生活大爆炸-S03E20_生活大爆炸

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第三季第二十集

生活大爆炸

Oh damn they canceled my Visa

靠我的维萨卡被撤了

Oh yay a new MasterCard

哦也新的万事达卡

What

干嘛

I was going to get my mail

我本来想拿信件

Okay

拿啊

Are are you hoping to get it telepathically

难道你想通过心灵感应来拿吗

I think you mean telekinetically

你是说意念取物吧

And no

不是

I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol

我只是不确定用哪种社交礼节

now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus

因为你和莱纳德如今不交媾了

God can we please just say "no longer seeing each other"

老天你就不能说"不再见面交往"吗

Well we could if it were true

那得真的不见才行

But as you live in the same building you see each other all the time

可你们住在同一栋楼里低头不见抬头见

The variable which has changed is the coitus

唯一改变的变量是交媾

Okay here's the protocol you and I are still friends and you stop saying "coitus "

咱来定个协议你我继续做朋友还有你别再说"交媾"

Good good

好啊

I'm glad we're still friends

我很高兴我们还是朋友

Really

真的吗

Oh yes It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life

当然适应你出现在我日常生活中可花了我不少功夫

I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain

而我很讨厌白费功夫

Right

好吧

Just to be clear do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you

再问清楚我不能跟所有人说交媾还是只是不能跟你说

Everyone

所有人

Harsh terms

协议条款真苛刻

But all right I'll just substitute "intercourse "

不过没关系我可以用"性交"代替

Great

这下好了

Or "fornication "

或者用"私通"

Yeah But that has judgmental overtones so I'll hold that in reserve

但这个带有批评色彩还是作为备用吧

So how you been

你最近怎样

Well my existence is a continuum

我的存在是个连续统一体

so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period

所以在指定期间的每个时间点都是一样的

You're just coitusing with me aren't you

你就是逗我玩是吧

Bazinga

逗你玩

How's Leonard doing

莱纳德好吗

He seems all right

他表面很好

Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time

但他花了很长时间

looking at photographs of you

盯着你的照片

and smelling the pillow you slept on

嗅着你枕过的枕头

Oh but now that I think of it

我想起来了

he asked me not to tell you that

他叫我不要告诉你

I'll pretend I didn't hear it

我会假装没听见

I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it

我宁愿你假装我没说过

I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce

你买了意大利妈妈大蒜意粉酱

Yep

对

That's the sauce my mother uses

我妈妈也用这种酱

She likes cooking Italian because according to her

她喜欢意式烹饪

that's what the Romans made Jesus eat

她说罗马人也这么做给耶稣吃

Interesting

有意思

I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night

我改天晚上叫你过来吃

I'm hungry now

我现在就饿了

Oh Um okay

好吧

Why don't you give me an hour and come over

那一小时后过来吧

Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce

能不能切点热狗丁加到酱汁里

I don't have hot dogs

我没有热狗

Oh it's all right I do

没关系我有

Oh You're in for what my mother calls "a real Eye talian treat"

你就要做我妈妈所说的"美意大餐"

Hey where you been

你去哪了

I was talking with Penny

我刚刚和佩妮聊天呢

What's wrong with you

你怎么能这样

You can't hang out with your roommate's ex

你不能和室友的前任一起玩

That's totally uncool

这未免太逊了

No it's fine I don't care

没关系我不在乎

I'm over it

我已经走出来了

Yeah he's over it that's why he's been whining all day

对走出来了所以他整天都在怨念

about trying to invent that memory wiper gizmo from Men in Black

要发明《黑超战警》里的洗脑装置

Is he making any progress

他有进展了吗

Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil

因为我想忘掉本·阿弗莱克居然演过《超胆侠》

So would Ben Affleck

本·阿弗莱克也会想洗脑的

The point is in a situation like this you got to pick sides

重点是面对这种情况你得做出选择

You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny

要么选莱纳德队要么选择佩妮队

Which one picks last

哪个是选剩下的

What

什么

Well usually I'm on the team that picks last

我通常都只能在选剩下的那队

Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair

除非有坐轮椅的孩子一起玩

Sheldon I got you your tangerine chicken

谢尔顿我给你买了陈皮鸡丁

I hope you're hungry

你应该饿了吧

Well of course I'm hungry

我当然饿了

And as I have no plans to eat with any other team

而且我没打算跟别的队吃饭

I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto

我会津津有味地吃光陈皮鸡丁

Okay

好吧

Just out of curiosity do we still have hot dogs

只是出于好奇我们还有热狗吗

I don't know Why

不知道怎么了

Just making dinner conversation

吃饭时随便聊聊而已

Go Team Leonard

加油小莱队

Oh God this is good

啊太好吃了

Let me ask you a question

我问你个问题

Do you believe you're going to go to hell

你觉得你会因为

for eating sweet and sour pork

吃糖醋排骨而下地狱吗

Jews don't have hell

犹太人不相信有地狱

We have acid reflux

我们相信有胃酸倒流

Do you want the last dumpling Sheldon

你要吃最后一只饺子吗谢尔顿

Certainly

当然

It's not like I have to moderate my food intake

我又没有因为很快要吃第二餐

because I'm planning on eating again very shortly

而故意限制食物摄入量

So you guys want to do something tonight

大家今晚想玩什么

Nah I can't I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class

我不行我要去水中有氧运动班接我妈

18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool

十八个超重妇女在游泳池里甩着肥大的手臂

Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World

就像海洋世界里的海牛

What about you Raj

你呢拉杰

Oh there it is

这算什么

now that you don't have a girlfriend

你没有女朋友了

you want to hang out with me again

就又想跟我玩了

I never stopped hanging out with you Oh please

-我什么时候没跟你玩了 -少来了

we all know I'm the friend you call when you have no other options

大家都清楚你没有人了才会来找我

If we were the Justice League I'd be Aquaman

如果我们是正义联盟我就是海王子

I wish you were Aquaman

我倒希望你是海王子

Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank

我就能派你去老人池里把我妈舀出来

Excuse me I'm thirsty so I'm going to go to the refrigerator

抱歉我渴了我要去冰箱里

and get myself a refreshing beverage

拿点清凉饮料喝

You know what I'll just spend the evening alone

算了我今晚就一个人过吧

What suddenly I'm not good enough for you

怎么我突然就不配陪你了

I do so love beverages

我最爱饮料了

Now I think I'll take my after dinner walk

我现在要去饭后散步了

Since when do you take after dinner walks

你什么时候开始饭后散步了

Yeah since when do you take walks

你什么时候开始散步了

I read a study online that walking after a meal

我在网上看过一篇论文饭后百步走

not only aids in digestion but increases serotonin

不仅有助于消化还能增加5-羟色胺的含量

(一种有利于神经细胞间冲动传导的有机物)

and you know me if there's one thing I like

而且你们也知道的如果说相比提神饮料

more than a refreshing beverage it's serotonin Bye bye

我更喜欢什么那肯定就是5-羟色胺了拜拜

Hold on I'll walk down with you

等等我和你一起走

That's not necessary

没那个必要吧

You can go first

你先走吧

Or we could go together

要么咱俩一起走

I can't think of a reason why not

我想不出什么理由拒绝你

Let's go

咱们走吧

Hold on

等一下

Nope no reason

没事我还是想不出什么理由

I've missed you

我好想你

All right say hello to your mother for me

行了代我向你妈妈问好

Okay

行啊

What

干嘛

You said you were going for a walk

你刚说你要去散步的

I didn't say outside

我又没说要去外面散步

So what you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs

然后呢你就打算来来回回地跑楼梯吗

No of course not

不会当然不会

That would be odd and suspicious behavior

那样的话就太可疑了

Here Russell Here boy

到这儿来拉塞尔过来呀宝贝儿

Which way are you going

你往哪边走

Which way are "you" going

"你" 往哪边走

I parked my scooter down the block

我把摩托车停在街那边了

I'm going the other way Bye

我走另一边拜拜

Bye

拜拜

Actually I'm this way

其实是停在这边

Do I smell hot dogs

这是热狗的味道吗

No I mean I have no idea what you smell

不是我是说我不知道你闻到了什么

I definitely smell raw hot dog

我绝对闻到了生热狗的味道

Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor

估计是你的脑子里有肿瘤吧

All right have a nice walk

好了散步愉快

I shall Have a nice scoot

我会的祝你开车愉快

You might want to stand back

你最好站开点儿

I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here

寡人的坐骑有13马力呢

Oh Hello doggie

你好啊狗狗

Nice doggie

乖狗狗

I bet you think you smell hot dogs

估计你是闻到热狗的香味了

Look a cat

看有猫咪

Penny

佩妮

Penny

佩妮

Penny

佩妮

Here

给

I had to trade the others for my life

剩下的热狗被我拿去保命了

Hey Leonard

喂莱纳德

Yeah

怎么了

I haven't had sex in a year

我有一年没做爱了

Where you going with this Raj

你想干嘛拉杰

Don't flatter yourself dude

别自作多情了老兄

I want to go out and meet a woman

我想出去找个女人

So go Well I need a wingman

那就去呗 -我要找个帮手

I don't want to come off like a lonely loser

我不想让自己看着像个失败的剩男

And you think "my" presence will help with that

你觉得我跟你去你就不剩了吗

Well I do

对呀

Next to you I'll look like a catch

有你在旁边我有更有把握了

I'm not going out tonight Raj

我今晚不会出去的拉杰

All right

好吧

Would you mind if I went to your room

你介意我到你房间去

and downloaded some Asian pornography

下载几部亚系A片看吗

Very much

非常介意

Doesn't have to be Asian

我可以不看亚系的

Don't worry You'll meet a girl someday

别担心总有一天你会遇见一个好姑娘的

No I won't Yes you will and she'll be beautiful

-不可能的 -绝对可能而且还很漂亮

And kind and sexy and funny

善良性感幽默

and everything you ever wanted in a woman

绝对是你梦中情人的样子

You really think so

你真这么觉得

I do and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart

没错你会一发不可收拾地爱上她向她敞开心扉

And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic little pieces

然后她会拿走你的心残忍地撕成碎片

But we'll have sex first right

但我们到时候会先上床对吧

That's Eye talian

真正的美意大餐

So um was Leonard okay with you coming over

莱纳德不介意你过来吧

Oh yes

不介意

In fact he said "I'm fine I don't care "

其实他说了 "我没事我不在乎"

And he in no way said it in a manner

而且他的语气绝对不会

which would lead one to believe that he was covering up

让人觉得他在掩饰心中的

feelings of anguish and betrayal

痛苦与背叛

Well good I'm also

-很好嘛 -我还要

pleased to report that he's all cried out over you

很高兴地告诉你他曾为你大声痛哭

He's been crying

他哭过

Oh I believe that was something else

我又漏说了一件

I wasn't supposed to mention

不该跟你提起的事

Oh God I feel terrible

哦天哪我好难过

Do you have a stomachache too

你也胃疼吗

No Why do you

没有啊怎么了你胃疼吗

不疼

Why did you ask if I had one too

那你为啥问我是不是也胃疼

Just making polite dinner conversation

就是吃饭的时候随便聊聊

Your turn

该你说了

All right

好吧

So what's new in your life

那你最近有啥新鲜事儿吗

Well my new shoes are not made for running

我的新鞋不适合跑步

Have you been running

你去跑步了

没有

It's just a suspicion I have

这只是我的怀疑

I'm so glad you like it I do

-我很高兴你这么喜欢我的手艺 -没错

Leonard never cooks for me

莱纳德从来没给我做过饭

Well maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook

估计是因为莱纳德不会做饭吧

You can't cook and you made me this

你也不会做饭但是你为我做了这些

Whatever

随便啦

Ooh I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge

对了还有芝士蛋糕在冰箱里

Oh Lord I'm in Jewish hell

天我要下犹太人的地狱了[胃酸倒流]

Look at this

你看这个

Do you think she's really doing that

你觉得她这动作是真的呢

or is it PhotoShop

还是PS出来的

I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked

我很确定玛莎·斯图尔特绝对不会光着身子

(著名女企业家曾因经济犯罪入狱)

with a room full of big fat Japanese guys

和一屋子的日本大胖子呆在一起

You don't know that

你又不知道

Prison changes people

监狱能改变一个人的

Hey where you been

你刚去哪儿了

I told you walking

跟你说了嘛散步啊

For an hour and a half

你散了一个半小时的步

I got lost

我迷路了

How could you get lost Your phone has GPS

你怎么会迷路的你的手机上有GPS啊

Satellites are down Solar flares

卫星出故障了有太阳风暴

There are no solar flares right now

这会儿没有太阳风暴

Yes there are

不对有的

Dude I'm an astrophysicist

老兄我是搞天体物理的

If there were solar flares I'd be all up in it

要是有太阳风暴的话我绝对会知道

I'm sorry I misspoke

抱歉我说错了

What I meant to say was my battery died

我刚才其实想说我手机没电了

What the hell was that about

他到底是怎么回事啊

I don't know

不知道

Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah

你觉得这真的是希拉里·克林顿在和欧普拉嘿咻吗

Oh we really need to get you a girl

哦我们真得给你找个小妞了

Leonard

莱纳德

Leonard

莱纳德

Leonard

莱纳德

Oh just come in

滚进来吧

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice

谢谢你这么痛快地让我进来了

What do you want Sheldon

你想干嘛谢尔顿

Maybe this isn't a good time

可能现在不是时候

Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you

快说你干嘛吵醒我不然我对天发誓我会杀了你

Do you really think death threats

你真觉得用死亡威胁我

are an appropriate way to begin this conversation

是展开谈话的恰当方式吗

Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me

有时候你的社交能力少得简直让我震惊

What do you want

你到底想干嘛

You may want to sit down

你最好先坐下

I'm in bed

我正躺着呢

Point taken

了解

You may want to sit up

你最好先坐起来

Sheldon

谢尔顿

I've been seeing Penny behind your back

我一直在背着你见佩妮

Okay

好吧

When you say "seeing Penny " what exactly does that mean

你说你"见佩妮" 到底什么意思

We had dinner last night

我们昨晚一起吃晚餐了

She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it

她给我做了意粉加热狗丁

Well little hot dog

虽然热狗丁很少

I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog

因为还有五根热狗我都给那条真的狗狗吃了

A real big dog

很大只的真的狗狗

A hell hound

是条该死的猎狗

Tangential to the primary story

我好像离题太远了

How about I circle back to it

等下再绕回来说如何

Fine

好

Why did you have dinner with Penny

你为什么要跟佩妮一起晚餐

I told you she made spaghetti with little hot dogs

我说过了她做了意粉加热狗丁

I like spaghetti with little hot dogs

我喜欢吃意粉加热狗丁

Then why did you have Chinese food with us

那你为什么还跟我们一起吃中餐

I didn't want to upset you

我是怕你不高兴

Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be

霍华德说得很清楚我应该先效忠于

to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money

男同志而不是为钱卖身的女人们

Is it possible he said "Bros before hos"

莫非他说的是兄弟比妓女重要

Yes but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos

对我改了下措辞避免提到妓女这个词

Sheldon I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny

谢尔顿你跟佩妮做不做朋友我都无所谓

Oh Well so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me

这么说一直困扰我让我噩梦连连的

from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified

这种情绪波动真的是完全不应该啊

Yes

没错

Well then as my meemaw would say

要是我奶奶肯定会说

"Looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon "

我们在这宰猪待客可居然没人想吃培根[都不领情]

I guess not

我想是的

And now as promised the tangent

现在之前我承诺过的那个题外话

Sheldon and the Hell Hound

谢尔顿大战猎狗记

Or How I Lost My Hot Dogs

或者说"谁动了我的热狗"

I I can come back

我还是回头再来吧

D don't be silly

别傻了

We're neighbors

我们是邻居

We're going to run into each other

抬头不见低头见

May as well get used to it

还是早点习惯的好

Yeah I guess you're right

嗯你说得对

You used to it yet

你习惯了吗

Nope Me neither

-还没 -我也是

Oh Sheldon seemed to think that I would be upset

谢尔顿好像认为他跟你出去

about you hanging out with him

我会不高兴

But I just want you to know it's fine

我只是告诉你没事的

Oh oh good because um his mother called me

太好了因为他妈妈打电话给我了

His mother

他妈妈

Yeah she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels

对她想让我带他出去买床单和毛巾

I was going to do that

我本来打算带他去的

Oh well then you you do it

是吗那还是你带吧

No I don't want to do it You can do it

不我根本就不想带还是你来吧

Okay you can take him for shoes

好那你可以带他去买鞋

I just took him for shoes

我刚带他去买过鞋

Well all I know is he says they hurt his feet

我只知道他说那鞋子挤脚

Fine I'll take him for shoes next Saturday

好吧下周六我会带他去买鞋

Oh no no no a bunch of us from work

不行不行我们一帮同事

are going to Disneyland next Saturday

下周六要去迪斯尼乐园

and Sheldon wants to come

谢尔顿也想一起去

You're taking him to Disneyland

你们要带他去迪斯尼乐园

Well he heard me making plans on the phone

我讲电话订计划的时候他正好听到

Was I going to say "no"

那我还能拒绝吗

All right

好吧

But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food

你们让他塞一堆垃圾食品前记得先跟我说下

I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste

我可不想帮他打包回一顿美餐结果只能浪费掉

We're going to Disneyland

我们是去迪斯尼乐园玩

He's going to eat junk food

他肯定会吃垃圾食品

All I'm saying is give me a heads up

我只是说事先跟我打个招呼

Okay whatever

好吧随便吧

And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats

还有别让他吃饱了再去玩太空山

He'll say he can handle it but I promise

他会说没问题但我敢肯定

you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes

他绝对会把油条都吐你鞋子上

All right got it Is there anything else

好的明白还有什么提醒的吗

Yeah don't let Goofy near him

有别让他靠近高飞狗

He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it

他会噩梦连连到时候还得我处理

What's the problem with Goofy

高飞狗有什么问题

Wish I knew He's fine with Pluto

我也想知道不过让他靠近布鲁托没事

Hey do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles

你觉得《超人总动员》里那个弹力女超人

needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm

需要用避孕套吗还是她自己就能变成套子

Well that's it

就这样吧

We're officially out of things to talk about

能聊的话题正式都谈完了

We're home

我们回来了

It's 10 00 Where have you been

都晚上十点了你们去哪了

We stayed for the California Adventure water show

我们留在那看加州冒险乐园的喷泉秀

It was pure Disney magic

纯粹因为迪斯尼魔力太大

I was going to see that with him

我准备跟他一起去看的

How was I supposed to know that

那我怎么知道

It's all right I'll see it again with you

没事的我会跟你一起再去看一遍的

And I have food here You said you were going to call

我还帮他带了吃的你说过你会先打电话的

I know I know

我知道是我不好

I can still eat

我还吃得下

No you already threw up once

不行你已经吐过一次了

Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth

去换上睡衣刷牙

Okay but just don't fight

好吧但你们俩别吵架

We're not fighting Just go

-我们没在吵架 -快去

Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland

你不谢谢佩妮带你去迪斯尼乐园玩吗

Thank you Penny

谢谢你佩妮

You're welcome sweetie

不客气亲爱的

Want a cup of coffee

想来杯咖啡吗

Oh um I should probably get going

我还是先走吧

Come on It's just a cup of coffee

好了就一杯咖啡而已

Uh yeah the whole thing seems a little twisted to me too

我也觉得这整件事有点扭曲

What am I smelling

这是什么气味

Sheldon's churro on my shoes

谢尔顿吐在我鞋子上的油条

He's such an angel when he's asleep

他睡着的时候看着真像天使

Yeah

是啊

Shame he has to wake up

可惜他还会醒来

I think we can do it

我觉得我们能做到的

Smother Sheldon in his sleep Wouldn't that be wrong

趁谢尔顿睡着时闷死他那不合适吧

No be friends You and me

不你跟我做朋友

Oh Sure

当然

Absolutely

绝对没问题

Good I'm glad

很好我很开心

Here's an idea I'm just throwing it out there

我有个主意我就随便说说

friends who have sex

当炮友如何

Good night Leonard

晚安莱纳德

Kidding

我开玩笑的

Just a couple of friends Goofing around

只是朋友间玩笑打混而已

No Goofy no

不高飞狗别