生活大爆炸-S09E16_生活大爆炸

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Previously on The Big Bang Theory

《生活大爆炸》前情提要

Oh look at all that chest hair

看看你茂密的胸毛

And overbite

和小龅牙

Of course you're a Wolowitz

完全就是沃罗威茨家族的一员呀

Son of a bitch he bit me

我勒个去他咬了我

Okay I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe

我还是去自己急诊室确认一下吧

Howie this is just your hypochondria

华仔这只是你的臆想病犯了

When I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf

我坐到静音键上以为自己聋了

that was my hypochondria

那才叫臆想病

We'll find another time to tell him I'm pregnant

我们另找个时间告诉他我怀孕了吧

时至今日...

Morning Morning

-早 -早

"We"

"我们"

What is this

这是什么

I don't know

我不知道

Maybe it says something on the back

也许后面写了什么吧

"Continued on milk "

"后续提示请看牛奶盒"

If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast

如果你是想骗我自己做早饭

it didn't work for my mom and it won't work for you

我妈从前没成功你也别想得逞

"Are "

"是"

"We are "

"我们是"

"See spoons for more "

"预知后事请看勺子"

What could it be

会是什么呢

"We are Groot"

"我们是格鲁特"

"We are the champions"

"我们是冠军"

"We are family"

"我们是一家人"

"I got all my sisters with me "

"我永远同我的姐妹们在一起"

Are you serious

你是说真的吗

Yeah

是的

Are you sure

你确定吗

Pretty positive

确定一定以及肯定[阳性]

That's a joke because the pregnancy test says

这是个双关语笑话因为怀孕测试也是...

Oh my God

我的天啊

This is incredible

太棒了

We're gonna be parents

我们要当爸爸妈妈了

We're gonna get to board planes first

以后我们可以优先上飞机了

Finally gonna get to see

终于可以看看

what's in that family bathroom at the mall

商场的家庭卫生间长什么样子了

I know it's crazy

我知道这事太疯狂了

It is crazy

简直超乎想象

I mean how do you prepare for something like this

这种事情该如何准备呢

I'm not even sure I've held a baby before

我都不确定自己以前抱过婴儿没有

Oh it's okay you'll figure it out

没关系你会慢慢学会的

But how's this all gonna work

可还有其他的事呢

Do we get a nanny

我们需要找保姆吗

I mean can we afford a nanny

我是说我们请得起保姆吗

And if we can we can't get a pretty one

就算请得起也不能找漂亮的

'cause it'll wreck our marriage

否则我们的婚姻就会出现危机

We can't get an ugly one 'cause it'll scare the kid

但也不能找太丑的否则会吓坏宝宝的

I I don't know Howie

我不知道华仔

Are we in a good school district

我们这里算是好学区吗

You're Catholic I'm Jewish

你信天主教我是犹太人

What religion do we raise it

我们的孩子应该信什么教呢

And if it's a boy do we get him circumcised

如果生了男孩应该让他行割礼吗

People say it's barbaric

有人说割礼是野蛮的行为

but if we don't it looks like a pig in a blanket

但如果不割看起来又像面包裹腊肠

Calm down it's gonna be okay

冷静一下一切都会好的

How's it gonna be okay

怎么可能会好

Look at me I'm a mess

你看看我我整个人一团糟

And that means this baby's gonna half a mess

这就表示这孩子会是半团糟

And that's even before we screw it up

孩子早就输在起跑线上了

with our cut rate moderately attractive nanny

加上保姆廉价长相一般就更惨了

生

活

大

爆

炸

第九季第十六集

Hey Raj I read a couple guys in your department

拉杰我看新闻说你们学院的一群人

may have discovered a new planet in our solar system

好像在太阳系发现了新的行星

Oh I heard about that

我也听说了

Why didn't you discover it

怎么不是你发现的呢

Because instead of being in the telescope room

因为我没有泡在望远镜室里

I was busy making you guys homemade jam for the holidays

而是忙着给你们几个做节日手工果酱

Well you be sure to let us know

当你凭借波森莓果酱

when you win the Nobel Prize for boysenberry

赢得诺贝尔奖时记得通知我们

Hello Hey bud

-大家好 -你好啊

Ready to play when you are

你准备好就能开玩了

Yeah um in a minute

先等一等

I actually need to tell you guys something

我有事要告诉你们

If it's "Thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December

如果是为了12月的手工果酱说谢谢

congratulations you're the first one

恭喜你你是第一个这么做的人

What's going on

出什么事了

I'm uh

那个我...

uh gonna be a father

要当爸爸了

That's so amazing What Congratulations

-太棒了 -什么恭喜你

Oh no

太糟了

Why "Oh no"

你干嘛说太糟了

Because this changes everything

因为所有的事都要改变了

What about comic book night

咱们以后的漫画之夜怎么办

Uh what about playing games together

我们还能愉快地一起打游戏吗

What about our trips to Disneyland

我们还能一起去迪斯尼乐园吗

How can we do those things with a child around

以后有了孩子我们还怎么做这些事呀

Relax there's room for two babies in this group

别紧张我们大家可以忍受两个小宝宝

Oh dear Lord

我勒个去

Penny's pregnant too

佩妮也怀孕了吗

You're the other baby

另一个宝宝就是你

Oh really

真的吗

Okay well would a baby have to shave once every 11 days

有哪个宝宝每隔11天就需要刮一次胡子啊

Would an adult refuse to eat his graham crackers

有哪个成年人会拒绝吃他的全麦饼干

because one of them was broken

仅仅因为其中一块破掉了吗

I guess we'll call this a draw

这局我们俩平手

So I'm glad you guys are here

我很高兴你们俩都在这里

There's something I want to share with you

有件事我要告诉你们

Howie and I are going to

华仔和我要...

Leonard says you're pregnant

莱纳德说你怀孕了

What

什么

"Don't say anything

"不要说出来

Act surprised when she tells you "

她告诉你时要装成很惊讶的样子"

All right how you want to do this

好吧你想我们怎么演

I'm pregnant

我怀孕了

Oh my God I can't believe it

我的天我真不敢相信

This is so exciting

太激动人心了

Yeah it's all real exciting

是呀是挺让人激动的

Are are you not happy about this

你你不开心吗

I am Of of course I am I'm

开心呀我当然开心

I'm sure it's just the hormones

可能只是荷尔蒙作祟吧

But it's weird

但还是很奇怪

Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years

华仔这么多年来一直想要小孩

and I was all excited to tell him

我本来很开心地告诉他

because I thought he'd be thrilled

以为他会激动到疯掉

but then he started to flip out

结果他慌成一团

and now this feels like a bad idea

搞得我现在觉得这不是好事

and I'm gonna get fat

而且我还会变胖

No no come on Come on you're not gonna get fat

不不别这样你不会变胖

You're gonna be beautiful and glowing

你只会越来越美焕发母性的光辉

and and have the cutest little baby bump ever

变成最性感最可爱的孕妈宝贝

Easy for you to say skinny bitch

你说起来倒容易你个瘦皮猴

Sorry hormones

抱歉都是荷尔蒙作祟

Oh that's all right All I heard was "skinny "

没关系我只听到了"瘦"这个字

I wouldn't make too much out of Howard

虽然霍华德的表现和你想象的不一样

not reacting the way you expected him to

但我觉得你不用担心

Yeah I'm sure it was just the initial shock of it all

没错他只是一开始有点被吓到了

You're probably right

你们说得对

After we talked about it he started to calm down

我们好好谈过之后他开始平静下来了

I shouldn't be raising a kid

我就不该养孩子

I don't even eat my own vegetables

我自己都不爱吃蔬菜

Buddy I I think you might be overreacting

老兄你可能反应过度了

And then there's this nose

还有我这个鼻子

I mean what if he looks like me

如果他长得像我怎么办

Or worse

更糟糕的是...

what if she looks like me

如果女儿长得像我怎么办

Not to mention the impact on our social circle

更别提对我们这个社交圈子的影响了

Everything's going to change

所有一切都会随之改变

Howard won't be able to come over as much

霍华德不能像以前那样频繁地过来了

Well he could bring the baby here

他也可以把孩子带来呀

Oh but then we'd have to baby proof the apartment

但那样的话我们就得给公寓装上婴儿保护了

You know my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom

我姐姐的厕所里就有那么一个马桶锁

I have two doctorates I still had to go in the sink

我拥有双博士学位都只能憋屈尿洗手池里

Oh my God and do you have any idea

天啊你们知不知道

how expensive having a kid is

养一个孩子有多费钱啊

I read that in Los Angeles raising a child through college

有人写过在洛杉矶养一个孩子到念完大学

can cost over a million dollars

费用超过一百万美元

A million dollars

一百万美元

God it's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts

不行了感觉我蛋蛋相攻蛋疼不已

That's it I got to start

好的我懂了

earning more money right now

我要现在就开始多赚钱

I know you could ask Bernadette

我知道了你可以跟伯纳黛特申请

for a raise in your allowance

让她多给你点零花钱

This isn't a joke

这不是玩笑

I wasn't joking

我没开玩笑

It'll be fine

船到桥头自然直

People have kids every day

天天都有人生孩子

You'll figure this out

你会想到办法的

Yeah come on

就是别这样

this is great news and you know it

你也知道这是大好的消息

You're right it is I'm just

你说得对我只是

A little overwhelmed right now

一时有些接受不了

Hey you know what we should do

知道我们该去干嘛吗

All get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us

全体去做输精管切除术以免后患吗

Go out and celebrate

一起出去庆祝

But not your worst idea

刚才不是你说过最差的主意

Hey let's go do something to get your mind off this

我们一起去放松放松心情吧

Yeah yeah we should go out

好啊我们应该出去

Where

去哪

Uh I don't know a bar

不知道酒吧

Can't drink

不能喝酒

We can but all right

我们能喝但好吧

Are you hungry How about that sushi place you love

你饿吗要不要去你喜欢的那家寿司店

Doctor said I can't have sushi

医生说我不能吃寿司

Okay look we don't have to go anywhere

好的我们也可以哪都不去

We can just you know stay here and hang out in the hot tub

我们可以就待在这在浴缸里聊天

Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub

医生说我不能泡浴缸

Maybe you should get a new doctor

要不你还是换个医生吧

What he said you can't laugh either

干嘛他也说了你不能笑吗

I'd like to propose a toast to our friend Howard

让我们举杯敬我们的朋友霍华德

his um his big heart his beautiful soul

一个胸怀宽广灵魂美丽

And his tight little pants

穿着勒蛋小紧裤

that somehow did not make him sterile

也没有因此不育的男人

Cheers

干杯

Well look at this

看这个

I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas

发明这个小雨伞的人

doesn't have to worry about money

估计是不用担心没钱了

He can have all the kids he wants

他想生几个孩子就生几个

And can keep a small portion of their heads dry

还能挡掉头顶的一小部分区域的雨滴

If I'm gonna have any chance of raising this kid

如果我要养这个孩子

I need to come up with a big idea to make some money

必须想出超级赚钱的点子

There's no reason you can't

没理由不行啊

That's easy for you to say

你说得倒容易

You and Sheldon already came up with your superfluid helium model

你和谢尔顿已经想出了超流氦模型

That's just research

那只是研究

We're never gonna make any money from it

根本没机会用来赚钱

Forget helium The real superfluid

去他的氦这杯子里的旁趣酒

is the fruit punch in this mug

才是真正的超流逼

Reminds me of my daddy's secret

让我想起我爸的秘密

"Don't Tell Mama" juice

"不许告诉妈妈"果汁

Uh these are strong you should slow down

这酒挺烈的你慢点喝

I'll just take one last sip

那我再喝最后一口

Okay how about this for an invention

好吧这个发明怎么样

slightly bigger cocktail umbrellas

稍微大一点的鸡尾酒小雨伞

How is that a new invention

这算什么新发明

I don't know all Apple does is change the size of things

我不知道苹果公司也只是产品大小变换

and we keep buying them

我们不也买个不停吗

It's true I like my giant iPad

真的我对我的大iPad

and my little iPad

和我的小iPad的喜爱

almost as much as my regular sized iPad

几乎等同于我对正常尺寸iPad的喜爱

This place is terrific

这个地方太棒了

Why why have we never been here before

我们之前怎么没来过

The same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff you

跟其他好玩却不能做的事一样因为你啊

That's some smart talk from a guy

挺伶牙俐齿牙尖嘴利

who can't even keep his face in focus

就是脸上焦距老跑掉啊

Where's the bathroom

厕所在哪

Uh it's in the corner Excuse me

-在拐角处 -失陪

Hey how you doin'

你们好呀

I hope the bathroom is clearly marked

希望男女厕标识明显一点

Doesn't matter He's headed for the kitchen anyway

无所谓反正他是往厨房方向走去了

Maybe that's an idea

这个主意也许行

guidance systems for drunk people

给醉酒人士的导向系统

They have that It's called Uber

早有了叫优步叫车

In your supercooled helium experiments

在你的过冷氦试验中

did you create quantum vortices

创建过量子漩涡吗

Yeah Why

有怎么了

Well if you made a guidance system

如果你建立一个导向系统

couldn't you use those vortices as a gyroscope

是不是可以把漩涡当做螺旋仪使用

I've never thought about that

我从来没想过

And since it's in a quantum state

而且由于是在量子态下

it would maintain an infinite persistence

就能保持无限持续

Groundbreaking revelations tropical drinks

开创性启示热带鸡尾酒

Tell me this isn't like the

这简直是最棒的一集

best episode of Sex and the City

《欲望都市》了

You may have actually just come up with something

你真有可能想出了好点子

You think so I really do

-你觉得是吗 -真的

You guys the bathroom here is amazing

大伙这里的厕所太妙了

There's people cooking in it

里面有人在做饭呢

Think about all the fun things you get to do when you have a baby

想想你有孩子后有各种好玩的事可做

Yeah

对呀

Yeah you get to buy toys and little clothes

你可以买玩具和小衣服

I kind of already do that for Howie

这些都给华仔做过了

And and whenever you're hungry

还有你只要饿了

you'll be in a minivan with Cheerios all over the floor

就会发现自己车上满地都有零食吃

Oh and I just found a new travel cup for Sheldon

我还给谢尔顿找到了个新旅行杯

It only lets out three at a time

一次只会出三颗零食

So when did you guys decide to get pregnant

你们是什么时候决定要孩子的

Well we didn't exactly decide

我们不是决定的

We were talking about it

我们聊过要孩子的事

and then one night we got a little reckless

然后有一天晚上就大胆疯了一下

Oh tell us Yeah tell us

-给我们讲讲 -对讲讲

No I'm embarrassed

不要啦好丢脸哦

Oh come on we're all grown ups

说吧我们都是成人了

We've all done it Me Me me too

-都有经验的 -我我我有经验

I'm a grown up and I've done it

我是成人做过了

Fine

好吧

We were out one night

那天我们在外面

and things got a little spontaneous

然后突然来了兴致

Oh that sounds juicy

一听就知道内容很精彩

Well Sheldon was going on and on about time zones

当时谢尔顿没完没了地说时区和铁路安排

and railroad schedules and I went out

然后我就出去了...

Wait I remember that Hang on

等等这事我记得慢着

You did it at our place

你们是在我们家搞的吗

Kind of on Sheldon's bed

好像还是在谢尔顿床上

What No

-什么 -不

I was headed to the bathroom

我想去厕所

and I passed Howie on his way out

碰到华仔从里面出来

Usually he says "Do not go in there "

通常他会说"别进进去会臭死"

but this time he said "Hey let's go in here "

但这次他说"我们进去吧"

How could you do that

你们怎么能这样

I'm sorry

对不起

but you know what it's like when you're with your man

但你也知道跟自己的男人在一起

and one thing leads to another

很容易情不自禁

I do know what that's like I really do

这感觉姐知道姐倍儿清楚

I'm not seeing anyone

我没找到任何人

using liquid helium vortices like this

是这样使用液态氦漩涡

I'm not finding anything either

我也没找到

That's a good sign

这是好事

Oh wait I found something

等等我找到点东西

Damn What is it

该死是什么

This video The baby panda sneezes

这个视频熊猫宝宝打喷嚏

and the mama panda gets so scared

把熊猫妈妈吓了一大跳

Can you focus on what we're talking about

能不能不跑题聊正事

All right

好吧

Look now this may be the rum talking

听着也许说的是酒话

but as long as the unpinning rate of the vortices

但如果漩涡释放率

is kept within 1 1 and 1 3

能保持在1.1到1.3

the Magnus force issue should be negligible

马格努斯力的问题就可以忽略不计

Even drunk he's still smarter than all of us

他喝醉都比我们仨更聪明

And stronger

还更壮

Yeah Who wants to see me beat up the bartender

谁想看我去痛扁酒保一顿

I'd enjoy that

我拭目以待

Nah she's a good kid

放她一马吧她是个好姑娘

If this is a viable thing we could get a patent

如果真可行我们可以去申请专利

and license it to companies that make guidance systems

然后授权给做导向系统的公司

Look at that You've known you're gonna be a father

瞧你知道要当爹的消息

for less than a day and you're already stepping up

才不到一天你就已经雄起了

I'm telling you you got this

相信我你绝对能行

Maybe you're right

或许你说得对

Of course he's right

他当然对啦

You and I both know how hard it is growing up without a father

你跟我最清楚小时候没爹疼有多惨

That's why I'm confident you're gonna be

所以我十分确信

the best dad you can be

你会尽力成为最好的爸爸

Thank you Sheldon

谢谢你谢尔顿

You're welcome

不客气

And if he has twins we can do

如果是生了双胞胎

all kinds of neat experiments on them

我们就能拿来做好多屌爆的实验

双指交叉为成功祈祷

You guys can go in if you want

你们想泡就泡吧

No we're a team

我们要同进退

If you can't go in we're not going in

你不能泡我们也不泡

Then why are we drinking

那我们俩为什么还喝酒

Okay it's not like she's got the Christ child in there all right

她又不是怀上帝之子不用这么牺牲吧

Oh It's Leonard

是莱纳德

He says Sheldon's drunk and they're gonna do karaoke

他说谢尔顿喝醉了还说如果有兴趣

if we want to join them

欢迎加入他们唱卡拉ok

That sounds fun

听起来挺有意思

Oh no

惨了

Sheldon's drunk texting me

谢尔顿醉后乱发我短信了

What's it say

写了什么

"Would you like to sing karaoke with us "

"要来跟我们一起唱歌吗"

How is that a drunk text

这哪里算醉后乱发啊

He used a period instead of a question mark

问句他不用问号而是句号

He's so wasted

他真是喝大了

Your movie's showing so you're going

爱片上映那就走起

Bust a move Young MC

Could care less about the five you're blowing

票钱五块甩都不甩

Theater gets dark just to start the show

影院变暗好戏上演

You spot a fine woman sitting in your row

发现同排有位美女

she's dressed in yellow

身穿黄衣

She says "Hello"

她说"你好"

"Come sit next to me you fine fellow"

"帅哥坐我旁边可好"

You run over there without a second to lose

一个飞身你冲过去

And what comes next hey

后续如何

Bust a move

出招开泡

You want it

你若想要

You got it oh you want it

就能得到你若想要

Baby you got it

宝贝你能搞定

Just bust a move

出招开泡

You want it

你若想要

You got it oh

就能得到

You want it baby you got it

你若想要宝贝就能得到

Just bust a move

出招开泡

You want it baby you got it

你若想要宝贝就能得到

You want it

你若想要

Hey guys Congratulations

男生们恭喜你啊

Thank you

谢谢

Hi How are you doing

你还好吗

Oh wonderful

好到不行

I'm being musically encouraged to bust a move

我正受音乐鼓舞来"出招开泡"呢

If I knew what that meant I might just do it

如果我能懂那词是啥意思我肯定做

I'm really glad you're here

我很庆幸你来了

Can we talk Sure

-我们能说两句吗 -可以

So you gonna get up there later

等会你要上去唱吗

A microphone

一只麦克风

a room full of inaccurate depictions of Polynesian religion

一个模仿波利尼西亚宗教但错误百出的场地

and a captive audience to hear about it

一群想跑也跑不了的听众

You bet I am

我绝对得去唱啊

I'm sorry I freaked out this morning

抱歉我今早那样惊慌失措

I want you to know

我想告诉你

I'm done being scared

我不会再害怕了

It's okay to be nervous I am too

紧张没事啊我也紧张

Thank God 'cause I was lying you might not have to wait

谢天谢地我刚才全是胡扯我觉得你可能

nine months to see someone soil their pants

不用等九个月就能看到有人拉屎尿在裤子里

But I'm also really excited

但我也真心很兴奋

I mean it

真心的

Me too

我也是

I love you

我爱你

And I'm not just saying that

我会说这些话

because your breasts are gonna get bigger

绝对不是因为你的胸也会变大

Are we an item Girl quit playin'

我们是恋人吗女孩你别玩了

Baby Justin Bieber

We're just friends

我们只是朋友

What are you sayin'

你说这什么话

Say there's another and look right in my eyes

看着我的眼睛说你爱着别人

My first love broke my heart for the first time

我的初恋情人让我初次心碎

And I was like

我当时就说了

Baby baby baby ooh

宝宝宝宝宝宝

Like baby baby baby no

宝宝宝宝宝宝别啊

Like baby baby baby ooh

宝宝宝宝宝宝

I thought you'd always be mine

我曾以为你只专属我一人

Baby I need your lovin'

宝宝我需要你的爱

Baby I need your loving Four tops

Got To have all your lovin'

必须得到你全部的爱

Baby I need your lovin'

宝宝我需要你的爱

Got To have all your lovin'

必须得到你全部的爱

Ooh baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Push it Salt N Pepa

Baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Ooh baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Baby baby

宝宝宝宝

Ah push it

啊顶[使劲]

I appreciate this but you really

谢谢你们献唱但我真的...

Push it real good

好好顶啊[使劲全力]

Land where my fathers died

祖宗之所埋骨

我的国家属于你 - 爱国歌曲

Land of the pilgrims' pride

先民之所夸张

From ev'ry mountainside

群山之隈相低昂

Let freedom

自由之歌

Ring

声抑扬

I'd like to dedicate

我想把我今晚

my last song of the evening to my wife

最后一首歌献给我的妻子

best friend and

兼死党

now the mother of our child

现在还兼我孩子的妈

I love you Bernie

我爱你妮妮

Havin' my baby

怀着我的骨肉

Having my baby Paul Anka

What a lovely way of sayin'

用这种美妙的方式

How much you love me

表达你有多爱我

Havin' my baby

怀着我的骨肉

What a lovely way of sayin'

用这种美妙的方式

Of sayin' what you're thinkin' of me

表达你会想着我

You're kidding

你开玩笑吧

What kind of maniacs have coitus in someone else's bedroom

什么样的疯子会在别人房里交媾啊

Thank you Pasadena Good night

谢谢帕萨迪纳市晚安

That was such a fun night

昨晚真是太好玩了

Probably 'cause you got to see your man

因为你能看到你的男人

up there rockin' the mic

掌握全场的模样

Yeah yeah I was a little surprised

是啊是啊我当时还挺惊讶

when you decided to beat box

你居然决定要来一段口技表演

That was really an asthma attack

其实我是哮喘犯了

I just sold it

只是掩饰特别好

Well I am so happy for Howard and Bernadette

我好为霍华德与伯纳黛特开心

Me too

我也是

So you ever think about it

那你想过吗

Babies

孩子吗

Well I'm not in a rush but someday yeah sure

现在不急但未来某天肯定会要啊

What about you

你呢

I think we'd make amazing parents

我觉得我们一定会是很棒的父母

Will you guys keep it down

你们说话能不能小声点

On the other hand we might lack a certain maturity

另一方面我们在某些地方还不够成熟