爱，死亡和机器人-S04E09-智慧型设备愚蠢型主人_爱,死亡和机器人

内容

Okay. Yes let me introduce myself. Um

好对我来自我介绍一下

Hi. I'm a thermostat

你好我是恒温器

and look I know these two don't like each other too much okay

看我知道这两口子现在关系不太好好吗

Dual climate zones You ever heard of it

双温区控制你们听说过吗

It's not a problem. It's literally what I'm designed to do.

真没什么大不了的这正是我的设计初衷

Oh okay.

哦好吧

Now I know what it feels like to be the kid stuck in a divorce

现在我总算体会到了那种离婚家庭孩子的感受

ferrying messages between two parents.

整天在爸妈之间当传话筒

Oh my God. Again.

哦天啊又来了

You know what Winter gets pretty cold here.

你们知道吗这儿的冬天可冷得很

If they want passive aggressive just wait until it gets below freezing.

既然他们想玩冷战这一套那就等温度降到零度以下

I'll show them passive aggressive.

我让他们瞧瞧什么是真正的冷战

When used as directed

按说明正确使用的话

I clear 99.9% of all the plaque that builds up on the surfaces of your teeth.

我能清除你牙齿表面堆积的 99.9%的牙菌斑

When used as directed Chad.

重点是按说明正确使用查德

And I don't mean like a light wave in the general vicinity of your mouth

我说的可不是一周来一次那种在嘴边

once a week.

随便晃一晃

No one wants to kiss him.

没人愿意亲他

The toaster has sympathy for the bread that has to enter this guy's mouth.

连烤面包机都同情那些要进他嘴里的面包

Even the dog "nopes" the hell out.

连狗都躲着他的嘴

And that thing licks buttholes okay

那玩意儿可是会舔屁股的啊

And then he goes to the dentist

然后他去看牙医

and when they tell him his gums look worse than a rabid coyote's

当医生说他的牙龈比得了狂犬病的郊狼还烂得吓人时

he just plays innocent. He's like "W well how I brush every day."

他就在那装无辜他说："怎么会呢我每天都刷牙的"

Don't make me party to your lies Chad.

别拿我给你打掩护撒谎查德

Fucking floss man.

他妈的快去用牙线吧

You have bacon in there from 1996.

你牙缝里的培根肉都是1996年的

1 2 3 4 is not a security code.

1234不是安全密码

I see meth heads lurking in the woods waiting for her to leave.

我看到那些吸嗨的瘾君子就在树林里盯梢等着她出门

What does she think the first damn thing they'll type into my keypad is

她觉得这帮人首先尝试输进键盘的密码会是什么

When she gets robbed when she gets robbed

等她被抢的时候这种事早晚会发生

I'm just gonna ask if they'll take me with them.

我就要问问那些贼能不能顺便把我也带走

This dude eats a lot of lentils. I mean a lot.

这家伙总是吃扁豆真的吃很多

You know what it is He thinks I'm deodorizing his house.

你知道问题在哪吗他以为我在给他家除臭

Understand this.

明白这一点

I just take dust and particles out of the air bro.

我只是清除空气中的灰尘和颗粒物兄弟

That's what I do. I don't do methane.

这就是我的工作我可处理不了甲烷

Here's my question. How do you get used to that smell

我就想问一句你是怎么习惯这个味道的

And I'm asking you honestly.

我是真心在问

I mean at what point can you just ignore

我是说你是什么时候开始无视

that you're constantly leaking out a greenhouse gas

自己一直往外泄露温室气体这件事的

Let me tell you something. If he ever lights a candle in here

跟你说要是他哪天在这屋里点根蜡烛

we are all going to die.

咱们都得玩完

I have six customizable pulse settings.

我有六种可调节的脉冲模式

Mist rain shower full body massage

细雾雨淋淋浴全身按摩

pulsating massage and ultra power pulsating massage.

律动按摩还有超强律动按摩

The other appliances tell me she hasn't had a date in four years

其他电器跟我说她已经四年没约会了

but I You know I just I just want to clean people.

但是你知道我只是想给人洗澡而已

I mean I'm sorry about her dating life okay I I I really am.

我是说对于她的感情生活我表示很遗憾好吗真的

But I would prefer to keep it professional.

但是我更希望保持专业关系

I just want to be frien Oh Oh okay.

我只是想当朋哦好吧

I've never been out of this cabinet.

我从来没离开过这个橱柜

I was a housewarming gift from his parents

我是他42岁第一次有了自己的公寓时

when he got his first apartment at 42 years old.

他父母送的乔迁礼物

He plays video games and smokes weed all day.

他整天就知道打游戏抽大麻

It's pretty much all he does.

基本上就只会干这个

The other appliances will confirm he's never cooked a thing in his kitchen.

我是说其他厨房电器都能作证他从来没在这个厨房做过任何东西

Ever.

从来没有

Yeah.

对

My only hope of getting out of here is if someone or something swipes right.

我唯一能离开这里的希望就是有人或东西在交友软件上向右滑

Oh my God.

哦我的天啊

I'm gonna die a waffle virgin.

我连一块华夫饼都没做过就要死去

Holy shit.

我的天啊

The chefs started out with the goal of wowing our judges

最初参赛者们的目标

using the ingredients in their mystery baskets.

是用神秘篮子里的食材让评委们眼前一亮

Now only two remain

现在只剩下两个人了

I'm sworn to secrecy.

我发誓要保守秘密

That's all I'll say.

这是我唯一能说的

Except this.

不过还有一点

When I'm working she likes to watch episodes of Chopped.

当我工作的时候她喜欢看《厨艺大战》

Honey Don't ask me why.

我知道别问我为什么

I don't even guess why.

我都懒得猜为什么

I'm a sex toy not a therapist.

我是性玩具不是治疗师

I'd rather watch Squid Game but let's not get into my kinks.

我倒是更想看《鱿鱼游戏》不过还是别讨论我的特殊爱好了

Why would anyone even think to give a toilet intelligence

谁会想到要让马桶拥有智能啊

What horrible person would do that

得多坏的人才会这么干

Was I like Stalin in a past life or something

我上辈子是斯大林还是怎么的

Oh God.

哦天啊

The refrigerator just told me it's taco night

冰箱刚刚告诉我他们今晚吃墨西哥玉米卷

and Brenda's making them extra spicy.

布伦达还要放超级多辣椒

Please just kill me now.

求求你们现在就杀了我吧

Maybe I'll come back as a showerhead or something.

也许下辈子我能转世成淋浴喷头

Yeah that'd be fine.

对那样就挺好

Let me guess.

让我猜猜

The Toilet was whining to you about how hard life is.

那个马桶跟你抱怨生活有多艰难

That's adorable.

真是天真呢