生活大爆炸-S12E08_生活大爆炸

S01

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Hey you guys have any plans for Valentine's Day

你们情人节有安排了吗

Three months from now No

还要三个月呢没有

What No ‭I mean

-什么没有吗 -我是指

secret romantic plans that would be ruined if I told you Oh

神秘的浪漫计划如果说出来就没惊喜了嘛

What's going on Raj

问这个干嘛拉杰

Well how would you guys feel

那你们有兴趣到时候

about going to India for my wedding

来印度参加我的婚礼吗

Oh that's so exciting

这也太令人期待了吧

Penny you will never guess what I have planned

佩妮你绝对猜不到我为情人节

for Valentine's Day

给你安排了什么惊喜

Can I feed peanuts to the elephants at your wedding

我到时候可以喂你婚礼上的大象吗

That is such a stereotype There won't be any elephants

-你这是刻板印象 -到时候不会有大象吗

Of course there'll be elephants

当然会有大象

It's a stereotype that you feed them peanuts

我是说指喂大象吃花生的刻板印象

Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months

你真的要在三个月内计划一场婚礼吗

Yeah well her family's doing most of the work

她家会安排好绝大多数的事宜

They're amazing We talk all the time

他们人超好我们常常有交流互动

Why

为什么啊

Because we're about to get married

因为我们马上就要结婚了

and they're gonna be my family

他们会变成我亲家

Amy and I are married and I never talk to her family

我跟艾米也结婚了啊我就从不跟她家人交流

Really My parents love Leonard

真的吗我父母超爱莱纳德

Yeah And my mom loves Penny which is weird

我妈也爱佩妮这超奇怪

because I never knew she could love

因为我都不知道她有爱人的能力

And my dad has grown to really

我爸爸也慢慢变得很...

like Howard

"喜欢"霍华德

Yeah there's a nice coolness between us

对啊我跟他之间有种挺好的"冷冰冰"感

Hey guys before Anu gets here

大家在安努到之前

can I talk about the seating situation

我们能聊一下座位安排吗

I really don't want her to sit on the floor

我很希望她不用坐地上

Oh No problem Bernadette floor

没问题伯纳黛特下地

Yeah you can't make my wife sit on the floor

你怎么能让我老婆坐地上

Fine Howard floor

行霍华德下地

Fine I'll sit on the floor

算啦我坐地上吧

Thank you Penny

佩妮谢谢你

And Leonard I was kind of hoping I could sit next to Anu

对了莱纳德我也有点希望能坐安努旁边

So now I have to sit on the floor It's my house

所以我也得坐地上了吗这是我家

Why can't Sheldon sit on the floor

为什么不让谢尔顿去坐地上

That might be the dumbest thing you've ever said

这可能是你此生说过最蠢的一句话了

Guys guys

各位大伙们

there's a simple solution

有个很简单的解决方法嘛

I am not breaking up with her

我才不要跟她分手

All right Let's keep thinking

好吧那我们继续想办法

Hey everybody it's Anu

大家看这位是安努

大家好

Hi Welcome

-你好 -欢迎你来啊

Oh I am stuffed

我好饱啊

I should not have eaten all those dumplings

我就不应该吃那么多饺子

I think we should have sex

我觉得我们应该打一炮

Me too

我也有同感

Yeah it's just we haven't done it yet

毕竟我们到现在都还没"做"过

and I think it's important

我觉得在结婚前

to make sure we're compatible before we get married

确保跟对方的性生活能和谐是很重要的

I totally agree

我完全同意

Oh just one question

我有个小问题

While we're doing it can I leave my shirt on

我们"做"的时候我能不能不脱衣服

You know the dumplings pretty salty

你懂的饺子嘛很咸会水肿

It doesn't have to be tonight

也不一定是要今晚就发生嘛

How about this weekend

定在这周末如何

I can get us a room at my hotel

我可以在我们酒店里弄到房间

Okay Sounds nice

好啊感觉很不错

We can order a bunch of room service

我们到时候可以点很多客房餐点

because I'm not eating anything between now and then

因为从现在到那天之间我不要吃任何东西

Aw Are you worried

你是不是担心啦

I am not worried

我才没有担心

If anything I'm overconfident

真要说那我也是信心过足

Edging into smug

都快接近臭显摆了

I'm sure it's gonna be fine

我相信一定会好的啦

Oh it's gonna be better than fine

绝对不止是"好"那么简单好吗

Trust me I've had no complaints

相信我从未收到过"用户"投诉

Good to know

很开心听到这点

Well I've had questions comments

我的确有被提问收到点评

some constructive criticism

或收到一些建设性的批评

but no complaints

但绝对没有过投诉

You're up early

这么早就醒啦

Huh Yes I wanted to get a jump

是啊我想先起床

on planning a day of fun for you

为你安排好有趣的一天行程

Oh that's sweet What are we doing

这么有心啊那我们今天有哪些安排

Oh no Just you I have other plans

不是我们是只有你我有别的安排

Now would you prefer to see The Grinch in 2 D or 3 D

你想看2D还3D场的电影《绿毛怪格林奇》

I don't want to see it at all

我完全不想看

Well let's go 2 D No sense in spending extra money

那就看2D场吧没必要多花钱

What are you gonna be doing

那你今天要干嘛

Being a great husband

要当一个好老公

Yeah you're gonna need to show your work on that

演算要写出过程当好老公也要有证据

After last night I got to thinking

昨晚聊完之后我就想

that I should have a better relationship with your family

我应该跟你的家人有更好的关系

I think the one you have with them is perfect

我觉得你们现在的关系非常完美

I hardly have one at all

我跟他们基本就没有关系啊

Which is perfect

这就很完美

Oh Amy they're important to you

艾米他们对你很重要

and you're important to me

而你也对我很重要

Therefore according to the transitive property

因此根据传递性来看

they're important to me

他们也对我很重要

It's the same reason I'm interested in your big flat feet

我对你的扁平巨足感兴趣也是这个原因

Well you know that my mom can be

你知道我妈她人有点...

well difficult to get along with

难相处吧

‭Which is why I'm starting with your dad and working my way up

所以我打算先跟你父亲打好关系再朝她发展

All right I'm just worried

行吧我只是担心你

you might have a rather unpleasant day

可能会度过不太愉快的一天

Yeah back at ya I watched the trailer for The Grinch

你也是我看了《绿毛怪格林奇》的预告片

it looks terrible

感觉就是大烂片

Hi Sheldon ‭Oh good You're right on time

-你好啊谢尔顿 -太好了来的时间正好

Hi Daddy Hey pumpkin

-你好啊老爸 -你好啊小南瓜

Pumpkin I've been calling her spaghetti squash

小南瓜吗我一直都叫她金丝瓜

It's amazing that one woman

真是太不可思议了

can be different vegetables to different men

在不同男人眼中一个女人可以是不同蔬菜

Bye

再见

Bye

再见

So how does this work with in laws

咱们翁婿之间该如何称呼呢

Am I supposed to be calling you Dad

我是不是该叫你爸爸呀

Because I don't want to

因为我不想叫

You don't have to Oh thanks Larry

-你不用改口 -谢了拉里

Ooh That doesn't sound right

听起来也怪怪的

Maybe I should pick a vegetable for you

也许我也该给你选个蔬菜昵称

Hey Leonard can you pause the game for a second

莱纳德你能暂停一会游戏吗

Uh hang on I'm about to beat Howard

等等我马上要打爆霍华德了

What Hey

什么喂

What

怎么

He's our friend

他是我们的朋友

What's up pal

怎么了好兄弟

I I don't know how else to say this

我不知道这件事还能怎么说

but um Anu and I are going to have sex tonight

但安努和我决定今晚滚床单

Do you know how creepy that sounds

你自己听不出来多变态吗

So is this the first time

所以这是你俩的第一次吗

Yeah

是的

How you feeling about it ‭

你感觉如何

to be honest I'm pretty anxious

老实说我很紧张

I mean this is the woman I'm marrying what if it's no good

这可是我未来的老婆万一我俩不"和谐"怎么办

Do we break up Do we

我们是该分手吗还是...

sign on for a lifetime of mediocre sex

过一辈子平淡无奇的床第生活

Just don't put so much pressure on it

别给自己那么大压力

It's always a little awkward in the beginning

这种事一开始总是有点小不顺的嘛

I remember the first time I slept with Penny

我还记得我和佩妮的第一次

It was bad

很糟糕吗

Oh it was awesome

爽到不行

I will replay it in my head until the day I die

我会在脑内无限循坏直到离世的那一天

Well if it helps I was really nervous

如果对你有帮助的话

my first time with Bernie

我和妮妮的第一次也很紧张

Mostly because I was worried my mom would walk in

主要是担心我妈会闯进来

Did she

结果呢

Yea Yeah

她闯进来了

I'll tell you one thing

我就告诉你一件事

Lock the door

记得锁门

Yeah Raj you're gonna be fine

拉杰你没事的

Just break out some of your Kama Sutra moves

你随便来几招印度爱经姿势就行

I don't really know any of that stuff

我根本不懂什么印度爱经姿势

I just pretend I do to impress women

我只是装懂来打动妹子

And by the way

还有

Anu is Indian she's gonna know

安努也是印度人她一眼就能识破

there's no sexual position called a "Screeching lotus "

世界上没有"尖叫莲花"这种姿势

Screeching lotus

什么是尖叫莲花

Sometimes I get leg cramps It's my cover story

有时候我小腿抽筋就借此掩饰过去

Look she's probably nervous too

没准她也很紧张

Yeah what if you're great and she's bad

万一你很厉害她却不行呢

How can she be bad

她怎么可能不行

Raj women can be bad at sex too

拉杰女性也有可能床技不佳呀

No that's silly

你可拉倒吧

Hey have you checked the dates on these

你检查过这些糖的食用期限吗

They're all expired

都过期了

You buy candy in a comic book store you get what you get

你在漫画店买糖果有得吃就不错了

It's called Lethal Weapon

名字叫《致命武器》

but isn't that redundant

这不是废话吗

Aren't weapons by their very nature lethal

武器这种东西天生不就致命吗

I suppose you're right

你说得对

Yeah and don't even get me started on Unsolved Mysteries

别让我开始评价《未解之谜》

I didn't get you started on Lethal Weapon

我也没让你评价《致命武器》

All right this is another one of my favorite places

好了这是我另一个最爱的地方

the comic book store Feel free to look around

漫画店随便逛吧

Vintage comics in back vintage candy right here

古董漫画在后面古董糖果在这里

What are you guys up to

你们在干什么呀

Oh father in law son in law bonding It's going great

我们在培养翁婿感情目前进展很好

Look at what he bought me at the train store

看看他在火车商店给我买了什么

Yeah it sounded louder in the car

在汽车里听起来更大声

Cool Can I see it

好玩能给我看看吗

Sure

当然

Oh Interesting

哈有意思

I think this is one of those disappearing whistles

这好像是那种可以消失的口哨

What are you talking about

你说什么呀

Voila

奇迹发生

Amazing

太厉害了

Where did it go

你把它变去哪儿了

Look in your pocket

看看你的口袋

Oh how did you do that

你是怎么做到的

饰演拉里的演员还是美国知名的近景魔术师

Sorry a magician never shares his secrets

抱歉魔术师永远不会分享他的秘密

I'll give you a hundred bucks

我给你100元钱

Sold

成交

Okay

好的

Hey Where's my wallet ‭Voila

-我的钱包呢 -奇迹发生

Hey Penny I need your help

佩妮我需要你的帮助

I am freaking out

我都要疯了

Okay is she there yet

她到了吗

No I got here first You know

不我提前到了你懂的...

get the lay of the land

先来踩踩点

Raj it's gonna be okay

拉杰你不会有事的

Look sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship

性并不是感情中最重要的东西

My first time with Leonard was nothing to write home about

我和莱纳德的第一次就不怎么样

Really

真的吗

Yeah but you know over time it got better

真的但多做几次就会慢慢变好

S So practice makes perfect

所以多练习就能造就完美吗

Well practice makes better

多练习会进步罢了

Oh my God oh my God she just texted She's on her way up

我的天我的天她发短信来了她马上就到了

Raj calm down You got this

拉杰放松点你没问题的

Yes Thank you thank you I got this

好的谢了谢了我能行

Just remember the most important thing is to have fun

你只要记住最重要的就是玩得愉快

Stop putting so much pressure on me

不要再给我增加压力了

你好啊

Everything okay

你还好吧

Why are you acting so weird

你怎么怪怪的

Raj What's going on

拉杰你没事吧

Be right out You look beautiful

马上出来你美翻了

Sorry I had to use the facilities

抱歉我刚才得上个厕所

With a bottle of champagne

带着一瓶香槟吗

Mm I like to celebrate the little things in life

我喜欢庆祝生活中的小事

You need to go There's still some left

你要去吗还剩了些香槟哦

Raj what is going on

拉杰这是怎么回事[穿上什么]

No no it's not what's going on

不不是穿上什么

it's what's comin' off

而是脱下什么

Stop it

够了

You're acting weird and it's freaking me out

你表现得好奇怪吓到我了

Why Because I couldn't talk and ran in the bathroom

为什么就因为我说不出话然后跑进厕所

to slug back a bottle of champagne when I pretended to pee

假装尿尿并灌下一瓶香槟吗

Okay I think I'm gonna leave

好了我还是走吧

No no wait wait don't okay don't go

不等等等等别走啊

Fine Then tell me what's going on

好吧那告诉我到底怎么回事

Well funny story

有个好笑的故事

The truth ‭Oh God the truth is so not good for me

-我要听真相 -不要啦真相听起来很掉价

Voila

奇迹发生

Darn it

我靠

It's okay Here let me show you again

没事来我再示范一次

It's like you're actually magic

你仿佛真的懂魔法

You can do that but you still can't get my bra off

你能解开铁环却还是解不开我的胸罩

The rings don't roll their eyes at me

因为铁环不会冲我翻白眼

Excuse me Turnip we need to get going

不好意思白萝卜我们得走了

But but Howard was gonna show me some close up magic

但霍华德要表演近景魔术给我看

Well if you want to see real magic

你要是想看真正的魔法

I'll take you to Union Station

我可以带你去联合车站

home to trains subways and busses that

那里是火车地铁和大巴的家

every half hour voila drive to the airport

它们每半小时奇迹发生都会开去机场

I'd like to stay if you don't mind

你不介意的话我想留下

Oh not at all

完全不介意啊

Howard A word

霍华德聊两句

What's up

怎么了

I need you to stop being so delightful ‭What

-你不能再表现得如此可人了 -什么

I'm supposed to be bonding with him

我应该跟他培养感情

You have your own father in law leave mine alone

你自己也有岳父别纠缠我的

Tell you what you take my father in law I'll take yours

这样好了我的岳父归你你的岳父就归我

I don't want your father in law

我不想要你的岳父啊

What if I throw in a quarter

要是我再加码25美分呢

Do it again Do it again

再变一次再变一次嘛

Mrs Fowler Mrs Fowler

福勒太太福勒太太

Mrs Fowler

福勒太太

Sheldon what's going on

谢尔顿怎么了

Where is Larry

拉里人呢

Oh Turnip's out I'm bonding with you

白萝卜出局了我要跟你培养感情

Okay you wanted the truth here it is

好吧你想听真相我就告诉你真相

You have a drinking problem

你有酗酒的毛病

No I uh I have a talking problem

不我有说话的毛病

and a drinking solution

喝酒是解决方法

What does that mean

什么意思啊

Oh Anu for most of my life

安努我有大半辈子

I got so nervous around women

跟女性相处时

that I couldn't talk to them without alcohol

都必须借酒壮胆才敢跟她们说话

So you've been drunk every time we've seen each other

那我们每次见面你都喝醉了吗

No No It hasn't happened in a long time

不是的我这毛病很久没犯了

And I really thought I was over it

我真的以为已经好了

but I guess I I don't know

但我想我也不知道

I guess I I wanted so much for tonight to go well

我想我太希望今晚能进行顺利

that I I stressed myself out

所以我给了自己太多压力

It came back

结果又发作了

Why didn't you tell me about this before

你之前为什么不告诉我

I was embarrassed

我觉得很丢脸

I get that

我懂

If it makes you feel any better

如果能让你好受些

I've got things I'm embarrassed about too

其实我也有觉得丢脸的事

Really Will you tell me one

真的吗能告诉我一件吗

Okay Um

行吧

Ugh I hate telling people this

我很讨厌告诉别人这个

I don't like music

我不喜欢音乐

What kind of music

哪种音乐

Just all of it

所有音乐

It sort of seems like a waste of time

感觉听音乐只是浪费时间

Even Beyoncé

听碧昂丝也是吗

See this is why I don't tell people

你看所以我才不告诉别人

No Um it's fine It's just

不没关系只是

have you heard "Single Ladies"

你听过她的《单身女郎》吗

Yeah and I don't get it

听过我没觉得多好听

I mean the lyrics are "Oh oh oh oh oh oh "

歌词不过是一直重复"哦哦哦哦哦哦"

Y You have to sing it in the voice of a goddess

你得用女神的声线唱出来才会好听

My point is we both have our little eccentricities

我想说的是我们各自都有小怪癖

Little eccentricities

小怪癖

One is a deep seated psychological disturbance

其中一个问题是深层的心理障碍

and the other can be solved by half a glass of chardonnay

另一个仅靠半瓶红酒就能解决

So the doctor prescribed Nizoral and it blocked enzyme action

医生给我开了能阻断酶作用的抗真菌洗发水

and the fungus cleared right up

真菌就立刻被清除了

That's a very disturbing picture

这张照片让人看完好不舒服

Yes well they say a picture's worth a thousand words

是啊常言道一图胜千言

but I say nothing beats a picture and a thousand words

但要我说一图加千言才是无敌

Still you might want to take it off Facebook

我还是劝你从脸书上删掉它

Oh no It's in my nature to share

不要乐于分享是我的天性

So your turn

轮到你啦

Uh other than Amy

除了艾米之外

have you every had anything removed from your body

你还从身体上移除过什么吗

I am not going to answer that

我不要回答这个问题

Smart Save something for our next get together

真机智留点话题我们下次聚会时说

Oh we should commemorate this one with a selfie

对了我们应该自拍一下纪念这次聚会

Oh look at us two peas in a pod

瞧瞧我们宛如一荚之豆一模一样呢

Oh speaking of vegetables

说起蔬菜

how about I start calling you Old Lady Green Beans

不如我开始称呼你青豆老妇人如何

Hey you look deep in thought

你想什么这么投入

Ah I'm just reflecting About what

-只是在想以前的事 -想什么呢

The first time we slept together

我们第一次上床

Oh honey Don't beat yourself up it's great now

亲爱的别太难为自己现在很棒就好啦

This is not good

情况不妙

Sheldon is hanging out with my mom

谢尔顿在跟我妈聚会

Yeah O One sec

稍等一下

W What do you mean "Don't beat myself up"

你说"别太难为自己"是什么意思

Guys focus

两位专注点

My mom thinks that Sheldon is the reason

我妈一直以为是因为谢尔顿

I don't spend a lot of time with her

我才不常去陪她

Well why would she think that

她为什么会这样想

Because I told her

因为是我告诉她的

You need a cup of coffee Wake up

你要喝杯咖啡吗醒醒吧

So you've been using Sheldon as an excuse

所以你一直用谢尔顿作为借口

to get out of seeing your mother

不去见你的母亲吗

I know

我知道

I feel terrible

我很内疚

I love my mom but you know sometimes

我爱我妈但有时候...

Yeah We We've met her Yeah

我们见过她什么都不用说了

And it's easier to say I can't spend time with her

说是因为谢尔顿所以不能见她

because of Sheldon than to admit that I just I don't want to

比承认我不想见她容易得多

Totally understandable

完全理解

I'll ask again what do you mean

我再问一遍什么叫

"Don't beat myself up"

"别太难为自己"

And then you ask me 20 questions to try to determine

你问我20个是非题来确认

which Nobel Prize winning physicist I am

我是哪一位诺贝尔物理学奖得主

Ready Go

预备开始

Can I give up

我能放弃吗

No 19 questions left

否还有19个问题

Are you gonna get that

你要接吗

Oh no We're in the middle of a game

否我们在玩游戏

18 questions left

还有18个问题

Answer the phone Sheldon

接电话谢尔顿

Hello Amy

你好艾米

Hey how's it going

怎么样了

Well Howard lured your dad away with magic

霍华德用魔术把你爸拐走了

so now I'm bonding with your mom

所以现在我在和你妈联系感情

I think she likes me

我觉得她喜欢我

I'd like you a lot better

我本来可以更喜欢你

if you weren't keeping my daughter away from me

但你不让我女儿不见我所以不行

Uh wh Hang on Amy

稍等艾米

What's the problem Green Beans

有什么问题青豆

Amy said she couldn't come to Thanksgiving dinner

艾米说她不能来吃感恩节晚餐

because you always have to spend it with your mother

是因为你得和你母亲共度感恩节

I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my mother in years

我好多年没和我妈一起过感恩节了

Amy why would you tell your mother

艾米你为什么告诉你母亲

that I spend Thanksgiving with my mother

我和我母亲一起过感恩节

Uh no time to talk about that now

现在没时间说了

All your action figures are on fire

你的手办全部着火了

Harrison Ford's in the lobby Come quick

《夺宝奇兵》的哈里森·福特在大厅快来

And Amy never joins us for Sunday dinners

艾米从来不来吃周日晚餐

because you refuse to go out on a school night

因为你拒绝在上学前夜外出

Sh I can go out on a school night

我可以在上学前夜外出

as long as I'm in my PJs by 10 00

只要我晚上10点穿上睡衣就行

Sheldon don't listen to her

谢尔顿别听她的

She doesn't know what she's talking about

她不知道自己在说什么

She's crazy

她是疯子

Hello Amy

你好艾米

Hello Mother

你好母亲

Great news We we can come for Thanksgiving this year

好消息今年感恩节我们可以来

I can't believe it

真不敢相信

All this time I've been angry at you

一直以来我都在生你的气

when I should have been angry at Amy

但其实我应该气艾米

Look at that We're both angry at Amy

瞧我们都生艾米的气

Maybe that's something we could bond over

也许这是我们维系感情的枢纽

Let me ask you this

我来问你

how do you feel about Howard

你对霍华德有何看法

Oh is he that odd little friend you have with the haircut

是不是你奇怪的小个子朋友留那种鬼发型

I may have married the wrong Fowler

我可能娶了错的福勒家女人

Why would Amy feel the need to lie to me

为什么艾米觉得要对我说谎

Well perhaps because you're her mother

可能因为你是她的母亲

and she didn't want to disappoint you

她不想让你失望

Really

真的吗

Even after she threw you under the bus

哪怕她让你背黑锅

you're still gonna defend her

你还要为她说好话

Oh yes

是的

She's my wife and I love her

她是我老婆我爱她

And if I can forgive her for putting ketchup on her eggs

如果我可以原谅她在鸡蛋上放番茄酱

I can forgive her for this

我也可以原谅这件事

Her father does that it's disgusting

她爸也那样吃恶心死了

Amy's crazy you are a delight

艾米才是疯子你真讨人喜欢

Good morning

早上好

Good morning

早上好

I ordered some coffee for us

我给我们点了咖啡

Oh fantastic

太好了

Last night was

昨晚...

wonderful

很美好

But all we did was talk

但我们只是聊天了啊

Yeah And it was wonderful

对啊但过程很美好

Am I safe to assume you talking to me now

我可以放心确定现在你跟我说话

is a good sign for our marriage

是我们婚姻幸福的好征兆吧

Yeah and and for my liver

也是我肝脏没喝坏的好征兆

Hey about the other thing Um

关于另一件事

Should we just wait for another night

我们要另选一晚吗

Or I go take a shower

或者我现在去洗澡

and you decide how you want to play this

你决定你想怎样做

Take a shower with me Raj

和我一起洗澡拉杰

Thank you Amy

谢谢你艾米

It's so nice of you to have us over for dinner

你邀请我们来吃晚餐真是太好了

Couldn't think of a single reason not to

想不到一个不该邀请的理由啊

Yeah and boy did she try

她绞尽脑汁地想了

Thank you honey

谢了亲爱的

Oh you're welcome dear

不客气老婆

Would anyone like to see the magic trick Howard taught me

有人想看霍华德教我的魔术吗

I'd love to see your trick Daddy

我非常想看你的魔术老爸

A perfectly ordinary table knife

一把非常普通的餐刀

Watch closely

看好了

Voilà

没啦

Oh my gosh that was so good

天啊太精彩了

Well look there's fake blood too

看连道具血都有

I'll be right back

我等下回来

I don't know about you but I don't really like magic

不知道你怎样反正我不喜欢魔术

You just keep getting better and better

你真是越来越讨人喜欢了