生活大爆炸-S05E20_生活大爆炸

S01

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Oh my God I love this chicken

天啊我爱死这鸡肉了

Oh you know what they say

常言道金肉银肉

best things in life are free

比不上免费的鸡肉

Okay you're right I eat your food a lot

是是是我是吃了你不少东西

Now how about this

不如这样吧

You can raid my fridge anytime you want

我也让你随时去我冰箱找东西吃

Oh that's very kind of you

还真是"良心"发现啊

Next time I have a hankering to wash down a D cell battery

等下次我想吃"汁多味美"的一号电池

with a jar of old pickle juice

再配一罐陈年腌瓜汁时

I'll come a knockin'

我会去找你的

Hey Raj you didn't send your RSVP in

拉杰你没有回复我的婚礼邀请函啊

I'm suppose to ask you if you're bringing someone to the wedding

我得知道你是否会带女伴来

I'll let you know

我再通知你

Well can you make it soon

能快点吗

There's a battle royale going on over the seating charts

有人在打擂台要抢婚礼席位呢

In one corner Bernadette's mom

擂台一角有伯纳黛特的老妈

in the other three mine

而另三角是我老妈

Yeah I hate wedding receptions

我最讨厌去婚宴了

Yeah I wish the bride and groom would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins

真希望新郎新娘能学学比尔博·巴金斯

戴上魔戒后有隐身的功能

比尔博·巴金斯《魔戒》人物曾是至尊魔戒的持有者

Slip on the ring disappear and everyone goes home

戴上戒指隐身大家就各回各家

Mm you liked Professor Geyser's wedding

你不是挺喜欢盖瑟教授的婚礼吗

They had a make your own sundae bar

他婚礼上有个圣代自助吧

Oh that was a night to remember

多么令人难忘的一夜啊

Do you know on one trip I just had a bowl of nuts

告诉你有次我从头到尾就只吃了碗坚果

Anyway you got to let me know if you have a plus one

总而言之你带不带人来都得赶紧通知我

Because if not my mom's trying to sneak in the doctor

你不带人的话位子就让给那位

who sucked the fat out of her neck

帮我妈脖子做抽脂的医生啦

All right uh fine

好吧行

I'm coming and I'm bringing somebody

我会来而且会携伴出席

Uh Koothrappali plus one

库萨帕里加个伴

Who you bringing

你带谁来啊

Who are you bringing

你又带谁来啊

He's bringing me who are you bringing

他带我来啊你带谁呢

Wow what a bunch of Nosey O'Donnells

哎哟好一群多管闲事的美国佬啊

Come on who is it

说嘛带谁呢

I'm not telling

就是不说

I'm from Asia I'm mysterious deal with it

我是神秘的亚洲人天机不可泄露

Howard aren't having a make your own sundae bar

霍华德你会弄个圣代自助吧吗

I don't think so

应该不会吧

Well you should

那我建议你弄一个

50% of marriages end in divorce

五成的婚姻都是以离婚告终

but 100% of make your own sundae bars end in happiness

但十成十的圣代自助吧都是以幸福收场

By aBu 201705

生活大爆炸第五季第二十集

Hello Mummy Daddy How are you

妈妈爸爸你们好吗

Pretty good Can't complain

还行没啥好抱怨的

Oh I'm sure you can

亲爱的你肯定行

Just give it a minute

酝酿一下抱怨自然来

Listen uh

是这样的

there's something I want to talk to you about

我想告诉你们一件事

I wasn't ready until now but

之前我一直没做好心理准备

I think it's time

现在时机已到

It's finally happening

终究还是发生了

You're coming out of the closet aren't you

你要出柜了对吧

We love you and we accept your alternate lifestyle

我们爱你也能接受你不同的生活方式

Just keep it to yourself

你别...张扬乱搞就行了

No I'm not gay

没有我才不是同性恋

If anything I'm metrosexual

人家顶多是都市花美男

What's that

那是什么啊

It means I like women as well as their skin care products

就是我爱女人也爱她们的保养品

Well if you're not coming out

好吧如果你不是要出柜

在印度板球是非常火热的运动

why did you call us during the cricket semifinals

那干嘛还打扰我们看板球半决赛

I'm tired of trying to meet someone

在人海中寻觅真爱的日子我过累了

and I think I'd like you to help me find a

我想请你们帮忙我找个...

a wife

老婆

And just to clarify

我就问清楚

a female wife

是女性的老婆吗

Yes

是的

Matchmaking very smart move son

包办婚姻聪明的选择啊儿子

Much better than marrying for love

比自由恋爱的婚姻好多了

We married for love

我们当初就是自由恋爱的啊

And it's been wonderful

所以过得多么幸福美满啊

Quantum physics makes me so happy

量子力学真让我满心欢喜

Yeah I'm glad

恭喜恭喜

It's like looking at the universe naked

如同看着一丝不挂的宇宙

Hi Guys got a minute

能打扰一下吗

Sure What's up

行啊什么事

Well I was thinking about Sheldon's little joke

我想到谢尔顿开的小玩笑

the other night about me eating all your food

就那天晚上说我老蹭你们东西吃

Oh That was no joke But

那不是在开玩笑不过...

I understand your confusion

我能理解你以为我是说笑

as I am our group's resident cutup

毕竟我一直是咱们小团体中的笑话王

I'm sorry you are our resident cutup

不是吧你还是小团体中的笑话王吗

Yes

当然

Oh prove it

证明一下

Knock knock

敲敲门敲敲门

Who's there Interrupting physicist

-谁呢 -插嘴物理学家

当对方问牛怎么插嘴你就用牛叫声[哞Moo]插嘴

这改编自插嘴牛的笑话

Interrupting phys Muon

-物理学家怎么插... -介子[哞哞]

Anyway I got a little residual check from my commercial

言归正传我收到了我广告的尾款

and I thought hey how about I get the guys

我想了想不如给你们

a little thank you to pay them back

买点感恩礼物当做回报吧

So Sheldon

所以呢谢尔顿

ta da

你看

A vintage mint in box

未拆封的经典

1975 Mego Star Trek Transporter

1975年米果公司出产的星际迷航传送机

with real transporter action

还会有真实的传送特效

Hot darn

帅爆了

Where did you get that

你去哪里买的啊

From Stuart at the comic book store

斯图尔特的漫画店里买的

You went to the comic book store by yourself

你孤身一人走进了漫画店啊

Yeah It was fun

是啊挺好玩的

I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks

我一走进俩男的立刻被迷得哮喘发作

Felt pretty good

感觉真爽啊

This calls for an expression of gratitude

这个应该表示一下感谢

Ooh am I about to get a rare Sheldon Cooper hug

哟是不是要给我一个罕见的谢氏拥抱

No not this time Then they wouldn't be special

这次不行不然我的拥抱就掉价了

Thanks Penny

谢了佩妮

You're welcome

不客气

Don't worry I didn't forget about you

别担心我没忘记你

Leonard I got you

莱纳德我给你买了

a label maker

一个标签机

Wow

哇

No it's great

真好

Also mint in box Mm

也是全新没开封的

And I got you a transporter too

我也给你买了个传送机

Awesome

太帅了

Look it was actually designed for my vintage Mr Spock action figure

这是专门配我的珍藏版史波克模型的呢

Oh that's great Let's open them up and put him in there

那太好了我们快拆开把他放进传送机吧

Open it Oh good Lord no

-打开?! -老天啊不行

Why They're just toys

为什么玩具不是拿来玩的吗

They're collectibles They're mint in box

-拿来收藏的 -全新没开封的

Come on Can't we open one up and take a look

拜托打开来看看也不行吗

No don't

不行

Once you open the box it loses its value

一旦开封了就不值钱了

Yeah yeah My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity

我妈也曾教育我要用这种态度对待童贞

Gotta tell you it was a lot more fun

不过我觉得与其收着发霉

taking it out and playing with it

不如拿出来多晒晒"太阳"

Are you sure you want us here when you meet this woman

你确定要我们陪你见相亲对象吗

Oh yes

确定

In my culture it's expected

按照我们的习俗

to have a chaperone to oversee a first date

相亲时就得带个伴来帮过过眼

Plus I want to make a good impression and no offense

况且我想留个好印象说了你们别生气

but with you guys here I look like I'm six two

跟你们在一起我看上去就像一米八的

The nuns always chaperoned the dances at my high school

我们高中舞会时修女也老是盯着我们

They used to make us leave room between us for the Holy Spirit

她们总是要我们保持距离留点空间给圣灵

Uh Hindus do the same thing

印度人也这样

Except they leave room for a cow

只不过他们留空间给牛

Listen I love your charming racist humor

我很欣赏你的种族歧视幽默感

but any chance you could not mock my religion while she's here

但能不能别在女人面前嘲笑我的宗教信仰呢

Yesterday you made fun of me for eating lox

你昨天还笑我吃熏鲑鱼呢

It's different your people don't worship lox

那不一样你们犹太人又不崇拜鲑鱼

Clearly you've never been to brunch with my cousins

显然你没跟我堂兄妹吃过早午餐

So arranged marriages the parents just decide

包办婚姻是不是双方父母一旦决定

and then you have to get married

你们就得结婚

No no I get a say in it

不是我有说话权的

But I'm sure whoever shows up will be better company

不过我相信不管什么样的人来

杰迈玛大婶和巴特沃斯夫人均为食品品牌名称

than the threesome I've been having

都比跟杰迈玛大婶和巴特沃斯夫人

with Aunt Jemima and Mrs Butterworth

在厨房里玩3P要好得多

Excuse me are you Rajesh

请问你是拉杰什吗

Ah yes

我是

You must be Lakshmi

你应该是拉克希米吧

Uh nice to meet you

很高兴认识你

Nice to meet you too

我也是

Oh These are my friends

这两位是我朋友

This is Bernadette Hello

-这位是伯纳黛特 -你好

And this is Howard Nice to meet you

-这位是霍华德 -幸会

You too Please have a seat

-幸会 -请坐

I'm thinking double wedding

双重婚礼有戏了

Dr Cooper

库珀博士

Dr Cooper

库珀博士

Is someone there

谁在说话

Down here On your desk

在这里你桌子上

Spock

史波克

I need to speak with you

我需要跟你谈谈

Fascinating

太奇妙了

The only logical explanation is that this is a dream

唯一合乎逻辑的解释就是这是梦

It is not the only logical explanation

做梦也不是唯一合乎逻辑的解释

For example you could be hallucinating

比如你之所以产生幻觉

after being hit on the head by say

是因为被某物砸到头比如说

a coconut

椰子

Was I hit on the head by a coconut

我真的被椰子砸到头了?

I am not going to dignify that with a response

我不想就此做出任何回应

Now to the matter at hand

先说要紧事

You need to play with the transporter toy

你要玩这个传送机玩具

But it's mint in box

可这是全新没开封的

Yes

没错

And to open it would destroy its value

而且开封了就毁了它的价值

But remember like me

但你要记住你跟我一样

you also have a human half

也有一半人类血统

Well I'm not going to dignify that with a response

我不想就此做出任何回应

Consider this

你想一想

What is the purpose of a toy

玩具的意义在于什么

To be played with

给人玩

Therefore to not play with it would be

那么不给人玩意味着...

Illogical

不合常理

Damn it Spock you're right

该死史波克你说得对

I'll do it

我这就开封

Sheldon wait

谢尔顿等等

You have to wake up first

你得先醒来

Oh of course

当然

Set phasers to dumb right

先设好相位仪对吧

Goodie goodie goodie

赶紧赶快马上

This is wrong this is wrong

这样不对这样不对

I'm so excited but this is wrong

太兴奋了可这样不对

I'm going to do it

我要开封了

I'm doing it

我在开封了

I did it

开完了

That's what I always thought 1975 smelled like

跟我想象中的1975年的味道一样

One to beam down Mr Scott

斯科特送我下去

Aye aye Mr Spock

遵命史波克

Energize

启动

Energize

启动

Don't be broken

别坏啊

Oh please don't be broken

求求你千万别坏

What did you make me do

瞧你让我干的好事

Okay okay think

冷静冷静动动脑子

It's only logical

这样完全合乎常理

My goodness that was delicious

天啊这真是太好吃了

Well I hope you saved room for chocolate lava cake

我希望你还吃得下巧克力软心蛋糕

Impressive

不错嘛

What goes into making something like that

你怎么想到做这个

Well you start out by trying to

其实呢最开始

make chocolate souffl And when it falls you panic

我是想做巧克力酥的结果失败了我慌了

quickly change the name and voila lava cake

赶紧改个名字当当就变成软心蛋糕了

I bet our parents are dying to know how things are going here

我们的家长现在肯定很想知道进展如何

Well let's see

一起看看

Yep three missed calls

没错有三通未接电话

Four missed calls two text messages

四通未接电话两条短信

and a failed video chat I win

一次视频聊天邀请失败我赢了

So what are we going to tell them

那我们该怎么跟他们说呢

I'd like to tell them things are going well

我觉得一切进展顺利

Me too

同意

But before we get their hopes up

但在燃起他们的希望之前

we should probably make sure we're on the same page

得先弄清楚我们的步调是否一致

Okay

好

What page are you on

那你现在走到哪一步

I'm on the one where I'm under a lot of pressure

我现在走到父母不断施压

from my parents to get married and settle down

逼我结婚定下来

and have a family

组建家庭

and I'm going to do it so they don't find out I'm gay

所以我会乖乖结婚好隐瞒我是拉拉的事实

Say again

你说什么

I'm gay

我是拉拉

Like dude on dude

好比男男

but with women

但你是女女吗

I know a fake marriage isn't an honest way to live

我知道假结婚的只是一场骗局

but you of all people should know how difficult it is

但你一定比其他人更理解我们的文化中

to come out in our culture

出柜是多么难以被接受

Why me of all people

为什么我比其他人更理解

Well there's a rumor back in New Delhi that you're

你老家新德里那里有传言说你...

how shall we say

委婉点说好了

comfortable in a sari

身穿男服心在纱丽

I'm not gay

我不是基佬

Really The chocolate lava cake

真的吗巧克力软心蛋糕

the little soaps in the bathroom

浴室的小肥皂

and I'm sorry but you're wearing more perfume than I am

而且你身上的"香水"味比我还重呢

That's Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar

那可是科勒和拉马尔的"固若金汤"

And for your information it's unisex

顺便告诉你一下这是中性香水

Fill in the blank

玩个填空游戏吧

I love the nightlife

我爱夜生活

I like to boogie

我爱布"基"[舞蹈]

Got you

露馅了吧

With women I like to boogie with women

是跟女人跳我爱跟女人跳布吉

That's disappointing

真让人失望

You were exactly the kind of phony baloney husband

你就是我想要的带"把儿"假老公

I was looking for

最完美的人选

Thank you

谢谢

And once again my baloney likes girls

重申一次我的"把儿"喜欢女人

W W Wait

慢着

You don't want to put a bite of that in your mouth

在没尝过我自制的香堤伊奶油之前

without trying my homemade Chantilly cream

最好先一口都别吃

Yeah okay that time I heard it

好吧这次我听出来基味了

Oh dear

天啊

Two suns and no sunscreen

两个太阳没带防晒乳

Hello again Sheldon

你好谢尔顿

What is it now Tiny Spock

又怎么了小小史波克

I am very disappointed in you

我对你非常失望

You broke your toy and switched it with Leonard's

你弄坏了自己的玩具然后偷换给莱纳德

You should be ashamed of yourself

你应该为自己的行为感到羞耻

You're the one who told me to play with it

是你让我玩玩具的

If I told you to jump off the bridge of the Enterprise

那我让你从进取号的舰桥上跳下来

would you do it

你会照办吗

Oh if I got on the bridge of the Enterprise

如果我上了进取号的舰桥

I would never ever leave

我死也不会跳出去

Trust me it gets old after a while

相信我很快就会玩腻了

You must right your wrongs Sheldon

你必须改正你的错误谢尔顿

Why I got away with it

为什么我成功蒙混过关了

Leonard has his toy and he's never going to open it

莱纳德有他的玩具而且永远也不会打开

so he won't know it's broken

所以不会知道那是坏的

And I have a toy that isn't broken

而我得到了一个完好无损的玩具

Everybody's happy

皆大欢喜

Well I am unhappy

错我不开心

瓦肯人是个几乎能克制所有情感的种族

《星际迷航》史波克是人类与瓦肯人的混血

I thought where you come from they don't have emotions

我以为你是来自无情绪星球的呢

I come from a factory in Taiwan

我来自台湾的一家玩具工厂

Now do the right thing

现在快去改正错误

You know what you are

知道你是什么吗

瓦肯人有绿色的血液

Well you're a green blooded buzz kill

你是个冷血的扫兴绿鬼

Perhaps it's time you beam on out of here

你现在还是赶紧传送走吧

Fine

好吧

I will just use the transporter

我用传送机把自己传送走吧

Oh right

哎呀我忘了

You broke it

你把它弄坏了

Very well

很好

Cooper to Enterprise one to beam up

库珀呼叫进取号请求传送一人

Energize

开始传送

Tiny Spock help

小小史波克救命啊

Ready for lunch

要去吃午餐了吗

Yeah one sec

要的等一下

Oh good Ma would've killed me

好了我老妈要是发现

if she found out I broke my retainer

我把牙保持器弄坏了会杀了我的

Can I run something by you It's about Lakshmi

我可以跟你谈个事情吗跟拉希米有关

Yeah sure How are things going

好说吧发展得怎么样了

We hit a couple of bumps

我们有几个小问题

She lives over in Manhattan Beach

她住在曼哈顿海滩

so it takes like an hour to get there

我得花一个小时才能到她家

And she's a lesbian

而且她是个拉拉

What do you mean "she's a lesbian"

你说她是"拉拉"是什么意思

Well you know how whenever you and I would try

还记得每次我们去酒吧泡妞

to hit on women in bars and they'd blow us off

只要失败了我们就会互相安慰

and then we'd tell each other they were probably gay

说那女的铁定是同性恋吗

It's like that

就像那样啊

Except this time it's true

只是这次她是真的同性恋

Then why did she even go out with you

那她干嘛还出来跟你相亲啊

She was looking for a husband so she can appear to be straight

她想找个老公假结婚来掩盖事实

And you know

虽然这主意

it sounded crazy to me at first

乍听之下挺疯狂的

but I'm actually thinking about doing it

但我真的有考虑跟她结婚

Okay so the reason that might sound crazy

这事情乍听就很疯狂是因为

is 'cause it's crazy

这本来就很疯狂啊

Look Howard you're in a relationship

霍华德你有女朋友了

You know you have to make compromises

你当然不用妥协

Yes but my compromises are about which bedspread to buy

但我要妥协的是买哪种床单

or whose turn it is to do the laundry

或者今天该轮到谁洗衣服啦

Bernadette's or my mom's

伯纳黛特还是我妈

It's a great deal

跟她结婚很合算啊

We both get our parents off our backs

我和她都能摆脱父母的控制

I don't have to come home to an empty apartment every night

每晚回家不用再面对空荡荡的屋子

Plus once I'm married I can finally eat carbs again

再说结了婚我就尽情吃碳水化合物了

据说不吃碳水化合物能减肥控制身材

and let myself go

不用再担心身材问题

Why don't you tell your parents

何不告诉你父母

you want to try to find someone else

你想另寻意中人

Maybe one who hasn't slept with more woman than you

或许找个睡过的女人比你少的伴儿

Because this one wants to marry me

但这个女人想跟我结婚

I might never find another one who does

我从没找到过想跟我结婚的女人

So you're seriously thinking about marrying someone

所以你真的是在慎重考虑

you're never gonna have sex with

要过无性婚姻吗

I can't believe your attitude

不敢相信你是这态度

I thought you were in favor of gay people getting married

你不是向来支持同性恋婚姻的吗

Yes to other gay people

没错我支持的是双方都是同性恋

Do you hear how homophobic you sound

你知道你这话有多"恐同"吗

Oh I don't want a broken toy

我才不想要坏的

Nothing

没事

What

什么

Nothing I said nothing

没事我说了没事

That was weird

好诡异

Really I don't even notice anymore

真的吗他的诡异早被我当正常了

I cannot believe you guys aren't gonna play with these

我真不敢相信你们真的不拆出来玩

Well I told you you don't It's mint in box

我说了你不信嘛全新未开封不能拆

I don't know I just think it's a waste

我不知道只是觉得浪费

Relax I'm just looking at the box

放心啦我只看看盒子

Perhaps you should look with your eyes

你光用眼睛看就行了

and not your muscular Nebraska man hands

把你那肌肉发达的汉子手拿开

What is your problem

你到底怎么回事啊

My problem is that I don't want you to break Leonard's toy

我就是怕你弄坏莱纳德的玩具

Which you probably did by shaking it

万一你摇一摇就摇坏了呢

She shook it we all saw her

她摇过了我们都看到了啊

Leonard I bought you this

莱纳德我送你这个

'cause I wanted you to have fun with it

只是想让你玩得开心

I don't want it to sit in this box

我不想它一直呆在盒子里不见天日

You know you're right

你说得对

I mean it's from you

这可是你送我的

I'm never gonna sell it

我不可能拿出来卖

I'm opening it Yes

-我这就拆吧 -太好了

It's broken What

-是坏的 -什么

Oh nice job man hands

瞧你干的好事汉子手

I didn't break it

不是我弄坏的

I guess Stuart sold it to me like this

估计斯图尔特卖给我的时候就这样了

Yes Yes he did

没错肯定是他

That is a perfectly satisfying and plausible explana

这是最最最可信又最最最合理的解释...

Let's all be mad at Stuart

要怪就怪斯图尔特吧

You know I paid a lot for this

这玩意老贵了

Let's take it over there and show him

我们拿回店里给他看吧

Absolutely

绝对要的

Wait

等等

It was me

是我干的

I opened your toy

是我拆开了你的玩具...

discovered it was broken and didn't tell you

发现是坏的却没有告诉你

Why would you open mine

你为什么要拆我的

I didn't That was a lie

我没有我说谎了

I opened my own toy

我拆开了自己的

and it was already broken so I switched them

发现它已经坏了所以跟你换了个

You should talk to Stuart

那你该跟斯图尔特说啊

I can't because that was a lie

不能说我又说谎了

Yours was broken in an earthquake

你的玩具在地震中坏了...

and that's a lie

还是说谎

What is the truth

真相到底是什么

My Mr Spock doll came to me in a dream

我的玩具史波克先生托梦给我

and forced me to open it

逼我拆开了盒子

And when the toy broke I switched it for yours

玩具坏掉以后我就偷换了你的

Later he encouraged me to do the right thing

后来他鼓励我改正错误

and I defied him

而我拒绝了他

And then I was attacked by a Gorn

然后我就被葛恩追杀了

葛恩:星际迷航中虚构的物种

Okay that I believe

好吧这个我信

Leonard Penny I just I want you both to know

莱纳德佩妮我要对你们说

that I regret my actions towards the two of you

我很后悔之前对两位所做的事

That's a lie

我又说谎了

So is that one mine

这么说那个是我的咯

Yes Well hand it over so I can open it

-是的 -那给我吧我来拆开

Okay

好吧

And Leonard even though I don't have one anymore

莱纳德虽然我的玩具坏了

I hope you have fun playing with it

我还是希望你玩得开心

And that's a lie right It's a big fat whopper

-你又说谎了吧 -弥天大谎

I hope it breaks

我真心希望这个是坏的

This is a treat

欢迎大驾光临

What brings you guys by

什么风把你们吹来了

Raj Howie told me what's going on with you and Lakshmi

拉杰华仔跟我说了你和拉希米的事

You told her

你居然告诉她了

I told everybody

我还告诉所有人了呢

We believe there's someone out there who will love you for you

我们相信你一定会找到一个真心爱你的人

Actually we kind of agreed to disagree on that one

其实在这点上我们各持不同意见

but we both think you shouldn't marry this woman

但我们一致认为你不该跟她结婚

So while I'm waiting for this mysterious perfect match

所以当我在等待这个可能存在也可能不存在的

who may or may not exist I'm supposed to just be alone

神秘真命天女时就该一直单身下去吗

Not necessarily

那倒未必

I think we found someone for you to cuddle with

我们为你找了个可以相依偎的伴

Oh my goodness

我的老天

Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever

你可真是史上最可爱的小狗狗

You got him for me

他真的是送我的吗

Her We thought you two would hit it off

是"她" 你俩肯定合得来

I think we already have

我俩一拍即合

Thank you guys so much

太感谢你们了

一般男用钱包称wallet 女用钱包称purse

Let's go see if you fit in my man purse

来看看你能不能装进我男用手包里去

Heterosexual my ass

异性恋骗谁呀