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No I did what any son would do
不 我只是尽了一个儿子应尽的义务而已
No she wouldn't
对 她不会说的
Hey do me a favor and take Table Seven
嗨 帮我个忙 去七号桌点菜吧
You mean the one with my 118 pound
你是说有我那个118磅重的
rock hard stud of a fiance
性欲旺盛的最近可能得了
who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye
口腔溃疡和红眼病的未婚夫的那桌吗
Nah I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex boyfriend
不对 我更愿意看作是有我的前男友
and his gorgeous successful and sophisticated girlfriend
和她那美丽成功而知性的女友的那桌
who makes me feel like a toothless Okie
那女孩让我觉得自己就像个没用的乡巴佬
Do you want me to spill hot soup on her
你想让我往她身上洒热汤吗
Oh please you're not that kind of person
拜托 你不是那种人
I know
我知道
But if she orders something low fat
但如果她点了低脂食物的话
I'll totally give her the full fat version
我绝对可以给她端上全脂的
Uh that's my water
这杯水是我的
What
什么
My water You're drinking it
我的水 你喝的是我的水
D Dear Lord
苍天啊
Have you been drinking it
你喝过吗
Yes It's my water
肯定啊 都说了是我的水了
Well that's it then
那完蛋了
I'm dead
我死翘翘了
Here we go
又来了
I'm sorry do I really need to connect the dots for you
不好意思 但非得让我把话挑明了吗
The backwash into this glass
流回到这个杯子里的
is every pathogen that calls your mouth home sweet home
是在你那所谓温暖的家的嘴里待过的每一个病原体
Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue
更别提那些来自你那次大陆女友的
of your subtropical girlfriend
舌头上的外来病原体了
Hey That's my sister
喂 你这是在诋毁
and my country you're talking about
我妹妹和我的祖国
Leonard may have defiled one
莱纳德也许玷污了其中一个
but I won't have you talking smack about the other
但我绝对不允许你再侮辱另外一个
You guys ready to order
你们准备好点菜了吗
Yes I'd like a seven day course of penicillin
准备好了 我要七天疗程的青霉素
some uh syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting
一定量的吐根糖浆 催吐用的
and a mint
再来颗薄荷糖
I don't understand
我没听明白
He drank from Leonard's glass
他喝了莱纳德杯子里的水
"He drank from Leonard's glass"
"他喝了莱纳德杯子里的水"
the words they'll be carving into my tombstone
这句话得刻在我的墓碑上
That's actually my napkin
这餐巾其实也是我的
Oh this is a nightmare
坑死爹了
Where are you going To the bar
-你要去哪儿 -去酒吧
to sterilize my mouth with alcohol
用酒精给口腔消毒
Gang way Dead man walking
快让开 行尸走肉来了
All right Here you go
好的 拿好了
Two lemonades
两杯柠檬汽水
one iced tea
一杯冰茶
and a root beer for Priya
还有普丽娅的一杯根汁汽水
Is it diet That's what you ordered
-是无糖的吗 -这就是你点的
Thank you
谢谢
Hey have you and Howard
嗨 你和霍华德
started planning your wedding yet
开始计划婚礼了吗
Yeah We're thinking of having it on a cliff
嗯 我们想在一个能俯视大海的
overlooking the ocean
悬崖上办婚礼
Nothing soothes those pre wedding jitters
没什么能比担心摔下去溺死
like the thought of falling and drowning
更能缓解婚礼前的紧张了
What did your mother say
你跟你妈妈说
when you told her you were getting married
你俩要结婚的时候 她说啥了吗
He hasn't told her yet
他还没跟他妈妈说
He's waiting for the right time
他在等合适的时机
I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy
其实我想把这事儿编进悼词里
Howard you've got to tell your mother
霍华德 你必须告诉你妈妈
Hey have you told your parents you're dating
喂 你跟你爸妈说了你在
this short glass of skim milk here
跟这一小杯"脱脂牛奶"约会吗
Uh that's different
呃 这不一样
First of all we're not engaged
首先 我们还没订婚
and second Indian parents
其次 印度父母
are very protective of their children
都对孩子很不放心的
Right right whereas Jewish mothers
是啊是啊 而犹太母亲
take a casual la di da approach to their sons
一般都任自己的儿子自生自灭的
I gargled with tequila and may have swallowed a teeny bit
我在用龙舌兰酒漱口的时候貌似咽下了一点点
You all right Fine
-你没事吧 -没事
Thank you for asking
多谢关心
I love you so much
我好爱你哦
Fire demon
火魔
Ooh fire demon
哇 火魔
Sheldon's turning up the heat
谢尔顿开始引爆游戏热度了
Troll master
巨怪首领
Check it Howard pulls one out
看啊 霍华德从流氓团伙里
from under the bridge Nice
拽出了一只巨怪首领 漂亮
Water nymph
水仙女
Oh yeah she's got puddles
哦也 她的"那个地方"
in all the right places
充满了粘液
Could you please play the game
劳驾您能在打牌的时候
without commenting on every card
别老是打一张解说一句吗
Sorry
抱歉
Walking tree
树怪
Last one
下不为例
I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood
我是运动的树 我在散步
Okay the Eagle has landed
好吧 终于还是发生了
What's going on
怎么了
Bernadette and my mother are having
伯纳黛特和我妈妈正在
a get to know you lunch at the Old Town Deli
老镇餐厅第一次共进午餐
Oh that sounds lovely
听起来不错啊
Hope so
但愿如此
Of course if history is any indication
当然 根据以往的经验
my mother will swallow her whole
我老妈会把她囫囵吞了
and spit out her bones like an owl
然后像猫头鹰一样把骨头吐出来
Have you met Bernadette's parents
你见过伯纳黛特的父母了吗
You mean Adolf and Eva
你是说希特勒和爱娃吗
(阿道夫·希特勒曾疯狂地屠杀过犹太人 爱娃是他的老婆)
Not yet
还没呢
One goose step at a time
一步一步来嘛
Sheldon that's my water
谢尔顿 这杯水是我的
Oh dear Lord
苍天啊
That's not your water
那杯水不是你的
I know
我知道
Where's the mouthwash
我的漱口液在哪儿呢
"Where" indeed
在哪儿呢
Ma I'm home
妈 我回来了
Where are you
你在哪
I'm in the toilet
我在厕所
So how'd it go
进行得怎么样
Too soon to say
现在还说不准呢
I'm not done yet
我还没拉完呢
No I mean lunch today with Bernadette
我是说你跟伯纳黛特的午饭吃的怎么样
I had a pastrami sandwich
我吃了个五香熏肉三明治
She had eggplant lasagna
她吃了个茄子肉酱千层面
Like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli
就好像在犹太餐馆就该点这种东西吃
Besides food did you get along
除了吃的以外呢 你们相处得怎么样
Did you talk
你们聊天了吗
Oh sure Did you know she's going to school
当然了 你知道吗
to become a microbiologist
她正在读微生物学呢
No she never mentioned it
不知道 她还真没提过
I bet she did and you didn't listen
她肯定提过 是你没注意听
Yeah that's probably it So what do you think
没准吧 那你觉得她怎么样
Do you like her She's great huh
你喜欢她吗 她是个好女孩对吧
She's a lovely girl
她是个挺可爱的
Cute as a button
超级可爱
That's good to hear 'cause I've got some news
听你这么说我就放心了 因为我有事要跟你说
I hope it's good news
最好是好事
because I've got nothing but disappointment in here
因为我在厕所里进展可不怎么样 都快郁闷死了
Bernadette and I are getting married
我要跟伯纳黛特结婚了
Ma
You too busy bearing down
你正忙着使劲呢吗
Ma
Oh my God Ma Ma Ma
天啊 妈 妈 妈
Stand back I'm gonna break the door down
退后点 我要撞门了
Son of a bitch Ma help
该死的 妈 救我
Hello
你好
Haven't seen you in a while
好久不见了
How's it going
你最近咋样啊
Oh other than waiting out the exponential growth period
除了等着那些致命的有机物
of the virulent organisms
沿着我的绒毛组织
trooping through my microvilli
侵入我的血液循环系统外
into my circulatory system hunky dory
就没啥特别的了
Did I say something amusing
很好笑吗
I don't know maybe I have no idea what you said
不知道 也许吧 我完全没听懂你在说什么
So your mirth is merely a discharge of nervous energy
这么说你刚才的欢笑声只是为了释放你的紧张情绪
with no semantic content at all
没有任何实际意义咯
My mirth Classic
我的欢笑声 还真是谢尔顿的经典语录啊
Is there a station coming up
我啥时候才能理解
where I can board your giggling train of thought
你这些奇怪的笑声呀
It's not a big deal Sheldon
这没啥大不了的 谢尔顿
It's just ever since Leonard's been dating Raj's sister
只是 自从莱纳德跟拉杰的妹妹在一起之后
I've had to keep my distance
我就得跟你们保持距离了
I don't get to hear all your jibber jabber
我就没机会听你的这些胡言乱语了
Jibber jabber
胡言乱语
I don't jibber jabber
我才不会胡言乱语呢
What are you doing at work these days
你这段时间上班都忙什么呢
Oh I'm working on time dependent backgrounds
我在研究弦理论的
in string theory
时间依赖性
specifically quantum field theory
尤其是量子场论
in "d dimensional" de Sitter space
在德西特时空d维空间中的应用
Okay come on even you have to admit that's jibber jabber
拜托 这下你总得承认那是胡言乱语了吧
Interesting do you know
有意思 你知不知道
where the phrase "jibber jabber" comes from
胡言乱语这个词是怎么来的
Oh my God you're about to jibber jabber
天啊 你就要说一堆关于胡言乱语的
about jibber jabber
胡言乱语了
Howard and his mother are at the hospital
霍华德和他妈进医院了
Come on we gotta go Oh my God What happened
-快点 咱们走 -天啊 出什么事了
I don't know I just got a text Come on hurry
不知道 我只是收到短信而已 快点 快走
Okay
好吧
Sheldon let's go
谢尔顿 走啦
To a hospital
去医院吗
Full of sick people
那个满是病人的地方
Oh I don't think so
我才不去呢
Okay well your friend and his mother are there
你朋友和他母亲都进医院了
we're going
你非去不可
I can't
我不要
Oh don't tell me you're afraid of germs
别跟我说你怕细菌啊
Not all germs
不是所有的细菌
Just the ones that will kill me
我只怕那些会让我病死的细菌
It's the same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives
就像是我并不是害怕所有的餐刀
just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax
我只怕那些会捅死我的餐刀
Fine I'll tell Howard you didn't come
好吧 那我就跟霍华德说
because you're more concerned
你没去医院是因为比起他的健康
about your own well being than his
你更担心你自己的身体
I would think he would know that
我想他是很清楚这一点的
Okay you know what You are unbelievable
好吧 算了吧 你简直不可理喻
You buy all these superhero T shirts
你买了那么多超级英雄的恤衫
but when it's time for you
可是到了你该挺身而出
to step up and do the right thing
做点正确的事的时候
you just hide in the laundry room
你就只会躲在洗衣房里
Fine I'll go
好吧 我去就是了
Just for the record
不过事先声明
my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital
我的舅妈露丝就是死在医院里的
She went in to visit my Uncle Roger
她去医院探望我舅舅罗杰
caught something and bit the dust a week later
结果却染上了病 结果一周后就挂了
The two of them now share a coffee can
他俩现在都被装在我妈壁炉架上的
on my mother's mantel
同一个咖啡罐里
So I knocked down the bathroom door
于是我撞开了洗手间的门
picked up my poor unconscious mother
抬起我那不省人事的母亲
carried her to the car
把她抱上车
and drove like a madman to the emergency room
然后像个疯子一样开来了急诊室
You're a real hero Howard
你真是个英雄 霍华德
Hang on a second you picked up your mother
等一下 你抱起了你母亲
Her own legs are barely able to do that
她的体重连她自己的双腿都支撑不住
I was filled with adrenaline
都是肾上腺素的作用
It happens to be how women lift cars off babies
就像是母亲为了救出车下的婴儿 可以把车抬起来一样
Yeah I'm saying it'd be easier to lift a car
我就是这个意思 抬车都比抬你妈容易
What can I tell you After I found the courage
怎么说呢 在我鼓足了勇气
to put her pants back on I was unstoppable
提上她的裤子之后 人类就阻挡不了我了
So how is she
你妈妈现在怎样
They're running tests I don't know
还在作检查 我不知道
It may have been a heart attack or heart attack like event
可能是心脏病发作或类似心脏病发作
What's the difference
有何区别
A heart attack like event
类似心脏病发作
is an event that's like a heart attack
就是指类似发作心脏病的症状
Thanks for clearing that up
谢谢说明
Regardless coronary problems are eminently treatable
当然 冠状心脏疾患是可治的
What's more likely going to kill Howard's mother
真正害死霍华德妈妈的
are the antibiotic resistant super bugs
是在这医院每条沟沟壑壑里
festering in every nook and cranny of this hospital
溃烂着的耐抗生素的超级臭虫们
Okay you're not helping
拜托 你别添乱了
Disagree
我不同意
Go sit over there
去 那边坐着去
I'll sit over there it looks cleaner
我要坐那里 看着更干净
Is there a history of heart disease in your family
你们家族有心脏病史吗
My family is the history of heart disease
我的家族史 整个就是一心脏病史
There's a cave painting in France
法国有处洞穴壁画
of one of my ancestors doing this
画的就是我一老祖宗在这样
So it's probably genetic
那这可能是遗传的咯
Well maybe
可能吧
Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her
妈妈还听到了些可能让她心烦的消息
What
什么
It's not important
这不重要
Come on Howard I'm going to be your wife
说吧 霍华德 我将是你妻子
You can share anything with me
你可以跟我分享任何事
You'd think that But no
你这么想 但并不是的
You told her we were going to get married
你告诉她我们要结婚
and she had a heart attack
然后她就心脏病发作了吗
You can't take that personally
你千万别多想
How else is she supposed to take it
那让她还能怎么想
What you've got to keep in mind is that
你只要记住的是
ever since my dad left
我爸去世后
I've been the whole world to my mother
我就是我妈妈的整个世界
I mean she'd be threatened by any woman
她会觉得其他能做到她所不能的
who can give me what she can't
任何女人 都是威胁
You mean sexual intercourse
你是指性爱
Well when you say it like that you make it sound creepy
你这么一说 就显得怪怪的
What happened
怎么了
Howard's mother had a heart attack
霍华德妈妈心脏病发作
because I have sex with him and she can't
是因为我跟他上床 而她自己不能
Bernie wait
妮妮 等等
I'll give you $1 000 if you'll drive me home
你载我回家 我就给你一千块
Nice of you to come for Howard
你能来医院看霍华德真好
Well he's my friend It's what you do
他是我朋友嘛 应该的
I'm sorry did I miss something
抱歉 怎么了
It's just so weird
只是觉得怪怪的
Howard Wolowitz is my friend
霍华德·沃罗威茨是我朋友
You know once he tried to stick his tongue down my throat
有次他想深吻我
and I broke his nose
被我打破了鼻子
That's a little easier to believe than he's your friend
这比他是你朋友更容易相信点
Yeah tell me about it
是啊 谁说不是呢
You know my brother had a group of friends like this in India
我哥在印度有一大群像他一样的朋友
They dressed up in leotards and goggles
都穿紧身连衣裤戴护目镜
and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers
并自称"新德里恐龙战队"
You mean when he was little
你是指他小时候吗
Not as little as you'd want him to be
没你想的那么小
You know this stuff is horrible
这咖啡太难喝了
You want to see if we can find the cafeteria
想去找看看有没餐厅
and get real coffee Sure
-买杯好咖啡吗 -当然
We're going to the cafeteria to get some coffee
我们要去餐厅买咖啡
You want anything
有人要吗
I'm fine
我不用了
That's nice that they're getting along
她们能合得来真好
Your girlfriend and your ex girlfriend are hanging out together
你现任和前任女友一起玩
Oh yeah that can only be good for you
没错 对你来说只可能是好事
What are you talking about
你什么意思啊
One of them broke up with you
其中一位跟你分手了
Do you really want her telling the other one why
你真想她告诉另一位为什么吗
I don't care
无所谓
I don't have anything to hide
我又没什么藏着掖着
Good good
很好 很好
Then you have nothing to worry about
那你就没什么好担心的了
No I do not
对 我一点不担心
You are a mean little man
你这个卑鄙小人
You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me
你这么以为是因为我父母并不爱我
but actually they loved me a great deal
但事实上他们非常爱我
Bernie it's not you
妮妮 绝不是因为你
She's just set in her ways
那只是她自以为是
How can we be together if the thought of us
那我们还怎么能在一起 如果
getting married might kill your mother
我们结婚可能会害死你妈啊
It's the circle of life sweetie
这就是生命的轮回啊 亲爱的
One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you
未来有天我们儿子结婚 会害死你
Howard I have to go to the bathroom
霍华德 我得上洗手间
and no one will take me home
但没人肯载我回家
What's wrong with the bathroom here
这里的洗手间怎么了
Pneumococcus streptococcus staphylococcus
这里有肺炎球菌 链球菌 葡萄球菌
and other assorted coccuses
和其他各种球菌
Sheldon my mother is on her deathbed
谢尔顿 我妈生命垂危
and my fiance is grief stricken over putting her there
而我未婚妻正极度悲伤于害她入院
I'm not taking you home
我才不要载你回家
Will you at least go with me to the restroom here
那你至少能陪我去厕所吗
so you can open the door and flush the urinal
好帮我开个门 冲个尿池
No
不去
This might be a good time to point out Howard
现在或许是指出真理的最佳时期 霍华德
that friendship requires a certain give and take
友情在一定程度上是需要相互忍让的
Hold the door
先别关门
Mr Wolowitz
沃罗威茨先生
Is she okay It wasn't a heart attack
-她还好吗 -您母亲不是心脏病突发
She's awake she's resting comfortably
她现在醒了 在安稳地休息呢
we're still running tests
我们还在为她做身体检查
Can I see her
我可以进去看她吗
Actually she said and I quote
其实她有吩咐 原话是这样的
she'd "like to see the little Catholic girl first "
她想"先见那个天主教的小妞"
Me Why me
我 为什么是我
Jews have been asking that for centuries
这个问题犹太人扪心自问了好几个世纪了
There's no real good answer
至今没什么好答案
Okay well wish me luck
好吧 祝我好运
Don't worry you'll be fine
别担心 没事的
Let's just hide Mr Cross
先把十字架藏起来
If it touches her it burns
如果那玩意儿碰到她 会烧伤的
You brought a Catholic girl home to your mother Yeah
-你带一个天主教的女孩回家见你妈 -是的
(在犹太人遭受的千年大迫害中 十字军东征曾掀起迫害犹太人的高潮)
Why don't I write you a prescription for Xanax
那我给你开点镇静剂吧
Finally
总是完事了
小心 生化危害
采用传染性疾病护理程序
隔离室
Oh what fresh hell is this
这又是哪门子新玩意儿
Wait you can't leave here you've been exposed
等等 你不能离开这儿 你已经被感染了
No I haven't
不 我没有
It's all good
防护措施做得很好
You want to talk about crazy mothers
你想聊极品老妈这个话题吗
Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up
莱纳德的妈妈对他没表示过半点的认可
Oh the poor thing
可怜的小家伙
It makes him desperate to please women
所以他才会这么渴望取悦女人
That's why the foreplay goes on and on
也正是他的小前戏耍不停的原因
It does doesn't it
的确 对吧
It's like he's trying to win a prize
他好像为了要获得奖励一样
A word of advice don't doze off
佩妮贴心小建议 千万不要打瞌睡
You will never hear the end of it
不然你都听不见何时结束
Help me
救我
Come back
回来
Penny
佩妮
There are a couple of things I did with Penny
我跟佩妮一起做过一些事
that might be a little silly but
听上去可能有点傻 但是
Like what
比如
Every once in a while before we'd go to bed
偶尔 在我们上床前
I'd put on a little show for her
我会为她表演点小节目
What do you mean "a show"
你的"小节目"是指什么
Well you know the way I took my clothes off
这个嘛 就是我脱衣服的方式
Like to music
比如伴着音乐
I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music
如果没音乐 那我看起来不很傻啊
So you'd do a striptease
那你跳的是脱衣舞咯
I wasn't swinging around a pole
我又不是抱着根钢管搔首弄姿
Good good
不错 不错
There was one time I put body glitter on
不过有次我往身上擦了闪粉
Well I don't think you have to worry
我觉得你不必为了佩妮会不会
about Penny telling my sister that
把这事告诉我妹妹而担心
Your big problem is me telling her
你的问题在我会不会告诉她
You really are a mean little man
你还真是个卑鄙小人
Oh God that's so true
天啊 的确如此
Yeah I know right
的确 我懂 对吧
Hey what took you guys so long
你们俩怎么去这么半天
Oh we were just chatting
我们聊天来着
That's nice What about
不错嘛 聊什么了
We were just comparing notes
我们只是对你的床上功夫
about how you are in the sack
交换下意见而已
That's funny Yeah
-真有趣 -就是
What if she wasn't kidding
如果她不是在开玩笑呢
It doesn't matter
没关系
I'm the king of foreplay
哥可是前戏小王子
Hey how'd it go
怎么样了
You're a putz
你个2B
You know what that means
你知道这是什么意思吗
Yeah Do you
知道 你呢
Your mother just taught it to me
你妈刚教我的
She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli
她觉得她在那家餐厅食物中毒了
and she just wanted to make sure I was okay
想确认下我是否没事
And are you
那你有事吗
No because I'm engaged to a putz
有 因为我跟个2B订婚了
You let me believe I was the reason she had a heart attack
你让我误信她心脏病发是因为我
Well based on the available evid
那是基于现有证据嘛
Shut up
闭嘴
She said I'm a wonderful girl
你妈说我是个好女孩
and that you're lucky to have me
能娶到我是你的福气
Where are you going
你要去哪里
To the toilet
厕所
Is that okay with you
你有意见啊
Is it just me
是我的错觉
or does she sound sexy when she's angry
还是她生气的时候 声音是特别性感啊
Mountain Elf
高山精灵
He takes the elf from off the shelf
这精灵不是高山的 是现成的
Hell Hounds
地狱猎犬
Hell Hounds who let the Satanic dogs out
地狱猎犬啊 谁把撒旦的狗放出来了
Who Who who
是谁 谁 谁
Colossal Serpent
神勇巨蟒
I got a colossal serpent right here
我裤裆里面也有条神勇的巨蟒
Must you
你非得这样吗
Sorry I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up
抱歉 我只是想让你高兴点
Rotting Zombie
腐朽僵尸
Sheldon's new Facebook photo
谢尔顿校内新头像
Zandor Wizard of the North
赞多 北方巫师
Ha I win
哈哈 我赢了
If you skip the part about being
如果硬要省略掉
under a two week quarantine
你因为接触到致命疾病
because you were exposed to a deadly disease
而被隔离两周这件事
absolutely
我们甘拜下风