小谢尔顿-S04E14_小谢尔顿

S04

S07

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小谢尔顿-S07E01

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Nobody else is stronger than I am

世上没人比我强壮

Yesterday I moved a mountain

昨天我移了一座山

I bet I could be your hero

我相信我能当你的英雄

I am a mighty little man

我是个了不起的小家伙

I am a mighty little man

我是个了不起的小家伙

I'm very much a creature of habit

我算是个十分依习惯做事的人

Perhaps it's a trait I got from my father

这个特质可能遗传自我父亲

Every night he would go through the mail

每天晚上他都会过一遍邮件

and every night like clockwork he would get very cranky

他也每一晚都会因邮件而不爽

Damn bills George

-妈的账单又来了 -管好嘴

You'd think he'd get used to it

你可能会以为他早该习惯了

but night after night it upset him all over again

但无论多少个夜晚这都能反复让他不爽

Jury duty Son of a

去当陪审团吗我了个...

George

管好嘴

It was complicated

总之就是一言难尽

I didn't like seeing him upset

我不喜欢看到他不高兴的样子

but what can you do I love consistency

但我又能如何呢我也喜欢一致性啊

IRS This can't be good

国税局这肯定不是好事

Sure it can

当然可以是好事

When is the IRS ever good

国税局什么时候有过好事了

Perhaps they're writing to congratulate me

或许是写信来夸奖我

on filing such a beautiful tax return

报税报得如此完美无瑕呢

What's it say Okay Not so bad

-信上说了什么 -还好不算太糟

We owe four dollars and 22 cents

我们得补交4块22

What

什么

That could've been worse

还好不是什么太严重的事

Yeah tell me about it

可不是嘛

Let me see that

让我看看

I'm gonna wash up for dinner

我先去梳洗好准备吃晚饭

You realize they're wrong My return was flawless

你们知道是他们搞错吧我报的退税绝对没问题

I It's four dollars Forget it

就4块钱而已别纠结了

But they're saying I made a mistake

但他们这意思是说我报错了

You also got us a nice refund You did a great job

但你也帮我们成功退了很多税啊你做得很棒

I appreciated my mother's love

我很感激我妈妈对我的爱

but what a boy really craves

但一个男孩真正想要的是

is the unconditional approval of a government agency

国家机构对他公正不阿的赞许

Yippee Ki Yay Mr Falcon

中大奖吧王乌龟

Wait who is Mr Falcon

等等谁是王乌龟啊

No one

谁都不是

Then why'd he say it

那他为什么这么说

Well in the real version he said a bad word

在电影版里他说的是脏话

but they had to change it for TV

所以电视版就和谐了

TV is so lame

电视也太垃圾了吧

What did he really say

那他真正说的是什么

That's so much better

这个帅太多了

This movie works on a lot of levels

这部电影各方面都超牛逼

Dad I reviewed the tax return and I was right

爸我检查了退税单我没弄错

They're the ones who made the mistake

他们才是算错的人

Uh What are you doing

你在干什么

Writing a check to the IRS

给国税局开支票啊

But we don't owe them anything

但我们又不欠他们任何一毛钱

They're claiming that I underreported our income

他们说我低报了家里的收入

but I can prove that they're wrong

但我能证明是他们错了

It's not worth picking a fight with them over a few bucks

为了几块钱跟他们斗可不是明智的选择

Just let me call them I can sort this out

让我打给他们我能解决

Just drop it we don't want to get on their radar

别纠结了我们可不想被盯上

But if you send that check

但如果你寄支票过去

it's like admitting I made a mistake when I didn't

就等于承认我犯了错但我根本没错

Sheldon sometimes being right isn't the most important thing

谢尔顿有时候对或错并不是最重要的事

I'm glad you feel that way because boy are you wrong

幸好你这么觉得因为你可真是大错特错

We're done talking about this

这件事到此为止

And there he goes wrong again

他又再次犯了大错

I'll have the rib eye medium rare

我要来一份肋眼牛排三分熟

And for you

那您呢

Uh just the house salad please

请给我来一份招牌沙拉

Very good

好的

House salad

招牌沙拉

You watching your figure

你不会是在减肥吧

I have a physical tomorrow

我明天要体检

Oh so your plan is to start eating healthy now

所以你的计划就是今天开始健康饮食吗

Can't hurt

不快也光

It ain't gonna undo 70 years of red meat and beer

扭转不了70年来吃红肉喝啤酒的后果

I'm not trying to undo it

我没有想要扭转什么啊

I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce

我只是想要用生菜来粉饰太平

Son of a Mitch

曹你爸

Melissa Cooper

梅丽莎·库珀

What I said "Mitch "

干嘛我说的是"曹"

There's nothing wrong with that

这个字又没有哪里有问题

But you meant another word

但你的意思就是另一个字

不好意思你说的是哪个字呢

Just watch it

你管好你的嘴

Hold on So you're saying if I have a friend

等等所以如果我有朋友姓曹

whose dad's name is Mitch

哪天我要说他爸爸的事

I'm not allowed to talk about him

我不准跟他说"曹你爸怎么怎么了"吗

I know what you're doing

我知道你是在玩哪招

Okay I just feel bad for my friend

行吧我只是觉得叔叔好可怜啊

That poor son of a Mitch

曹你爸好惨啊

Melissa Cooper

梅丽莎·库珀

How's that salad It sucks

-沙拉可还美味 -难吃到要命

How's your steak

你的牛排如何

You know how they overcook it sometimes so it's a little bit dry

你知道他们有时候会弄过熟害牛排有点干吗

Not this time It's so good

这次没有超完美

You know what else is good

你知道还有什么也超美味吗

This radish

这个萝卜

Would you like some steak ‭ Yes

-你想要吃一口牛排吗 -想

Then you probably should've ordered some

那你之前就该老实点牛排

It's delicious

超好吃

You are not a very nice lady

最毒妇人心啊

Psst Hey a kid

醒醒孩子

Who is it

谁啊

It's me The envelope with the IRS check

是我装给国税局支票的信封

What do you want

你找我干嘛

You can't let him send me

你不能让他把我寄出去啊

You didn't make a mistake

你又没算错

Oh I know that but it's too late

我知道啊但是已经来不及了

It's not The check isn't due for 30 days

还没啊这支票30天后才到期

所以呢

Just go in the kitchen and take me off the pile

现在去厨房把我抽出来就行了啊

Buy yourself some time to straighten this out

给自己争取一点平反的时间

But tampering with the mail is a federal offense

但是对信件做手脚是会犯联邦法律的

I'm not mail yet I'm not in the mailbox

我还不是正式的信件我又不在邮筒里

That's the law

法律就是这样

But what if my dad notices you're missing

如果我爸发现你不见了呢

Do it after he leaves for work He'll never know

等他去上班后再下手他绝对不会发现

That's brilliant

高招啊

I'm not real so technically you thought of it

我并不存在所以这妙计其实是你想出来的

That makes more sense

这就合理多了

The next morning I patiently waited

隔天早上我耐心等候

for my father to leave for work

我爸爸出门上班

Are you leaving for work

你要出门上班了吗

Yeah

是啊怎么

See you Bye

再见您慢走

Bye

再见

I leapt into action

我立刻出击

My heart was pounding

我的心脏砰砰跳

I don't know what kind of bladder control professional spies have

不知道职业间谍他们的膀胱控制力有多强大

but this first timer needed to pee pronto

但我这菜鸟可是要憋不住了

Now that I had prevented my dad from saying I made a mistake

在阻止我爸爸要令我蒙受的不白之冤后

it was time to get the IRS to admit theirs

就到了让国税局承认错误的时候

IRS Agent Green speaking

国税局我是税务师格林

Hello my name is Sheldon Cooper

你好我叫谢尔顿·库珀

Forgive me for cutting right to the chase

请原谅我不多客套要直接进入正题

but I'm outside and my skin is incredibly fair

我人在室外我又十分苍白不耐晒

Okay how can I help you

行有何能帮到你

You sent my family a bill saying we owe

你给我家人发了一封账单表示

an additional four dollars and 22 cents but you're mistaken

我们得补交4块22 但你算错了

I filed a flawless return

我报的退税绝对无懈可击

I'm sorry how old are you

抱歉你几岁啊

That seems irrelevant but I'm 11

这问题无关紧要但我11岁

Your parents let an 11 year old file their federal tax return

你的父母让一个11岁小孩来报税吗

This year Two years ago they let a nine year old do it

今年是这样两年前他们让9岁孩子来报呢

Look these tax codes are complicated

你听我说这些税码什么的很复杂

If you only made a four dollar mistake

如果你只弄错了4块钱

that's pretty impressive

那可以说是非常厉害了

I didn't make a mistake at all You did

我完全没犯错是你犯错

Is that so Yes

-是吗 -是的

But don't feel bad these tax codes are complicated

但你别难过这些税码什么的很复杂

Okay I've got your file right here and uh

行我现在打开了你们的档案

looks like you underreported your income

貌似你们低报了收入啊

Actually if you check under charitable donations

其实如果你看看慈善捐款那一栏

you'll notice that the money we made

你会发现我们车库拍卖的收入

at the garage sale did not count as taxable income

不能被算作应税所得

because we donated it to the church

因为我们把所得全捐给教会了

Well I'll uh I'll have a look into that

这样吗那我再去研究研究

In the future you might consider doing that

未来希望你能在发出信之前

before you send out the letter

就做好详细研究

So how does this work

所以接下来是怎么样

Do you apologize now do I get it in writing

是你现在跟我道歉还是会寄来道歉函

It's no big deal

又不是什么大事

It's a colonoscopy

是结肠镜检查啊

So ‭So one of those words means "colon "

-所以呢 -这三个字的意思是"结肠"

and the other means "shoving a camera up it "

以及"把摄像头塞进去"

I'm surprised you need one

我也挺"惊讶"会要你检查这个

Did you tell him about the salad

你有告诉他们你吃了沙拉吗

It's not funny

别开玩笑了好吗

Stop being such a baby

你能别像个婴儿一样吗

Something I have pushed out of my body You can do this

老娘婴儿都生过了你肯定能检查

Wait wait I got an idea

等等我有个主意

Why don't we do it together

我们可以一起去做检查啊

What

什么

No ‭Come on

-我才不要 -来嘛

It'll be romantic

这样很浪漫呢

You're weird

你有病吧

What the hell

什么鬼

Why are we getting audited

我们为什么要接受审计

What Are you sure it doesn't say "applauded"

什么你确定不是我们要接受"夸奖"吗

Perhaps for a job well done

或许是要夸奖表现卓越

We're being audited for the last three years of our tax returns

我们过去三年的退税要被审计

I don't get it

我不懂了

I mailed in that check a week ago

我一周前就把支票寄过去了

About that I can explain

我可以解释一下这件事

Sheldon ‭I just needed some time

-谢尔顿你说 -我需要一点时间

to prove there were no errors in my work

去跟他们证明我没有犯任何错误

What did you do

你干了什么

I took the check before Mom mailed it ‭What

-我抢在妈妈寄出前收走了支票 -什么

But I called the IRS and sorted things out

但我打给国税局搞定一切了啊

Clearly you didn't

很明显没搞定啊

I told you to let it go

我跟你说了别去纠结

I'm sorry

对不起

This could end up costing us a fortune

到时候我们可能得补一大笔钱

I can fix it No

-我能解决 -不必

I'm gonna hire an accountant and have him handle it right

我要去请一个专业会计来搞定这一切

But I want to help You've helped enough

-但我想帮忙 -你帮够多倒忙了

Go to your room

回你房间反省

Yes sir

遵命

I feel bad beating you like this after you bought me drinks

你请我喝酒我还这么虐你真过意不去

Okay I tell you what You want to make it more interesting

行你想来玩点刺激的吗

Sure ‭Okay how about this

-好 -那这样吧

If I win you get a colonoscopy with me

如果我赢了你陪我去做结肠镜

God are you still on this

天啊你还在想这件事啊

Come on why not

来嘛有什么不行的

'Cause I don't wanna

因为老娘不想

Well I don't wanna either but my doctor said I got to

我也不想啊但我的医生说我必须得做

Well my doctor didn't say nothing

我的医生可什么都没说

When was the last time you saw him

你上次去找他是什么时候

I don't know it's been a while

忘了有段时间了

Yeah well like "six months" a while

有段时间是指"半年"呢

"Watergate" a while ‭Drop it

-还是水门事件呢 -别烦我了

Uh last time you saw him were they using leeches

你上一次见他的时候他还在用水蛭治病吗

I'm about to take this pool cue

我要拿这根球杆

and beat your doctor to the punch

把你的医生打个花开富贵了

That long huh

看来是真的很久了啊

Look all I'm saying is you could use a checkup

我就只是想说你去做个体检也没坏处

I feel fine ‭Okay

-我身体感觉好得很 -行

At your age there's nothing wrong with going in

到你这把年纪去看个医生也...

I'm not going to the doctor so just

我不要去看医生所以你...

mind your own business

少跟我唧唧歪歪

Why didn't you eat with us

你为什么不跟我们一起吃晚饭

I'm not hungry Dad's mad at me

我不饿爸爸在生我气

Mom's not thrilled with me either

妈妈也对我不满

Why

为什么

Mom made chicken

妈妈煮了鸡肉

and I said chickens cluck a lot

我说鸡经常咯咯叫

so they should be called "cluckers "

所以它们应该叫"咯咯鸡"

And some chickens are moms

而咯咯鸡都有妈妈

so you could call them "mother " I don't care

-所以可以叫它们"咯你妈" -我不在乎

Mom sure did

老妈可在乎了

What did you do wrong

你做错什么了

I got Dad in trouble with the IRS

我害爸爸惹上国税局的麻烦了

He has to hire an accountant

他得请个会计师

which could cost us a lot of money

也许会让我们家损失一大笔钱

Dang makes me not want to have kids

我去我彻底打消了生熊孩子的念头

Hello

你好

Well hey

你好啊

Well you missed it

你错过了好戏

Some old broad went nuts over there

刚才有个老太婆在那边发飙

and threw her pool cue on the table

把她的台球杆扔到桌上

She's crazy

真是个疯婆子

Sorry

对不起嘛

Well you're not a fan of doctors huh

你不喜欢医生对吧

They never have good news

他们从来不会给你好消息

They just want to find something wrong

只想找出毛病

It's kind of their job

这算是他们的职责

If something's wrong with me

如果我有什么毛病

I don't want to know about it

我可不想知道

That's dumb

讳疾忌医很傻

No it's not

才不是

If I'm gonna drop dead

如果我要挂了

I'd rather do it quick and leave lookin' good

我宁可死得痛快留下美貌在人间

I want to live so long I start looking like a mummy

我想活很久很久直到熬成千年老妖

You're off to a strong start

你的开局不错

My husband went to the doctor

我老公以前去看医生

And they found something

他们发现有问题

Two days later he was in surgery

两天后他就动手术了

Nine months later he was dead

九个月后他就去世了

Geez

老天

I don't want that

我可不想那样

And I I don't want to put anybody else through that

我也不想让任何人经历这种折磨

I'm sorry

我很遗憾

I hope you stick around long enough

我希望你也能活得够久

to start looking like a mummy too

熬成千年老妖

I always pictured myself more the Bride of Frankenstein type

我倒自认是科学怪人的新娘那种类型

Well you got the hair for it

你发型是跟她一样啦

So how's it look

情况看起来如何

Do I owe a lot of money I don't have a lot of money

我欠很多钱吗我没钱的

I can see that

我看得出来

Who did these

这报税是谁做的

Why

为什么问

Is it that bad

有这么糟吗

They're impeccable

是无懈可击

Actually it was my son

其实是我儿子做的

Well why don't you just use him for the audit

你为什么不直接叫他去应付审计

He's 11

他才11岁

An 11 year old did these

这是11岁的孩子做的

Actually he might've been nine at the time

事实上他当时可能只有9岁

I'm not good with birthdays

生日这种事我记不太清

Hello

你好

Playing with your trains

你在玩火车吗

I'm punishing myself by looking at them

我在惩罚自己只能看着

but not allowing myself to run them

不准上手开车车

You don't have to punish yourself

你不用惩罚自己啦

Because you'd rather do it That's fair

因为你想亲自惩罚我吗这也公平

不是啦

It's okay I deserve it

没关系是我罪有应得

Actually

事实上

I want you to represent us at the audit

我是想让你代表我们家接受审计

But I messed everything up

但我把一切都搞砸了啊

You did

确实

But I also know if anyone's smart enough

但我也知道要说有谁够聪明

to get us out of this you are

能解救我们那一定是你

Why'd you change your mind

你为什么改变心意了

No reason

没什么原因

What did the accountant say

会计师说了什么

Nothing

没说什么

They said my returns were perfect didn't they

会计师说我的申报无可挑剔对吗

Play with your trains

玩你的火车去

Why are you readin' the Bible

你为什么在读《圣经》啊

I felt bad about last night

昨晚的事我感到很内疚

so I thought it might be good for me

所以想着看一下可能对我有帮助

Where are you going with this

你在打什么鬼主意

Nowhere I just want to make you happy

没主意我只想让你开心

"And the man increased

"于是雅各变成

exceedingly and had much cattle

非常富有拥有很多羊群

and maidservants and menservants

男仆与女仆

and camels and asses " Okay Stop

-骆驼和驴" -好了停

What I'm just reading from Genesis

怎么了我只是在读《创世纪》

Well cut it out ‭ Fine

-别读了 -好吧

Let's try Exodus

那我来读读《出埃及记》

"And on the seventh day thou shalt rest

"但第七天你要休息

that thine ox and thine ass may rest "

在耕种和收割的时候也要休息"

That is it you are grounded

够了你被禁足了

For reading the Bible

因为读《圣经》吗

The way you are doing it yes Go to your room

是因为你故意念出其他意思给我回房间

Okay

好吧

I don't have a donkey

我没有驴子

But if I did I'd take my ass out of here

但如果有我会带它离开这里

Hello I'm George Cooper This is my son Sheldon

你好我是乔治·库珀这是我儿子谢尔顿

Yes we spoke on the phone

嗯我们通过电话

You look exactly like you sound

你人如其声呢

Not everybody does

不是每个人都有这优点

Should we get started Yes

-我们开始吧 -好

I realize some people may find the ins and outs of tax law

我知道有些人认为税法的细节

a little tedious so allow me to spice this story up

有点乏味所以允许我给这故事增添趣味

Instead of an audit imagine this is a showdown

与其把这视为审计不如看作一场对决

between two warriors in the most brutal

两名战士通过最残酷

and exciting form of combat there is

最刺激的搏斗形式来决一胜负

chess

就是国际象棋

Am I the only one who just got chills

只有我激动到起鸡皮疙瘩了吗

Let's start with the business deductions

我们先从日期为1989年的纳税申报单的

from Schedule A on the tax return dated 1989

附表A扣除额开始

I know bold opening move

我知道开局走这一步很大胆

Don't worry I came to play

别担心我是来大展身手的

Happy to

乐意至极

I've got those receipts right here

那些收据我都带来了

Dated highlighted

注有日期高亮标记

and itemized

并且逐项登记了

Told you

我说了吧

For the next three hours we battled it out

接下来三小时我们展开鏖战

Two mighty brains locked in mortal tax code combat

两个非凡大脑陷入一场你死我活的税码大战

Justify this expense

为这笔开销做出合理解释

Our AGI was less than 50 000

我们的调整后收入总额低于五万

Improper classification

分类不当

Rolled over from the previous fiscal year

是从上一会计年度延续下来的

The receipt has barbecue sauce on it

这收据上沾了烧烤酱

Dad ‭ Sorry

-爸爸 -对不起嘛

So you are remarkably well versed in the tax code

看来你十分精通税码

Thank you ‭It's nice of you

谢谢夸奖你真好

to do your parents' returns for free every year

每年都免费帮你父母报税

Oh I don't do it for free

不是免费的

My dad buys me a model train afterwards

完事之后我爸都会买火车模型给我

Interesting

有意思

So you accept payment

这么说你接受报酬

even though you're not a licensed tax professional

尽管你不是持证专业税务人员

In clear violation of federal law

这明显违反了联邦法律

Check

将军

I had walked right into his trap

我正好落入了他的圈套

Excuse me I need to use the restroom

不好意思我需要去洗手间

So catch that Cowboys game last

你昨晚有没有看牛仔队的球赛

No ‭ Yeah

-没有 -好吧

Ballard's

巴拉德体育用品

Hello Hey what's up

-是我 -怎么啦

You'll be happy to know I went out and got a checkup

你会很高兴知道我去做了体检

Fantastic

太棒了

Yeah great just great

是啊好得不能再好

And now you can shut up about it

现在你可以别再逼逼这事了

Well how'd it go

体检结果如何

Good news bad news

好消息坏消息都有

Good news is I'm fine

好消息是我身体健康

Well now isn't that comforting to know

得知之后是不是很放心啊

Don't be smug

别得意

So what's the bad news

坏消息是什么

He wants me to have a colonoscopy Great

-医生希望我做结肠镜 -太好了

Oh my gosh we can do it together

天啊我们可以一起去做

Can't you just feel the romance

你不觉得很浪漫吗

No you weirdo

浪漫个屁你个怪人

There you are

你在这啊

Hey we're waiting on you

我们在等你呢

I want to go home

我想回家

What are you talking about

你说什么傻话啊

We're not done yet

我们还没弄完

Yes we are

已经结束了

I made a mistake that's gonna cost us

我犯了个错误那会让我们损失

a lot of money that we don't have

一大笔钱我们家没这个钱

I feel so stupid

我觉得自己好愚蠢

It's okay to feel stupid

觉得愚蠢也没关系的

No it's not

当然有关系

It just means you're growing

这只是代表你在成长

If you don't look back and think you were dumb

如果你回顾过往没发现自己有犯蠢过

then you then you haven't learned anything

那只说明你没吸取过任何教训

So what do we do

那我们该怎么做

We get back in there

我们回去那里

What if we lose

万一我们输了呢

Doesn't matter win or lose

那不重要无论输或赢

we don't give up all right

我们都不放弃知道吗

Now let's get in there and show 'em what we're made of

我们进去吧让他们见识我们的能耐

what do you say

你说好不好

I've heard you give that exact same pep talk at football games

你在橄榄球赛说过一模一样的打气话

Well I didn't have a special one prepared

我没准备特别的演讲词嘛

That's all right

没关系

I feel properly pepped

我觉得受到了激励

那么

where were we

刚才进行到哪了

Check

将军

It's true

没错

I made a mistake

我是犯了个错

But my dad taught me that's okay

但我爸教会我犯错也没关系

Wait

等等

My dad's a teacher

我爸是老师

Which means my doing our taxes wasn't work for hire

这意味着我替我们家做税不是当雇工

but an economics lesson he was teaching me

而是我爸在给我上经济课

Therefore the train he bought me

所以他给我买的火车

wasn't payment for unlicensed work

并不是无证工作的报酬

it was a reward for successfully completing my lesson

而是成功完成我课程的奖励

So it does not violate the statute

所以这并未违反法规

and since the value of the train is less than $10 000

由于火车的价值低于一万元

there's no additional gift tax

所以没有额外赠与税

Checkmate

将军

Well I guess that wraps it up

那我们就审完了

Is it over What happened

结束了吗发生了什么

We won

我们赢了

Wait we don't owe anything

等等我们不欠任何税款吗

No your returns are all in order

对你们的报税全部合法妥当

Well done

做得好

Thank you

多谢夸奖

Your son's extremely intelligent

你儿子非常聪明

Yep I hope you audit us next year

-是的 -希望明年还是你审核我们

so I can run circles around you again

我就可以再次大胜你

Until he says something stupid Let's go

他一说蠢话就不聪明了快走吧

I can't believe we have to drink so much of that garbage ‭

这恶心玩意我们居然得喝那么多

Well the important thing is we get to do it together dear

重要的是我们可以一起做这件事亲爱的

You are so full of crap

你真是满肚子鬼话

Well not for much longer

但它们呼之欲出了

Excuse me the festivities have begun

失陪狂泄庆典开始了

You're taking that whole thing with you

你还带上那玩意去厕所吗

I'm gonna be a while

我要蹲很久