生活大爆炸-S08E01_生活大爆炸

S01

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"Who cares" You wouldn't care

"那又怎样" 要是我和你妈睡了

Previously on The Big Bang Theory

《生活大爆炸》前情提要

We were worried about you

我们担心你

Don't be melodramatic

别这么夸张

I'm just getting on a train and leaving forever

我只是准备登上火车永远离开

So a few things don't go your way

生活中有几件事不如你意

and your best decision

你就决定

is to ride the rails like a hobo

像个流浪汉般坐火车远走高飞吗

Leonard I am overwhelmed

莱纳德我不知所措

Everything is changing

一切都在改变

and it's simply too much

多到让人无法接受

I need to get away and think

我需要离开好好想想

Sheldon

谢尔顿

Yes

什么事

I'm gonna miss you

我会想你的

Of course you are

这不废话吗

You just made that easier

慢走不送

45天后

Excuse me

打扰一下

Is it at all possible

有没有可能

that you're knitting a pair of pants

你现在打的是毛线裤呢

Oh well no you're understandably terrified

别走你感到害怕是可以理解的

But you know allow me to explain

但请给我个机会解释

45 days ago um I embarked on

45天前我开启了一段

a railroad journey of healing

心灵疗伤铁路之旅

because my university

因为当时我的大学

was making me do string theory

逼我研究弦理论

and my favorite comic book store burned down

而我最喜爱的漫画店发生了火灾

and when my roommate got engaged

我的室友还订婚了

my girlfriend wanted to move in with me

而我女朋友想搬进来跟我同居

which was no doubt a ploy just to see my

而那明显是幌子她的目的...

well excuse my language but my bathing suit parts

抱歉失礼了是染指我小裤裤里的东西

Uh sir may I use your phone

先生能借用一下电话吗

I don't think so Yeah well

-恐怕不能 -好吧

I understand that I'm half naked

我知道我现在是半裸的

but there is a reasonable explanation

但是我有个合理的解释

While I slept in my sleeper car

我在火车卧铺上睡觉时

all my possessions were stolen

东西全被偷走了

Now typically I wear pajamas

通常来说我都会穿睡裤

but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle

但最近我习惯了流浪汉的生活方式

and pajamas are the sleep pants of the man

而睡裤是普通人穿来睡觉的

I'll have you know Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants

我告诉你圣雄甘地也没穿裤子

and a nation rallied behind him

全印度还不是团结起来支持他

My good man

老兄

Now before you walk away

在你走之前

I know that I may appear deranged

我想说我可能看起来像疯子

but I am in fact a world renowned physicist

但其实我是一个世界闻名的物理学家

Ask me the difference between a boson and a fermion

不信你问我玻色子跟费米子的差异

Go ahead ask

来啊你问吧

Bosons have integer spin

玻色子自旋为整数

fermions have half integer spin

费米子自旋为半整数

My legs are getting cold

我的腿好冷

Why won't anybody help me

为什么没人帮帮我呢

生

活

大

爆

炸

第八季第一集

Morning

早安

Hi Want to do yoga with me

想跟我一起做瑜伽吗

Um let me just have some coffee first

让我先喝杯咖啡

and then I'll have the strength to tell you

我才有力气告诉你

how much I won't be doing that

我超级不想做瑜伽

Hello

你好

Hello Leonard

莱纳德是我

Hey buddy Good to hear your voice

兄弟很高兴又听到你的声音

Uh I'm in Kingman Arizona

我在亚利桑那州的金曼

and uh I need you to come pick me up

我需要你来接我一趟

I'd love to

我很乐意

I'm just about to do yoga with Penny

可是我得跟佩妮一起做瑜伽

Leonard I'm at the police station

莱纳德我在警局里

I was robbed

我被人洗劫一空

Th They took my phone

他们拿走了我手机

my wallet my iPad everything

我的皮包我的iPad 全被偷了

Oh my God are you okay

天啊你没事吧

No I'm not okay

当然有事

I I'm wearing borrowed pants

我穿着借来的裤子

I I don't have I D

身上也没证件

and one of the officers here

而这里其中一个警察

won't stop calling me Chicken Legs

一直叫我小鸡脚

Okay

好吧

Uh I'll I'll come get you

我来接你

What's the address

地址呢

Hey what's going on

怎么了

He got all of his stuff stolen

他的东西全被偷了

Okay

好的

Hurry

快来

Sheldon hang tight

谢尔顿撑住

Hey do you want me to bring anything

你还需要我带什么东西给你吗

Oh yes please

拜托你了

A pair of pants

带条裤子

And my toothbrush

我的牙刷

Yeah and my mail

我的信

And a really good comeback for chicken legs

还有帮我想怎么回敬人家笑我小鸡脚

because "I know you are but what am I "

因为我回他"你才是小鸡腿你们全家都是小鸡腿"

was met with stony silence

他只无语藐视我

I'll be there as soon as I can

我会尽快过来

Is he okay

他没事吧

Yeah he's fine he's just a little rattled

人是没事就是有点吓着了吧

Oh Feel like driving to Arizona with me

有兴趣陪我一起开车去亚利桑那吗

I can't I have that job interview

不行我得去面试呢

Oh right Besides

对哦而且

I don't need six hours of "Your hair is different

我也不想听六个小时的"你的发型变了

Why did you change your hair

你为什么换发型了

I'm holding my breath until your hair grows back "

我要憋住呼吸到你头发长出来为止"

All right fine

好吧行

Hey can you think of a reason

你能想到我不应该

I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me Nope

-邀请艾米跟我一起来的理由吗 -没有

Come on you didn't even try

靠你想都没帮忙想

Thanks for the lift

谢谢你来接我

What's wrong with your car

你的车怎么了

I'm having my windows untinted

我把车送去弄掉防晒膜了

Why

为什么

Got a hot girlfriend now

现在有个辣妹女友

I want the haters to know

得秀给嫉妒的屌丝们看看啊

What are you talking about

你在瞎说什么啊

No one's paying attention to you

才没人会鸟你咧

How's that Hater ade taste bro

嫉妒水的滋味可好兄弟

Hey this isn't the way to work

这不是上班的路啊

I just want to pop in and make sure Ma's okay

我想经过我妈家看看她好不好

I thought Stuart was looking after her

斯图尔特不是在照顾她吗

He was but now that her cast is off he moved out

本来是我妈石膏拆了后他就搬了

And honestly I'm kind of glad

老实说我挺高兴的

It was getting a little weird

他们俩后来有点怪怪的

How so

怎么怪

I don't know they're

我不会说他们...

chummy

很亲密

Like us

像我们这样吗

No not like us

不跟我们不一样

Creepy chummy

是恶心的那种亲密

like you and your dog

就像你和你的狗

She feeds him out of her own mouth

你妈妈亲自用嘴给他喂食吗

I mean he calls her Debbie

我是说他叫我妈黛比

she calls him Stewie

我妈叫他图仔

and they're all giggly around each other

他们整天两个人黏一起傻笑

And believe me when food goes in that mouth

相信我任何食物只要一到我妈嘴里

it does not come out

就只进不出了

So are you worried

所以你是担心

because he's replacing you as a son

他要取代你儿子的位置

or are you worried because he's becoming her lover

还是担心他会成为你妈妈的情人

First of all no one can replace me as a son

首先没人能取代我儿子的位置

I'm her little matzo ball

我是我妈的宝贝小汤丸

And secondly my mother is well past

其次我妈这么大年纪

having any kind of sex life

早就跟性生活无缘了

Okay okay

好吧

Although many older women lead vibrant active

其实有很多老年女性仍过着活力四射的...

I said well past it

我说无缘就是无缘

Excuse me Officer Hernandez

请问一下赫尔南德斯警官

Any leads on the person who stole my belongings

有任何偷我东西的贼的线索了吗

Not yet

还没

Well perhaps I can help

或许我可以帮忙

Sherlock Holmes always says

神探福尔摩斯曾说过

when you eliminate the impossible

排除所有不可能因素

whatever remains however improbable

剩下的即使再不合理

must be the truth

必然是事实的真相

Now have have you tried doing that

你试过这么做吗

Nope

没有

Well maybe you should

或许你该试试

Th Th There's lots of books called "Sherlock Holmes"

世上有很多叫《神探福尔摩斯》的书

and there's no books called "Officer Hernandez "

而却没有一本叫《神警赫尔南德斯》

Thanks again for coming

谢谢你来陪我

Six hours was gonna be a long drive by myself

我一个人开六个小时的车实在太漫长了

My pleasure

我的荣幸

And I'm not angry at all

而且我一点也不气

that my boyfriend was in trouble and called you instead of me

我男朋友落难时居然打给你而不是我

I love that

真是太好了

Yeah time's gonna fly by

好吧这六小时一定过得"飞快"

I haven't been on a job interview in years

我好几年没去面试了

I'm really nervous

我真的好紧张

Don't be

别紧张

You are built for pharmaceutical sales

你天生就是干医药销售这行的

You're cute you're flirty and

你可爱轻浮而且...

Started that like there were gonna be three things

本来以为会有三个优点说呢...

I don't have any experience in sales

我没有任何销售经验

Unless you count the bikini car wash I did in high school

除非我在高中时穿着比基尼洗车也算

But you already made me take that off my resume

但你叫我把这段从我简历上删掉了

This job is a lot like being a waitress

这份工作其实跟服务生很像

except instead of pushing the fish tacos

只不过你不是给客人推销

'cause they're about to go bad

快变质的鱼肉玉米卷

you're just pushing our antidepressants

你是推销我们的抗抑郁药

FDA 美国食品及药物管理局

before the FDA finds out they may cause rectal bleeding

在FDA发现这药能引起直肠出血之前赶紧卖掉

They do

是真的吗

Maybe

或许吧

But like our lawyers say the world is full of things

但就像我们律师说的这世界上有很多东西

that can cause a rectum to bleed

能导致直肠出血

Anyway I talked you up to Dan

我在丹面前帮你说了不少好话

He's the guy who'll be interviewing you

他就是面试你的那个人

Oh I really appreciate this

真是太谢谢你了

I just hope I'm not in over my head

我只希望我到时不会手足无措

You'll be fine Just be yourself

没事的就跟平时一样表现自己

I wish I felt more confident Penny

-我真希望我能多点自信 -佩妮

I wouldn't have put you up for this job

如果我觉得你不能胜任这份工作

if I didn't think you could handle it

我就不会推荐你

Oh thank you but maybe I should cancel

谢谢但或许我该取消面试

It's too late to cancel You're going

现在取消太晚了你一定要去

But I don't know anything about pharmaceuticals

但我对医药没有任何了解

Oh I understand

我明白了

You want to do something you're already good at

你想从事你擅长的工作

I know

我懂

Why don't I get you a job at

那我何不帮你在

the Sitting Around All Day Wearing Yoga Pants Factory

"穿着瑜伽裤宅在家工厂"找一份工作呢

They're comfortable

那裤子真的很舒服嘛

Ma I hope you're decent Raj is here

妈把衣服穿好拉杰也在哦

You just started seeing naked women again

你最近才开始重新看见女人裸体

and I don't want you to be confused

我不想让你对咪咪

about where the boobs should be

到底该垂到哪儿感到困惑

Oh hey guys

你们好啊

What are you doing here

你们怎么会来这里

Uh w what are you doing here

那你又怎么在这里

I thought you moved out

我以为你搬出去了

Oh yeah I was going to

我本来打算搬的

and then Debbie and I got to talking

但某天晚上我和黛比

over dinner the other night

在吃饭时聊到这事

I didn't have anyplace to go

我没有住的地方

she likes having me around

她也喜欢我待在这里

so we both said "Why leave " at the same time

所以我俩异口同声说"那为什么还要搬"

It was precious

无比珍贵的一段回忆啊

It's not that precious

也没那么珍贵吧

I'd like to back you up

我本来想支持你的

but it sounds like it was pretty precious

但听起来的确弥足珍贵

Stewie I can't find my glasses

图仔我找不到眼镜了

Be right there Deb Deb

马上来小黛黛

They're probably on her head

眼镜可能就在她头上

Or in her neck Listen

或者在她脖子的肉里听着

You staying here seems like something

你留在这里住这件事

she would've talked to me about

她应该会跟我说一声啊

Well maybe if you called your mother more often you'd know

如果你经常给你母亲打电话你早知道了

It wouldn't kill you to pick up the phone

打电话回家又不会少块肉

Any word on my stolen items

我被偷的物品有消息了吗

We're doing everything we can

我们在尽一切努力帮你找

You know Sherlock Holmes

神探福尔摩斯

liked to use cocaine to sharpen his focus

喜欢用可卡因来让自己集中注意力

But I'm sure those Cool Ranch Doritos are doing the trick

但我确定膨化垃圾食品对你也有同样功效

Sheldon

谢尔顿

Leonard

莱纳德

Oh I'm so happy to see you

见到你我太高兴了

Are you okay Oh I'm fine

-你没事吧 -没事

Why did you come

你怎么来了

What do you mean why did I come

你这话什么意思

You're my boyfriend

你是我的男朋友

I haven't seen you in over a month

我们超过一个月没有见面了

I just drove six hours to help you out

我开了六个小时的车过来接你

Don't you have anything to say besides

你除了说"你怎么来了"

"Why did you come "

就没别的话跟我说了吗

I do but

有是有但...

I feel uncomfortable saying it out loud

在这么多警察叔叔面前大声说出来

in front of these police officers

我觉得不太妥

Fine

好

Whisper it

悄悄告诉我

Shotgun

我要坐前排[猎枪]

So Sheldon tell us about your trip

谢尔顿跟我们说说你这段旅程吧

Where'd you go

你都去了哪儿啊

Where didn't I go

我哪儿都去了

I went to New York Chicago

纽约芝加哥

Atlanta Denver Seattle

亚特兰大丹佛西雅图

How were they

好玩吗

Oh I have no idea

我不知道

I never left the train station

我从未出过火车站

Hang on You traveled across the entire country

等等你跨越了整个美国

and never left a train station

却从未出过火车站吗

Why would I

干嘛要出站

That's where all the cool trains are

我喜欢的火车都在车站里啊

I'm sorry so you never went outside

那你从来没到外面玩过吗

Or had a single piece of fruit

也没吃过一片水果

所以

why do you think you'd make

你觉得自己为什么

a good pharmaceutical sales rep

能够胜任医药销售代表的工作呢

Well I'm a people person

我是个善于和人交际的人

People like me

人见人爱

Some of my favorite people are people

我喜欢的人里好多都是人

I feel like I'm saying "people" a lot

我好像提太多"人"这个字了

People people people pe Okay I'm done

人人类人民人...好我说完了

You sure

你确定吗

People Yes

人人说完了

Good

好吧

So how do you feel your previous job experience

你觉得你上一份工作

has prepared you for a career like this

对这个销售职业有何帮助呢

Uh well as a waitress sales was a big part of my job

作为服务员我的工作很大一部分就是推销

I mean believe me I convinced a lot of very large customers

相信我我说服了很多

who should not be eating cheesecake

不该吃芝士蛋糕的胖子顾客

to have more cheesecake

狂吃我们的芝士蛋糕

I mean

而且

one of those chubsters even had an insulin pump

其中某个胖胖还带着胰岛素泵呢

I have an insulin pump

我也有胰岛素泵[糖尿病]

People

人嘛

It's weird right

感觉很怪吧

A grown man in his 30s living with my mother

30多岁的成年人还跟我妈住在一起

That is weird

的确很奇怪

I thought he was like 45

我以为他都45岁了

Come on you don't think it's a little odd

拜托你难道不觉得这很奇怪吗

I don't know I mean she's lonely

我不知道她那么孤单

He needs a place to stay

他又需要地方住

I doubt there's any funny business going on

我想他们之间肯定没什么

And even if there was who cares

就算有那又怎样

They're both adults

他们都是成年人了

if I slept with your mom

你也不会觉得怎么样吗

You know what You're my best friend

知道吗你是我的好基友

and she's in a bad marriage

我妈婚姻不幸福

I give you my blessing

我祝福你们

This is stupid

这样做太傻了

I'm just gonna call my mother and be honest with her

我还是打电话给我妈告诉她实话

'Cause that's what little matzo balls do

这才是宝贝小汤丸该做的事

This is Debbie

我是黛比

And this is Stuart

我是斯图尔特

Just kidding

开玩笑啦

Leave a message

给我们留言哦

This is the part where you talk

该轮到你说话了

All right let's say a physician was prescribing

假设有个医生本来开的是

one of our competitor's drugs

我们竞争对手的药

How would you convince them to switch to ours

你要如何说服他转用我们的药呢

Any chance his car needs to be washed by a girl in a bikini

他有可能需要比基尼女郎帮他洗车吗

不

Okay I'm really sorry for wasting your time

对不起浪费了你的时间

Don't worry about it Thanks for stopping by

别担心谢谢你过来面试

Okay thanks

好吧谢谢

Um I'm sor listen could you do me a favor

抱歉你能帮我个忙吗

and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview

不要告诉伯纳黛特我面试情况有多差

She'll get upset

她肯定会生气

And honestly I'm a a little terrified of her

老实说我真有点怕她

Wait wait You're scared of Bernadette

等一下你害怕伯纳黛特

Yeah kind of

有那么一点

I thought it was just me

我以为只有我怕她呢

E Everyone thinks she's so nice

每个人都觉得她特好

with that squeaky little voice

说话声音细细的尖尖的

I know but she's kind of a bully

我懂可她其实是个恶霸

She is

没有错

I I didn't even want to meet you

我本来不想见你的

but uh I was too scared to say no to her

可我不敢开口拒绝她

Me too

我也是

Yeah yeah One one time I had

对吧对吧有一次我...

Oh I had to tell her

我本来要告诉她

we were cutting the the research funding

我们要削减她正在研发的

for one of the drugs she was developing

某种药剂的经费

What happened

结果呢

I couldn't do it

我根本开不了口

She's still working on it

她现在还在研究呢

We're not gonna tell her about this right

这件事你不会说出去吧

Oh my God no No no

-我的天当然不会 -绝不

At the hot dog stand in the Denver train station

丹佛车站的热狗摊用的是

Heinz ketchup

亨氏番茄酱

At the hot dog stand in the Salt Lake City train station

盐湖城车站的热狗摊用的是

Heinz ketchup

亨氏番茄酱

At the hot dog stand in the Indianapolis train station

那印第安纳波利斯车站的热狗摊子用的是

I don't care

我不在乎

Wrong Hunt's

答错了是汉斯番茄酱

Hey Amy What do you say

艾米你觉得如何

You ready to move on to the mustard round

准备好玩猜芥末酱的游戏了吗

Have you not noticed that I've been sitting back here

你难道没觉察到我这两个小时

quietly stewing for the past two hours

一直默默地坐在后面吗

I just thought you were bad at the game

我以为你只是很不会猜呢

I'm mad at you

我是在生你的气

How could you just go away like that

你怎么能就这样

without even saying good bye

不告而别地走掉

and then call Leonard for help instead of me

然后打电话给莱纳德求助却不来找我

Amy

艾米

May I please have a moment of privacy

可以让我和我的室友

to speak with my roommate

说几句悄悄话吗

We're in a moving car

我们可是在飞驰的车上

What do you expect me to do

你想要我怎么做

Stick my fingers in my ears

用手指塞住耳朵吗

Well I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog

我是打算让你像狗一样把头伸出窗外

but that'll work

但塞耳朵也行啦

Please This'll be quick

拜托了很快就好

Leonard

莱纳德

As soon as we get home

我们一到家

I want to have coitus with Amy

我就要和艾米发生性关系

Okay she can't hear

好的看来她是听不到

The reason I called you

我之所以打电话给你

is because I didn't want Amy

是因为我不想艾米知道

to know I couldn't make it on my own

我无法在外独立生存

What's the big deal

这有什么

Oh of course it's no big deal to you

当然这对你来说不算什么

You idolize me and nothing could ever knock me

你视我为偶像你把我供在神台上

off that pedestal you put me on

没什么可以让我从神台上下来

Well yeah it's true

没错

You you are a god to me

你对我是神一般的存在

Can I stop now

我可以听了吗

Just tell her

告诉她吧

I called Leonard because

我打电话给莱纳德是因为

I failed

我失败了

And I didn't want you to think less of me

我不希望你因此轻视我

You were worried about that

你是担心这个吗

Yes

是的

Sheldon

谢尔顿

it's okay with me that you're not perfect

你并不完美的事实我是可以接受的

Can I have one more moment with Leonard

我能再和莱纳德说句悄悄话吗

Sure

好的

Amy just hurt my feelings I want to break up with her

艾米伤了我的心我要和她分手

Now I never thought I'd say this

我没想过我会这样说

but I'm kind of excited to see Sheldon

但能见到谢尔顿了我还有些小激动呢

I never thought I'd say this but Penny got a job today

我没想过我会这样说但佩妮今天找到工作了

She did

是吗

Well the only reason she got it

她成功的唯一原因

is 'cause the guy who interviewed her loves me

是因为面试她的人爱慕我

What do you want

你想怎样

I uh kind of got the feeling

我大概感觉到

you might not be okay with me staying at your mom's

你对我住在你妈家有意见

You're right I'm not

你说得对我有意见

I think it's weird

我觉得很奇怪

Howie

华仔

It is He's a grown man

本来就是他是个成年男人

He's just gonna live there rent free

他就这样不交房租住下去吗

How is that gonna motivate him

这样如何让他有动力

to get off his butt and get a job

不再懒惰去找工作

I mean do you even have a plan

你有人生计划吗

Hey you're not my father okay

你又不是我爹你管我

And besides your mother and I were talking

而且你妈和我谈过了

"Your mother and I" You're not my father

"你妈和我" 你又不是我爹

I didn't say I was your father Well I didn't say

-我没说我是你爹 -我也没说

I was your father Okay calm down

-我是你爹 -好啦冷静

You're not his father he's not your father

你不是他爹他不是你爹

Nobody's anybody's father

谁也不是谁的爹

I I'm sorry you don't like my life choices

你看不惯我的人生选择我很遗憾

but it's my life

但这是我的人生

Well it's my house it's my rules

住我的房就得守我的规矩

Okay Dad

好吧爹

If I mow the lawn can I have my allowance

如果我修剪了草坪可以给我零花钱吗

Hey don't you take that sarcastic tone with him

不准用这种挖苦的语气和他说话

I don't have to listen to you

我不用听你教训我

Don't talk to her like that

别这样跟她说话

That is my mother Wife

这是我老妈老婆

My wife I said my wife

老婆我说的是老婆

You know what

算了

This isn't getting us anywhere

这样谈不会有结果的

When you're ready to apologize you know where to find me

你准备好道歉时知道在哪里找我

Well yeah in my house

知道我的家

That's right sucka

没错小婊砸

I wish I'd never gone on that trip

要是我没去旅行就好了

I feel no better now than when I left

现在比起离开时心情一点也没好转

But you still accomplished something

但你还是有所成就的

Yeah If you had told anyone

是的如果你告诉任何人

that you were going away on a train by yourself across the country

你打算坐火车周游全国

do you know what they would have said

你知道人家会怎么说吗

That I couldn't do it Exactly

-我做不到吗 -太对了

Right after they said "Yay "

不过他们先会欢呼一下

But you did do it

但你做到了

So what if it didn't all go your way

事情没有完全如你所愿又如何

That's what makes it an adventure

这样才是冒险啊

That's a good point

有道理

Yeah I'm a lot like Gandalf the Grey

我很像灰袍甘道夫

He fought the Balrog and emerged

他与炎魔战斗

stronger than ever as Gandalf the White

成为了更强大的白袍甘道夫

I was robbed of my phone and pants

我的电话和裤子被抢了

and I too came back stronger

我回来时变得更强大了

And whiter too

也更白了

'cause I wasn't in direct sunlight for six weeks

因为我六周没有晒过太阳了

See This trip was good for you

你瞧这次旅行对你有好处

Indeed

的确

I was the world's smartest caterpillar

我是全世界最聪明的毛毛虫

And then after pupating in our nation's railway system

在咱们国家铁路网上化蛹后

I've burst forth

我破茧而出

as the world's smartest butterfly

变成了全世界最聪明的蝴蝶

Butterfly could've gotten himself home from Arizona

蝴蝶可以自己从亚利桑那州飞回家

Yeah I feel renewed

我感觉重生了

I'm ready to deal with any changes that come my way

我准备好面对未来一切的改变

Look who's back

看谁回来了

Your hair is different You changed your hair

你的发型不同了你换了发型

I can't take this I'm out

我接受无能我走人了

Would you like to see pictures from my trip

你们想看看我旅行时的照片吗

I thought your phone got stolen

你的电话不是被偷了吗

Yeah it did but luckily all my photos

是的但幸运的是所有照片

got backed up to the Cloud

都在云端备份了

And you thought they all had a silver lining

原以为守得云开见月明

Here day one

看第一天

Uh this was the seat I was going to sit

这个是我本来要坐的座位

in but didn't

但我没坐

because there were cracker crumbs on it

因为上面有饼干屑

As it was first class I suspect Ritz

因为是一等座我怀疑是乐之饼干

This is the train bathroom

这是火车上的厕所

This is the Imodium I took

这是我吃的泻立停

so I would never have to use the train bathroom

这样我不必使用火车上的厕所

I cannot believe you traveled the entire country

我真不敢相信你游遍了全国

and never left the train station

却从没离开过火车站

I know

就是啊

You know I almost died in a fire in Des Moines

我差点在得梅因的火灾中丧生

but I stayed put

但我坚持留在火车上

FYI

顺便说下

that's when the Imodium gave out

当时泻立停的药效过了我吓屎了