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And now the kung pao chicken
现在是宫保鸡丁
Smooth
很顺利啊
And finally
最后
my moo shu pork
我的木须肉
Whoo hoo
给力!
Oh there you have it gentlemen
菜上齐了 先生们
Our entire dinner unpacked by robot
整整一桌由机器人上的晚餐
And it only took 28 minutes
而且只花了28分钟
Impressive but we must be cautious
是很不错 但我们必须要小心
Why Today it's a Chinese food retrieval robot
-为什么 -今天机器人来上中国菜
Tomorrow it travels back in time
明天就穿越回过去
and tries to kill Sarah Connor
谋杀莎拉·康纳
I don't think that's going to happen Sheldon
我可不觉得这会发生 谢尔顿
No one ever does
确实没发生过
That's why it happens
所以才会发生
Hey Is the food here
嘿 晚餐到了吗
Ooh What's that
这是什么
That dear lady
亲爱的女士
is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand
这叫沃罗威茨程控手
designed for extravehicular repairs
专为维修国际空间站
on the International Space Station
而设计的延伸臂
Ah cool
好酷啊
Ask me to pass the soy sauce
叫我把酱油递给你
Oh does that come up much on the space station
空间站里有人用机械手打酱油吗
Mostly with Asian and Jewish astronauts
通常会是亚裔或犹太航天员
All right Pass the soy sauce Coming up
-好吧 给我酱油 -就来
So how's work
工作如何
Oh it's not bad
还不赖吧
Kind of hungry
有点饿了
Yeah we all are
我们都饿
Just wait
等等就好
You realize Penny that the technology
佩妮 你有想过
that went into this arm will one day make
这机械臂所蕴含的科技会在某天
unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete
让你这种没有能力的服务员下岗么
Really
真的吗
They're going to make a robot that spits on your hamburger
他们会造往你汉堡上吐口水的机器人吗
I thought you broke up with her
我以为你跟她分手了
Why is she here
她为什么在这儿
Okay here we go
好了 搞定
Passing the soy sauce
传递酱油
Put out your hand
手抬起来
That's amazing
真不可思议
I wouldn't say amazing
我可不会说不可思议
At best it's a modest leap forward
最多不过是比《乡村熊狂欢节》里的
(迪士尼乐园一个用机械动物表演的秀)
from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree
使用的最基本的科技前进了一小步而已
Hey Sheldon
嘿 谢尔顿
Yes
怎么了
Peace
和平吗
No not peace
不 才不是
Hang on
等着
Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder
美国航天局知道你用这个作餐巾纸架吗
You kidding They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL
开玩笑 他们以为这个还在JPL的保险柜里呢
(JPL: 喷气推进实验室 美国顶尖机器人实验室)
You stole it
你偷的
Borrowed
借的
The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it
关键在表现得像把自己的东西带到车上
Excuse me
不好意思
Amy's at the dry cleaners
艾米正在干洗店
and she's made a very amusing pun
然后想到一个很有趣的双关语
"I don't care for perchloroethylene
"我不喜欢全氯乙烯
and I don't like glycol ether "
不喜欢乙二醇醚"
Get it
懂了吗
She doesn't like glycol ether
不喜欢乙二醇醚
Sounds like "either "
听起来就像"亦"
"L O L "
"噗-哈-哈"
Who's Amy His girlfriend
-艾米是谁 -他女朋友
Sheldon has a girlfriend She's not my girlfriend
-谢尔顿有女朋友吗 -她不是我女朋友
How long has this been going on Four months
-这事儿多久了 -四个月
She's not my girlfriend
她不是我女朋友
Are you telling me for the past four months
你是在说 过去的四个月里
I have been asking you "What's new "
我一直在问你 "有新鲜事吗"
and you never thought to go with
你居然从来没想过说
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"
"谢尔顿有女朋友"吗
She's not my girlfriend
她不是我女朋友
Ah d d d d
啊 等等等等
How did they meet
他们怎么认识的
Raj and I entered Sheldon's information on a dating site
拉杰和我把谢尔顿的信息发到交友网站上
and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler
网站速配了艾米·菲拉·福勒
Oh my God Sheldon and Amy
天哪 谢尔顿和艾米
Or as we call them "Shamy "
或者像我们所说"谢米"
Shamy
谢米
I am so digging the Shamy
我必须好好八一八谢米了
All right everyone pay attention
好吧 各单位注意
Yes I have a friend named Amy Farrah Fowler
没错 我是有个朋友叫艾米·菲拉·福勒
Yes she is female
没错 她是女性
Yes we communicate on a daily basis
没错 我们每天交流
but no she is not my girlfriend
但是 她不是我女朋友
Okay well what do you communicate about
好吧 那你们交流都说什么
Well my work in physics her work in neurobiology
我的物理工作和她的神经生物学工作
and most recently the possibility of our having a child together
最新话题是论我们生个孩子的可能性
Thank you
谢谢
Wait a minute a child
等等 要孩子
You never see this girl
你从没见过这女的
You just e mail and text and Twitter
只有电邮短信和推特联系
Now you're considering having a baby
然后现在就考虑要孩子了
Amy pointed out that between the two of us
艾米指出通过我俩的结合
our genetic material has the potential
我们的基因将会有机会
of producing the first in a line
制造出前所未有的
of intellectually superior benign overlords
智力超群 仁慈善良的君主
to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow
带领人类走向光明未来
I'm guessing that future historians
我猜想未来的历史学家
will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon
将会谴责我们不趁这机会杀了谢尔顿
Okay I have a question
好吧 我有个问题
Yes Penny
请说 佩妮
You don't even like people touching you
你不喜欢别人碰你
How are you going to have sex
你们怎么做爱呢
Why on earth would we have sex
我们干嘛要做爱
Oh honey did your mom not have the talk with you
亲爱的 你的私处开始发育的时候
You know when your private parts started growing
你妈妈没跟你谈过吗
I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce
我很清楚人类繁殖的方式
Which is messy unsanitary
既脏乱又不卫生
And based on living next to you for three years
而且跟你做了三年邻居
Involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity
听了太多不必要又响亮的呼唤神
Oh God
天呐
Yes exactly
对 就是这句
Consequently if Amy and I choose
因此 如果艾米和我
to bring new life into this world
选择让一个新生命降临
It will be accomplished clinically
我们会让生育专家
with fertility experts in a lab with petri dishes
在实验室用培养皿受精
Which reminds me
这倒提醒我
you have broad hips and a certain corn fed vigor
你不仅屁股大 而且头脑简单 精力充沛
Is your womb available for rental
你的子宫可以代孕吗
Still digging the Shamy
还想深入八一八谢米恋吗
Look Sheldon
谢尔顿
before you race off to the fertility clinic
先别急着选孕育科
you might want to think about
你也可以考虑
uh gee I don't know
老天 怎么说呢
maybe actually spending some time with her
切实地花点时间陪她
You mean dating Yeah
-你是说约会 -没错
I can't date Amy Why not
-我不能和艾米约会 -为什么
She's not my girlfriend
她不是我女朋友
Okay look don't think of it as dating a girlfriend
不要把它当成和女朋友约会
Think of it as uh
把它当成
Getting to know the future mother of your child
了解你孩子的未来妈妈
I hadn't considered that
我还真没想到
I suppose she will have to have access to our progeny
她将来应该会接触我们的后代
And you don't think I can achieve
你觉得通过短信息
the required intimacy via text messaging
我无法达到必要的亲密吗
Probably not
应该不能
It would appear as if the phone companies have been lying to me
看来电话公司一直在骗我
Penny
佩妮
Penny Penny
佩妮 佩妮
You do realize I stand on the other side of the door
你应该知道我站在门的另一边
waiting for you to finish knocking three times
等你敲完三次门吧
I know I can see the shadow of your feet under the door
我知道 我能从门缝看到脚的影子
Yeah my point is it's a waste of time
重点是敲三次很浪费时间
If you're looking for an example
如果你想找个
of a waste of time I would refer you
浪费时间的例子
to the conversation we're having right now
我们现在的话题就很浪费时间
What do you want
你有事吗
I've decided to take your advice and have arranged
我决定了接受你的建议
to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler
还安排了跟艾米约会
Oh that's great
那太好了
Have fun Wait
-玩得开心 -等等
You have to drive me
你要载我去
What You know I don't drive
-什么 -你知道我不开车
Well go ask Leonard I did
-去问莱纳德 -问了
He said and I quote "Ask Penny
他说 我复述 问问佩妮
It was her cockamamy idea "
那是她的可笑主意
Leonard said "cockamamy"
莱纳德说"可笑"?
Actually I'm paraphrasing
好吧 那是我说的
Having been raised in a Christian household
在基督教家庭长大
I'm uncomfortable with the language he used
我实在不习惯他的用语
And to be honest
老实说
I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamy "
其实我也不喜欢"可笑"这个词
Okay fine When's the date
好吧 什么时候约会
Now Now
-现在 -现在?
Hurry We're going to be late
快点 我们要迟到了
Sheldon did it ever occur to you
谢尔顿 你有没有想过
that I might have other plans
我可能有别的事要忙吗
I'm sorry
对不起
Do you have other plans
你有别的事忙吗
Well no not per se but
倒是没有 不过
So this conversation is as pointless
这么说这个话题
as your door knocking soliloquy
跟你的敲门独白一样没意义咯
Let me get my cockamamy keys
我去拿我的可笑钥匙
Oh God that feels so good
天呐 太爽了
Yeah that's the spot
对 就是那里
Oh baby
宝贝儿
Howard dinner's ready
霍华德 吃饭啦
I'll eat later
我一会再吃
I'm busy
现在很忙
Oh yeah
爽啊
Just like a real hand
就跟人手一样
Thank you for driving me
谢谢你载我去
You're welcome
不客气
I wish you weren't wearing flip flops
但我希望你不穿人字拖
It's dangerous to drive in flip flops
穿人字拖开车很危险
Sheldon Sorry
-谢尔顿 -对不起
I just don't want to be yet another flip flop fatality
我只是不想成为另一个人字拖的受害者
Can I ask you a question
我能问个问题吗
Given your community college education
鉴于你的社区大学学历
I encourage you to ask me as many as possible
我鼓励你尽量多问
Yeah Well my question is
好 我的问题是
and I'm pretty sure I know the answer
其实我很清楚答案
Is this your first date
这是你第一次约会吗
That depends
那得看情况
Does square dancing with my sister
跟我妹在国庆日
at a Teens for Jesus Fourth of July Hoedown
青年敬耶稣方块舞会上
count as a date
跳舞算吗
No
不算
Then this is my first date
那这是我第一次约会
Okay Well then there's a couple of things
那有几件事
you should probably know
你应该要知道
I have a master's degree and two doctorates
我有一个硕士学位和两个博士学位
The things I should know I do know
我应该知道的事 我都知道
My point is I know more about dating than you
我的意思是 我比你更清楚约会
and if you were as smart as you think you are
而且如果你真有你认为的那么聪明
you would listen to me
你就会听我的话
If you know so much how come I have a date tonight
如果你是约会专家 那怎么我今晚有约会
and you have nothing better to do than drive me to it
而你只能当我的司机呢
Fair point
说得好
You know there's something I've always wondered about Aquaman
《水行侠》的有些问题我想不明白
Yeah Where does he poop
-什么 -他去哪便便
What
什么
What would a toilet look like in Atlantis
亚特兰蒂斯的马桶长什么样
How would you flush it
你怎么冲掉呢
And when you did flush it where would the poop go
就算你冲掉了 便便又能冲去哪呢
Hold that thought
一会儿再讨论
Hey Howard What's going on
喂 霍华德 怎么了
What
Hold on Howard Howard slow down
等等 霍华德 慢点说
The robot hand is stuck on your what
机械手卡在你的什么上了
You're not going to believe this
说出来肯定吓你一跳
So um Amy Sheldon tells me
艾米 听谢尔顿说
you're a neuro something or other
你是一个神经...什么来着
Neurobiologist
是神经生物学家
Your "check engine" light is on
你车的"检查引擎"灯亮了
Yeah it's okay
噢 不管它
But the light indicates
但如果灯亮了就说明...
Don't bother
不用费心了
I've wasted many an hour
我已经浪费太多时间
tilting at that particular windmill
攻击这座顽固的风车了
Uh what is that scent you're wearing
你用的什么香水吗
It smells great
真好闻
Dandruff shampoo
去屑洗发水
I have dry scalp
我头皮干燥
Well your hair looks very nice
你发质看着很好呀
Are you a homosexual
你是同性恋么
No no I'm just giving you a compliment
当然不 我只是赞美你而已
Would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual
要你是同性恋 赞美不听着更由衷吗
Guys how 'bout some music
那啥 来点音乐怎样
Oh no I wouldn't care for that
哦不 我可不想要
Amy
艾米 你呢
No thank you
我也是 谢了
Okay
好吧
Uncomfortable silence it is
那就诡异地沉默着吧
Hey Sheldon have you told Amy
谢尔顿 你有没有告诉艾米
what it was like for you growing up in Texas
你小时候在德州长大的经历
No
没有
Well why don't you tell her
哎 为什么不告诉她
All right
好吧
It was hell
痛苦得要死
Any follow up Amy
艾米 有什么想法么
No
没有
I myself grew up in Nebraska
我在内布拉斯加州长大
Small town outside of Omaha
奥马哈郊外的一个小镇
Nice place mostly family farms a few meth labs
很好的地方 大多是家庭农场 还有些制毒窝点
I'm sorry how is this better than uncomfortable silence
不好意思 这样还不如诡异地沉默呢
I don't know I was just trying something
我也不知道 不过是试着找点话题
Muggles
麻瓜一个[此处引用《哈利波特》里的说法]
You slipped and fell into a robot hand
你是滑倒摔进机械手里的吗
Yes
Penis first
鸡鸡先着地
Yes Now help me
对 快帮我
I'd suggest a lubricant but I have a feeling
我本来想建议用润滑剂
you fell on some of that as well
但我想其实你已经栽在润滑剂里了
Not funny Leonard
不好笑 莱纳德
Really A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk dude
是吗 一个机械手卡在你小弟弟上
That's funny ask anyone
这还不好笑吗 不信你问别人
Plea before my mother walks in get this off me
拜托 趁我妈还没进来 快把这玩意弄掉
Okay let's see
唔 我看看
No no Don't touch
别 别碰电脑
The program is paused
程序暂停了
Well then let's un pause it
那就重新启动呗
No no I loaded the wrong program
别 导入错误的程序
The hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer space
这玩意以为自己在外太空握着把螺丝刀呢
If you continue the program it's gonna start twisting
要是程序继续 它就要开始扭了
A All right
好吧
Um how about this
这样如何
When when Winnie the Pooh got his head stuck
小熊维尼的脑袋卡在蜂蜜树上时
in the honey tree his friends all grabbed onto him
他的伙伴们就会上去拉住他
and pulled and pulled
然后往外拔啊拔啊拔
You do what you want
你爱咋咋地
I'm not touching another man's honey tree
我可不想碰其他男人的"蜂蜜树"
All right uh forget pulling
好吧 不拔了
How about we get an electric saw and cut it off
那就找把电锯 直接锯掉
What No saws
啥 不准用电锯
One circumcision was enough
一个包皮环切还不够吗
How about an acetylene torch
那乙快焊炬呢
Okay I can't believe this needs to be said out loud
好吧 不敢相信我还要声明这些
No pulling no saws no torches
不准拔 不准用电锯和焊炬
Well then what do you want us to do
那你要我们做啥
Howard I made cookies for you
霍华德 我做了饼干
and your little friends
给你和你的小伙伴
That's great Mom thanks
好极了 老妈 多谢
I'll bring them up with some Hawaiian Punch
我送上来 再带点夏威夷宾治酒
Don't come up here
别上来
Why not Are you ashamed of your mother
干嘛 看不起你妈吗
Yes but that's not the point
话是没错 但这不是关键
Get me out of here
快帮帮忙
You have any ideas Raj
你有想法吗 拉杰
Right now all I can think about is cookies and Hawaiian Punch
现在啊 我满脑子都是饼干和夏威夷宾治酒
Hey here's another possible topic of conversation
好吧 换个话题
This is a big night for Sheldon
今晚是谢尔顿的盛大之夜啊
Right Sheldon
是吧 谢尔顿
Big night
盛大
The winter solstice is a big night
冬至日的夜晚才叫大
It's over 14 hours
在南加利福尼亚
in Southern California
一共有整整14小时呢
That's an amusing factoid
这句话仿得真有意思
Thank you
谢谢
No no
My point is uh tonight is Sheldon's first official date
我是说 今晚是谢尔顿第一次正式约会
Discuss
你们继续吧
Is this true
真的吗
Apparently a semi incestuous Teens for Jesus
当然 在国庆日上的青年敬基督
Fourth of July Hoedown didn't count
方块舞会上的那次半乱伦约会不算
So um Amy what about you
艾米 那你呢
Do you date much
你约会过吗
Once a year
一年一次
It's a deal I made with my mother
我和我妈说好了
in exchange for her silence on the matter
这样她就不唠叨这事
as well as the occasional use of her George Foreman Grill
还可以偶尔用她的乔治·富曼烤架
that seals in the flavor without the fat
锁住美味 没有脂肪
How about you Penny
你呢 佩妮
Do you go on many dates
你约会过很多次吗
Uh yeah I wouldn't say many
其实也没有很多次啦
A few
有几个吧
What's
这算啥表情
Your characterization of approximately 171 different men as "A few "
你把约171个不同男人描述为"有几个"
What
什么
Where did you get 171 men
你怎么算的171个
Simple extrapolation
简单的推断
In the three years that I've known you
我认识你的这三年来
you were single for two
你有两年是单身
During that time I saw 17 different suitors
在那两年里 你跟17名追求者约会过
If we work backwards correcting for observation bias
往前倒推的话 请纠正如果观察有误
and postulate an initial dating age of 15
并假设你初次约会年龄为15岁
Whoa wait wait wait
等等 等等
I did not start dating at 15
我才不是15岁开始约会的
I'm sorry Sixteen
抱歉 十六岁
Fourteen
十四
My mistake
我的错
Now assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present
假设钟形曲线的左半部分在目前达到峰值
that would bring the total up to 193 men
那就是说总数为193人
Plus or minus eight men
正负8人
Remarkable
太厉害了
Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men
你跟这些人都有过性关系吗
No
没有
Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate
这个数字要算的话也相当简单
Based on the number of awkward encounters I've had
基于我早上在她公寓门口尴尬邂逅
with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning
陌生过夜男士的数量
plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes
加上遇见她穿着前晚衣服
she wore the night before
早上回家的次数
Okay Sheldon I think you've made your point
好了 谢尔顿 我们都明白你意思了
So we multiply 193
那就是193人
minus 21 men before the loss of virginity
减去她失去童贞之前的21人
so 172 times 0 18 gives us
即172人乘以0.18
30 96 sexual partners
30.96位性伴侣
Let's round that up to 31
约等于31
Okay Sheldon you are so wrong
好了 谢尔顿 这根本不对
That is not even close to the real number
跟实际数字大相径庭
I'm gonna need a drink over here
这里给我来杯酒
This is very interesting
这真有趣
Cultural perceptions are subjective
个人的文化认知是非常主观的
Penny to your mind are you a slut
佩妮 在你看来 你是荡妇吗
No No
不 不是
No
不是
Let's just all finish our dinners okay
我们还是自顾自用餐好了 好吗
This is an interesting topic
确实是个有趣的话题
How many sexual encounters have you had
你有多少次性经验
Does volunteering for a scientific experiment
这要看志愿参加科学实验
in which orgasm was achieved by electronically
通过电子系统刺激人脑中的
stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain count
愉悦中心区获得性高潮也算吗
I should think so
我想应该算的
Then 128
那就是128次
Okay come on
好的 进来吧
Almost there
就快到了
Don't tug No tugging
-别用力拉 -我没在拉
Next time take your own advice
下回你自己搞定
Excuse me could you help us out
打扰下 能否帮帮我们
My my my
天哪天哪天哪
What do we have here
这怎么回事
I slipped and fell
我不小心滑倒了
Yeah we get that a lot
嗯 这我们经常碰到
What is this
这是什么
It's a robot arm
是机器人的手臂
Where's the rest of the robot
那机器人的其他部分呢
I only built the arm
我就造了手臂
'Cause that's all you needed right
因为你就需要这个 是吗
Can you please just help me
能先帮我解决这再说吗
All right all right
好吧 好吧
Hang on stay calm
稍安勿躁
I need an orderly with a wheelchair
请派护理员送轮椅来
I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here
有被机械手钳住小弟弟的来看急诊
You think you could be a little more discreet
你讲话就不能含蓄点
I'm sorry we don't have a code for "Robot hand grasping a man's penis "
抱歉 "机械手钳住小弟弟"这种情况未设代码
Why is it hooked up to a computer
它为何还连到电脑上
Uh it's what controls the arm But it's frozen
-就是通过电脑控制机械手的 -但电脑死机了
Did you try turning it off and back on again
你试过关机重启吗
No you see it's more complicated than that
不 这事远比这复杂得多
No wait
别 住手
Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree
小熊维尼终于从蜂蜜树中脱困
Now can we have cookies and Hawaiian Punch
现在能让我们吃饼干和夏威夷宾治了吧
You were right
你说得对
This was a very productive evening
这个夜晚确实收获颇丰
I saw a whole new side of Amy Farrah Fowler tonight
今晚我见识到了艾米·菲拉·福勒全新的一面
I did not have sex with 31 guys
我没跟31个男人有过性关系
I'll be happy to check the math but numbers don't lie Penny
我很乐意验算下 但数字不会骗人的
In any event now that Amy and I have spent quality time together
不管怎样 现在我和艾米已共度了"美好时光"
I feel much more confident
我就更有信心
proceeding to the next stage of our relationship
继续将我俩关系发展到下一阶段了
And that is
什么阶段
Using in vitro fertilization and a surrogate uterus
利用试管授精和代孕
to gift humanity with our progeny
生下我们的后代向人类献礼
You're still on that
你还在计划这个
In these uncertain times doesn't humanity deserve a gift
人世无常 人类难道不该有所安慰
Okay you know what
好吧 这样吧
I'm gonna come at this in a whole new way
我再换种方式跟你说
Sheldon if you try to make a baby with Amy in a petri dish
谢尔顿 如果你想用培养皿造出你跟艾米的孩子
I'm gonna tell your mother on you
我一定会去告诉你的妈妈
That's no threat
这威胁不了我
My mother's always wanted a grandchild
我妈一直都想抱孙子的
Really Your deeply religious born again Christian mother
真的 你那虔信基督再生的母亲
wants a test tube grandbaby born out of wedlock
会想要一个非婚生的试管婴儿当她的孙子
Curses
诅咒你
If I'd thought of that in the first place
我要是早点想出这招
I could've saved myself this whole night
今晚也不用受这份罪了
Well it's not that late
现在还不算晚
You could still go out and look for number 32
你还是可以出去寻找32号性伴侣
Good night
晚安
Hey Howard what's up
霍华德 怎么了
I've decided not to procreate
我决定不要孩子了
Yeah yeah great
好的 很好
Howard uh slow down
霍华德 慢点说
What do you mean it happened again
什么叫悲剧重演了