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Gentlemen I put it to you
先生们 我告诉你们哟
the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor
最难吃西米布丁也好过其他口味优质布丁
First off that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate
首先 明眼人都知道这话错的 因为最好的布丁是巧克力口味
Secondly the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death
其次 西米的有机结构使布丁 黏糊糊摇晃晃 有潜在致命危险
It is extracted from the plant
是从植物里提取...
Hey I'm thinking of growing a mustache
嘿 我在考虑留点胡子
No kidding
不是吧?
Fu Manchu a handlebar pencil
傅满洲那样的? 八字胡 又尖又长?
It's extracted from the plant I'm not sure yet
- 是从植物中提取 - 还没想好呢
You know George Clooney has one now
乔治·克鲁尼现在也留胡子呢
Really I once saw him shopping at Ralph's He was buying tequila
真的? 我看到过他在拉夫斯超市买龙舌兰酒
You'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey
你以为他们会有仆人跑腿买酒吗?
All right this is cruel
好啦 太残忍了
We'd better let him finish before his head explodes
我们还是让他说完 不然人家要爆头了
All right Sheldon why is tap
好吧 谢尔顿 为啥西...
Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant manihot esculenta
西米由食用木薯根茎提取而成
Due to a high concentration of cyanide
由于富含高浓度的氰化物
it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly
其本身有毒性 如加工不当即食用会致命
Feel better now
现在爽了吧?
It is also indigenous to Brazil as is the coa bean from which we get chocolate the best pudding
同时可可豆也是巴西的 从中能提取巧克力 做最好的布丁
And you promised you wouldn't do that anymore
求你们别再耍我了!
Hey Hofstadter
嘿 霍夫施塔特
Hey Kripke
嘿 Kripke
Heard about your latest anti proton decay experiment
听说你最新的反质子衰变实验了
20 000 data runs and no statistically significant results
收集两万数据 却没啥有用的结果
Very impressive
灰常了得
What a jerk
蠢货一个
Don't feel bad Leonard Negative results are still results
别气馁 莱纳德 没用的结果也是结果
Even 20 000 of them All right
- 就算两万又算啥 - 行啦!
Please don't cheer me up anymore
求你们别在给我打气了
Come on Don't let him get to you It's Kripke
别呀 不要让他打击到你 Kripke哪根葱
Yeah he's a ginormous knob
对呀 大蠢蛋一个
That's why he eats by himself instead of sitting here at the cool table
所以他孤单用餐 而不能坐到这酷酷的桌子来
For shizzle
说得对呀
It's true Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted
确实啊 Kripke确实缺乏 咱固有的那种基本社交技巧
But he also controls the new open science grid computer
但他还操控着新的开放科学网格计算机
that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe
而我需要它来模拟宇宙早期的结构形态
Well good luck getting time on it
看你有没有那命用上吧
The only people he lets use it are his friends
他可只让他的朋友使用
Well then the solution is simple
那 解决办法很简单嘛
I shall befriend him
我去和他做朋友
Kripke
Kripke!
Yeah
啥事?
What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends
你觉得我们交个朋友如何?
I would say I have no interest in becoming your friend
我觉得木有啥兴趣哟
Really
当真?
That seems rather shortsighted coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikable
你个里里外外不受欢迎的家伙 目光还真是相当短浅呀
Why don't you take some time to reconsider
不如重新考虑下吧?
Yeah I'll do that
行呀 我去想想
Well I think we're off to a terrific start
看来咱这开局不错啊
There you go
好了
Now any e mail from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder
现在所有沃尔伍兹发来的邮件 都会直接进入垃圾箱
Thanks I mean the e mail doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit
多谢 其实骚扰邮件倒没啥 他穿浴衣的度假照比较雷人
Yeah I got the same one and that's not a bathing suit It's a tan line
是呀 我也收到了 那可不是浴衣 是晒痕
Hello this is Sheldon Cooper
你好 我是谢尔顿·库珀
I am leaving a message for Barry Kripke
这是给贝瑞·克里帕奇的留言
Barry it was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria
贝瑞 很高兴在食堂与你邂逅
I saw that you purchased the chef's salad
我注意到你买了推荐沙拉
Apparently you did not know that the chef's salad is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat
显然 你不知道推荐沙拉是 食堂的杂碎肉骗人把戏
Nevertheless I hope you enjoyed it
不过呢 我希望你用餐愉快
I'm following up on our pending friendship and I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status
我在追踪待定友谊的发展状况 期待你来电给它定位哟
Sheldon Cooper
我是谢尔顿·库珀
What's up with Ichabod
胆小发明家又咋了?
Uh he's trying to make a new friend
他在交友呢
Oh really Well good for him
真的? 不错嘛
Well unless he makes one out of wood like Geppetto I don't think it's gonna happen
除非他像杰佩托做出皮诺曹 不然没戏的
How did you guys become friends
那你们咋成为朋友的?
There was a flyer on the bulletin board at the university
大学公告板上的一张传单
"Roommate wanted Whistlers need not apply "
"招募室友 吹口哨的勿扰"
And you moved in anyway
你就搬进去了?
I assumed he was joking
我以为他说着玩的
You'd be surprised how many particle physicists have a whimsical side
你绝对想不到有多少量子物理学家 都有反复无常的一面
What about Howard and Raj I mean how did he become friends with them
霍华德和拉吉呢? 我是说他咋和他们好上的?
I don't know How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring
不知道 碳原子是如何构成苯环的?
Proximity and valence electrons
价电子亲近
Well sure when you put it that way
是呀 你这样说也是哈
But it all worked out right
但相处的也不错是吧
I suppose I do miss whistling though
差不多吧 尽管我很怀念口哨
Oh come on Really
不是吧?
First warning
警告一次
Penny Penny Penny
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮
This is for you
给你的
Hello Sheldon
你好 谢尔顿
What is this
这是啥?
It's a questionnaire I devised
我设计的调查表
I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work
我和一位同事交友遇到点困难
so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me
所以我想做些小调查 更好的了解 为什么我目前的朋友们喜欢我
Yes well that is a good question
嗯 这个问题值得考虑
But is this really the best way to figure it out
但你确定这是最好的办法了?
I agree The social sciences are largely hokum
问得好 社会学家很大程度是忽悠
But short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my companionship
但又不能插一个电极到你的大脑 探测你对我友谊问题的反应
this is the best I can do
就这方法还凑合了
Okay "Question one "Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper "in order of appeal "
好 "问题1: 按吸引力程度给 谢尔顿·库珀以下各方面排序
Intelligence ruthless attention to hygiene playfulness JAVA applet writing"
聪明 洁癖 有趣 Java程序编写?"
I know I may have started out with a fairly obvious one
也许头一个问题答案过分明显
an aspect of my most appealing trait playfulness
谁不知道我最吸引人的特质之一 有趣
Why don't you just go ahead and rank that number one
你直接把它排到1号吧
I'm afraid you're on your own for the rest
恐怕剩下的我不能指导你了
It should take you no more than three hours
用不了三个小时就可以完成
Well wait How many questions are on this thing
等下 这玩意儿有多少个问题呀?
Only 211
区区211个
Don't worry In deference to you I kept them all at a high school graduate reading level
别担心 为了照顾你 这份高中毕业就能读懂
Thanks pal
还得谢你 哥们儿
You got it buddy
客气啥...姐们儿
Sheldon honey did you ever consider making friends by being I don't know pleasant
谢尔顿 亲爱的 你有没有考虑过 通过让人开心来交友啊?
Well that's certainly a thought provoking hypothesis
那当然是一个发人深思的假设
May I suggest it as the topic for your essay
我看你论文写这题目好了
Your questionnaire very disappointing
你的调查问卷 十分让人失望呀
I answered every question Sheldon
我逢题必答呀 谢尔顿
You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern
你选择题很有规律嘛
A B B A C A B B A C
A- B-A-C.A- B-A-C.
Oh you picked up on that huh
你发现了哈
How could I not
我怎么会发现不了?
Come on There's over 200 questions
行行好 超过200个问题
And look at some of these things
看有些问题吧
"Sheldon is to camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank "
"谢尔顿之于友谊如同太空梭之于什么?"
There are a number of acceptable answers
这里有些适合的答案呀
For example Near Earth transport "
例如 C近地运输机
But certainly not Avocado rancher "
但绝对不是B鳄梨种植工
And your essay suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait till the Cylons take over
你在论文里还说等到赛昂人接管地球 我在交友方面会更有运气
Please
请别
Now hold on I put some real work into that
等等 那篇我可是认真写的
Yes well it's better than what Wolowitz did
是呀 可比沃尔伍兹好多了
He drew a raccoon with what appears to be a distended scrotum
他画了一个大阴囊的发情浣熊
It's kinda cute
还真有点可爱哟
Until you get to the scrotum
只要不看它那玩意儿
What hope do I have for establishing new relationships given that
我怎么会有希望建立新的友情关系?
my current friends apparently could not take a few hours out of their lives to help me
现存的朋友们都舍不得用 他们漫长生命的少许小时来帮助我
Sheldon I'm not going to defend a big balled raccoon
谢尔顿 我没打算为大蛋蛋浣熊说话
Well I don't see how you could
我看不出你能做到
What I'm trying to say is that maybe you can't approach this as a purely intellectual exercise
我想说的是 或许你不能把 这些当作纯粹智力习题来对待
What do you mean
你什么意思?
Well remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the Internet
还记得你怎么在网上学游泳吗?
Ididlearn how to swim
我是学过游泳
On the floor
在地板上学的
The skills are transferable
技巧是相通的
I just have no interest in going in the water
我只是不想到水里去
Then why learn how to swim
那你为啥要学游泳呀?
The ice caps are melting Leonard
冰盖在融化呀 莱纳德
In the future swimming isn't going to be optional
未来 游泳是不可避免的
But you do bring up an interesting point
但你给了我灵感
I don't have to break new ground here
我用不着做新的研究
I'm sure much of the research already exists
肯定很多研究结果是现存的
No no my point is if you want to learn how to make friends
不 不 我想说的是 如果你想学如何交友
then just go out to a coffee shop or a museum
到咖啡店或者博物馆去
Meet people Talk to them
认识些人 和他们交流
Take an interest intheirlives
了解下人家的生活
That's insane on the face of it
疯了呗
Come on Where are we going
- 走吧 - 我们去哪儿?
You're driving me to the mall
你载我去卖场
I'm going to acquire a book that summarizes the current theories in the field of friend making
我要去买本现存交友领域的理论大全
Why don't you just lie down on the floor and swim there
你干嘛不直接躺地上 游过去呢?
Coping with the Death of a Loved One
<如何面对至爱的离去>
My condolences Thank you
- 节哀顺变 - 感谢你
Family or friend Family
- 家人还是朋友? - 家人
Too bad
太遗憾了
If it had been a friend I'm available to fill the void
如果是朋友 我刚好可以填补空缺
It's just as well She smelled like mothballs
没关系 她满身卫生球味道
Okay if you're gonna start sniffing people I'm gonna go get a hot pretzel
好吧 要是你在这嗅人玩 我去买点热脆饼
Excuse me
劳驾
Do you have any books about making friends
有交友的书吗?
Um yeah but they're all for little kids
嗯 有 但都是写给小孩子的
I assume the skills can be extrapolated and transferred
我想技巧可以推断 道理相通嘛
I guess They're right over there by the wooden train set
可能吧 就在木火车那边
I love trains
我爱火车
I bet you do
你当然喜欢了
Oh my that's awfully sticky
哎 呀 还真粘
All right let's see
好了 我来瞧瞧哈...
Bernie Bunny Has Two Daddies Now
<兔子波尼有两个爸爸了>
That's probably about homosexual rabbits
估计是同志兔子的故事
Gerry the Gerbil and the Bullies on the Bus
<沙鼠杰瑞和恶霸在公车上>
Read it Not helpful
读过了 没啥用
Oh here we go
哦 有了
Stu the Cockatoo Is New at the Zoo
<动物园的新成员鹦鹉斯图>
"Author Sarah Carpenter lives in Fort Wayne Indiana
莎拉·卡朋特作 现与其爱人 朋友马克以及鹦鹉斯图
"with her husband and best friend Mark and their cockatoo Stu "
居住于印第安纳州 韦恩堡
Hardly makes her an expert in making friends wouldn't you agree
没有点交友专家的样子 你说是吧?
I don't like birds They scare me
我不喜欢鸟类 它们多吓人
Me too
我也是诶
Most people don't see it
很多人都意识不到
What are you reading
你读啥呢?
Curious George
<好奇的乔治>
Oh I do like monkeys
哦 猴子我可喜欢
Curious George is a monkey
好奇乔治就是猴子
Somewhat anthropomorphized but yes
算是人格化的 但没错
Say maybe sometime you and I could go see monkeys together Would you like that
或许 啥时候咱俩去看个猴子呗 你觉得好不?
Okay
好哇
Sheldon what are you doing
谢尔顿 你干嘛呢?
I'm making friends with this little girl What's your name
我和这小女孩交朋友呢 你叫什么名字?
Rebecca
瑞贝卡
Hi Rebecca I'm your new friend Sheldon
嗨 瑞贝卡 我是你的新朋友谢尔顿
No you're not Let's go
不 别搞了 走吧
We were really hitting it off Don't look up There's cameras
- 我俩聊得正投机呢 - 别抬头 上面有摄像头
the "How well do you know Sheldon" section
我想知道哈 在"你有多了解谢尔顿"那项
what did you put for his favorite amino acid
他最喜欢的氨基酸 你们填的啥?
Lysine Lysine
- 赖氨酸 - 赖氨酸
Damn it I had lysine and changed it
完了 我本来写了赖氨酸 又改了
Oh good you're just in time
太好了 时间刚刚好
I believe I've isolated the algorithm for making friends
我想我解开了交友解题步骤
Sheldon there is no algorithm for making friends
谢尔顿 交友哪有解题步骤啊
Well hear him out If he's really onto something
得了 听他讲完 要是真有啥发现
we could open a booth at Comic Con Make a fortune
咱就在动漫大会上弄个展台 赚他一笔
See my initial approach to Kripke had the same deficiencies
是这样 我最初和Kripke搭话就跟
as those that plagued Stu the Cockatoo when he was new at the zoo
鹦鹉斯图刚到公园时一样有着缺陷
Stu the Cockatoo
鹦鹉斯图?
Yes He's new at the zoo
没错 他是动物园新成员
It's a terrific book
超赞的书
I've distilled its essence into a simple flow chart that will guide me through the process
我摘录它的精华制作了流程图来指导我
Have you thought about putting him in a crate while you're out of the apartment
有没有考虑过出门时把他装进大木箱里?
Hello Kripke Sheldon Cooper here
你好 Kripke? 我是谢尔顿·库珀
It occurred to me that you hadn't returned any of my calls
我想到哈 你没回我的电话
because I hadn't offered any concrete suggestions for pursuing our friendship
是因为我没为发展友情提出实际建议
Perhaps the two of us might share a meal together
或许咱俩该一起吃个饭
I see
了解
Well then perhaps you'd have time for a hot beverage
那有没有时间喝个热饮?
Popular choices include tea coffee cocoa
最受欢迎的有茶 咖啡 可可
I see No no no wait Don't hang up yet
了解了解 别 先别挂
What about a recreational activity
那娱乐娱乐怎么样呢?
I bet we share some common interests
我们肯定有共同爱好
Tell me an interest of yours
说说你有啥兴趣爱好
Really On actual horses
真的呀? 骑真马?
Tell me another interest of yours
再说个兴趣爱好
I'm sorry I have no desire to get in the water till I absolutely have to
抱歉 不到逼不得已 我才不下水游泳
Tell me another interest of yours
再说个兴趣爱好
Uh oh he's stuck in an infinite loop
哦这问题要无限循环下去了
I can fix it
我来搞定
Interesting but isn't ventriloquism by definition a solo activity
有意思 但口技不是个人娱乐项目吗?
Yeah Tell me another interest of yours
再说个兴趣爱好
Is there any chance you like monkeys
你喜不喜欢猴子呀?
What is wrong with you Everybody likes monkeys
你咋回事嘛? 人人都喜欢猴子
Hang on Kripke
别挂 Kripke
A loop counter and an escape to the least objectionable activity
没办法时 选择不太讨厌的项目
Howard that's brilliant
霍华德 聪明啊
I'm surprised you saw that
你居然想到了
Gee why can't Sheldon make friends
天呀 谢尔顿咋交不到朋友呢?
All right Kripke that last interest strikes me as the least objectionable
好了 Kripke 你刚说那兴趣爱好 是我不太讨厌的
and I would like to propose that we do that together
我提议咱一起去玩
Tomorrow
明天
Yes I'll pay All right good bye
是的 我付钱 好的 拜拜
All right Time to learn rock climbing
好啦 该学学攀岩了
You know I am a fan of ventriloquism
要知道 我超喜欢口技哟
Maybe you me and your dummy could go get a hot beverage
要不你我还有你的小假人去喝个热饮
He could talk while you drink
你喝时他表演
Nope I wanna climb some rocks
不鸟 我想攀岩
This appears significantly more monolithic than it did on my laptop
这家伙比在电脑上看起来大啊
One expects to see hominids learning to use bones as weapons
想看原始人怎么用骨头当武器呢
You afraid of heights Cooper
你恐高啊 库珀?
Hardly A fear of heights is illogical
哪能啊 恐高完全不合理
A fear of falling on the other hand is prudent and evolutionary
然而害怕掉下来 才是有发展眼光的说法
What would you say is the minimum altitude I need to achieve to cement our newfound friendship
你说要巩固我们的友情 我最少要爬多高呀?
Come on they have birthday parties here Little kids climb this
好啦 这开生日会呢 小盆友都爬
Little kid hominids perhaps
小原始人吧
So is this your entire job Your parents must be so proud
你工作就干这点事啊? 父母一定很骄傲哈
Let's go Cooper I'm coming Kripke
- 来啊 库珀 - 来了 Kripke
Okay the harness seems to be secure
好的 绳子貌似很结实
A small amount of incontinence just now but the Web site said that's to be expected
刚才有点不能自制 但网上说那是正常情况
this isn't so bad It's like vertical swimming
也不咋难嘛 像是垂直游泳
Hey look at you Cooper You're almost halfway to the top
嘿 瞧瞧 库珀 都爬到一半了
I am
是吗?
I was wrong It is a fear of heights
我错了 我恐高
You all right there Cooper
你还好吗 库珀?
Not really
不太好
I feel somewhat like an inverse tangent function that's approached an asymptote
感觉像是反正切曲线接近渐近线了
Are you saying you're stuck
你是说你卡住了?
What part of inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote did you not understand
反正切曲线接近渐近线 哪个字你不明白啊?
I understood all of it I'm not a moron Just keep going
我都明白 我又不是白痴 接着爬啦
Yeah I don't think I can
我想我做不到
Well then climb back down
那就爬下去
No that doesn't seem any more likely
不行 更没可能了
What's your plan Cooper
你打算咋办 库珀?
Well it's not exactly a plan but I think I'm going to pass out
不能算是啥打算 我想我要晕菜了
I'm sorry can we please just do it one more time
抱歉 咱再做一次行吗?
Okay One two one two three and
好的 一二 一二三
It's a little thing but you really do miss it
小事一件 但真是怀念啊
Hello everyone
大家好
I brought my new friend Barry Kripke home for dinner
我带新朋友贝瑞·克里帕奇回家吃饭了
Hello to you too
你们也好啊
How was rock climbing
攀岩怎样?
He passed out
他晕过去了
Just hung there like a big salami
跟个意大利腊肠一样吊在那
Tha tha that's where I sit
那 那 那是我的座
Ooh you have a special spot What kind of wacko are you
你还有固定座位呢? 咋这么怪捏
How much time you got
看你有多少时间
You want some Chinese food
来点中餐?
Terrific Got any dental floss
太好了 有牙线没?
In the bathroom
在洗手间
Be right back
马上回来
I got to floss the Indian food out of my teeth if I'm gonna eat Chinese
吃中餐前要先把牙里的印度菜弄出来
Sheldon are you okay
谢尔顿 还好吗?
Oh yes I pass out all the time but it was worth it
哦 好呀 全晕过去了 但值了
I've made substantial progress in bonding with Kripke which brings me to an awkward moment
我和Kripke的友情有了质的进展 但这也产生了一个尴尬的问题
What's that
咋了?
Maintaing five friendships promises to be a Herculean task so
维持五个朋友的友情太困难了 所以...
I'm going to have to let one of you go
我要开除你们其中一个
Me me let it be me
我 我 选我吧
Leonard you are my roommate my source of transportation
莱纳德 你是我的室友 我的出行工具
and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer
床单烘干后你会为我叠好
You are safe
你安全了
Can I whistle Don't be silly
- 能吹口哨不? - 别犯傻
Howard you do not have a PhD your cologne is an assault on the senses
霍华德 你没有博士学位 你的古龙水刺激感官
and you're not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays
犹太重大节日期间 你不能参与电子游戏
Guilty as charged I'm out
我有罪啊 我淘汰了
No You too are safe
不 你也安全
Oh come on What do I have to do
哦 不是吧 我该怎么做呀?
Okay you know what I see where this is going
好了 我知道怎么个意思了
I'm not one of you guys I'm not a scientist so just tell me
我不属于你们中的一员 我也不是科学家 直接告诉我...
Penny Penny Penny everything you're saying is true but please allow me to continue
佩妮 佩妮 佩妮 你说的都对 但请听我说完
Raj you're out
拉吉 你被淘汰了
That's a good question
问的好
While you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group
你的确为这个同类的小团体 注入了异域的文化
your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing
但你问卷的回答太闹心了
How could you for a moment think that my favorite amino acid is glutamine
你怎么会觉得我最喜欢的氨基酸是谷氨酰胺?
He had lysine but changed it
他写了赖氨酸 又改了
Shoulda woulda coulda Raj
早干啥了 拉吉
I like to floss before I eat so my gum pockets are open for new food
我喜欢在吃东西前打牙线 以便牙缝迎接新的食物
Hello
你好啊!
How did I walk past you
我以前怎会没注意到你?
I'm Barry Penny
- 我是贝瑞 - 佩妮
Eh that's not a very hot name
呃 这名字不咋性感嘛
I'm going to call you Roxanne
我要叫你罗姗
Ooh pot stickers
哦 饺子
Suddenly I'm looking pretty good huh
突然前 我变得如此优质了哈?
So Kripke I was wondering if there's any chance you could get me some time on the open science grid computer
Kripke 我在想你能不能借我用用 开放科学网格计算机呢?
No No But we're friends
- 不行 - 不行? 我们是朋友啊
I'm sorry No my friend
抱歉 不行 我的盆友
I'm confused
搞不懂了
I was given to understand that you allow your friends time on the machine
我以为你会让朋友用那机器的
No that's wrong There's an official schedule I have no control over it
不 不是那么回事 有正式安排的 我做不了主
Well this entire endeavor seems to have been an exercise in futility
看来整个尝试都是徒劳了
Raj you're back in
拉吉 你可以回来了
He likes monkeys
他喜欢猴子
You gotta give him credit for sticking with it
我得表扬他的坚持精神
I didn't think he had it in him
我看他是没那细胞
And he almost made it to the top this time
这次差点就到顶了啊