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I'm going out tonight I'm feelin' alright
今晚我要出去 心情大好
Gonna let it all hang out
我要好好爽一下
Wanna make some noise really raise my voice
放声歌唱 升三个八度
Yeah I wanna scream and shout
耶 我要大唱大叫
De de de de de de de de uh
滴滴啦啦
No Morning Sheldon Come dance with me
不 早安 谢尔顿 和我一起跳舞吧
No
不要
Why not
干嘛不要
Penny while I subscribe to
佩妮 我支持"多个世界"理论
The "many worlds" theory which pots the existence
这个理论表明
Of an infinite number of sheldons
在无限个宇宙中存在着
In an infinite number of universes
无限个谢尔顿
I assure you that in none of them am I dancing
我向你保证其中没一个"我"是在跳舞的
Are you fun in any of them
那这些"你"里有没有幽默一点的
The math would suggest
根据推算
That in a few I'm a clown made of candy
其中有几个"我"是糖娃娃
But I don't dance
但是绝不跳舞
Alright want some French toast
行吧 来点法式吐司不
It's oatmeal day
今天是燕麦粥日
Tell you what next French toast day I'll make you oatmeal
这样吧 下个法式吐司日 我给你煮燕麦粥
Dear lord are you still going to be here on French toast day
神啊 你还要在这赖到法式吐司日啊
Morning
早啊
Look Leonard
莱纳德 你看啊
Penny made French toast
佩妮烤了法式吐司
Sorry I haven't given her your schedule yet
抱歉我还没给她你的用餐日程表
It's an iCal download
那是个iCal[Apple电子日程表]下载啊
She can put it right in her phone
她可以直接下到手机里的
And I thought we agreed
而且我想咱们说好了的
That you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment
你们只在她那儿行房事
We did but there were extenuating circumstances
是说好了 但是现在是特殊情况
I see
我明白了
Did her abysmal housekeeping skills
她浑身的傻气
Finally trump her perkiness
终于被她那盖世的家务活能力打压下去了是吗
No her bed kind of Broke
不 是她的床有点散架了
That doesn't seem likely
这是不太可能的
Her bed's of sturdy construction
她的床的构造很结实
Even the addition of a second
就算多承重一个
Normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure
正常体型的人类也不会引致其床架松动的
Much less a homunculus such as yourself
更别提像你这样的小雏形人了
A homunculus
小雏形人
Perfectly formed miniature human being
功能健全的迷你型人类
Oh you're my little homunculus
你这我的小宝贝雏形人
Don't do that
别这样
Sorry
抱歉
Okay who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar
好啦 谁要普通糖浆谁要肉桂糖浆呀
I want oatmeal
我要燕麦粥
Yes well
行啊
I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass
我想要个室友不是大混蛋的男朋友
I'm sure that will happen soon enough
这个愿望很快就能实现了
But in the meantime I still want oatmeal
但我还是要燕麦粥
You know what I give up
得了 我投降
He's impossible
怎么会有他这种人
I can't be impossible I exist
怎么会没有 我就是存在的
I believe what you meant to say is
我相信你想说的是
"I give up he's improbable "
"我投降 这种人几乎是不存在的"
Sheldon you really need to find a better way
谢尔顿 你真得换个方式
Of dealing with penny
和佩妮相处了
What am I supposed to do
那我该怎么做
Eat french toast on a Monday
在礼拜一吃法式吐司吗
Now that would be impossible
这种情况才是不存在的
I'm just saying you can catch more flies with honey
我只是说 你想抓苍蝇的话得用蜂蜜
Than with vinegar
而不是醋
You can catch even more flies with manure
你用粪粪还能抓更多呢
What's your point
你到底想说什么
It's a
这个...
Boy that does smell good
天 还挺香的呢
Too bad it's Monday
太遗憾了 今儿就是礼拜一
Okay Kim the night manager went on maternity leave
我们经理基姆去休产假了
And her husband's name is Sandy right
她老公叫桑迪
So get this
然后
Her replacement is a woman named Sandy
顶她班的是一个叫桑迪的女人
Whose husband's name is Kim
而她老公叫基姆
Wow I know
-哇啊 -是啊
What are the odds
这什么概率哦
Easily calculable
很好算嘛
We begin by identifying a set of married couples
先找到几对双方都取中性名字的
With unisex names
已婚夫妇
We then eliminate those unqualified
然后剔除那些不适合
For restaurant work
从事餐饮工作的
The aged the imprisoned and the limbless for example
比如说年老的 坐牢的 残疾的
Next we look at Sheldon
-再然后就 -谢尔顿
It's an amazing coincidence
这是一个奇妙的巧合
Can we leave it at that
就这样了行吗
I'm sorry
对不起
Ooh Penny It's as if the cheese cake factory is run by witches
喔佩妮 你们奶酪蛋糕工厂就好像是巫婆们开的
Ooh Sheldon it's as if you don't think I'll punch you
喔谢尔顿 别以为我不会揍你
Come on you guys let it go
行啦 你俩 别吵了
Fine whatever
哼 随便吧
Are you finished
你吃完了吗
Well thank you
谢了
How thoughtful
多么体贴
Would you like a chocolate
你要吃巧克力吗
Um yeah sure
好啊
Thanks
多谢啦
What was that
这算什么
You said be nice to Penny
你让我对佩妮好点的
I believe offering chocolate to someone
我觉得给别人喂巧克力
Falls within the definition of nice
能够符合"好"的定义
It does
没错
But in my experience you don't
但就我观察 你这人不符合
There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio
何瑞修 宇宙间无奇不有
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
不是你的哲学全能梦想得到的[哈姆雷特 第一幕;第五景]
Now that's you
这才是你嘛
Obnoxious and insufferable
讨厌而且让人难以忍受
What's going on day dwellers
日居者们 你们好啊
Oh man did the kiss army repeal "don't ask don't tell"
KISS[美重金属乐队]粉丝团也废除了"不许问不许说"[美军处理同性恋旧政策]吗
No
不是
Raj and I are going to a goth club in Hollywood
我和拉杰要去好莱坞的哥特夜总会
To hang with the night people
和夜猫子一起玩儿
Anybody want to come along
有人想一起去吗
Oh wow you're actually going out like that
你真要这样上街吗
No no
不不
I'm going out like this
我要这样上街
Howard what did you do
霍华德 你做了些什么
They're called tattoo sleeves
这叫纹身袖
Look
I go them online Raj got a set too
我在网上买的 拉杰也买了一身
Fantastic right
帅死了 是吧
Put them on have hot sex with some freaky girl
穿上它 就能和前卫女孩
With her business pierced take them off
发生韵事 脱下他
I can still be buried in a jewish cemetery
我依旧是个恪礼守节的犹太人
You know I've always wanted
知道吗
To go to a goth nightclub
我一直都想去哥特夜总会
Really
真的吗
Bazinga
才怪呢
None of you ever see my practical jokes coming do you
没有人能察觉到我的玩笑 对吧
Okay how about you two
你们俩去吗
Look I've got some extra tatoo sleeves
我还带了几个纹身袖
Why are you carrying extras
你带那么多干什么
In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring
万一被哪个女人的乳环刮破了好有个替换呀
Uh yeah I think we'll pass
我们就不去了
Oh is the missus speaking for the couple now
你现在就得"妻管严"了吗
In this case you bet she is
这件事 肯定她说了算
Yes she's pushy and yes he's whipped
是啊 她很强势 他受压迫
But that's not the expression
但是不能这么说
Come on I want to stop at walgreens
快走 我要去沃尔格林药店
And pick up some more eyeliner
再多买几支眼线笔
They're gonna get beaten up at that club
他们在夜总会要被揍了
They're gonna get beaten up at walgreens
我看他们在药店就会被揍
Oh sorry Sheldon
抱歉 谢尔顿
I almost sat in your spot
我差点坐在你的专座上
Did you I didn't notice
是吗 我都没注意
Have a chocolate
给你块巧克力吧
Thank you
谢谢
I think we're fitting quite nicely
我觉得我们很适合这里
It did help if you weren't drinking light beer
要是你不喝低度啤酒就更好了
What's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice
喝伏特加和蔓越莓果汁就显得比我更有哥特风格吗
Hello It looks like blood
是啊 这看起来像在饮血
Did you even read the "wiki how" link
你没去看我发给你的
I sent you on being goth
手把手学哥特风格的WikiHow链接吗
No I'm behind on my wiki reading
没 我自己的东西还看不玩呢
I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now
我正在读约翰·格里沙姆[法律惊悚小说《掮客》作者]
What
什么
I finished reading The Pelican Brief
我看完了《绝对机密》
And loved it so much I dived right into the client
我太喜欢了 已经完全身临其境了
He was a lawyer himself
他本身就是个律师
So his novels are accurate as well as entertaining
所以他的小说内容的准确性和娱乐性都很强
Just remember we are lost boys children of the night
要记住 我们是浪荡子 暗夜之子
Great Lost boys children of the night
好的 浪荡子 暗夜之子
Got it
明白了
Can you pass the chex mix please
能帮忙把小吃递过来吗
Thank you
谢谢
We are lost boys
我们是浪荡子
Good for you
是吗
I'm actually much more lost than he is
其实我比他更放浪
Nice ink
纹身不错
Thanks
谢谢
Can we buy you ladies a drink
能请两位小姐喝点东西吗
Two light beers
两杯低度啤酒
Light beers "Wiki how" about that
低度啤酒吗 "WiliHow"该把这个写进去
What's your names
你们叫什么
I'm Howard Raj I'm Bethany
-我叫霍华德 拉杰 -我是贝萨妮
Nice to meet you Bethany
很高兴见到你 贝萨妮
Yes very nice
很高兴
Nice to meet you too
我也是
I'm Sarah
我叫莎拉
Not that anyone cares
反正也没人关心
Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham
两位小姐喜欢看约翰·格里沙姆的小说吗
What's this cartoon called again
这动画片叫什么来着
Oshikuru Demon samurai
恶魔武士
Demon it's not a cartoon
恶魔武士不是动画片
It'anime
是动漫
Anime
动漫
You know I knew a girl in high school named Anna May
高中时有个女生叫安娜·梅(Anime和Anna May谐音)
Anna May Fletcher
安娜·梅·弗莱彻
She was born with one nostril
她天生单鼻孔
Then she had this bad nose job
她后来的整鼻手术很失败
And basically wound up with three
最后竟然弄成了三个鼻孔
You're here a lot now
你现在经常混在这儿了
Oh am I talking too much
我话太多了吗
I'm sorry Zip
抱歉 我不说了
Thank you
谢谢
Chocolate
吃块巧克力吧
Yes please
好的
Oh Hey Kim
基姆 你好
You know what hold on
请你稍等一下
Let me take this in the hall
我到楼道里去接电话
You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work
你绝对想不到他们找谁来接替你的工作
Okay I know what you're doing
我知道你在干什么了
Really
真的吗
Yes you're ung chocolates as positive reinforcement
你在用巧克力做正面教法
For what you consider correct behavior
对你认为良好的行为进行奖励
Very good
真聪明
Chocole
来块巧克力吗
No I don't want any chocolate
我不想要什么巧克力
Sheldon
谢尔顿
You can't train my girlfend like a lab rat
你不能拿我女朋友当实验鼠一样对待
Actually it turns out I can
事实证明 我可以
well you shouldn't
你不应该这么做
There's just no pleasing you is there Leonard
莱纳德 就是没法让你满意 是吧
You weren't happy
你不满意
With my previous approach to dealing with her
我之前那样对她
So I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques
所以我决定根据桑代克和B.F.斯金纳的理论
Building on the works of thorndike and B F Skinner
采取操作性条件反射的办法
By this time next week
下周的这个时候
I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool
我相信我能让她从水池里一跃而出
Balancing a beach ball on her nose
用鼻子平衡塑料气球
No this has to stop now
不行 这一套必须打住
I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool
我不是真的建议让她从水池里跳出来
I thought the "bazinga" was implied
我以为你该听出了我的"才怪了"
We're just tweaking her personality
咱们不过是调整她个性
Sanding off the rough edges if you will
用另一种说法 就是把那些粗糙表面磨磨光
No You're not sanding Penny
不行 你不能磨佩妮
Are you saying that I am forbidden
你是说不许我使用
From applying a harmless scientifically valid protocol
能让改进我们生活的
That will make our lives better
无害的科学有效的正常手段
Yes You're forbidden
是的 我不许
Bad Leonard
坏莱纳德
So what do you guys do
那你们俩是做什么的
Oh you know goth stuff
就是些 哥特东西喽
Goth magazines goth music
哥特杂志喽 哥特音乐喽
Goth food
哥特食品喽
What's goth food
什么哥特食品
Uh Blackened salmon
呃 黑焦三文鱼?
No I meant what do you do for jobs
不是 我是问你们的工作
Oh we're scientists
我们是科学家
Yeah you know the dark sciences
当然 是黑科学的
What are the dark sciences
什么是黑科学
We
我们
Well I am an astrophysicist
我是个天体物理学家
And a lot of that takes place at night
很多工作都要在晚上进行
When there are vampires
那时候也有吸血鬼呀
And miscellaneous undead out and about
僵尸呀什么的到处乱跑
That sounds really cool
听起来很酷啊
Does it Okay If you like space stuff
真的吗 好吧 要是你喜欢宇宙那类的
I design components for the international space station
我设计国际太空站的部分呢
Which is in space
在太空里
Where as I'm sure you know no one can hear you scream
你肯定知道 那里没人能听到你喊叫
So what do you gals do
那么 两位女士是做什么的
I work at the gap
我在盖普服装店
Really How about that I've been to the gap
真的 可真有趣 我曾经去过盖普啊
I've been there as well
我也去过
I like your t shirts with the little pocket
我喜欢你们那种有小口袋的T恤衫
I work the too Not that anyone cares
我也在那儿上班 反正也没人关心
You know this place is boring
这地方真无聊
Yeah why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun
可不 咱们去别的地方开心开心吧
Okay
好啊
Sure we like fun
当然 我们喜欢开心
We are fun people
我们是开心的人
Dark and fun
又黑暗又开心
Come on I know a place you'll really dig
来吧 我知道一个地方你们肯定喜欢
Did you bring the black condoms
你带来黑色避孕套吗
In my fanny pack
就在腰包包里啦
Let's go
走吧
Are you happy now
现在高兴了
Not particularly
没有特别高兴
My god she didn't
天啊 她没有吧
What could she possibly be talking about for so long
她究竟在说什么要这么久
Obviously waitressing at the cheesecake factory
显然 在芝士蛋糕厂做招待
Is a complex socioeconomic activity
是个复杂的社会经济性活动
That requires a great deal of analysis and planning
而且需要相当多的研究与计划
"bazinga "
才怪了
You know using positive
知道么 采用
Reinforcement techniques I could train that behavior
正面鼓励式方法 我能在一个星期之内
Out of her in a week
让她改变这个恶习
No
If you let me use negative reinforcement
要是你让我用负面鼓励法
I can get it done before we go to bed
睡觉前我就能做到
You're not squirting her in the face with water
你不能用水喷她的脸
No of course not
当然不
We're talking very mild electric shocks
我说的是十分轻微的电击法
No tissue damage whatsoever
连组织损伤都不会有
Forget it
别想了
Oh come on You can't tell me
你不可能告诉我
That you're not intrigued out the possibility
给你打造一个更好的女朋友
Of building a better girlfriend
让你一点都不动心
I'm not
我没有
Well and Penny's qualities both good and bad
佩妮的个性 好的和坏的
Are what make her who she is
合成了她这个人
You mean like that high pitched irritating laugh
你是说 比如那个让人无法忍受的尖笑声
You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle
你就不想希望一个低嗓门的笑声吗
You're not changing how Penny laughs
不许你改变佩妮的笑声
No that would be incongruous
那才是荒诞呢
I was going to lower the whole voice
我打算把她的声音整体降低
To a more pleasing register
到一个令人愉快的音区
Ugh Sorry guys
对不起啦 伙计
That girl is freaky
那丫头是个怪物
Come again
再说一遍
Freaky
怪物
Freaky
怪物
Ah freaky
怪物
Have a chocolate
吃块巧克力吧
Thank you
谢谢
Are you seriously going to damage your body
你真打算破坏你的身体
Just for the possibility you could have cheap sex
就为了有可能吊上一个
With a strange girl you met in a bar
在酒吧里遇到的马子?
Yeah
当然
What is your mother going to say
你妈妈会怎么说
She's not going to see it
她根本看不到那里
She takes my temperature orally now
她现在量我体温都是放嘴里的
What are you going to get Howard
霍华德 你打算要什么样的
Well I can't really decide
我不知道该选
Between a screaming devil this mean little skull
尖叫魔鬼 骇人小头骨
Or kermit the frog
或是青蛙柯米特
Kermit the frog You know
青蛙柯米特
Hi ho I'm on Howard's butt
你好 我在霍华德的屁股上
Get the mean little skull
刺个骇人小头骨
And I'll see if I can make him smile
我会让它笑起来
Yeah I'd like the mean little skull please
请给我刺一个骇人小头骨
What are you going to get Raj
你要什么 拉杰
With my luck hepatitis
像我这种运气 肝炎差不多
Okay here we go
好了 我们开始
That's just rubbing alcohol
只擦了点酒精棉花
I know but it was cold
我知道 但凉凉的
I'm putting on the stencil
我在放图案
What comes after the stencil
放完后怎么做
Okay that's it
够了 到此为止
No needle No pain No tattoo
不刺针 不痛苦 不纹身
What's the big deal You've done this before
小事一桩而已 你又不是没纹过
No I haven't
我没纹过
Look
I'm sorry I'm a fraud
抱歉 我骗了你们
He's a fraud
他是个骗子
We're both frauds
我们都说谎了
Yeah I think I covered that
我不是已经说过了吗
But I was summing up
我是在总结
We're not Goth We're just guys
我们不是哥特 我们只是普通人
Very very smart guys
非常 非常聪明的人
So you were totally scamming us
那你们一直在骗人
Yes
是的
And I wouldn't blame you if you
要是你想离开再也不想见到我们
Walked out of here and never wanted to see us again
我也不会怪你
Unless of course our bold honesty
除非 这突如其来的坦率
Has suddenly made us attractive
给我们增添了无限魅力
Huh Huh Anything
怎么样
I'm leaving
我要走了
I'm leaving too Not that anyone cares
我也要走了 反正也没人关心
When we tell this story let's end it differently
等回去说起此事时 要编个不一样的结局
What are you thinking Maybe a big musical number
你在想什么 是不是还要来一段歌舞
Well I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in
我弄点热牛奶就进去睡了
I trust if you two are planning on engaging
我相信如果你们打算
In amorous activities
亲热的话
You'll keep the decibel level to a minimum
会尽量小声点的
Of course
当然
Thank you
谢谢
Mmm These are so good
味道真好
Unbelievable
难以置信
What
怎么了
I I was just thinking
我刚在想
We should probably turn in too
我们也该进房睡了
Well you know my new bed got delivered If you come over
我的新床送来了
And put it together you can stay at my place
如果你过来把它组装好 就能睡在我那里了
Really That's a lot of work and it's kind of late
是吗 但得花不少时间 而且现在有点晚了
Yeah but if we stay there we won't have tbe quiet
但那样我们就不用小声了
Let's go
我们走
Interesting
有趣
Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior
在修正行为方面 性爱比巧克力更有效
I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that
不知道有没有人研究过这点
Okay wait How about this
等等 这个故事怎么样
We say there were four goth girls
有四个哥特女孩
The two girls in the club have two friends
酒吧里有两个女孩 她们还有两个朋友
I like it I like it
不错 不错
Did they smell good despite their goth like nature
虽然她们是哥特 但她们的味道香吗
What's that got to do with the story
这有什么关系
Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me
加上嗅觉的描述 我觉得比较真实
Fine they smelled good
好吧 她们闻起来香香的
Oh they did Like jasmine and honeysuckle
确实 就像茉莉和金银花
Whatever
无所谓
And then they held hands and did a sexy demonic
她们手拉手 对我们疯狂的
Hokey pokey for us
做下流动作
No no Ok let me just say my story all the way through
不不 先让我把故事说完
And then you can say yours and then we'll pick
你再说你的 然后我们再选
I'm sorry Go on
抱歉 你继续说
Okay We got tattoos
我们去纹了身
And then the four girls took us to their place But we don't have tattoos E
-然后四个女孩带我们到她们的住所 -但我们没有纹身
What if someone asks to see our tattoos
万一有人要看纹身 怎么办
We say they're in a very intimate area
我们就说纹在了非常私密的部位
Oh we're bad boys aren't we
我们太坏了 不是吗
Right right
就是 就是
So we go back to their place
再回头说她们的住所
And then the six of us end up in a hot tub
最后我们六个人倒在热气腾腾的浴缸中
But we just got tattos
但我们刚纹了身
Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection
我们不怕细菌感染吗
True Okay Forget the hot tub
对 那不要浴缸这段了
The point is we each had a ménage with sexy goth girls
重点是我们都和火辣的哥特女孩亲热
What a great night
今晚太棒了
Yeah
是啊
Hey want to try a country bar tomorrow night
明晚去乡村酒吧碰运气吗
Maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls
也许我们能钓上几个牛仔女孩
Could happen
很有可能
I wonder how they smell
不知道她们闻起来什么味道