怪

but if you get to know him

但如果你了解他

you'll see he's just a sweet regular guy

你就会知道他只是个亲切的普通人

As a counterpoint here he is

作为有趣的对比他来了

uninvited and visibly sweaty

不速之客兼大汗淋漓

Hello Emily Hello

-你好艾米丽 -你好

Amy told me you were concerned that

艾米告诉我你担心我

I might be too passive and shy

可能太过被动与害羞

Let me ask you something

我问你个事

Would a passive guy barge in here

一个被动的人会闯进这里

to look you in the eye and say

看着你的眼睛说

"Hey dew kissed flower what's up "

"嘿露水吻过的鲜花你好啊"

No but a weird guy with no boundaries might

不但没有下限的变态可能会说

Uh okay that's a separate issue

好吧这是另外的问题

Let's put a pin in that and just focus on the passive thing

咱们先把这问题摆一边专注于"被动"

I'm leaving

我走了

Are we still going to go to that Chaucer reading Friday

我们周五还去乔叟读书会吗

You know I think I'm just gonna go by myself

我想我还是一个人去吧

Not my best first date

算不上是我最棒的初次约会

Yeah but not my worst either

也算不上是最差劲的

I'm sorry for every mean thing I ever did or said to you

我就以前对你说过的刻薄话做过的刻薄事道歉

I'm sorry too It's all my fault

我也道歉全是我的错

If you weren't my friend

如果没有你这个朋友

there'd be a hole in my life

我的人生会若有所失

Thank you Sheldon

谢谢你谢尔顿

Kind of like when Firefly was cancelled

就好像剧集《萤火虫》被砍了

But not as big

但失落感没那么严重

The captain has turned off the fasten seat belt sign

机长已经关闭了安全带指示灯

You're now free to move about the cabin

各位可以在机舱内走动了

It's over Yeah

-结束了 -是的

Should we stop holding hands now

我们是不是应该松开对方的手了

In a minute Okay good

-等会吧 -太好了