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I'm just gonna run to the store and get a few things
我去商店里买点东西
I'll pick you up when you're done
等你剪完再来接你
Okay
I like it a little better when you stay but all right
我比较喜欢你在这儿陪我 不过没关系
Hey Sheldon
嗨 谢尔顿
Hello I'm here for my haircut with Mr D'Onofrio
嗨 我来找诺费奥先生为我理发
I'm sorry Uncle Tony's in the hospital
真抱歉 托尼舅舅还在医院呢
He's pretty sick
他病得很厉害
Oh dear Mr D'Onofrio's in the hospital
天啊 诺费奥先生在医院
Why do these things always happen to me
我的命运为何如此多舛
I can cut it for you
我可以帮你理发
You're not Mr D'Onofrio
你不是诺费奥先生
I get my hair cut by Mr D'Onofrio
我的头发一般是诺费奥先生理的
You believe this guy
你信得过这家伙吗
Excuse us for a second
先失陪一下
Sheldon it's okay he can do it
谢尔顿 没关系 他能行的
He's a barber
他也是个理发师
He's not a barber he's the nephew
他不是理发师 他是理发师的外甥
He's an example of the kind of nepotism
他就是理发界日益猖獗的
that runs rampant in the barbering industry
裙带关系的典型范例
Besides Mr D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done
另外 诺费奥先生很清楚我喜欢什么样的发型
because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas
因为他有我在德州理发时的理发记录
What are you talking about
你在瞎扯什么啊
When I first moved here
我刚搬来这里的时候
I was nervous about finding a new barber
找新理发师这事儿很让我发愁
so my mother had all my haircut records
所以我妈就把我的理发记录
sent here to Mr D'Onofrio
都寄给了诺费奥先生
There's no such thing as haircut records
根本没有理发记录这回事
Yes there are
不 肯定有的
Have you ever seen them
你见过你的理发记录吗
No but my mother assured me they were sent here
没 不过我妈妈保证肯定寄过来了
and I'll bet you dollars to donuts
我敢跟你打包票
that this one doesn't have them
这家伙肯定没我的理发记录
Uh excuse me
打扰一下
Do you have access to my haircut records
你能拿到我的理发记录吗
Your what
你的什么
著名美国诗人 诺贝尔文学奖得主
托马斯·斯特恩斯·艾略特
To paraphrase T S Eliot
用T·S·艾略特的诗来说
"世界就是这样告终的 不是砰的一声而是一声抽泣"
这句改自他的作品《空心人》 原文为
this is the way the world ends
世界就是这样告终的
not with a bang but with a nephew
不是砰的一声而是一个外甥
Sheldon you're a grown man he's a professional
谢尔顿 你都是个大人了 他也是专业人士
and your haircut is number three on that poster from 1946
而且你的发型是1946年那张海报上的第三个
Just sit down
赶紧坐下
and let him do it
让他给你剪吧
Fine but if I come out of this looking like a dork
好吧 如果我剪完看起来个傻蛋
it's on you
那就全赖你
So my kid said the funniest thing today
我家小孩今天讲了件特别有意思的事
Nope
算了
When you tell this story later
如果你日后跟别人说这事
the word we usually use is "quirky "
记得用"古怪"这个词来形容
By aBu 201705
生活大爆炸 第五季 第十八集
Can you pass the Parmesan cheese
你能把帕马森干酪递给我吗
Sure
What are you doing
你这是干嘛
I'm trying to get the hair out of my eyes
把我的头发从眼前吹开
Sheldon you are one day late for your haircut
谢尔顿 你就是晚了一天没理发而已
Thank you for captioning my nightmare
谢谢你 一句话点明了我的恶梦
Lookie here I got my travel orders
瞧 我收到我的随行指示信了
"Payload Specialist Howard Wolowitz is requested
"随行专家霍华德·沃罗威茨受命
to report to the NASA Johnson Space Center
前往位于德州休斯顿的国家宇航局
Houston Texas
约翰逊太空中心
for astronaut training Monday 8 00 a m "
于周日早上八点接受宇航员特训"
Yeah but it's from NASA so it's 0800
不过这是宇航局的信 所以时间得按照军事格式来念
But it says "8 00 a m "
可上面写的是"早上八点"
You read it as "0800 "
你得按照军事格式来念"0800"
It doesn't have an "O" in front of it
可它前面没写有"O"啊
You know what does have an "oh" in front of it
你知道哪句话前面有"O[哦]"吗
"Oh my God I'm an astronaut
"哦 我的天 我现在是宇航员了"
and you're dying of jealousy "
"你就羡慕嫉妒恨吧"
So what kind of things are they
那他们要...
Will you stop that
你能消停会儿吗
I can't help it I feel like a teen heartthrob
我忍不住 感觉自己就像是个少女杀手
You know Sheldon I used to cut my brother's hair
谢尔顿 我以前常给我哥剪头发
I could do it for you
我也能帮你的
Penny I know you mean well
佩妮 我知道这是你的一片好心
offering the skills of the hill folk but um
用你们村里的手艺来帮我 不过呢
here in town
在我们城里
we don't churn our own butter
我们不用搅乳器来搅黄油
we don't make dresses out of gunny sacks
我们也不用麻袋来做裙子
and uh we sure as shootin' don't get our hair cut
我们也很确定不想让一个染黄发的丫头
by bottle blonde
来给自己理发
Sheldon be nice
谢尔顿 为人要友善
I'm sorry it's the bad boy attitude
不好意思 有个坏小子的发型
that comes with this hair
就有个坏小子的脾气
You could go to my guy
你可以试试我的理发师
He's at Juan Juan in Beverly Hills
他在比弗利山庄[富人区]的著名美发沙龙
They bring you a cup of tea they'll massage your scalp
他们会给你沏茶 会给你按摩头皮
It's about $200 but sometimes you look in the next chair
虽然要两百块 不过没准有时坐在你旁边的
and you see a superstar like Tony Danza
就是一位超级巨星 比如托尼·丹扎
Quick question here
快速提问
Have we actually changed the conversation
我们真的已经把话题
from "I'm going to astronaut training"
从"我要去参加宇航员特训"
to "Sheldon can't get a haircut"
转到"谢尔顿找不到地方理发"了吗
Now who's dying of jealousy
你看现在是谁在羡慕嫉妒恨
"Oh " it's you
"哦" 是你啊
I'm a cowboy
我是牛仔
邦·乔维的《亡命天涯》
On a steel horse I ride
骑着一匹铁马
I'm wanted
我想要
I'm wanted
我想要
Wanted
想要
Dead or alive
亡命天涯
Sheldon
谢尔顿
you're ruining girlfriend boyfriend sing along night
你把我们的情侣对唱之夜都给毁了
I'm sorry
抱歉
I'm looking for a barber and I'm running out of time
我在找理发店 我的时间不多了
1幺米等于10的 24次方米
1飞秒等于10的-15次方秒
My hair is growing at the rate
我的头发正以每飞秒
of 4 6 yoctometers per femtosecond
4.6幺米的速度生长着
I mean if you're quiet you can hear it
你要是安静点 还能听见头发生长的声音
What about Supercuts
要不去"超级剪"美发沙龙呢
I tried once
我去过一次
They do men's and women's hair
那里无论男人还是女人
in the same room at the same time
都坐在同一个房间里一块剪
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse
那简直就像是带有摩丝的罪恶之城
Well this isn't a crisis
这件事没那么严重
Why don't you just let your hair grow out a little
何不干脆让头发长长点算了
Why don't I let my hair grow out
何不干脆让头发长长
Um why don't I start wearing Birkenstocks
那我何不干脆开始穿凉鞋
and seeking validation of my opinions by asking
并用"你喜欢不"这句话
"Can you dig it "
来求证我的选择
Well I don't know
我不知道啊
I think you might look sexy with long hair
我是觉得你留长头发挺性感的
The kind that flows down to your shoulders
就留那种齐肩长发
and blows back while riding on a horse
骑马的时候还能随风飘动
Bareback and bare chested
马背光溜溜 你胸光溜溜
brush my teeth 可用来指代"自慰"
I'm gonna go brush my teeth it might take a while
我要去"刷牙"了 估计得刷一会儿
Hi sweetie
宝贝儿
I miss you
我想你
I miss you too
我也想你了
So tell me all about your first day
你第一天过得怎么样
Oh wow where do I even start
我该从哪讲起呢
I got to experience zero gravity
我体验了零重力
Cool How do they do that
酷 他们怎么做到的
It's pretty neat
还挺简单的
You get in this plane
你坐进飞机
that goes almost straight up for like 20 seconds
然后垂直上升 历时大概二十秒左右
and then straight back down like it's going to crash and
然后再跟要坠机一样 垂直下落
they do it over and over again you know
如此循环往复
no matter how many times you throw up
吐到连胆汁都快出来了也没人管
You threw up
你吐了吗
Yeah and the craziest part is
是啊 而且最变态的是
because there's no gravity
因为是零重力环境
the throw up kind of floats there
呕吐物就浮在空中
in a little ball
呈一个球状
and if your mouth is open
如果你吓得大叫
because you're screaming
嘴巴张开的话
sometimes it just floats right back in
有时呕吐物就会再飘回你嘴里
Boy does everyone laugh at you when that happens
天啊 到时候你就沦为大家的笑柄
That sounds mean
他们听起来好坏哦
No
没有
Yeah I would have laughed too
其实我当时也想笑的
but I didn't want the vomit to come back out
只不过我不想让呕吐物二次飘回我的嘴里
Anyway
总而言之
Oh could you do me a favor
对了 你能不能帮我
and overnight me some more underwear
连夜快递几条内裤过来
Sure why
没问题 怎么了
I got a look at the centrifuge
今天看了一眼那台离心机
they're going to spin me around in tomorrow
明天我要在里面进行高速旋转训练
and I have a hunch I packed a little light
于是我隐约感觉到我带的内裤不够
Mr D'Onofrio
诺费奥先生
It's me Sheldon
是我 谢尔顿
They didn't have anything barber themed in the gift shop
礼品店里没有任何和理发相关的礼物
so I got you this
所以我给你买了这个
I don't know if you can read his little T shirt
不知道您能不能看见他T恤上的小字
It says um "Get well bear y soon "
上面写着 快点"熊"起来哦
Trust me if you were even a little conscious right now
相信我 如果现在您稍微有点意识
you'd be laughing
肯定也会发笑的
Anyway
总而言之
There's new studies that show people in comas
有一项新的研究表明 昏迷中的人
are aware of everything going on around them
也能感知到身边发生的一切
With that in mind if you can hear me
所以说 如果您现在能听到我说话
move away from the light
请离开您的病床
and toward the sound of these scissors
跟着这把剪刀的声音走
Can I help you
有什么可以帮到你吗
Yes
是的
Do you have something I could use as a cape
你这里有类似理发店大围布的东西吗
Oh dear did we spit out our pills
天啊 你是不是把药给吐了
slip out of the ninth floor
然后从九楼[精神病科]偷溜出来
and go on a little adventure
跑到这探险来了
Oh no no
不 不
I'm just here to get my hair cut
我只是来找他理发的
I I see
我明白了
J Jus Just wait here one moment
你在这等一下
Security
保安
I got to run
我得跑了
But not with scissors that would be unsafe
但是不能拿着剪刀 那样太不安全了
So if I move my horsey here
要是我把我的小马挪到这来
isn't that checkmate and I win
是不是就将军了 我是赢了吧
Well is it or isn't it
到底是不是我赢了
You know I think this is a good stopping point
我们今天就下到这吧
Uh it's your first real game
你第一次下象棋
I threw a lot of information at you
有太多知识要消化了
Well no
I mean your king is trapped
你的国王被我困住了
He can't go here because of my lighthouse
他不能往这走 因为我在这摆了个灯塔[车]
and
还有
he can't go here because of my pointy head guy
他也不能往这走 因为我在这摆了一个尖头小人[象]
Like I said complicated game
正如我说的 这个游戏很复杂
So did I win or not
那我到底赢没赢
Did you have fun
你玩得开心吗
Because if you had fun then you are you are a winner
因为只要你玩得开心了 就算是赢了
That's that that's what chess is all about
象棋就是这样
Sorry Sheldon I'll move Eh why
-抱歉 谢尔顿 我这就挪开 -何必呢
My spot your spot what difference does it make
我的位置 你的位置 有区别吗
Okay what just happened
好吧 刚刚发生了什么
I don't know
我不知道
Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer
一会是你的象棋技术堪比世界冠军
and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot
一会是谢尔顿不介意你坐了他的位置
I'm guessing someone went back in time stepped on a bug
我估计是有人穿越回去 踩死了只虫子[蝴蝶效应]
and changed the course of human events
改变了人类的历史进程吧
Uh sweetie are you all right
亲爱的 你没事吧
No I'm not all right
不 我有事
It's been six days since I was supposed to get a haircut
我本来六天前就该剪头发了
and nothing horrible has happened
除此之外 无大事发生
Okay I'm sorry I don't understand
不好意思 我不懂
Leonard explain it to her
莱纳德 给她解释下
Oh uh he's crazy
那个 他疯了
I have spent my whole life
我用了一生时间
trying to bring order to the universe
精心安排我每天该做什么
by carefully planning every moment of every day
就是想要给这个世界带来秩序
But all my efforts
而我所有的努力
our dinner schedule my pajama rotation
我的晚餐安排 我的睡衣轮换制
my bowel movement spreadsheet
我的排便情况试算表
it's clear now
现在我算明白了
I've been wasting my time
我一直在浪费时间
Good I'm taking that disgusting chart off the fridge
很好 我要把那恶心的表格从冰箱上拿下来
You know Sh Sheldon
听我说 谢尔顿
sometimes it's nice not knowing what's coming
有时未来不可预知也挺好的
I mean look at me and Leonard
我是说 看我和莱纳德
We went out we broke up now we're trying again
我们约会 分手 现在又试着复合
We don't know what's gonna happen
我们也不知道未来会怎么样
Oh please everyone knows what's going to happen
得了吧 你们会怎么样大家都心知肚明
But I see your point
但我懂你们的意思
I think this could be good for you
我觉得这样对你挺好
Maybe it's time for you to shake things up a bit
也许你是该有所改变了
You're right
你说的没错
I should embrace the chaos
我应该接受无序的世界
Great
很好
What are you going to do first
那你先要做什么
I don't know
我不知道
I could do anything
我什么都可以做
All bets are off
原来的规则通通丢掉
出自莎士比亚
The world is my oyster
世界由我主宰
I got it
我知道了
I'm going to put on my Tuesday pajamas tonight
我今晚要穿我星期二的睡衣
I got to tell you I'm a little worried about him
我得说 我有点担心他
If I were you I'd be worried that a girl
如果我是你 我会更担心刚有一个
who's never played chess in her life just kicked your ass
从没下过象棋的女生 让你输得落花流水这个事实
Howie what happened to you
华仔 你怎么了
We did overnight survival training in the wilderness
我们通宵在野外进行生存训练
Big fun
好玩
Big big fun
超级好玩
I was gonna freshen up for you
我本想在跟你视频之前洗把脸
but I blacked out a little on the way to the bathroom
但我在去洗手间的路上 晕过去了一小会儿
Survival training
生存训练
Is that like camping
就像露营那样吗
Uh huh
对啊
Except you don't have food or water
除了没有食物和水
and they don't have a sunset Sabbath service
也不像汉斯·克拉默营那样的
like they do at Camp Hess Kramer
日出而作 日落而息
Do you sleep in tents
你是在帐篷里睡吗
No
不是
I slept in a hole
我睡在一个洞里
I dug in the ground with my bare hands
还是我徒手挖的洞
And at some point during the night
而且晚上的时候
an armadillo crawled in
一只穿山甲爬了进来
and spooned me
还给了我爱的抱抱
Poor baby
可怜的孩子
But I did it
但我做到了
I survived
我活下来了
I wasn't sure I was going to when the sandstorm hit
我不知道沙尘暴来时该往哪儿躲
I just pulled my turtleneck up over my head
我只能拉起高领毛衣盖着头
and waited for death
呆那儿等死
But somehow as I sat there
但当我坐在那的时候
wrapped in a cocoon of my own neck sweat
裹在满是汗味的衣茧里
I found that primal part of the human spirit
我发现了人类精神的真谛
that just wants to keep on living
就是要活下去
no matter what the cost
无论付出什么代价
You're so brave
你太勇敢了
I'm proud of you
我为你自豪
I ate a butterfly
我吃了只蝴蝶
It was so small
那只蝴蝶好小
and beautiful
也很美
but I was so hungry
但我好饿
Are you crying
你在哭吗
No I don't think it's possible
不 我觉得这不可能
I'm severely dehydrated
我已经严重脱水了
My pee is like toothpaste
我的尿就跟牙膏一样稠
Howie if you're not able to do this come home
华仔 如果你坚持不住 就回家吧
It won't change how I feel about you
我对你的感觉不会变的
Thanks honey but I can't quit
谢了 亲爱的 但我不能放弃
If I do I'll just be a guy
不然的话 我就是一个
who had a chance to be an astronaut and gave it up
有机会成为宇航员 却中途放弃的人
Well is there anything I could do to help
那我能为你做什么吗
No
没有
Wait Send more underwear
等等 再多寄点内裤来
Don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos
千万别是谢尔顿在打小手鼓
Please don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos
拜托千万别是谢尔顿在打小手鼓
Hello Leonard do you like my bongos
莱纳德呀 你喜欢我的小手鼓吗
Bet you didn't know that I had bongos
但我想呀 你没猜到我有小手鼓吧
Sheldon it's 3 00 o'clock in the morning
谢尔顿 现在是凌晨三点
3 00 in the morning
凌晨三点呀
is a good time for bongos
正适合弹小手鼓呀
I was sleeping
我刚在睡觉
Leonard sleeps while I play bongos
莱纳德在睡觉 而我在打小手鼓
No he doesn't
不 他被吵醒了
Leonard no sleep while I play bongos
莱纳德被吵醒了 而我在打小手鼓
Bongo solo
小手鼓独奏
Stop Stop it
停 住手
Stop Stop Stop it
住手 别敲了
What the hell
他妈的怎么回事啊
Penny guess what
佩妮 你猜怎么着
Sheldon got bongos
谢尔顿有对小手鼓
Why did you get bongos
为什么你会有小手鼓
Richard Feynman played the bongos
理查德·费曼会打小手鼓
I thought I'd give that a try
我就想说我也该试试
Richard Feynman was a famous physicist
理查德·费曼是位著名物理学家
Oh Leonard it's 3 00 o'clock in the morning
莱纳德 现在是凌晨三点
I don't care if Richard Feynman
我才不管理查德·费曼
was a purple leprechaun who lived in my butt
是不是我屁股里住着的紫色妖精呢
Penny meant if he were a purple leprechaun
佩妮是假设费曼是紫色妖精
Penny forgot to use the subjunctive
佩妮忘记要用虚拟语气了
Sheldon go to bed
谢尔顿 睡觉去
You have work in the morning
你明早还有工作要做
Maybe maybe not
或许有 或许无
Maybe tomorrow I start a bongo band and tour the world
或许明天我组个小手鼓乐队巡回演出去了
No no hang on uh uh
不不 你等等
Roommate Agreement
根据《室友协议》
No hootenannies sing a longs
晚十点后不能唱民谣
or barbershop quartets after ten p m
伴唱或男声四重唱
Roommate Agreement
《室友协议》
Are you kidding
你开什么玩笑
We are living in a world of chaos
我们生活在一个无序的世界
Roommate Agreement
管他狗屁《室友协议》呢
Where are you going
你去哪
Wherever the music takes me kitten
我要跟着音乐走 喵喵
I play bongos walking down the stairs
我打着小手鼓呀 下着小楼梯呀
Never play bongos walking down the stairs
千万不要 边打小手鼓边下楼梯
Surprise
给你个惊喜
What are you doing here
你在这干嘛
I'm here to help you get through this
我是来助你度过难关的
You can't do it on your own
你自己做不来的
you need someone to take care of you
你需要有人来照顾你
Oh I love you so much
我太爱你了
Oh I love you
我也爱你
Howard your bath is getting cold
霍华德 洗澡水快凉了
Don't worry once she falls asleep
别担心 一旦她睡着
I'll spoon you like an armadillo
我会像穿山甲一样给你爱的抱抱
He showed up in the middle of the night with his bongos
昨晚半夜他带着小手鼓出现
I foolishly thought it was some sort of musical booty call
我错误以为这是某种音乐求欢方式
Poor guy
可怜的家伙
He must have been exhausted
他一定精疲力竭了
Sheldon like to sleep while Leonard play the bongo
谢尔顿想睡着呀 而莱纳德在打小手鼓呀
That was kind of uncalled for
你这样有点过分吧
No it was called for
不 一点也不过分
What's going on
怎么回事
All right Sheldon
好了 谢尔顿
this craziness has gone on long enough
你也该闹够了
Please come home so I can cut your hair
拜托回家去 让我给你理发吧
Penny you're not trained
佩妮 你没受过培训
You're not licensed
你也没有执照
Most importantly you don't have access to my haircut records
更重要的是 你拿不到我的理发记录
All right honey look
好了 宝贝
we've known each other for a long time now right
我们认识很久了 对吧
I've taken you to Disneyland
我曾带你去过迪斯尼乐园
I kicked a bully in the nuts for you
我帮你踢过欺负你的恶霸的关键部位
I sing you "Soft Kitty" when you're sick
你病了我就给你唱《软猫猫》
you've even saw me naked once
甚至你有次还见过我的裸体
I'm sorry what
抱歉 你说什么
It was a long story
说来话长
Anyway Sheldon I promise I know what I'm doing
谢尔顿 我发誓我不会乱来
Please let me cut your hair
求你让我帮你理发吧
Amy what do you think
艾米 你认为呢
There's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim
我愿意让她帮我修剪我身上的任何一处毛发
Fine let's go
好吧 走吧
Thank you for letting me sleep on your couch
谢谢你让我睡在你的沙发上
There's only so many times a woman can say
很少有女人会一直追着男人问
"How about the bed "
"睡我床上好不好"
What's this about Sheldon seeing you naked
谢尔顿怎么会见过你的裸体呢
Oh relax It was just her bottom and her breasts
放心吧 我只看到过她的屁股和乳房
Almost done
差不多了
At the end of the haircut
每次理完发
Mr D'Onofrio would tell me a dirty joke
诺费奥先生都会给我讲个黄色笑话
Sorry I don't know any dirty jokes
抱歉 我不会说什么黄色笑话
That's okay I never understood them anyway
没事 反正我也从来没听懂过
Okay what do you think
好了 觉得如何
it's a little Hollywood
有点好莱坞的感觉
But I think I can pull it off
不过我觉得我会看习惯的
Well done Penny
理得不错 佩妮
Ha told you
早告诉你啦
Okay I'm just gonna clean up your neck a little
只需理一下脖子这块的头发
and then you are good to go Fun time
-你就可以走了 -好玩
Sorry sometimes the clippers tickle me
抱歉 有时这剃刀弄得我好痒痒
Okay
好吧
Okay yep we're all done now
好了 大功告成
It's just it's good
只是...挺好的
Let me just take that away from you
让我帮你把这块布拿下来
Okay Thank you very much
-好了 -非常感谢
You are welcome
不客气
Yeah I'm gonna have to move
看来我非搬不可了