I'm telling you if xenon emits ultraviolet light
我告诉你 如果氙能放射出紫外线
then those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
那些有关暗物质的发现都会是错的
Yes well if we lived in a world
那是 如果我们住在一个
where slow moving xenon produced light
缓慢运动的氙原子能放出光子的世界
then you'd be correct.
那你就是对的
Also pigs would fly
与此同时 猪能飞
my derriere would produce cotton candy
我也能拉出棉花糖来
and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.
而《幽灵的威胁》也将成为永恒的经典
Oh you're so arrogant.
你也太傲慢了
If you were a superhero
如果你是超级英雄
your name would be Captain Arrogant.
那你的名字就该叫傲慢上尉
And you know what your superpower would be
你知道你的超能力是什么吗
Arrogance.
傲慢力
You're wrong again.
你又错了
If my superpower were arrogance
如果我的超能力是傲慢力
my name would be Dr. Arroganto.
我的名字应该是至傲博士
I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
我太喜欢看拉杰和谢尔顿一块儿工作了
Yeah it's like if Alien and Predator decided
没错 就好比异形和铁血战士决定
to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
合作开一间Jamba Juice一样
(Jamba Juice: 美国著名连锁冰沙奶昔店)
Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture
你难道没注意宏观的状况吗
If you look at neutron scattering data... Oh Penny
-如果你看了中子分布数据 -佩妮
Penny What's up
-佩妮 -怎么了
Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
没事儿 我只是想让拉杰闭嘴而已
No no no.
不不不
He won. Suck it up.
他赢了 憋着吧
Well I'd ask you guys if you want dessert
我想问问你们是否需要甜品
but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.
但我知道谢尔顿周二不吃甜品
And even if Raj wanted something he couldn't tell me.
而拉杰就算想要什么也开不了口
Howard won't order anything
霍华德什么都不会点
but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment
但他会迸出来一些跟派或者芝士蛋糕
involving the words pie or cheesecake.
有关系的恶心话
And Leonard's lactose intolerant
而莱纳德有乳糖不耐
so he can't eat anything here
所以除非他想让自己的肠子
without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
涨得跟动物气球似的 否则是什么都吃不了的
Hang on a second.
等等
I could have the fruit platter.
我可以点水果拼盘的
You want the fruit platter
你想要水果拼盘
Does it have melon on it Yeah.
-上面有甜瓜吗 -有
No I can't eat melon.
呃 我不能吃甜瓜
Oh Howard heads up.
霍华德 注意了
Your ex girlfriend just came in for her shift.
你的前女友来上班了
When was the last time you saw her
你上次见她是什么时候
Oh not since we broke up.
分手之后就没见过了
Wow. How am I going to play this
嗯 我该怎么表现呢
Sophisticated and relaxed
优雅而自然的
Friendly noncommittal
还是友好而含糊的
Cold and distant
或者冷淡且陌生的
Hi guys.
你们好
Hello.
你好
I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
看来你决定用悲剧和惊恐来面对了
It's one of his best moves.
这是他的拿手好戏
So my dear we meet again.
亲爱的 我们又见面了
Hello Howard.
好啊 霍华德
I've missed you.
我想你了
I've missed you Katee Sackhoff.
我也想你了 凯蒂·萨克霍夫
(《太空堡垒卡拉狄加》女主演之一)
One question. Anything.
-问个问题 -随便问
Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed
为什么我会在床上穿着《太空堡垒卡拉狄加》的战斗服
Why are you in bed with me
那你又为什么你会和我同床呢
If we start to question this it all falls apart.
如果我们开始质疑这个 那就太崩溃了
Sorry.
不好意思
Oh ravish me Howard.
噢 强力地占有我吧 霍华德
My loins ache for you.
我愿为你尽折腰
Okay if you insist.
好吧 既然你如此坚持的话
Howard have you seen my girdle
霍华德 你看到我的束腹紧身裤了吗
No Ma
没有 妈
I can't find it and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting
我找不着了 而且减肥族大会就快要迟到了
Maybe it committed suicide
也许它自杀了
Leave me alone
少烦我
Now where were we
好了 刚才到哪儿了
I believe you were about
我觉得你想要
to rip off my uniform with your teeth.
用你的牙齿扒下我的制服了
Bernadette
伯纳黛特
What are you doing here
你在这儿干嘛
Well if I had to guess I'd say I'm here
我猜的话 估计是
because you saw me earlier this evening
因为你今晚见到我了
and you're still hung up on me.
而你还对我有留恋
No I'm not.
才没有呢
Clearly you are.
很明显有
Otherwise based on past experience
否则根据以往经验
we'd be done by now.
我们现在都该完事儿了
Okay I'm a little confused here.
好吧 我现在有点混乱了
Oh my. Can I help
亲爱的 我能帮什么吗
Not that kind of confused.
又不是那方面的困惑
What's George Takei doing here
武井乔治在这儿干嘛
(《星际迷航》中苏鲁的扮演者 本人为同性恋)
Howard do you have latent homosexual tendencies
霍华德 你有隐性的同性恋倾向吗
No of course not.
当然没有了
So you say.
你是这么说了
Yet here I am.
而我却站在这儿了
George let me ask you something.
乔治 我问你个问题
How did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon
作为科幻人物象征你是如何应对连续出演同类角色的
It's difficult.
是很难
You try and stretch as an actor
作为演员你想拓展戏路
do Strindberg O'Neill
尝试下斯特林堡 奥尼尔什么的
but all they want is "Course laid in Captain."
但他们想要的只是"航线已设定 船长"
Tell me about it.
好好跟我说说
It's frackin' frustrating.
这太让我抓狂了
Wait. Katee why are you leaving
等等 凯蒂 你怎么走了
She's leaving because you really want to be with me.
她走了是因为你内心深处想和我一起啊
Howard I found my girdle
霍华德 我找到我的束腹紧身裤了
It was in the dryer
原来在烘干机里
Great Ma
那太好了 妈妈
I think it shrunk
我觉得它缩水了
I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here
我的赘肉就跟面团宝宝似的
(美国贝式堡公司的吉祥物)
And with that mental picture
一想到那个画面
I think we're done for the evening.
我想今晚的精神治疗到此为止了
You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.
你从没跟我说过你和伯纳黛特当初为何分手
I did a stupid thing.
我做了件蠢事
Yeah I guessed that.
我猜也是
It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
像是那种现在难以面对她的蠢事
That covers anything from farting in bed
你说的这范围广的可以从被窝里放屁
to killing a homeless guy.
延伸到杀害流浪汉
Oh my God.
哦 我的天呐
You ran over a hobo.
你真碾死过流浪汉啊
No. Stop asking.
没有 别问了
All right fine. So you want to get back together with her
好吧 你想跟她重归于好
but you're too ashamed to face her
但却羞于面对她
because of whatever it is you did.
就因为你曾经做了某件难以启齿的事
In a nutshell. Okay.
-差不多 -好吧
Well how about this
那这么做你觉得怎样
Kidnap Bernadette from the opera
你戴上诡异的面具从剧院里
(《歌剧魅影》的情节)
wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
把伯纳黛特劫走 这样她就认不出你了
Now you see I don't know if you're kidding or not.
这么说吧 我不知道你是在跟我开玩笑还是怎么着
You're being unreasonable.
你开始蛮横无理了
Why can't I have a desk
为什么我就不能有张桌子
Our collaboration is a work of the mind.
我们的合作研究是思维上的工作
We don't need desks.
我们用不着桌子
You have a desk.
但你有桌子啊
Correct. But I can't have one.
-是的 -但我就不能有了是吧
You're two for two.
你说中要点了
Why can't he have a desk Sheldon
为什么他不能有桌子 谢尔顿
Oh Lord will this day never end
天呐 这一天怎么过不完了
As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali
我已经再三向库萨帕里博士解释过了
whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him
以他对美国俗语的理解能力 是不能明白
when it's convenient.
什么叫做时机妥当的
There's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
我的预算中绝没有添置额外办公家具的那份了
Oh but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines
那你就有预算来买一抽屉的红蜡糖
a marshmallow shooting rifle
一把棉花糖步枪
and a super executive ant farm with glow in the dark sand
以及带有夜光沙土的超级蚂蚁工坊[玩具]吗
Yes.
是的
Okay what if he buys his own desk
好吧 那他出钱买自己的桌子呢
Yeah what if I buy my own desk
是啊 要是我买我自己的桌子呢
That's ridiculous. Why
-那太荒谬了 -为什么
Because...
因为...
Yes
请说
It's my office.
这是我的办公室
Sheldon. All right all right.
-谢尔顿 -好了 好了
He can buy his own desk.
他可以买他自己的桌子了
And I can put it in your office
而且我可以放进你的办公室里
Well you really want to dot the I's and cross the T's don't you
你还真的想得寸进尺了 是吧
Why would you want a glow in the dark ant farm
为何你要买带夜光沙土的蚂蚁工坊呢
They do some of their best work at night.
因为蚂蚁有些工作晚上做更出色
Ah it's okay.
这个还能穿
Penny
佩妮
Penny
佩妮
Penny
佩妮
Penny
佩妮
Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me
如果知道是我敲门你还会开吗
Not since I found out
自从我发现
the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.
你给我的泰迪熊安了摄像头之后就不会了
I just have a question.
我只是有个问题想问
Does Bernadette ever talk about me
伯纳黛特有跟你提起过我吗
Oh absolutely.
哦 当然有啊
She does Yeah sure.
-她提过吗 -当然
Just yesterday she asked
就在昨天 她还问我
"Why is Howard hiding under the table "
为什么霍华德要躲在桌子底下
She saw that huh
她看见了是吧
Oh no not at first.
没 没 一开始没有
Right after I pointed it out.
但在我告诉她后就...
Let me ask you something else.
我问你点别的吧
Is she seeing anybody
她有跟谁交往吗
Oh not that I know of.
据我所知没有吧
Hey while we're on the subject
既然说到了这个话题
why did you guys break up anyway
我想了解你们当初为何分手了
Oh I'd rather not say.
我觉得还是不说为好
Howard if you want my help I've got to know what happened.
霍华德 你如果想得到我的帮助 就得让我知道
But it's embarrassing...
但说出来有些尴尬
Yeah that's what I'm counting on. Spill.
是啊 我就期待着这个呢 进来吧
Okay. Well you know World of Warcraft
好吧 你听过魔兽世界吧
Um the online game Sure.
那个网络游戏吗 当然
Well did you know
那你可否知道
that the characters in the game can have sex with each other
游戏中的角色是可以互相发生性关系的
Oh God. I think I see where this is going.
哦天呐 我想我有点头绪了
Her name was Glissinda the Troll.
她叫巨魔葛林新蒂
Bernadette walked in on me
当伯纳黛特来找我的时候
while we were doing the cyber nasty under the Bridge of Souls.
我们正在灵魂之桥下翻云覆雨呢
Oh you're right. That is so embarrassing.
你说的没错 这是够糗的了
Would you talk to her
你能跟她说说吗
Bernadette or the troll
伯纳黛特还是巨魔
Bernadette. She was so mad at me
伯纳黛特 她太生我气了
she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.
她甚至都没听我的解释
Well what was your side
那你的解释是什么
Well for all we know Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman.
那个巨魔葛林新蒂只是个虚拟的女人
I mean she could've been a 50 year old truck driver in New Jersey.
我是说 她也可能是个年届50在新泽西开卡车的人呢
Really And that didn't make her feel better
真的假的 那这么说没让她消消气吗
Will you talk to her see if there's any chance at all
你能帮我去问问看吗 看看我们还有没有
we could get back together
重归于好的可能性了
Oh gee Howard I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
天 霍华德 我真不想趟你俩这趟浑水
No. Why would you
别啊 你怎么忍心呢
I'm just another lonely nerd living with his mother
我这个孤单的书呆子 和老妈相依为命
trying to find any scrap of happiness he can.
努力寻求哪怕是一丝丝的幸福
You know maybe to make up for
也许是为了弥补
the fact that his dad left him when he was 11.
11岁时父亲就离开他的缺憾吧
Okay I will think about it.
好吧 我会考虑的
You know I've always blamed myself
我一直在为父亲的出走
for him leaving.
而深深自责
I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted.
我一直觉得那是因为他根本不想要我这个儿子
Yeah I said I'd think about it.
行了 我说了我会考虑的
I wasn't athletic yeah I was kind of sickly...
我体育不好 又有点病怏怏的
Okay fine. Look look I'm calling her now See
行了 好了 我在给她打电话了 看见没
Thank you.
谢谢
So anyway Howard asked Penny to talk to Bernadette
总之 霍华德请佩妮帮忙牵线伯纳黛特
and she did
然后她照办了
and Bernadette agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee.
接着伯纳黛特同意跟他见面 一起喝杯咖啡
One question. Yeah
-我有个问题 -问吧
Why on earth are you telling me all this
你干嘛跟我说这些
I don't know.
不知道
Sometimes your movements are so lifelike
有时候你的动作如此栩栩如生
I forget you're not a real boy.
我都忘了你其实不是人
You said I could buy a desk.
是你说我可以买张书桌的
This isn't a desk.
这东西压根不是书桌
This is a... Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
这是个...硕大无朋的怪物
Is that the American idiom for "Giant big ass desk"
这是美国俗语里面对"巨大的书桌"的叫法吗
It's actually British.
其实是英式英语的说法
Can you say it again for me
能给我再说一遍吗
Brobdingnagian.
硕大无朋
One more time
再来一遍
Brobdingnagian.
硕大无朋
Now three times fast
来个三倍速的
Brobdingnagian Brobdingna...
硕大无朋 硕大无...
How did you even get it in here
你怎么把它给弄进来的
That's for me Ramon Julio Jesus and Rodrigo to know
秘诀只有我 拉蒙和胡里奥 耶稣还有罗德里格知道
自己想哦
All right you've made your point.
好吧 你的立场明摆着了
A fine prank very amusing.
很有意思的恶作剧
Now get it out.
现在给我搬出去
No. Yes.
-不 -搬
No. Yes.
-不 -搬
No. Yes
-不 -搬
I have three brothers and two sisters Sheldon
我有仨兄弟俩姐妹 谢尔顿
I can do this all day.
磨嘴皮子你休想赢我
All right if you're not going to remove it
好吧 既然你不搬
I'll remove it for you.
我来给你搬
Knock yourself out.
请自便
Help me move my desk.
帮我搬一下我的书桌
No. Yes.
-不 -搬
No. Yes.
-不 -搬
No. It's too Brobdingnagian.
不 这也过于硕大无朋了
Why do you even want this here
你怎么会想把这东西弄来这儿
Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose.
它的大小与用途完全不成比例
Well seeing as its purpose was to piss you off
要说它的用途就是让你不爽的话
I'd say it's spot on.
我看真是恰到好处
All right I see what's going on.
好了 我明白怎么回事了
This is the opening salvo in what will be
你就是公开对我宣战
an escalating series of juvenile tit for tat exchanges.
接下来就是一系列越演越烈的幼稚的针锋相对
Well titted.
这个回合你赢了
Thank you.
多谢夸奖
Stand by for my upcoming tat.
你给我走着瞧
Hey Sheldon
谢尔顿
Yes
什么事
No.
不 没事
See what I did there I turned it around.
发现没 我把这两句话给转过来了
Sorry I had to clock out.
抱歉 我得打卡下班
Oh no that's okay.
没事 没关系的
How have you been
你过得怎么样
Okay. You know busy school work. You
还好了 就是忙着读书上班什么的 你呢
Same. I took a scuba diving course over the summer
一样 夏天时我选了一门戴水肺潜水的课程
but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean.
结果发现我很怕海
Too bad.
太糟糕了
You wouldn't know anybody
你有没有认识的人
who wants to buy a wet suit boy's large
想买大号儿童潜水衣的
Yeah forget it. Not important.
算了 这不重要
So are you seeing anyone
你有跟人交往吗
Well to be honest I... Hey how are we doing over here
-说实话 我 -嗨 在忙什么呢
Can I get you something to drink
要不要给你们点杯饮料
Not for me thanks. I'm okay.
-我不用 谢谢 -我也不用
Are you gonna want to order food
要不要点些吃的
Maybe later. Okay.
-待会再点吧 -好的
So are you seeing anybody
那么 你在跟人交往吗
No.
没有
That's what I told him when he asked me.
他问我的时候我也是这么说的
I hope that's not out of line.
希望这不算太冒昧吧
No it's fine. Penny can we have a little privacy
-不 没事 -佩妮 能让我们独处一会儿吗
Oh. I'm sorry.
抱歉
What about you have you been seeing anybody
你呢 你有没有跟其他人交往
Well you know how it is with guys.
你知道 男人嘛
I mean we have needs and...
总是有需要的
So you've been seeing other girls
这么说你在和其他女孩交往
Well not real girls.
不是真实的女孩
Does that mean slutty trolls
你是说那个风骚的巨魔吗
You know you look thirsty.
你们俩看起来很渴
I brought you some iced tea. Thank you.
-我给你们拿了冰茶 -谢谢
It's passion fruit new on the menu.
这是百香果 本店新品哦
I know. I work here. Oh sorry.
-我知道 我在这上班呢 -抱歉
Yeah you're right. Doy.
你说得对 这不明摆着嘛
So Howard trolls yay or nay
霍华德 巨魔那事儿说不说
Isn't there somewhere else you can be
别老杵在这儿行吗
Not where I can hear you guys.
那样我就听不着你俩聊天了
Okay fine.
好吧 好了
I'll admit there are dark sordid little corners of the Internet
我承认 在互联网的某些黑暗肮脏的角落
where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones.
确实有人在喃喃呼唤沃罗法师这个名字
The only reason I go there
我去那些地方不过是因为
the only reason I've ever gone there
我曾那样做的唯一原因
is because I don't have a real woman in my life.
是因为我生命中一直没有真正的女友
You happy Yeah that'll hold me for a while.
-这下你爽了 -对 能放过你们一小会了
Howard you did have a real woman.
霍华德 你有过真正的女友
I was right there in the next room
我当时就在隔壁房间
while you were clicking that troll's brains out.
而你却疯狂地撸着鼠标跟巨魔进行剧烈运动
Yeah but we weren't...
对 但我们从未...
I I mean you and I never...
我是说 你我从未...
Had sex
上过床
Yeah.
Well whose fault was that
那又是谁的错呢
Complimentary nachos
免费赠送的墨西哥玉米片
You enjoy.
慢慢享用
Never had sex
从未上过床 哇
What do you mean whose fault was that
你什么意思 问我那是谁的错
Well we could've been having sex
我们本可以上床的
but you never made the move.
但你从未主动采取行动
I didn't think you wanted me to make the move.
我以为是你不想我采取行动的
Howard a girl doesn't go out with a man like you
霍华德 女孩才不会跟你这样的人约会
with your looks your fancy patter and your tight hoochie pants
就你那长相 说话那德性 还有那小紧身裤
if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move.
除非她是想让你主动采取行动的
Really
真的吗
Really.
真的
Son of a bitch.
妈的我早干嘛去了
Hey this is a little awkward
我真有点说不出口
but my manager says I can't actually give nachos away.
但经理说我无权免费赠送玉米片
So... just take that when you're ready.
所以 谈好了记得买单啊
Yeah we had a really great talk
对 我俩谈得很愉快
and we're gonna start seeing each other again.
决定重新开始约会
Oh congratulations.
恭喜你们
Have you broken it to the troll yet
那你跟那巨魔分了吗
Did Penny tell you about that
是佩妮告诉你的
No. Steve Patterson told me.
不是 史蒂夫·帕特森说的
The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management
设备管理部那恶心的老胖子
Yeah. How'd he know about it
-对 -他怎么知道的
He's Glissinda the troll.
他就是巨魔葛林新蒂
Sorry dude the thermostat's on my side of the room
抱歉兄弟 温度调节器在我这边
so it stays Mumbai hot in here
温度就定在跟孟买一样热
until you turn off that stupid Indian music
除非你关了那愚蠢的印度音乐
I'll turn off the music
我自然会关了音乐
when you get rid of that salmonella ridden parakeet
只要你处理掉那只携带着沙门氏菌的鹦鹉
Oh too bad Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds
太糟了 原来谢尔顿病态地怕鸟
Hey look Sheldon Birdie birdie birdie
来看啊 谢尔顿 小鸟小鸟小鸟
That's it Prepare for marshmallow death
我受够了 看我的棉花糖子弹 受死吧
Eat flaming Nerf
你也吃我一枪
So anyway...
话说回来...
That's great news about you and Bernadette.
你跟伯纳黛特能和好真是太好了
Yeah. I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.
是啊 我想带她去打迷你高尔夫
Ah. I guess for you guys that's like regular golf.
对你们来说 那就相当于正常的高尔夫了
Short jokes Really
笑我矮 真的吗
You're like a quarter of an inch taller than me.
你也就比我高那么1/4英寸罢了
Yeah and don't you forget it.
对 记得我比你高就好
I had a good time.
我过得很愉快
Me too.
我也是
Kiss her good night.
跟她吻别
All right now a little tongue.
好了 该来点舌吻了
Hold on there.
别轻举妄动
We've only just rekindled the romance.
我们才刚刚重燃爱火
Let's not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva.
别让过早的唾液交换 破坏了这美妙一刻
Don't listen to him.
别听他的
She wants it.
她也想要的
Tongue.
舌吻
See
看到了吧
Now make the move.
该主动出击了
Too soon.
太快了
Trust me she's ready.
相信我 她准备好了
Make the move.
主动出击
No no no.
A lady wants to be wooed courted slowly.
女士都想被好好追求 慢慢献殷勤
How would you know
你怎么知道的
I read.
书上看来的
Listen to me Howard it's time.
听我的霍华德 是时候了
Make the move now.
主动出击 快
What are you doing
你在干嘛
You said... well the "Move " Remember
是你让我主动行动的 记得吗
Oh not now.
但不是现在
We're starting a new relationship.
我们才刚重新开始
I need to get to know you again.
我还需要重新了解你
No you don't.
不用重新了解的
It's me.
我还是我呀
The lusty charmer with the fancy patter
说话这副德性 还身穿小紧身裤的
and the hoochie pants.
风流小可爱
Be patient we'll get there.
耐心点 总有那么一天的
Told you.
我就说嘛
Oh God what's that smell
天 这什么味
Yes
有事吗
What are you doing in there
你们在那里面干嘛呢
I'm making hydrogen sulfide and ammonia gas.
我正在制造硫化氢和氨气
Just a little experiment in pest control.
只是个防治害虫的小实验罢了
It's not gonna work dude I grew up in India
对付我没用的 兄弟 我可是在印度长大的
an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street
那整片次大陆上 牛儿满大街乱窜
and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
就没个人能有过正常的"肠胃运动"
Well we'll just see how long you can hold out.
那就看看你还能坚持多久
Well we'll just see how your noxious gas
那我们就来看看你的有害气体
fares against my cinnamon apple scented aroma therapy candles.
跟我的肉桂苹果芳香蜡烛 哪个更厉害
Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas
你不是说你在制造硫化氢气体
Yes. Isn't that flammable
-没错 -那不是很易燃的吗
Highly.
极易燃
Oh dear.
哦天哪
This is not over.
这事跟你没完
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