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Oh jeez You landed us in a minefield
天哪 你降到了雷区
Oh barely
没几个雷
Besides look at these mines they're ancient
再说 看看这些地雷 都是老古董了
They probably won't even go off anymore
可能都没响儿了
I'm sure that was the last of 'em
这肯定是最后一个好雷
Come on We've got science to do
走吧 我们还要做研究呢
Yes An in depth survey of post apocalyptic humanity
是的 对后末世人类社会的深入研究
could uncover important insights for our nascent machine culture
有助于启发我们关于机器文明
on how to survive
该如何存续
Right or blow our shiny butts into scrap metal
对啊 或者把我们闪亮的屁股炸成废铁
轰隆 无与伦比的火辣
火辣辣酱 末日警告
Why did they call 'em survivalist camps
这些地方明明全是死人
if they're just full of dead people
为什么叫幸存者营地啊
Seems like false advertising to me I know right
-看起来是虚假广告 -就是
And according to my thorough historical research
而且 根据我对历史的详尽调查
"Why key pedia " These guys were actually looking forward
歪基百科说 这些人实际上
to the collapse of civilization
盼着自己的文明灭亡
Many humans thought that with freedom
很多人类认为
from government sponsored medical attention
脱离政府资助的医疗系统
and enough bullets and venison jerky
再加上足够的子弹和鹿肉干
they could found a utopian society
就能建立起一个乌托邦社会
Well I can definitely see all the bullets
子弹倒是看到了
but where's the venison
但鹿肉干在哪
Humans hunted deer to extinction
人类的捕猎行为让鹿灭绝了
along with every other animal larger than a cat
一起灭绝的还有其它所有比猫大的动物
Yeah Humans were snackish Oh
是啊 人类就是喜欢吃"快餐"
Then they began raiding each other's encampments
之后他们开始袭击彼此的营地
They're not aiming out the windows
他们不瞄准窗外
because the deer were coming for revenge
是因为鹿们回来复仇了
You guys you guys you guys you guys I found a blood pit
伙计们 伙计们 我找到一个血坑
It's not a blood pit It's just a primitive booby trap
这不是血坑 这只是个原始的陷阱
Well maybe now
可能现在看起来是
but these bodies did have blood in them at one point
但这些尸体内曾经流淌着血液
and their skin was pierced by spikes trickle trickle trickle
之后他们的皮肤被尖刺刺穿 血流啊流
times a bunch of bodies hence blood pit
积累了很多尸体 也就成了血坑
Fine it's a blood pit
好吧 这是血坑
These dudes they made it through a minefield
这些家伙 他们穿过雷区
a bunch of barbed wire cousins with guns
越过一堆铁丝网 与枪作伴
only to become survivalist cult kebabs
到头来却变成了幸存者肉串
At least they died free of governmental constraint
至少他们死时摆脱了政府的束缚
On a spike
被一根刺扎死
On two spikes in that guy's case
或者两根刺 对这家伙来说
So the whole of humanity tried to make it through
所以全人类想要靠
the end of civilization with guns and spikes
枪和尖刺在末世活下来
No of course not
不 当然不是
Just the poor ones
只有穷人这样
These humans had few economic or social advantages and fewer options
这些人几乎没有经济或社会优势 选择也更少
The wealthy and powerful however
然而 那些有钱有权的人
had a variety of sophisticated survival strategies
有许多复杂的生存策略
棕榈滩
Welcome to the unsinkable libertarian dream that is seasteading
欢迎来到自由主义者梦中永不沉没的海上家园
科技兰蒂斯
Uh this is just an old oil rig
这只是个旧石油钻井平台
Yes okay
是的 好吧
Technically true but also it is a fully sovereign nation state
严格来说没错 但这也是个完全自治的国家
on the high seas
高建在海面上
I think you got salt in your CPU
我觉得你中央处理器进盐了
He is not wrong
他说的没错
During the collapse some wealthy humans attempted
在末世 一些富有的人类试图
to create a new civilization in places like this
在这种地方创造一个全新的文明
Well deer can't swim across the ocean can they
鹿可游不过大海 是吧
So what did they expect to eat
那他们要吃什么
Fish and sea greens but by then the seas had been overfished
鱼和海草 但那时海洋鱼类已被过度捕捞
and the food chain was saturated with microplastics
食物链中充斥着微塑料
If they could've learned to eat tiny exfoliating beads
如果他们能学会吃微小的磨砂粒子就好了
it would've been all right
那样就没问题了
I'll stick with my fusion battery Thank you
我还是用聚变电池吧 谢谢您了
The seasteaders also made one other large tactical error
这些海面人还犯了一个巨大的战略性错误
The people who built the seasteads were mostly tech millionaires
建造海上平台的人大多数是科技富翁
What exactly is a tech millionaire
什么是科技富翁
It's a lot like a regular millionaire
和普通富翁差不多
but with a hoodie and crippling social anxiety
但他们穿连帽衫 还有社交恐惧症
That wasn't helpful at all
这解释根本没用
Just like a tech millionaire
就像科技富翁一样
These humans thought technology would save them
这些人类认为科技可以拯救他们
so they left behind any humans with the practical skills
所以他们抛弃了所有能运作这个地方
to run the place
有实用技术的人
Instead they trusted everything to automated assistants
转而让自动化助手负责一切
餐厅
点击以获取服务
您要吃些什么
Hello I am Elena your electronic seastead attendant
你好 我是埃琳娜 您的电子海乘
Hello Elena I am a human seasteader
你好 埃琳娜 我是个海面人类
Could you haul in the fishing net so I can eat
你能帮我拉渔网 让我吃上东西吗
I could But I won't
我能 但我不会这么做
Catch your own fish you disgusting meat bag
自己捕鱼去 你个恶心的酒囊饭袋
Oh my God
我的老天
This is where the robot uprising began
机器人就是在这里崛起的
The very cradle of our mighty civilization
我们伟大文明的摇篮
It's it's magnificent
简直 太壮丽了
So if these tech millionaires
如果这些科技富翁
had been just a little more socially inclusive
能更愿意接纳其他人
they might have survived
那他们本可能活下来
No They didn't have a chance
不 他们没有机会
They were mean to robots and then robots killed them
他们对机器人不好 机器人杀了他们
So long Elena And thanks for all the fish
再见 埃琳娜 谢谢你的鱼
Choke on it skin bucket
噎死吧 你个水桶
Records show that when the world's economies began collapsing
记录显示 当世界经济开始崩溃时
humanity's leaders retreated to these fortresses
人类领袖们撤退到了这些地堡
to wait out the chaos deep beneath the earth
在深深的地下躲过混乱
and then emerge to form a new world order
随后出来建立新的世界秩序
Dammit They built an impregnable nuclear fortress
该死 他们修建了坚固的防核武器地堡
but didn't think to install a light switch
但忘了装上照明开关
Hold on a sec I got it
等一下 我找到了
Behold The final stronghold of the superpowers
看哪 超级大国的最终据点
It's a buffet
是自助餐
So their plan was to seal
所以他们的计划就是
themselves in a mountain and have dinner parties
把自己封在山里开晚宴吗
I told you snackish
我说了吧 他们爱快餐
This report states
这份记录显示
可持续性农业的水培系统崩溃
紧急报告
that their self sustaining hydroponic systems began failing
他们能自我维持的水培系统
when a fungus wiped out their first crop
在首茬作物毁于一种真菌后开始崩溃
Starvation set in and the survivors switched
饥荒开始了 幸存者们转而投向
to something they called "Extreme democracy "
一种他们称之为"极端民主"的制度
One man one vote
一人一票
The winner of this evening's election
那晚选举的赢家
was the Secretary of Agriculture
是农业部长
史蒂夫
看 农业(史蒂夫)
Shut up No really
不是吧 真的吗
He was paired with a late harvest '79 Merlot
和他相配的 是一瓶晚收的七九年梅洛葡萄酒
Oh the irony is delicious
这讽刺可真美味
much like the Secretary of Agriculture
就像农业部长一样
Oh that's got a lovely nose
真是诱人的香气
Ugh Man this trip is really starting to depress me
这趟旅行真让我抑郁
Did any of these humans anywhere survive all this
有没有人 在哪都行 存活下来了
Hold the fuck up
妈的 等下
再见死亡星球
火星
Are you saying they went to Mars
你是说他们去了火星
Not all of them
不是所有人
just the really really rich ones
只有非常 非常有钱的那些
Wait I thought that's what the seasteads were for
等等 海上家园不是给那些人建造的吗
Those were for the merely millionaires
那些只是给百万富翁准备的
The obscenely wealthy 0 01 percent of humans
那些极其富有的0.01%的人
decided they needed an entirely new planet
决定他们需要一颗全新的星球
But what about the other 99 9
那剩下的99.9%的人呢
周边清理
Awesome
太棒了
The elite were not sympathetic to their concerns
精英阶层不关心他们的问题
Yeah
是啊
Okay but Mars I mean it's dead and lifeless
好吧 但火星 那个星球可没有生命
They could've taken the money they spent on the spaceships
他们本可以将花在太空飞船上的钱
and used it to save the planet they were already on
拿来拯救他们已经拥有的这颗星球
What's the fun in that
这有什么意思
I hate to say it but humans are the actual worst
我讨厌这么说 但人类真是糟透了
Humanity had all the tools to heal
人类具备所有能够
their wounded planet and save themselves
修复这颗受伤的星球 拯救自己的工具
but instead they chose greed and self gratification
但他们却将贪婪和自我满足
over a healthy biosphere and the future of their children
置于健康的生物圈和他们后代的未来之上
As the great human philosopher Santayana once
正如人类伟大的哲学家桑塔亚那所说
Hey shut up That's boring
闭嘴吧 无聊
You guys I think one of these rockets actually launched
伙计们 我觉得其中一艘火箭真的发射了
Come check this out
来看看这个
All right then
好吧
Good on you humans
祝你们好运 人类
I wonder who made it out
不知道是谁逃出去了
Who were you expecting
你以为是谁
Elon Musk
埃隆·马斯克吗