生活大爆炸-S05E17_生活大爆炸

S01

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It was a nice retirement party

这个退休派对真不错

I guess

是啊

Still it's a shame

不过还是挺可惜的

Professor Rothman was forced to step down

罗斯曼教授是被迫退休的

What choice did the university have

学校也没办法啊

He snapped

他已经精神崩溃了

It happens to theoretical physicists all the time

理论物理学家不都这样吗

I wonder how long Sheldon's got

我想知道谢尔顿还有多久才崩溃

These shrimp are all the same size

这几个虾仁大小都一样

There's no the logical order to eat them in

吃的时候都找不到一个有逻辑的次序

Can't be very long

没多久了

Hey look there's Rothman's empty office

看啊这是罗斯曼的办公室人去楼空

Sad Mm indeed Yeah So sad

-真可悲 -对啊 -超可悲的

Dibs

归我了

What's up fellas

各位好呀

What are you doing here Kripke

你在这儿干嘛克莱皮克

Ah measuring my new office for drapes

量一量我的新办公室该装多大的窗帘啊

This is not your office

这不是你的新办公室

It hasn't been assigned yet

归谁还不一定呢

Well I called dibs at the Christmas party

早在圣诞节派对上

when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse

罗斯曼教授试图跟玩具盒里的公仔做爱时

with the Toys for Tots collection box

我就说了这里归我了

Dibs

归你

This is a university not a playground

咱这儿可是堂堂的大学不是游乐场

Offices are not assigned

办公室可不会因为

because someone called dibs

谁喊归谁就归谁

You just called dibs

你刚就喊了

Shut it

闭嘴

Offices are assigned by seniority

办公室的分配得根据资历来

I arrived at the university first

我先来的学校

I arrived at the office first

我先来的办公室

I'm the proverbial early bird

我就是传说中的"早起的鸟儿"

Gentlemen

诸位

Professor Rothman

罗斯曼教授

Good evening

晚上好

I'm glad that men are wearing hats again

真好现在又开始流行戴帽子了

They're so distinguished

真的显得很高贵

By aBu 201705

生活大爆炸第五季第十七集

I got you a little something

我有样小东西要送给你

A little something

小东西

Oh it

哇这个...

Oh this is huge

这也太大了吧

What's huge is what you've done for me

你对我的帮助才叫大呢

Oh no Amy I haven't done anything

别啊艾米我从没帮过你什么

No no before I met you I was a mousy wallflower

不在认识你之前我是一个在舞会上坐冷板凳的胆小鬼

But look at me now

可你看看我现在

I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl

就像那种热衷于各种派对的城市潮女

With a posse a boyfriend

有闺蜜有男友

and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things

还有一个能镇住全场的新蕾丝文胸

Open it Open it

快打开快打开

Okay

好吧

I wanted to get you something you didn't have

我想送你一件前所未有的礼物

Wow

哇

I I don't know what to

我...我不知道该说...

Wow

哇

Do you like it

你喜欢吗

Do I like it Wow

我喜不喜欢哇

So uh where are you gonna hang it

那你准备挂在哪儿呢

Oh my God Hang it Wow

上帝啊还得挂起来啊哇

Um you know I'd have to go get a hook

这个嘛我还得去找个钩子

and nails and a hammer and

还有钉子锤子啥的

No problem Oh look

-没问题 -瞧

You got

你都...

You just you got it all right there Wow

你...你都准备好了哇

I found him He's in the bathroom

找到他了在洗手间呢

President Siebert

赛博特校长

Can't this wait

就不能等等吗

I'm sorry We just need a word Now

-不好意思我俩有话要说 -非得现在说吗

You realize I'm your boss and I am holding my penis

你们知道我是老板而且手里还握着二弟呢吧

Sheldon give the man some privacy

谢尔顿咱先出去吧

I'm sorry This guy's got no respect for boundaries

真是不好意思这家伙简直无法无天了

What do you want

你们想干嘛

Will you tell this lunatic

你能亲口告诉这个疯子

that Professor Rothman's office is rightfully mine

罗斯曼教授的办公室就应该归我吗

Can't you take this up with your department chairman

这种事不能找你们系主任商量吗

We tried His assistant said he was on sabbatical

找过了他的助理说他在休假

Although we distinctly heard his office window open and shut

尽管我们清楚地听见了他办公室窗户的开关声

Gentlemen there's a task I'm trying to accomplish here

二位我有件要紧事要办

and I'm having trouble doing it

可我现在却办不了

Oh my President Siebert I don't mean to be an alarmist

天啊赛博特校长我不想危言耸听

but difficulty initiating a urine stream

但是排尿困难可能是

could be a symptom of benign prostatic hyperplasia

良性前列腺增生的症状

If you're interested

如果您感兴趣

I can send you a link to a YouTube video

我可以发给您一个YouTube视频地址

that'll show you how to perform your own rectal exam

它会告诉您如何自己进行直肠检查

Uh helpful hint trim your nails first

小贴士记得先剪指甲哦

Ignore him President Siebert

别理他赛博特校长

I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectly

我相信像您这样的青壮年一定有一个非常...

healthy prostate

健康的前列腺

Oh he's just trying to butter you up

他在拍您的马屁呢[字面为"给您上黄油"]

And for the record

顺带告诉您

butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam

黄油可是直肠检查的最佳润滑剂

Gentlemen I'm going to allow the two of you to work this out

二位我现在允许你俩自行解决这个问题

because A you're both brilliant scientists

因为第一你俩都是优秀的科学家

B as far as who gets Rothman's office

第二至于罗斯曼的办公室归谁

I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind

我他妈一点都不在乎

Well as long as we're here

既然我们都来了

I might as well take a leak

我也放个水好了

Kripke

克莱皮克

Yes

怎么了

You're in my spot

那是我的专用尿池

That is big

这画真大

So big

超大

And ugly

画得好丑

So ugly

超丑

What am I gonna do

我该怎么办

I don't know

我不知道

You can't take it down You'll break her heart

你不可以拿下来艾米会伤心的

Look at that face

看看那张脸

That enormous unsettling crazy face

那张让人心烦又抓狂的大脸

Is there any chance I'll learn to love it

你说有没有可能我会慢慢喜欢上这幅画

That depends

看情况

Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man

你会喜欢把你画得像个爷们的画像吗

Allright it's got to go

好吧把它撤下来

What will you tell Amy

那你回头怎么跟艾米说

How about I tell her

不如我告诉她

the painting makes you feel jealous

这画没有把你画进去

because you're not in it

让你嫉妒到抓狂

Nuh uh What if she gets me one

不要万一她也送一幅给我怎么办

I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom

我已经有张我和霍华德妈妈在威尼斯海滩

getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach

双双顶着满头小辫子的合影了

I've suffered enough

我已经够遭罪了

Well I guess I could take it down

或者我可以先拿下来

and put it up when she comes over but it's kind of heavy

等她过来时再挂上去但这画好重

Oh too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting

可惜你不像画中的男人婆那么壮

Would you look at this

看看这个

I paid $25 to some kid on eBay

我花了二十五块跟易趣上一个小孩

for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand

买了这根手工制作的哈利·波特魔杖

He sent me a stick

结果他给我寄来根树枝

He went into his backyard he picked up a stick

是他在自家后院捡的一根小树枝

It's numbered

上面有编号

Limited edition Nice

还是限量版的呢太棒了

Oh that'll be Kripke

应该是克莱皮克

What's he doing here

他来这干嘛

We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen

我们准备像绅士一样解决办公室归谁

And if that doesn't work I'm going to poison his tea

要是这样还不行我就在他的茶里下毒

Cooper Kripke Come in

-库珀 -克莱皮克请进

I'm making tea

我正在泡茶

Would you like a cup

要来一杯吗

Am I wearing a summer frock

我像穿着连衣裙的娘儿们吗

No I don't want tea

不哥不喝茶

Let's get down to brass tacks

我们直接谈正事吧

Fine In the interest of preserving our friendship

好吧为了保护咱俩的友谊...

We're not friends

咱俩不是朋友

Well that's a little hard to hear but all right

这话有点伤人不过好吧

As you know the essence of diplomacy is compromise

众所周知外交的本质就是妥协

With that in mind

以该本质为指导思想

I propose the following

我提出如下建议

I will take Rothman's office

罗斯曼的办公室归我

and you will find a way to be okay with that

你一边哭去吧

How about I take Rothman's office

不如这样罗斯曼的办公室归我

and you go suck a lemon

而你滚一边凉快去

You sure I can't get you that cup of tea

你确定不用我给你倒杯茶吗

How about you decide this

不如你们这样

with Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock

用"石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克"来决定

What the frig is that

这他妈又是什么

Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock

"石头剪刀布蜥蜴史波克"

was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass

是由互联网先驱萨姆·卡斯发明的

as an improvement on the classic game Rock Paper Scissors

是对经典游戏"石头剪刀布"的改进

All hail Sam Kass

萨姆·卡斯万岁

Hail

万岁

How does it work

怎么玩的

Oh it's very simple

非常简单

Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock

剪刀剪布布包石头

rock crushes lizard lizard poisons Spock

石头砸死蜥蜴蜥蜴毒死史波克

Spock smashes scissors scissors decapitates lizard

史波克踩碎剪刀剪刀斩首蜥蜴

lizard eats paper paper disproves Spock

蜥蜴吃掉纸[同义布] 论文[布]证明史波克不存在

Spock vaporizes rock

史波克使石头蒸发

and as it always has rock crushes scissors

最后和以前一样石头砸坏剪刀

I'm sorry Can you repeat that

抱歉再说一遍好吗

Well of course

当然

Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock

剪刀剪布布包石头

rock crushes lizard lizard poisons Spock

石头砸死蜥蜴蜥蜴毒死史波克

Spock smashes scissors

史波克踩碎剪刀

scissors decapitates lizard

剪刀斩首蜥蜴

lizard eats paper

蜥蜴吃掉纸[布]

paper disproves Spock Spock vaporizes rock

论文[布]证明史波克不存在史波克使石头蒸发

and as it always has rock crushes scissors

最后和以前一样石头砸坏剪刀

Almost got it One more time

差不多明白了再说一遍吧

Surely Scissors cuts paper paper covers rock rock

没问题剪刀剪布布包石头石头...

Sheldon stop

谢尔顿闭嘴

He's screwing with you

他摆明在耍你

Is he

真的吗

Well then

那好吧

it seems we have reached an impasse

看来谈判陷入僵局了

I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel

除了跟你决斗我别无选择了

I'd smack you with a glove

我本该把手套甩你脸上的

对方捡起就表示接受挑战

中世纪欧洲骑士挑战时把手套扔向对方

but just last week I packed away my winter things

可上周我刚把冬天的衣物收了起来

It's the 21st century

现在都21世纪了

You can't have a duel

不能随便决斗

H Hang on Howard

等一下霍华德

Barry how good of a shot are you

巴里你枪法有多好

Not pistols Minds

不是用手枪是用脑子

A trivia contest

我们举行知识问答竞赛

and you may choose the field of battle

你来选择知识范围好了

Star Trek trivia

是选择《星际迷航》知识问答

Star Trek Next Generation trivia

还是《星际迷航:下一代》知识问答

Star Trek Deep Space Nine trivia

或《星际迷航:深空九号》知识问答

Star Trek Voyager trivia

或《星际迷航:航海家号》知识问答

or model trains

或者选火车模型知识问答

You have a complete advantage in trivia

在知识问答方面你有完全优势

You have an eidetic memory

你过目不忘

Plus I haven't watched Star Trek

再加上我好久没看《星际迷航》了

since I discovered the strip club near my apartment

自从发现我家附近的脱衣舞俱乐部

has a free buffet

有免费自助餐后就没看过了

It's gonna be hard to find something

要找到你俩同时擅长的事情

you're both equally good at

实在是困难啊

Is there anything you're both equally bad at

那你们俩都不擅长的是什么

Sports

运动

All right this is one on one

好吧一对一

First person to five wins the office Any questions

谁先投中五个办公室就归谁有问题吗

Yes Sheldon

谢尔顿请说

Five what

五个什么

Balls in the basket

投中五个球

It's out right

这算出界了吧

Time

暂停

Ran out of room

空间不够了

You know all those terrible things

还记得以前学校的恶霸

bullies used to do to us

是怎么欺负我们的吗

Yeah

记得

I get it

我明白原因了

Hey

喂

He did that on purpose

他故意拿球砸我

No he didn't

不他没有

Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose

他要是故意的才砸不中你呢

Okay uh forget one on one

好了别来一对一了

Let's try a free throw contest

这次来自由投球

First person who makes a basket wins the office

谁的球先碰到篮筐办公室就归谁

Making it too easy there Hofstadter

这样太简单了霍夫斯塔德

No No I'm not

鬼才信

Use the force Sheldon

原力谢尔顿

源自《星球大战》

Use the force

原力

I'm gonna need more force

我需要更多原力

All right Cooper prepare to have your heart broken

好了库珀你的玻璃心准备碎成渣渣吧

Do I get points for that

那算得分吗

All right we gave it 45 minutes

好了已经四十五分钟了

It's no longer funny Let's try something else

玩腻了我们来点其他的

What do you propose

你有什么建议

Uh on the count of three

数到三

both of you bounce the balls as hard as you can

你们一起用力往地上拍球

The highest bounce wins the office

谁的球弹得最高办公室就归谁

Oh you are going down Cooper

你死定了库珀

I don't think so Kripke

别这么自信克莱皮克

All right that's enough trash talk

好了废话少说

One two three

一二三

Sheldon was higher

谢尔顿的弹得更高

Congratulations Sheldon You win office

恭喜你谢尔顿办公室归你了

Who's unsatisfactory in P E Now

谁才是真正的体育白痴

Oh what a great movie

这电影真棒

I cannot believe you've never seen Grease

真敢相信你没看过《火爆浪子》

My mother didn't allow me to watch it

我妈妈不让我看

She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang

她担心我看了会加入黑帮

I've got to go

我得走了

I've got to get up early

明天我还得早起

My company's testing a new steroid

我们公司在测试一种

that supposedly doesn't shrink testicles

据说不会让睾丸缩水的新类固醇

and the last one there has to do the measuring

最晚上班的人要负责测量睾丸的工作

I guess I should get going too

那我差不多也要走了

Good night painting Penny

晚安画里的佩妮

Good night real Penny

晚安真的佩妮

Good night real Amy

晚安真的艾米

You don't have to say good night to painting Amy

你不用对画里的艾米说再见

'cause she's never leaving

因为她一直都在

Good night real Penny

晚安真的佩妮

Bye

拜

Good night transvestite Penny

晚安异装癖佩妮

Okay Let us take you off the wall

好了我要把你拿下来

Out of sight out of mind

眼不见心不烦

I wish

真的就好了

You know can I borrow that movie

我能借那部电影吗

Those singing hooligans really got my motor running

那些唱歌的小流氓真的让我春心荡漾

Sure sure Enjoy

当然你拿去看吧

I mean get it back to me when you can or

我是说看完了再还给我或者...

you know what actually you keep it

实际上送给你好了

It's just going to be my gift to you

就当是我给你的礼物

Thank you Bye

-谢谢 -拜

Wait Where'd the painting go

等等那幅画呢

It's right over there

在那里

Why

为什么

I have no idea That is weird

我不知道那画感觉很怪

You hate it No

-你讨厌它 -没有

No no It's just it's a little big

没有没有只是它太大了

I feel like an idiot No come on you're not an idiot

-我觉得自己好傻 -没有你不傻

Look just help me put it back up

帮我把它挂回去吧

Why So you can just take it down when I leave

为什么好等我走了你再拿下来吗

I don't need your pity Oh Amy come on

-我不需要你可怜我 -艾米别这样

I'm just glad I didn't go for the sculpture

真庆幸我没做成雕塑

Ah the spoils

战利品

I see why Victors love them

终于知道为什么胜者喜欢战利品了

I'm happy for you Sheldon

我真为你高兴谢尔顿

But I have to admit I'm going to miss sharing an office with you

同时我也承认我会怀念和你共享一间办公室的日子

Oh of course you are

那是当然

Feel free to drop by any time

随时欢迎你来看我

Thank you Yeah Call first

-谢谢 -记得先打电话哦

Oh Hello

你好

Professor Rothman

罗斯曼教授

This isn't your office anymore

这已经不是你的办公室了

You're retired

你退休了

I think the word you're looking for is "Invisible "

你应该说 "我看不见你"

I came to say I'm sorry

我来向你道歉

Don't bother

不用了

Oh Amy please I'm so humiliated

-艾米别这样 -我太受打击了

I sat there the whole time that we were watching "Grease "

我坐在那里看《火爆浪子》的时候

thinking you liked the painting I know

-还以为你喜欢那幅画呢 -我知道

I was a fool from "Summer Lovin'" To the very last

我从电影的开题

"Rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong "

傻到电影的结尾

You're right You're absolutely right

你说的没错一点没错

I should have been honest with you

我应该对你说实话

and told you the gift was too much

我该跟你坦白这礼实在太重了

Yes too much

没错太重

Because our friendship is fundamentally asymmetrical

因为咱俩的友谊根本不对等

I clearly like you more than you like me

显然我喜欢你多过你喜欢我

I don't think you can put a number on

人与人之间的感情

how much one person likes another

不能用数字来衡量

I bought you a painting that's 12 square feet in area

我送了你一幅十二平方英尺的油画

There's a number

这就是数字

Amy come on

艾米拜托...

If you don't like feet you can try dollars

你要是不喜欢用英尺作单位我可以换成美元

The painting set me back three grand

这幅画花了我三千美元

Three gr Oh my God

三千... 我的天

Look look Amy

艾米

all you need to know is you are my friend

记住你一直都是我的朋友

and I don't want to lose you out of my life

我不想失去你

I'm sorry I'm just having trouble believing you right now

抱歉现在你说话我可不敢相信

Grab your hammer

拿上锤子咱们走

No Damage is done

没用心已经碎成渣了

Okay look I didn't want to say this

好吧本来我不想说的

but the real reason I took the painting down was

但我把画摘下来的真正原因是...

because it made Bernadette very jealous

伯纳黛特一看见就嫉妒得牙痒痒

Oh my goodness

我的天啊

how could I have not seen that

我怎么就没注意到呢

The painting is

这幅画简直就是

a constant reminder that of the three of us

在不停地提醒她咱们三人中

she is the least cool

就她最逊

Yeah that's that's what it is so

对没...没错...所以...

You have such a good heart

你真是太善良了

Yeah I try

是啊...我尽力而为

Come on

走

Whoa whoa where are we going

咱们要去哪儿

We're going to go put this painting back up in your apartment

去把这幅画挂回你家墙上

Well what about Bernadette Oh screw her

-那伯纳黛特怎么办 -管她呢

She's just lucky we let her hang out with us

带她玩就算给她天大的面子了

What are you doing

你在干嘛

I'm trying to raise the temperature in here

我在努力提升这屋的温度

before my nipples tear through my shirt

太凉了我激凸得都要扎破衬衫了

Why don't you just turn up the thermostat

把空调调高点不就行了

Aha Good question

问得好

It turns out the thermostat for my new office

我发现我新办公室的空调开关

isn't in my new office No It's next door

不在这个屋对在隔壁屋

in Professor Davenport's office

达文波特教授的办公室里

who is currently enjoying the hot flashes associated with menopause

而她正经受着更年期一波又一波的潮热

Why is there a hole here

这里怎么有个洞

Why is there a hole in my new office

我新办公室为什么会有个洞呢

I've narrowed it down to two possibilities

我排除到只剩2种可能性

"There was something in the wall

一种可能是墙里有什么东西

that someone outside the wall wanted "

而墙外有人想得到

or the more disturbing

另一种更让人心烦

"There was something in the wall that wanted out "

就是墙里有什么东西想出来

Well at least you finally got a window that opens

好吧至少你终于有可以打开的窗户了

That's nice

多好啊

Is it Listen

是吗请听

What you don't like wind chimes

怎么了难道你不喜欢风铃吗

No I hate them but it gets worse

不喜欢讨厌死了而且还有更糟的呢

There it is The bird

-听到了吧 -你是说鸟叫吗

It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes

跟风铃声完全不搭

那又如何

You don't get it do you

你还没明白吗

That's a mockingbird

窗外那是只知更鸟

Mockingbirds can change their song

这种鸟啼声婉转曲调多变

which means he's out of tune on purpose

也就是说它唱跑调是故意的

He's mocking me

它故意气我

Oh dear There it is again Do you feel it

天啊又来了你们感觉到了吗

The growing realization

渐渐感觉到你是个

that you are one wacky bastard Yep

性格古怪的王八蛋吗我们感觉到了

No The vibration

才不是呢我是说这个振动

We are directly underneath the geology lab

这办公室正好在地质实验室下面

and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again

他们又开了那个讨厌的振动筛

Hey gravel monkeys

喂你们这些石猴子

if you need to shake rocks try jiggling your heads around

想筛石头直接用自己脑袋摇着筛吧

Sheldon relax

谢尔顿淡定

How can I relax

你让我怎么淡定

My nervous system is being stretched out

我的神经系统紧绷得就像竖琴弦

like the strings of a harp and plucked by holes and birds

被这些事不停拨弄墙洞小鸟

and wind and the low hanging scrotum

风声还有那个总亮出他下垂的蛋蛋

of the difficult to evict Professor Rothman

整天阴魂不散的罗斯曼教授

If you're not happy

你要是这么不开心

why don't you just let Kripke have the office

干嘛不把办公室给克莱皮克

Wait and let him win

难不成把革命成果拱手相让

Do I look crazy to you

你觉得我疯了吗

We're trying to think down here

我们楼下还要思考呢

you geode loving feldspar jockeys

你们这帮研究石头的技工

And you

还有你...

the notes are C D E G and A

C调 D调 E调 G调还有A调

You pick one or I am chopping down that tree

挑一个好好唱不然我就砍了你的树

How's that

怎么样

Little higher on the right

右边再高点

Now Little more

-行吗 -再高点

No That's got it

别动了就这样

Yeah okay That's uh that's good

对好挺...挺好

I'll let you in on a little secret

告诉你个小秘密

Originally we were painted nude

一开始画的咱俩是裸体的

But I had him add clothes 'cause I thought

但是我让画家填上衣服了

it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality

我觉得没必要发掘咱们的同性恋潜质

Yeah good call

没错改得好

But if you ever change your mind all it would take

不过你要是改主意了

is some warm soapy water and a couple of sponges

只需来点温肥皂水和几块海绵[共浴]

You're talking about the painting right Sure

-你是说洗掉画上的衣服吗 -当然

Help Somebody help

救命来人救命啊

What happened

这是怎么回事

I was trying to see what was in here and my head got stuck

我想看看洞里有什么结果脑袋卡住了

Why would you do that

你为什么非要看啊

It's called scientific curiosity

这叫对科学的探索精神

Now go get butter

快去给我弄点黄油

Hang in there

挺住

I'll be right back

我马上回来