生活大爆炸-S10E05_生活大爆炸

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Previously on The Big Bang Theory

《生活大爆炸》前情提要

Cohabitation with my girlfriend

与我女友住同一屋檐下吗

That's a great deal to process

这可是件大事啊

It's only for five weeks

只是同住五周而已

Let me appeal to the scientist in you

请让我用科学家角度说服你

Given the five week end date

同住的时间是五周

isn't it the perfect opportunity to consider this an experiment

这长度正好适合我们来实验彼此契合度

and collect data on our compatibility

并搜集数据不是吗

Don't try luring me in with sexy talk

少用这种撩人的话来套路我

Okay

这么说吧

Star Trek The Original Series

电视剧《星际旅行:初代》

The Enterprise was on a five year mission to explore new worlds

进取号开始了一个五年期探索新世界的任务

Think of this as your

把这件事

personal five week mission to do the same

也想成是你个人的五周期任务嘛

If you want to lure me in with sexy talk that's how you do it

你想用撩人的话来套路我就得像他这样

Okay Why don't you guys stay across the hall

那你们怎么不直接住去我家

and we will live here

然后我跟莱纳德住这里

Very well I'm on board

好吧我同意

Seriously Yes

-真的吗 -真的

I accept this five week mission

我接受这个五周的任务

to share a living space with my girlfriend

跟我的女朋友分享同一居住空间

Oh This is so exciting

好兴奋啊

Well now don't be surprised if like Star Trek

但跟《原初系列》一样

it's canceled in three

三季就砍的话也别太惊讶

时至今日

Okay I'm confused

我有点迷糊了

Which one is Mr Robot

《黑客军团》的黑客先生是哪位

I'll give you a hint

我给你个提示

We're watching Daredevil

我们在看的是《夜魔侠》

Will you two please inform Amy

麻烦你俩告诉艾米

how much you enjoy adhering to a strict bathroom schedule

你们有多享受遵守严格的如厕时间表吗

Can't Won't

-不行 -不想

Didn't Don't

-没有过 -也不会

I told you

我跟你说了

you can't regulate every aspect of our lives

你不能规定我们生活大小事都按表操课

I can if you'd just roll over and accept your fate

你要是乖乖配合接受统治我就能啦

I'm sorry for bringing this over here

抱歉把家丑闹到你们面前

Believe me we know what you're going through

相信我我们特理解你现在面临的问题

And I I think the most helpful thing we can tell you is

我们能给你的最实用建议就是

no backsies

绝不退缩

Sheldon I understand

谢尔顿我明白

that you like things a certain way

你喜欢事情按你方式来

and I'm willing to make some concessions

我也愿意做出一些让步

but you have to be open to compromise

但你同样也得愿意做出妥协啊

She's right That's reasonable

她说得对这话在理

Oh look who's in favor of compromise

瞧瞧支持做出妥协的人是谁

the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter

不正是嫁给莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德的女人吗

Hey she didn't compromise

她才不是妥协好吗

She settled There's a difference

她只是放弃抵抗了有区别好吗

Yeah You tell him babe

没错宝贝你说得真对

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait

The Earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool Neanderthals developed tools

We built the Wall We built the pyramids

Math Science History unraveling the mystery

That all started with a big bang

Bang

生

活

大

爆

炸

第十季第五集

What time do you and Bernadette head out

你跟伯纳黛特几点出发

As soon as I get home

我一到家就出发

We're hoping to make it before dark

我们希望能在天黑前就到那里

I've never been to Palm Springs

我从来没去过棕榈泉市

Oh you should go

你应该去看看

It's terrific I I really thrive anywhere

那里超棒像我个人就在

the women and the temperature are over 90

女人年纪与华氏度超过90的地方特别吃得开

I don't know

这个嘛...

If I want to watch old people sweat

如果我想看老人汗流浃背

I can just FaceTime my family in India

我就跟我印度家人视频聊天就行啦

It's nice you and Bernadette are getting away

我觉得你跟伯纳黛特能出去玩玩挺好

Well she wants us to spend more time together

她想在孩子出生前

before the baby comes

多跟我享受点二人世界

So then what are you doing here buying comic books

那你为啥还来买漫画

Well he wants us to spend more time together

他也想在孩子出生前

before the baby comes

多跟我享受点二人世界

When you live with someone there's gonna be conflict

跟别人同住肯定会有争执

You just have to keep communicating

重点是要不断沟通交流

I'm open to that

我愿意啊

Okay Well for starters

好那首先我想说

there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes

把我们俩的牙刷放在同个牙刷桶上

in the same holder

没什么问题啊

Sheldon what do you say to that

谢尔顿你觉得呢

I think we should see other people

我们还是另觅新欢吧

What

什么

Well as a male I have an evolutionary drive

我身为雄性生物体内有让我想

to perpetuate my DNA

将我基因传承下去的冲动

Restricting myself to a single partner is against my nature

限制自己只有一个伴侣违反了我的天性

We sleep together once a year

我们一年才"睡"一次

You want other partners

你还想有其他伴侣吗

Don't blame me Blame your pal biology

别怪我要怪就怪你亲爱的生物学

He's the pervert pulling the strings here

他才是在背后控制这一切的变态

You wanna see other people Go see other people

你想找新欢是吗那你就去啊

I hope one of those people is a monkey 'cause this is bananas

最好找到一根香蕉他俩就是在耍猴戏

You can make jokes but if this keeps up

随便你开玩笑但争吵持续升温

he's gonna move back in here All right

-最后他又得搬回来了 -好吧

Well let's just get them apart for a while

那就先把他俩分开

so they can cool down Good

-让他们冷静冷静 -好

Then before we reintroduce them

在我们重新让他们见面之前

we'll give him one of her sweaters

我们可以给他一件她的外套

so he can get used to her scent again

让他重新熟悉一下她的气味[养宠物]

So it's okay for you to joke around

所以你开玩笑就可以吗

No that's actually what we did with him

不是啊霍华德从太空回来时

when Howard came back from space

我们就是这么让他重新接受霍华德

Honey how ya feeling

亲爱的你还好吗

The book says at this stage of the pregnancy

书上说怀孕到了这个阶段

morning sickness should be going away

晨吐的症状应该会没了

So that's good news right

这算好消息吧

The only thing I hate more than you right now is that book

现在唯一比你还让我讨厌的事物就是那本书

There she is

她总算出来了

Who's ready for a hot

谁准备好要开启

three hour car ride to the desert

三小时的炎热沙漠车程了呢

Next vomit is gonna be in your lap

下一次就吐在你大腿上

I'm sorry

对不起啦

We don't have to go

我们也可以不去啊

But it's our last chance to take a vacation

这是我们最后一次

that's just the two of us

二人旅行的机会了

We don't even have to tell anyone

不用告诉其他人啊

It'll be like a secret vacation at home

就像个秘密家中度假

Keeping secrets from our friends

对我们朋友有秘密

that does sound kinda fun

听起来的确挺有意思

Does it sound

听起来...

sexy

性感咩

You just heard me throwing up

我大吐特吐的全过程你都听见了

You bet I did

当然啦

You're so weird

你的点好怪啊

You know what's weird

你知道怪的是什么吗

How turned on you are right now

是你现在有多"性"奋

You know people are quick to accuse me

别人总是第一反应就指责我

of being difficult to live with

说我是难搞的室友

but the truth is Amy is just as challenging

但事实上艾米也一样龟毛

Just as challenging

一样龟毛

Yes

没错

As you

跟你一样

Yes

对的

Just as challenging as you

跟你一样龟毛吗

When we're sleeping

当我们一起睡时

she breathes on me

她会冲着我呼吸

One night it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto

有一晚她鼻息大到我差点抓起托托

and headed for the storm cellar

冲进防龙卷风地窖里避难了[《绿野仙踪》]

Leonard breathes on me too

莱纳德也会冲着我呼吸

It's not a big deal

这没什么

She's always complaining about people at work

她总是抱怨同事不好

Well so does Leonard

莱纳德也是这样

It's kind of annoying but it's not the end of the world

虽然很烦人但也不像世界末日那样严重啊

Do you know that when I get out of the shower

你知道吗我洗完澡出来

she eyes me up and down like I'm a piece of meat

她对我上下打量好像人家只是一坨小鲜肉

You know so does Leonard

莱纳德也这样

Can't I just get ready in the morning

就不能有一天我早上洗漱时

without him giving me his goofy thumbs up

他不举起他的傻逼拇指吗

I know

我懂

Sometimes I would just like to be appreciated for my mind

有时候我真希望她欣赏的是我的头脑

Agreed Thank you

同意握爪

That feels great

好舒服

Well pulling a quarter out of your ear

是吧从你耳朵变出一个硬币来

isn't the only magic these hands can do

并不是这双手唯一会的魔法

In fact wh what's this between your toes

话说你脚趾间的是什么呀

Can you please stop

你能消停两分钟

making money come out of me for two minutes

别再从我身上变钱出来吗

Was that the front door

是前门吗

It sounded like it

听起来是的

Oh my God Someone's in the house

我的天有人进屋了

Lock the door lock the door

锁门锁门

We should call the police Uh

我们应该报警

I left my phone downstairs

我的手机在楼下

Damn so did I

见鬼我也一样

Wait I have my iPad What are we gonna do

等等我的iPad在这里我们怎么办

E mail 911

给警察发邮件吗

That's not helpful

说这种话没用

You know I rely on humor in times of stress

你知道我在压力下都靠幽默缓解

Let me know when you start because that wasn't funny

等你要开始幽默了再告诉我因为刚才不好笑

Is that the hot tub

是热水浴缸的声音吗

Who would use our hot tub

谁会用咱家的热水浴缸

Well the answer is both more and less disturbing

比起你想的答案既令人安心

than you think

也让人更恶心

Who is it

是谁

Stuart

斯图尔特

He heard me talking about us going away

他听到我提及咱们要出门

I guess he decided to invite himself over

看来他决定不请自来了

Should we say something to him

我们要跟他说点什么吗

Maybe How 'bout

也许说这个如何

"Hey you look like a boiled chicken breast"

"你看起来像块煮熟的鸡胸肉"

I meant like "What are you doing here "

我是说问他 "你在这里做什么"

Nah that's not gonna hurt his feelings

不要那样伤不到他的心

Why is nothing easy with him

为什么他这么难相处

Look here's the thing you need to understand about Sheldon

关于谢尔顿有一点你要知道

he's the worst

他烂透了

I prefer to think of it as high maintenance

我宁愿想成是难以相处

I prefer to think of myself as five ten

我宁愿想自己身高有1米78

but I still need to get all my pants hemmed

但我所有的裤子依然得裁短

I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into

我想我早该知道会有如此下场

Don't beat yourself up

别难为自己

You've never lived with anyone before

你以前没和任何人同居过

That's true And you're starting out

-没错 -你的第一个同居对象

with Sheldon Cooper

就是谢尔顿·库珀

That's like getting your first pet and having it be

这就像第一次养宠物就养的是...

I don't know

我不知道

What's a kind of pet that ruins your life

什么宠物能毁掉你的人生

You're not making me feel better

你这话没有安慰作用

Look even when Penny and I started living together

佩妮和我刚开始同居时

there was a a learning curve

也是有学习过程的

But I promise you it does get easier

但我向你保证会越来越好的

He put a sign up in the bathroom that says

他在浴室里放了个标牌上面写着

"Number of days without Amy's hair on the soap "

"肥皂上没有艾米头发的天数"

Yeah

对

My record was six

我的记录是六天

Is it me or is there something fun

你是不是也觉得看着他

about watching him just float there

漂在那里挺有意思的

Maybe this is why people get fish tanks

也许这就是人们养鱼的原因

Who just turned the porch lights on

谁打开了门廊的灯

Is someone else here

还有其他人吗

They must have left the tub on

他们肯定忘了关热水浴缸

Good thing I stopped by

幸好我来了

What are you doing here

你在这里做什么

What are you doing here

你又在这里做什么

Maybe Howard and Bernadette said I could be here

也许霍华德和伯纳黛特说了我可以来

Did they

他们说了吗

Answer the question What are you doing here

回答问题你在这里做什么

I had nothing else to do tonight

我今晚没事做

The last couple of months

过去几个月

I come here when I know they're not home

我知道他们不在家时便会来这里

What

什么

They heard me in the bushes once

有次我在灌木丛被他们听到

but they thought it was a raccoon

但他们以为是浣熊

I told you raccoons don't say "Uh oh "

我就跟你说浣熊不会说"噢哦"

You know one night Leonard's nose whistled so loud

有一晚莱纳德的鼻息声太大

I swear it was like sleeping on a train track

我发誓就像睡在火车轨上一样

Have you noticed it's always an A flat Is it

-你有注意到一直是降A调吗 -是吗

It's like his sinuses are right here in the car

就像他的鼻窦炎就在车里一样

If we're just going to drive around aimlessly

如果我们只是漫无目的地瞎晃悠

the least you could do is take me for ice cream

至少你可以送我去吃冰淇淋吧

Yeah I'll take you for ice cream

好我带你去吃冰淇淋

Well see why can't Amy be that subservient

瞧为什么艾米不能这么听话呢

She has coitus one time suddenly she's Gloria Steinem

才交媾了一次心态就变得像女权主义者了

Anyway I suppose an ice cream parlor

总之我想冰淇淋店应该是

will be a good place to meet other women

结交其他女生的好地方

Oh please you're barely interested

拜托你极不情愿地

in a physical relationship with one person

和一个女人发生肉体关系

Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others

你为什么还要给其他女人带去困惑和失望呢

Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within

和艾米的关系唤醒了我内在的性野兽

When I see a pretty gal walking down the street I think

现在我看到街上的漂亮姑娘我就会

"Hubba hubba" like any other guy

像其他男人一样想着"哎哟美女"

You kiss your mother with that mouth

你用说这话的嘴亲你的妈妈吗

'Cause it's fine

完全没问题

Here you go

给你

Thank you

谢谢

Shall we toast

我们要干杯吗

To Howard and Bernadette

敬霍华德和伯纳黛特

and the house key they never asked me to return

还有他们从未要我交还的钥匙

You said you got it back

你说你拿回来了

Well clearly I lied

很明显我说谎了

So how's your apartment

你的公寓怎么样

Not great The electricity's out

不怎么样没电了

So why don't you get it fixed

你为什么不找人修呢

I called and they're like "Pay your bill "

我打了电话他们说 "先交电费"

Of you ever need somewhere to crash there's always my place

如果你需要地方住可以随时去我家

Oh no I don't want to be an inconvenience

不我不想打扰你

You've got all your lady friends and

你有那些女性朋友

Actually I'm single now

事实上我现在单身了

What

什么

When did that happen

这是什么时候的事

It's okay It's by choice

没事这是选择的结果

Well their choice and it's not okay

她们的选择所以不好

Oh Sorry I didn't know

抱歉我不知道

Nobody does I was embarrassed so I didn't say anything

没人知道我觉得太丢人所以谁都没说

Why wouldn't he tell us

他为什么没告诉我们

Are we bad friends

我们是差劲的朋友吗

He's in our hot tub drinking our wine

他泡着咱家的热水浴缸喝着咱家的酒

Yeah he deserves to be alone

他活该当单身狗

So you're back out on the dating scene now

所以你现在重回泡妞阵营了

Yeah yeah a little

对差不多吧

Oh that must be fun How's that going

肯定有意思顺利吗

I'm in a hot tub with you so pretty bad

我沦落到跟你共浴糟透了

Maybe I should just give in to his stupid bathroom schedule

或许我该向他的如厕时间表低头

No don't do that

不别这样

But you did Exactly

-你不是低头了吗 -正是

Learn from my mistakes

我不想你重蹈覆辙

No matter where I am at 7 18 A M

早晨7:18 无论我身在何处

there better be a toilet nearby

都急需找个厕所

It's just so much easier to give him what he wants

按他的规章制度来日子就简单很多

Oh true but think of how much you've accomplished

的确可想想你的成就

Who got him to stop Purelling his pocket change

是谁让他不再给零钱消毒的

我

And who got him to put things other than gloves

是谁让他可以往前座置物[手套]柜里

in the glove compartment

放进除了手套之外的东西

我

It was mittens

放的是棒球手套

And who got him to try a turkey dog

是谁让他尝了火鸡肉热狗

That was actually Koothrappali

那应该是库萨帕里

but I did let him spit it out in my hand

但是我让他吐我手上了

Look how can you stop now

就是那你怎么能现在放弃呢

That's like walking out of Pinocchio

简直就像好不容易等到匹诺曹

right before he becomes a real boy

要变成小男孩时离开了他

You know you're right

你说得对

I'm in this relationship too

我也是这段感情中的当事人

I need to stand up for myself

我应该为自己出头

Of course you do

当然了

And if he doesn't like it he can move back here

他要是不喜欢让他自己搬回来

Oh He can try He'd just need a good locksmith

想搬回来也行就是得先找到好开锁匠

Well who you gonna hit on

你准备搭讪哪个

The girl in front of us got strawberry

排我们前面的那个姑娘买了草莓味

That's your favorite

你的最爱

No No if we both like it

不行如果我们都喜欢草莓味

I'll spend the rest of my life opening the freezer and going

那我下半辈子就会每每打开冰箱

"Aw no strawberry "

哀嚎着"草莓味没了"

What about the girl behind the counter

那店员小姐呢

Hmm Well she spends her whole day scooping

她一整天都在挖挖挖

One arm's probably bigger than the other

一边胳膊可能会比另一边粗

Is it possible you might not actually want to meet someone

有没有这个可能你压根就不想另觅新欢

You are truly wise

你真是明智

Thank you

谢谢

I'd say wise beyond your years

我本来想说你有着长者的智慧

but you're getting up there All right

-可你年纪也慢慢接近了 -够了

Come on What is really going on with you

说吧你到底是怎么回事

Penny I am going to tell you a story

佩妮我要给你讲一个

that I've never told anyone

我从来没跟任何人说过的故事

All right

好吧

I was 13 years old

当时我十三岁

and on spring break from college

正值大学休春假

Not relating Go on

没共鸣继续说

I came home early

我提早回家

because they ran out of math to teach me

因为他们已经没有能教我的数学了

Oh now I'm with ya Okay

我懂他们也没有能教我的数学

My mother was at bible study

我妈妈当时去参加圣经研读班了

I walked in the house expecting to find it empty

我走进房子本以为没人在家

and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom

却听到我父母的卧室里有声音传出来

When I opened the door

当我打开卧室门

I saw my father having relations with another woman

看到了我父亲和另一个女人在"结合"

Oh that's awful I know

-太糟糕了 -我知道

It's also why I never open a door

所以从此以后我开任何门

without knocking three times

都需要先敲三次

I mean the first one's traditional

第一下是按传统礼貌

but two and three are for people to get their pants on

二和三都是给里面的人穿裤子的时间

Well what happened with your dad

后来你跟你爸怎么样了

We locked eyes I ran to my room

我们对视了一下我跑回我的房间

and we never ever spoke of it

以后再也没有说过这件事

You poor thing

可怜的小家伙

Since Amy and I have been living together

自从我和艾米住同居后

we've been bickering like my parents used to

就一直像我父母以前那样争吵

And you're afraid you're gonna do something like your dad did

你是怕会做出跟你爸爸一样的事

Yes I need to prepare her now

对我需要现在就给她打预防针

to save her from pain down the road Down the road

-省得她日后痛苦 -日后

Sheldon she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you

谢尔顿她只是想跟你用一个牙刷桶

and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women

而你却跑到冰淇淋店里想把妹

Well anything can sound silly when you put it in that tone

什么事被你这种口气一说都显得很蠢

Honey instead of worrying about pain you might cause in the future

宝贝与其担心未来有可能给她造成的痛苦

how about trying to fix the pain you're causing her right now

何不现在去弥补你当下给她的伤害呢

I'm sure you're right

你说得很对

I suppose I should apologize to you as well

我也应该跟你道歉

Okay

怎么说

That must have hurt watching me look for other women

我这样直接把你剔除在外去找其他姑娘

without ever even considering you

你肯定心痛不已吧

Please understand that I think of you

请你一定要理解我一直把你

as more of a nanny

当我保姆看

Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed

赶紧把冰淇淋吃完我送你回家睡觉

I wonder if this is what it feels like

不知道伯纳黛特的宝宝

to be Bernadette's baby

现在是不是这种感觉

I don't know Bernadette's baby doesn't have a Jacuzzi jet

不知道伯纳黛特的宝宝可还没有一个

hitting just the right spot

可以正中爽点的按摩浴缸

Those jets are for my secret spot not his

我的秘密爽点专用喷头不是给他的

What do you do in there

你在里头都干了些什么

It's called relaxing

干的事叫放松

and that's all you need to know

你只需要知道这些就可以了

Well it's getting late

已经很晚了

Maybe we should head home

我们该回家了吧

Yeah you're probably right

你说得对

You coming

你不走吗

Yeah just give me a minute

走但等我一小会儿

Why

为什么

Well you know how you're wearing a bathing suit

就是你穿着泳裤来泡对吧

Yeah

对啊

I kind of went the other way

而我跟你恰好相反

You jackasses just bought yourselves a hot tub

你们两个混球自己买浴缸去

What do you think

你觉得如何

It's a nice enough spot

这个位置还不错

You know if I'm going to start standing up for myself

如果我要为我自己出头

this is exactly the kind of thing

这种事刚好是...

We're back Oh hi Hi

-我们回来了 -欢迎欢迎

Hello

你们好

How you guys doing

你们怎么样

We're doing good

挺好的

I think Sheldon has something he would like to say to Amy

我想谢尔顿有话要对艾米讲

I wanted to apologize for my behavior today It

我要为我今天的行为道歉其实...

It was unnecessary

完全没必要那样

This is warm

怎么位子这么热乎

Oh and also I am willing to forego the bathroom schedule

还有我愿意放弃如厕时间表

Oh Really

真的吗

Why does she get that We never got that

为什么她有这福利我们俩就没有

Do you want him back

你是想让他回来住吗

I'm very happy for you

真为你们高兴

Amy you should know

艾米你应该知道

I was never really interested in seeing other women

我其实压根没想去认识其他女性

And to prove how serious I am about us

为了证明我对我们有多认真

I'm willing to take our relationship to the next level

我愿意将我们的关系更拉近一层

Amy Farrah Fowler

艾米·菲拉·福勒

will you share this toothbrush holder with me

你愿意与我共用一个牙刷桶吗

I would love to

我愿意

Did we really need to be here for this

我们有必要来看这一幕吗

Call me crazy but I found it moving

我可能是疯了可是好感动哦