小谢尔顿-S06E02_小谢尔顿

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S07

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小谢尔顿-S07E01

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I'll tell you what

这样吧...

Previously on Young Sheldon

《少年谢尔顿》前情提要

Mary Cooper

玛丽·库珀

I want to sex you up

"我要跟你爽一发"

I have good news

我有好消息

Good I could use it

很好我很需要好消息

I got a job at the bowling alley

我在保龄球馆找到了工作

Working with Brenda

跟布兰达一起工作吗

Every day

每天呢

I am so sorry about today

今天的事我深感抱歉

I just hate to see you walk away from the Lord

我不愿看到你离主而去

Feels like he's walking away from me

感觉是祂离我而去了

What is that

这是什么

Hamburger Helper

即食汉堡面

It's official We're poor

看来是真的了我们是穷人

We're not poor

我们不穷

There's hamburger in there

这里面有汉堡肉

There's hamburger in there right

这里面有汉堡肉的对吧

I like Hamburger Helper

我很喜欢即食汉堡面啊

It really does help your hamburger make a great meal

能快速帮你把汉堡肉做成一顿美味餐点

Well it's a good thing you like it

你喜欢那就太好了

'cause you're definitely poor

因为你是真的穷

Like us We're fine

-像我们一样 -我们家没问题

Actually Just eat

-其实... -吃你的饭吧

Do we still say grace Why not

-我们还做饭前祷告吗 -为何不做

Mom's been taking a break from the church Mom

因为妈妈最近暂时跟教会断绝往来了妈妈

Well I hadn't really thought about it

我还没仔细想过这件事

We can if you want to

想要的话可以说啊

Let's not

就别了吧

As meaningless as it is

虽然这件事很没意义

I do find the ritual comforting

但仪式感能令我感到安心

Well somebody make a decision That slop's getting cold

赶紧有个人做决定吧这坨饭要冷了

No it's good cold or hot like Grape Nuts

无论冷的还是热的都好吃就像早餐麦片

Ooh can I say it

可以让我来说吗

Sure

当然

Bless us Lord for the food we are about to receive

感谢您赐给我们面前的食物

and bless the hands that prepared it

也请保佑为我们准备食物的人

And let me have a good hair day for school pictures later this week

再拜托保佑我这周拍照日我的秀发状态完美

Let's see what else do I want Wrap it up

-我想想还有什么事要求... -赶紧收尾

And please let my dad find a full time job

保佑我爸能在有线电视被停机前

before we lose cable Amen

找到一份全职工作阿门

Amen

阿门

Nobody else is stronger than I am

世上没人比我强壮

Yesterday I moved a mountain

昨天我移了一座山

I bet I could be your hero

我相信我能当你的英雄

I am a mighty little man

我是个了不起的小家伙

I am a mighty little man

我是个了不起的小家伙

年

少

谢尔顿

所以...

how's it going with this whole no church thing

所以你不上教堂的这事怎么样了

It's a little weird

有一点说不清

but I'm figuring it out

但我会想通的

Think you might go back

你觉得你可能会回去吗

I don't know yet

还不知道呢

Maybe find a different church

还是会换一间教堂

I don't know George

我不知道乔治

I'm gonna get a beer

我拿瓶啤酒

You uh

你...

care to join me like the good ol' days

要像以前那样加入我一起吗

Just 'cause I'm not going to church

我只是不上教堂

doesn't mean I'm suddenly a drinker

不代表我会立刻开喝好吗

Okay Well then I guess

好吧行

me and my friends will say goodnight

那我跟我的兄弟们跟你说声晚安啦

We need to talk

我们需要谈谈

About what

谈什么

You do their taxes How bad off are we

你帮我们家报税我们状况多糟了

Based on their part time income

根据他们打零工的收入

we're going to run out of money by the end of the year

我们家大概在年底前就会把钱花光

Before or after Christmas Before

-在圣诞前还圣诞后啊 -前

Not what I wanted to hear

我可不想听到这种消息

Anything we can do to help

我们有什么能帮忙的吗

Perhaps we could sell our stuff

或许可以变卖我们的东西

But I like my stuff

可是我喜欢我的东西

I like my stuff too

我也喜欢自己的东西

Let's keep thinking

再继续想想吧

Hello

你好

Connie Grant Linkletter

康妮我是格兰特·林克莱特

Hello Grant

你好啊格兰特

What can I do for you

找我有什么事啊

Well I looked at my calendar and realized it's been six weeks

我看日历的时候发现离我上次约你

since I last asked you out so

已经过去六周了所以...

I thought I'd give it another shot

我决定再打来试试看

You ask me out every six weeks

你每六周来尝试约我一次吗

Used to be nine but we're not getting any younger

以前是每九周但我们毕竟一天比一天老了

fine

行

Really Why not

-真的吗 -试试看呗

Excellent

太好啦

But I want to be clear

但我先说清楚啊

this is just one of those whatcha call it

我们约会就只是... 怎么叫来着

uh platonic things

柏拉图式啊

We're just having dinner

我们就是单纯吃个饭

I'll take it

我接受

Now would you prefer a restaurant

那你是倾向去餐厅吃

or some good home cooking

还是吃点家常菜呢

I make seven kinds of soup

我会煲七种汤呢

I think I'll just stick with a restaurant

我觉得就出去吃吧

Fair enough

没问题

but one day you'll try my mushroom barley

但总有一天你会尝到我的蘑菇大麦汤

and your taste buds will swoon

让你的味蕾绝顶升天

Good night Grant

晚安吧格兰特

The secret is how long I cook the onions

秘诀就在我长时间熬煮洋葱

Chicken coop now

鸡窝现在

你来了

What are we doing

我们这是在搞什么鬼

What are you doing

你才搞什么鬼呢

What you hired Mary to work at the bowling alley

怎么你请了玛丽到保龄球馆工作

She needed a job

她需要工作啊

I was being nice

我当好人也有错吗

Well you don't think it's a little weird

你不觉得有点怪吗

This right here

我俩在这里

it's all weird

哪哪都怪好吗

Are you drunk

你喝醉了吗

Not nearly enough

是不够醉好吗

You and Mary working together is a bad idea considering

你跟玛丽一起工作糟到不能再糟了毕竟我们...

you know you and me

你懂我俩...

We haven't done anything George

我们什么都没做乔治

But there was considering You know there was

但曾经差点阴错阳差... 你知道有过那瞬间

What do you want me to do

那你是要我怎么样

You want me to fire her

要我炒了她吗

No no That'd be weird

不用那多怪啊

Which is exactly where we started Good night

那刚才讲的不全是废话吗晚安

You understand what I'm saying

你懂我是什么意思吧

我懂

Okay so what are you good at

说说看你有什么技能

I'm popular

我很受欢迎

That is not a skill

那不算是技能

You can't do it Fine

-但你就做不到啊 -行吧

Oh you could go on Jeopardy

你可以去上游戏节目《危险边缘》啊

Never I don't like answers in the form of questions

才不要我不喜欢它们看答案猜问题的模式

I like my answers in the form of answers and my questions

我喜欢我的答案以答案的形式呈现而我的问题

in the form of questions thank you

就以问题的形式呈现即可谢了

Ooh perhaps I could sell story ideas

或许我可以卖剧本故事

to TV shows like Star Trek

给电视剧比如《星际旅行》

Do you really think they'd listen to a kid

你真的觉得他们会听一个小孩的主意吗

My voice has gotten deeper

我的声音近来低了很多

The other day I answered the phone

那天我接电话

and they didn't mistake me for Mom

对方没有再把我错认成妈妈了

Star Trek's not gonna buy your stupid ideas

《星际旅行》不会买你的傻供故事情节的

We'll see about that

我们走着瞧

I have one where the Enterprise

我有一个故事是进取号

falls into a time tunnel

掉进时光隧道里

and Worf becomes a Worf

沃尔夫中尉变成了

from 12 minutes in the future

12分钟后未来的自己

We could let people punch you for a buck

也可以收一次一块钱让人揍你一拳

No all our profit would just go to medical expenses

不行赚的钱最后都得花去医药费

Hey Brenda I was trying to do the books for the quarter

你好啊布兰达我在算这一季的帐

and I was having a little trouble making sense of it

有一个部分的帐我不是太能理解...

You know Mary if

玛丽啊如果

if it's too big of a mess and

这工作太一团乱

you'd rather work somewhere else I'd understand

你想去别的地方工作我绝不会怪你

No I'll figure it out

才没有我能搞明白的

Great

那就好

So happy you're here

你在这里工作我真是太开心了

Hey there

你怎么来啦

Hi Mary

你好啊玛丽

Finally found an eight pounder that's not pink

终于找到一颗不是粉色的轻球了

I didn't know you bowled

我不知道你打保龄球啊

I didn't know you did either

我也不知道你打保龄球啊

Actually I um I work here now

其实我呢... 现在在这工作

Oh sure okay

这样啊了解

我...

I'm so sorry

我很遗憾

about how things went down at church

教堂的情况发展到这一步

If it helps at all the place has gone to heck since you left

如果能安慰到你你走了之后教堂也大不如前

Good

那太好啦

I sure do miss working with you

我相当怀念跟你共事的时候啊

Well we can still be friends

我们还是可以当朋友啊

even if we don't work together

哪怕现在不一起工作了

I'd like that

太好了

You find a kiddie ball yet

你找到小孩球了吗

It's not about the weight just

不是因为我举不起重球只是...

I have small fingers

我手指比较小而已

Oh uh Mary this is Shannon

玛丽她是香农

Shannon this is Mary Cooper Hi

-香农她是玛丽·库珀 -你好

You used to be Mary Tucker

你以前叫玛丽·塔克对吧

Oh not in a long time

不这么叫好多年啦

You remember me

你还记得我吗

Sorry no

抱歉不记得

Shannon Dixon You used to babysit me

我是香农·狄克森你以前当过我保姆

Is that so

是吗

She was so great

她人最好了

She would let me stay up late and watch TV

她都会准我看电视到很晚

while she would make out with her boyfriend

然后自己忙着跟男朋友亲热去

I don't remember any of that

我不... 记得这些事了呢

Oh I'm not surprised You used to hit my dad's liquor cabinet pretty hard

你不记得也不奇怪你也没少去我爸酒柜里拿酒喝

Well Mary Cooper

没想到啊玛丽·库珀

I was young and hadn't found the Lord

我当年很年轻还没认识主

You two have a great time

祝你们两个玩得愉快啊

Here's that invoice

就是这张发票

Oh Great

谢谢啦

I see Pastor Rob's here again

今天罗伯牧师又来啦

Oh does uh

他...

does he come here often

他常常来光顾吗

Not with that one

常但不是跟这妞

She's new

她是新妞

Well good for him

那他很厉害啊

Single good looking pastor

单身长相不错的牧师

In a small town like this

在我们这样的小镇

he might as well be Roger Staubach

魅力简直就跟罗杰·斯陶巴差不多啊

Oh my God The Dallas Cowboys

天啊我们达拉斯牛仔队的超级巨星啦

Oh sure course

当然懂了

Um hey if you need me

如果还有什么需要就来找我

I'm gonna be in the office doing

我先回去后面办公室做点...

office things

办公室的事

What are you doing here

你来干嘛

I ran out of beer at home

我家的啤酒喝完了

didn't feel like driving to the store

我懒得专程跑去商店买

Oh so you just waltz in and help yourself

所以你就大大方方走进我们家自己拿吗

'Bout sums it up

大概就是这情况

I'm changing the locks

我要换个门锁

Cheers

干杯

So how's my daughter doing

我的女儿还好吗

Eh she seems okay

她感觉还行吧

Still trying to figure things out

还在试图摸索出一条道路

I got to be honest I'm not exactly upset

我实话实说家里少了点宗教氛围

about less religion in the house

我可是没有任何反对意见

I hear you

我懂你

Although Jesus making her forgive me

虽然我靠着耶稣这张牌

has come in handy more than a few times

也让她原谅过我好多次

Yeah I played that card too

我懂我也打过这张牌

Then again I remember Mary before God got His mitts on her and

话说回来我还记得玛丽信教前的样子

she was pretty wild

她可真是够野的

Don't have to tell me

这不用你说

I was the person she was wild with

我当年就是她野的对象

Oh she was wild long before she ever met you

她在认识你很久之前就野了好吗

What do you mean

你什么意思

Did you think that you were the first person she was wild with

你觉得你是她第一个野的对象吗

Well yeah

这个... 难道不是吗

And just when the Enterprise is about to be

当进取号马上要被

assimilated by the Borg

博格人给同化时

another ship appears piloted by Wesley Crusher

另一艘星舰现身了由卫斯理·克拉希尔所掌舵

Uh huh It's surprising because

-嗯哼 -这很令人惊讶

Wesley Crusher left the show years ago

因为卫斯理·克拉希尔离开节目很久了

so it's a big deal

他的回归是大事

If you say so

你说大就大

I have more Commander Data

还有呢数据少校...

I'd like a reservation for dinner

我要预定晚餐位子

Yes I'll hold

好的我可以等

You want to do this over dinner Okay

你想晚餐的时候详聊吗行

I'm taking your grandmother out tonight

我今晚要带你姥姥出去约会

She didn't mention it to me

她没跟我说过啊

Maybe because it doesn't concern you

或许因为这事情跟你无关

My meemaw my professor

我的姥姥我的教授

who's in the middle of that Venn diagram

你们两个人的交点是谁呢

Yes two people at 8 00

是的晚上八点两个人

8 00's a little late for Meemaw

八点对姥姥来说太晚了

What time does she like to eat

她喜欢几点吃饭呢

Well she's old like you so 6 30 at the latest

她跟你一个年纪所以最晚六点半

Can we make that 6 30 Wonderful

我们可以改订六点半吗谢谢

Hold on Does she like French food

等等她喜欢吃法国菜吗

I'll call you back

我之后再打给你

Anyway Commander Data

言归正传数据少校...

Let me ask you a question if this Commander Data

我问你个问题如果这个数据少校

were taking your meemaw out for dinner where would they go

想约你姥姥出去吃饭他们会去哪吃呢

Almost certainly the holodeck

应该会是在全息甲板上吧

Sounds trendy

听起来好潮啊

Is that in Houston

那地方是在休斯顿吗

Hello

你好

What's up

你有什么事

I saw your "Help wanted" sign

我看见外面挂着"找帮手"的牌子

I'd like to help please

我想帮忙

How old are you

你贵庚

How old do I need to be

几岁才能在这里打工

14岁

Do I not look 14

难道我看起来未满14吗

I don't care Perfect

-其实我不在乎 -好极了

So when do I start

那我几时开始上班

All right hold on do you even like comic books

等等你真的喜欢漫画吗

Yeah

当然啊

What's your favorite

你最喜欢哪部漫画

And the cool thing about the X Men is not just that they have superpowers

X战警最酷的地方不仅是拥有超能力

but they act as a metaphor for outsiders

他们还代表着想要在社会...

outsiders trying to find their place in society

在社会找到立足之地的边缘群体

Who's your favorite

你最喜欢哪个战警

All of them

全部

Mine too

我也是

And I got the job

我得到那份工作了

You can't work at the comic book store

你不能在漫画书店打工

If anyone should work at the comic book store

最应该在漫画书店打工的人

it should be me

是我啊

Sorry we're not hiring

抱歉我们不需要请人了

Do I at least get a discount

至少能给我打点折吧

I do

我就有折扣

Oh hey hi

你好啊

Oh You okay

你还好吧

Not really

不太好

It's been a rough couple of days

这几天挺难熬的

I'm sorry

我很遗憾

Thank you

谢谢关心

Makes you feel better

如果这么说能安慰你一下

I've had a pretty good couple of days

虽然我这几天过得尚算舒心

and I'm still gonna get drunk

但我仍打算买醉

Want to join me

你想一起去吗

Yes

想

That would be nice

那就太好了

More sad than nice

没啥好的是凄凉

but let's go Okay

-不过我们走吧 -好

So this is unexpected

没料到你会选这家餐厅

Well I know you like margaritas

我知道你喜欢玛格丽特酒

so my first thought was a Mexican restaurant

所以我的第一反应就是墨西哥餐厅

Good thought

机智

But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion

但我猜其他男人得出过同样的结论

They have Which led me to Polynesian fare

-确实 -于是我又想到波利尼西亚菜

I like to think of the Mai Tai

我喜欢把迈泰酒

as the margarita of the South Pacific

看成是南太平洋版的玛格丽特酒

You don't do anything on a whim do you

你从不因心血来潮而行事对吗

Did once didn't like it

我试过一次但我不喜欢结果

I have an idea for a Star Trek episode

我构思了一集《星际旅行》的剧情

I'd like to present to you

我想说给你听

Why me

为什么是我

Because I'm hoping to sell it

因为我希望能卖出去

and since it's going to be broadcast television

由于这会在电视上播出

I want to make sure the common man can understand it

我想确保头脑简单的普通观众也能看懂

Well I understand I was just insulted

我懂我刚被狠狠地羞辱了

Excellent I came to the right common man

太棒了我算找对头脑简单之人了

We start on a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel IV

故事从参宿七附近的一颗气体巨星开始

then see a shuttlecraft

接着画面中出现一艘太空梭

a dot of silver against the inky blackness of space

在一片漆黑的太空只见这个银色小圆点

Inside the shuttlecraft

在太空梭内

we see Lieutenant Worf struggling to breathe

我们看到沃尔夫中尉呼吸困难

He's been infected by a vicious intelligent fungus

他感染上一种险恶的智能真菌

Where are you going I'm listening

-你要去哪 -我在听啊

Cough cough

咳咳咳咳

Worf is choking on spores

沃尔夫被孢子呛得喘不过气

but not just your everyday spores

但这可不是寻常孢子

these are spores with their own evil agenda Uh huh

-这种孢子自有其邪恶目的 -是哦

And as he sinks into a coma a mysterious figure

当他陷入昏迷时一个身穿宇航服的

in a spacesuit approaches

神秘人物走到他跟前

He lowers the visor of his helmet revealing

他降下头盔面窗露出...

Future Worf Are you hooked

未来沃尔夫的脸你被剧情迷住了吗

Oh yeah

沉迷不已呢

Main titles

片头字幕出现

Cue theme song and the soothing voice

接着响起主题曲扮演皮卡德舰长的男星

of Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard says

帕特里克·斯图尔特用抚慰的声音说

"Space "

"宇宙

the final frontier "

人类最后的边疆"

Who's Patrick Stewart

帕特里克·斯图尔特是哪位

Feeling better I'm fine

-心情好点了吗 -我没事啦

just having a little moment earlier

之前只是有些小郁闷

Oh yeah

是吗

All right

好吧

Seems like running into Pastor Rob kind of

看来偶遇到罗伯牧师

kind of rattled you a little bit

让你有点心神不定

Oh well

这个嘛

I was asked to leave the church

我被要求离开教会

and he's still there so

他却还待在那里

it's still a little fresh

我的心伤还没愈合

Yeah I get that

我懂

Seems like a nice guy though Oh yeah

-不过他看起来人挺好的 -是的

he's great

他人很好

Cute as a button

长得又帅

I guess

算是吧

I prefer a bigger man

我个人更喜欢块头大点的男人

Like George

象乔治这种吗

Oh yeah Bigger the better

没错越壮硕越好

Deep within the Enterprise's control room

在进取号控制室深处

Future Worf says

未来沃尔夫说道

"I willingly sacrifice myself

"为了这次任务

for the good of this mission "

我甘愿牺牲自己"

then throws himself into the warp core

说完便纵身跃进曲速核心

There's an explosion of tachyons

超光速粒子发生爆炸

The Enterprise blasts free of the gigantic field of fungus

进取号将一大片真菌炸个精光

Fade out

画面淡出

Written by Sheldon Lee Cooper

编剧谢尔顿·李·库珀

What do you think

你觉得怎么样

If this Worf fella was infected on the shuttles

如果这位沃尔夫老哥在太空梭里被感染了

why would he come back to the Enterprise

他为什么要回到进取号

and put everyone else in danger

将其他人都置于危险之中

Well

啊这...

My father found a flaw in my story

我父亲发现了我故事里的漏洞

my sister had a job I envied

我妹妹有一份我羡慕不已的工作

It was a big day for the common man

今天对头脑简单的普通人来说意义非凡

But then I had an idea that

但随即我突然萌生出一个想法

like Future Worf was ahead of its time

和未来沃尔夫一样超前于时代

Missy What

-米希 -干嘛

Why is a dollar worth a dollar

一张一元钞为什么价值一美元

Sheldon I'm busy

谢尔顿我很忙好吗

Me too I've solved all of our money problems

我也很忙我解决了我们所有的金钱问题

I'm going to invent my own digital currency

我要发明我自己的一套数字货币

Like printing your own

你是指自己印钱吗

No First we assign value to difficult to find numbers

不是首先我们给难以发现的数字赋值

and store them in a computer database

将它们存放于计算机数据库中

Then we create an algorithm to mine the numbers

然后创建算法来开采这些数字

then we encourage people to switch from currencies

接着鼓励人们由政府支持的货币

that are government backed to ours

转而使用我们的货币

It's brilliant I'm going to be rich

太天才了我要发达了

Speaking of

说起发达

did you know Batman is also secretly a rich dude

你知道蝙蝠侠私底下也是个高富帅吗

Or he lives in a rich dude's basement

或者他只是住在一个有钱佬的地下室里

I'm still figuring it out

我还没弄明白

Oh thank you tiki woman

谢谢你提基小姐

波利尼西亚神话中人类的始祖

话说

what's going on at work

你在忙什么工作

I don't want to bore you with science talk

我不想聊枯燥的科学话题怕你无聊

No no I'm interested

不啊我很有兴趣

Excellent We're in a race with the Finnish team to see

太好了我们正在和芬兰团队竞争

who can correct the unification of the leptons

看谁能纠正轻粒子的统一性

As you can imagine the world waits anxiously

你能想象到全世界都在焦急地等待

while we see who crosses the finish line first

看谁先冲过终点线

So the Finnish may be at the finish line

这么说芬兰[终点]团队可能在终点线咯

Oh you're witty too

你不仅人美还那么诙谐

More cheese to bait the trap

你钓男人的手段真多样

Maybe we should order dinner

我们该点菜了吧

Nonsense there's food right here

说什么傻话呢这里不就有食物了吗

Pineapple

菠萝

prickly on the outside

外层多刺

but beautiful inside

但内里却如此美丽

just like you

和你一样

And you know that Shannon girl

你知道那个叫香农的女孩吗

With Pastor Rob

和罗伯牧师一起的那个吗

She was a bedwetter

她以前总尿床

Ten years old

都10岁了还尿床

That's not normal

这可不正常

Maybe he'll get a fun little surprise on their honeymoon

也许他们度蜜月时他会有"惊"喜

Oh no they're not getting married

他们才不会结婚啦

Well how do you know

你怎么知道不会

I don't

我不知道

I just think he could do better

我只是觉得那女孩配不上他

Mary Cooper

玛丽·库珀

Are you sweet on him

你是不是喜欢他

No What

怎么可能说什么呢

I am a married woman

我可是有夫之妇

Happily

婚姻十分美满幸福

Well I was married once too didn't stop me from looking

我也结过婚但那阻止不了我花心

Well I'm not looking

我可没花心

Where you going

你去哪

To dance

去跳舞

I didn't think you Baptists did that

我还以为浸礼教徒不跳舞呢

We don't drink neither

照理说我们也不该喝酒

Look at me Ooh Wow

你看我

I'm pretty good

我能歌善舞

Are you familiar with the phrase

你听过这句俗语吗

"You need money to make money" No

-"钱滚钱需要钱吗" -没听过

Well it's a phrase and my clever twist on it is

反正有这说法我很聪明地把它改为

"I'm going to make money to make money "

"我要造钱来挣钱"

Now when I say "make money " you might think that

我说到"造钱"时你可能以为

I'm talking about counterfeiting but no

我是指造假币但并非如此

I'm talking about creating a unique decentralized

我说的是创造一种独特的去中心化

digital currency that people can pay to own

数字货币人们可以购买持有

Sounds like a scam

听起来像诈骗

No it's an open source currency

不这是一种开源货币

that has value due to mathematical scarcity

因为数学稀缺性而具有价值

Sounds pretty scammy

听起来就是在骗人

You don't understand

你不懂

I do

我懂

You say a bunch of fancy jibber jabber

你说一些听起来很高级的废话

people don't want to admit

人们不想承认

they're too stupid to understand

自己太笨听不懂

then they give you their money

于是就直接把钱交给你

Well um sort of

也算对吧

Love it How do we get started

我喜欢这想法我们怎么开始

Well all we need is a mainframe computer

我们只需要一台大型计算机

How much is that New about half a million dollars

-一台多少钱 -全新的大概五十万美元

but I'm hoping to find something slightly used

但我希望能找到二手的

Time will prove me right

时间会证明我是对的

You're not gonna believe this

说出来你肯定不相信

but I don't go on a lot of dates

其实我的约会经验不多

不会吧

It's true

是真的

Sure I did okay as a younger man but

我年轻时战绩还过得去

there was a war on and

但那是因为打仗了

most of the able bodied men were elsewhere

大部分健全男人都去当兵了

So you sowed some oats I get it

知道了你年轻时放纵过

A whole field of them

我简直毫无节制

I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats

像童话人物约翰尼·苹果籽一样到处散播我的"种子"

Okay

行了

But here's the thing

但问题是

Once you put off matrimony past a certain point

当你一直不结婚拖到某个年纪时

women start to think of you as What's the word

女人就会开始觉得你... 怎么说来着

Creepy There it is

-变态吗 -就是这个词

And then along comes you

然后你出现了

my little Texas firecracker

我的德州小爆竹

playing the game of life by her own set of rules

她按自己的一套规则玩人生游戏

I'm a firecracker I'm a pineapple

我是爆竹也是菠萝

Good for me

挺好的啊

Can I ask you a personal question

我能问你个私人问题吗

Oh I wish you wouldn't

希望你不要问

How would you like to make love to a man

你想跟与爱因斯坦

who shook the hand of Albert Einstein

握过手的男人做爱吗

And you did

你还是问了

This one right here

就是这只手

I didn't wash it for a week

我整整一礼拜没舍得洗

Not a selling point

这不利于把你推销出去

Excuse me for a moment

失陪一下

I have to toss my cookies

我喝多了要去吐

Hey

回来啦

Where you been

你去哪了

Brenda and I went dancing

我和布兰达去跳舞了

You went dancing

你去跳舞

Yeah and I'm darn good at it

没错而且我可会扭了

Okay

行啊

The kids asleep Yep

-孩子们睡了吗 -睡了

You want to fool around

你想亲热一下吗

Are you messing with me

你是不是在玩我

I'm hoping to

我是希望玩弄你

Well hot diggity dog

我今天中头彩了

Welcome to King Kong Comics I'm Missy

欢迎光临金刚漫画我是米希

If you have any questions please let me know

你有什么问题可以随时找我

I don't have any questions

我没有问题

I know more about comic books than you do

我比你更了解漫画

Okay What you may not know is the new

好吧但你可能不知道

Green Lantern just came in

最新一期《绿灯侠》到了

Also if you like green things I recommend Green Arrow

还有如果你喜欢绿色的东西我推荐《绿箭侠》

and of course the Hulk His skin is green

当然了还有《绿巨人浩克》他皮肤是绿色的

I know that Everyone knows that

我知道人人都知道

Uh oh are you gonna smash things

你要砸东西了吗

That's something the Hulk does when he gets upset

浩克被惹毛就会乱砸东西

I'm not upset

我没被惹毛

Cool If you need something

好吧如果你有什么需要

I'll be at the front counter Where I work

就到柜台找我那是我工作的地方